just the beginning

[maryt]

well this is my first proper day (have not had a drink in5 days now) of trying abs i am making this my official day and all is well just now have had really good days up until now probably because i have been getting a costume ready for my 14 year old son to wear for halloween and the last three nights have been watching a programme called "most hauntad" the brits will know all about it and i know it was also shown in america as well so some of you might know about it,quite spooky don,t know if i believe in it or not but good fun to watch,the only spirits that i know do exist are the ones that i have hopefully put behind me not ready to resurface any time soon have to go now but hope you all have a lovely day with not to many demons to tempt you love always maryt

[mikeupnorth]

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Hello there Mary, and everyone.

Today is a wonderful day, isn't it? For one thing, it's the first day of a new life for you, Mary. And I'm not being a pollyanna either -- it's true. All of us here were once in the depths of alcoholic darkness -- whatever that means to each one of us -- and now we are all on our own road to recovery. We have varying lengths of time sober, and we all have our own unique variations on the program, but one thing we all agree on here: we all have a commitment and determination to remain alcohol free in the long term. It's that commitment, that decision, that make a program work. I learned that the hard way. The vitamins, the hypnotherapy, the prescription meds, the exercise -- these can all help in one's journey, but they cannot make up your mind for you. I was depending on them to keep me sober when I tried MWO last year but my mind wasn't made up completely -- and I went back to drinking. Now I'm back and more determined; I hope this time I have learned what I needed to learn and never have to go back again. And I wish you the best, Mary, and hope you'll stick around here and read and post and make it the first time round. Don't make the same mistakes I did! Congratulations on making your decision, and welcome! And congrats on your 5 days -- that is a tremendous accomplishment.

So, it's also All Saints Day. I'm going to get some coffee, and will be back to post something about that.

Mike

[mikeupnorth]

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Hello again everyone,

I thought it might be fitting, as it is All Saints' Day, to remember a few of the people in my life who have passed on, and say something about what they meant to me. None of us can say for sure what the afterlife holds, or if there is one. But of this I can be sure: the memories of these people are alive in my heart, and give me strength when I am in need of it.

My father was no saint, that's for sure. He loved his whiskey and cigarettes, and in his day was quite the ladies' man. But he also taught me the value of hard work, a job well-done, the importance of keeping your word, looking someone in the eye when you're talking to them, and admitting when you're wrong. When I was about 9 years old, he found out I stole a toy car while we were shopping, and he took me back to the store, made me apologize to the clerk, and pay for the car out of my allowance. I never stole anything again. He single-handedly kept a roof over our heads and food on our table -- something that is increasingly hard to do these days. Because he did that, my mother was able to be at home when my sister and I got home from school in the afternoons. Our family life wasn't always happy, but it was at least stable. And as he grew older, I saw him become a very gentle, loving man. He would give a drunk a job, as long as he could swing a hammer and stay sober enough to do it during the work day. He would sit down and play tea with his 3-year-old granddaughter. And during the last few months of his life, when he knew it was coming to an end, he spent all his time and effort showing his family that he loved them.

My grandmother (Big Momma) was part of the World War II generation. She was beautiful in a young Liz Taylor sort of way. OK, well as she got older she had to fight the battle of the bulge just like Liz, but she was still as beautiful. She could cook wonderful meals, she could dance (she was a dance instructor for Arthur Murray) and she could make you feel better just by asking. Funny how grandmothers can do that. She was the one person who spoke to me like I was an adult when I was a child. By that I mean that she would have full conversations about meaningful things -- rather than keeping the topics on superficial childhood issues. As I was a precocious child this meant a lot to me. I was her first grandchild and she always said we had a special connection. I don't know this for sure, but I think she had some kind of special connection with each of her 15 (?) grandchildren.

My friend Faron was one of the smartest, most creative, and bravest people I have ever known. No task was above or below him; nothing was out of his range. He could tune up a car or bake a cake. He could build a deck or make curtains. He could do accounting or artistic photography. He was an amazing drag queen. He was "Miss Gay Alaska" in 1986 (I think). He was self-taught at everything he did. He never went to college. He could just find a book about something and teach himself, or figure it out without the book. His family disowned him because he was gay -- all except one sister. He was excommunicated from his church. But he kept in touch with that one sister, and kept trying to heal the rift with his mother. She refused. She said she would not have anything to do with him until he changed his ways -- she refused to even see him on his death bed. Faron died of complications from AIDS at age 30 in 1994. He taught me more about living and about loving and about being brave than anyone else I know.

Of course there are many other "saints" that I haven't mentioned... but they are in my heart. These are just a few. I think about them often and like I said, they give me strength when I do.

Sometimes, when I think about my drinking life -- or when I am tempted to go back to it -- I think about these people. Would they want to see me living in that misery? NO. They would want to see me living a happy, joyous, and free life of sobriety. They would want to see me grow and love and grow old. That also gives me the strength to stay sober, sometimes for just one more hour or one more day. And that is what it takes -- just staying sober a little while longer until the temptation goes away. It always goes away.

Mike

[gabby]

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Mike....you are doin so good. : )

[vinophile]

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Mike, I really enjoyed reading that!! Thanks for reminding me that it is All Saint's Day.
Janet

[Guest]

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Mary, welcome.

Mike, you are so eloquent and such a gentle soul. Its like you recognise your place in the universe.. its lovely to read stuff from you... and just like your dad, your big momma and faron had an impact on you.. you are having an impact on others and I, for one, am proud to know you.

Brigid

[Farmeress]

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Mike Take Care S

[irishlady]

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Mike I would like to ask you a question, have you ever thought of writing a book?

[YoungAtHeart]

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Lovely post, Mike. Thank you for bringing a special light to this day, dear friend!

Kathy

[MonaCat]

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Mike, you do have a the gift of communication. Many thanks for sharing.

[mikeupnorth]

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Irishlady, I don't know if I'll ever write a book or not. Sometimes I think I have had enough experiences to make for a good one. Other times I think it would just be a bore....

Anyway I have been keeping a lot of my posts saved as Word documents, so I can keep track of them. I think of them as my journal of recovery, in a sense.

I was happy to have shared something about these very special people with all of you -- also very special people.

Mike

[meridian]

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Mike you are always an inspiration.

I don't know how many times I have started and then stopped. I think your are correct when you say your head has to be in it. This time - my head is in it as well and today is day 24 for me.

My saint would be my father - he was a great man. Honest, hardworking, always believed a dollars work for a dollars pay...I learned a lot about life from him. He would say "Work hard - play hard"...now I'm learning how to play hard without alcohol.....who knew that going to a movie and out for a coffee afterwards on a Friday night could actually be fun...

Love to all you - thanks for making this journey possible for me so far.

[Guest]

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Mike.
i like the idea of a book... specially if it captured your gentle spirit in it.

meridian.
go for it..

brigid