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Friday November 10th

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    Friday November 10th

    This post is spurred by Neil's post and the Orange Papers thread. Both got me thinking about a lot of things--and why this time getting sober feels so different than the first time I did it for 9 months and relapsed. Most of you know that I am getting sober using AA. I tried just about everything else in between those 2 times. So whats different this time? Why do I feel different this time--why is it so much easier this time? This is not meant to "convert" anyone. Its just me typing out my thoughts--mostly for myself. What makes this time different is that even though I read the BB before--this time I really read what it actually said. The first time around I would read things that weren't there, meaning that I let a lot of the misconceptions about the actual program slip in--when they weren't even written there. And even some of the old timers in AA think that they are actually in there, but imagine my surprise in this go around to be searching the BB and those things are not in there. Just some examples:

    AA is the only way. It does not say that. It says "this is how we did it"--it never says that this is the only way--its the only thing they found that worked for them.

    Its an allergy. It actually says "its like an allergy"--which means to me I should stay the hell away from it--which I agree.

    It is like diabetes. What it actually means is that people who have diabetes need to do certain things everyday to keep themselves well. I need to do certain things every day to stay well. When I don't I don't feel well--even if it is all mental.

    Its a disease. They do say this--but who am I to argue with the Amercian Medical Association--I would guess that the board that decided that has many more qualification than I do to determine that. I also looked "disease" up in the dictionary. It says that a disease can be recognized by signs and symptoms--I had all the signs and symptoms.

    It does not say that I am powerless over everything. It says that I am powerless over alcohol. To me that now means that if I started out with a drink--once it got inside of me--there were many nights it took me to places I never intended to go--even if I never left the kitchen.

    AA gives me a set of tools and people to rely on so that I don't need a drink. My last craving--which was all mental was over 60 days ago. In that time I have not seen alcohol as a tool to use regardless of the situation--that is a miracle.

    The religous aspect. I have found that most of the successes of AA fell into one of the 3 following categories:
    1) Did not believe in a Higher Power
    2) Did not like a Higher Power
    3) Did not think a Higher Power would do crap for them
    I fell into category 3. My position has since changed because of the evidence I see in those rooms--and in myself.

    I used to always feel like my glass was half full--and it had small hole in the bottom and the little bit of esteem or respect I had was slowly draining out. Now, 90% of the time I feel like my glass is over flowing--thank God its not with booze.

    One day I whined to someone on this board that I did not want to go because of the high failure rate of AA. I mean what are the odds that I might end up in the 3% that succeed. She told me that she was told that it actually has a 90% success rate if you work the steps. So thanks to her--I went back--I'm working the steps and my life--the one that lives inside of me--has changed and blossomed.

    AA, My Way Out, MM, SOS--all have high failure rates with those who dabble. If I walk into AA I have a 3% chance of making it--here because its new I would relate walking into an AA room the same as registering on the site--I would say the failure rate is about the same. With both programs I think to have a fair shot you have to put yourself into doing 90% of the program. The difference for me with AA and My Way Out comes down to the fact that I decided not to take topamax. The side effects RJ talked about--I knew that I would not stay the course on the medication. And I knew I would not take "Smart" pills to counteract the side effects.

    Those were the right decisions for me. Now I feel happy and free. With all that being said--it is time for me to exit the boards. I wish everyone the best here--and truly hope everyone gets to place with their drinking that they are happy. For me--I am so much happier without a drink than I ever was with one.

    Kim

    #2
    Friday November 10th

    Kim, very good! Although I've chosen to approach my relationship in other ways, I've always seen the value of AA..I went to AA years ago and didn't find it a great match for me..but it isn't because there was anything 'wrong' with it. It's how I think and process information..I liken it to levels and language..in my own spiritual journey, I've found myself going through centuries of writings, philosophies, psychologies, theologies..my search takes me deeper and deeper to the level beyond form, any of these programs, like religions, I believe can take you there..it's a matter of taste I think about the form in which one chooses to approach things. AA WAS the only way for a very long time and actually became a great model for other community centered organizations. Thanks for sharing such good insights..I hate to see things judged from half open eyes.

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      #3
      Friday November 10th

      Great post Kim! I believe I was the one who shared that 90% stat with you. Thanks for the reminder. I recall we both had our first run in AA at about the same time...Jan 2004-Octoberish. I have mixed feelings about my experience, but am grateful for what I learned and some of the wonderful people I made friends with. I still keep in touch with a couple friends. They don't push me to go to meetings, nor look down at me for trying something different. There are many misconceptions about the program, especially by those who have never even attended a single meeting. I find it comforting to know that if and when I desire to return to AA, I will be welcome with open arms and hopefully truly be able to only 'take what I want and leave the rest'. I am holding back from going at this time because I know how rigidity of certain members really irritates me. I don't need any triggers right now.
      I wish you wouldn't go. You provide much needed wisdom and knowledge to SO many. I understand though. Just know we care about you tons and you are always welcome back. You have found what works for you and 'your way out'. Isn't that the goal for all of us here? Bravo to you Kim! Love you lots!! Gina:l

      Comment


        #4
        Friday November 10th

        Kim,

        Thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength, and hope with us. Not just in this post, but in all the prior ones as well. And thank you for sharing your struggles too.

        Some of the people that I admire the most are the ones who are actually living the AA way of life. They aren't "Big Book Thumpers," mind you, but they really LIVE the steps. Meaning: they live consciously, they are aware of their connection to a higher power and to the rest of mankind. They truly are kind and gentle people, the ones I have in mind, and it's hard to even imagine that they ever had a drinking problem. But they did. Some of them were drunk 24/7. And the 12 steps saved their lives and made them who they are today.

        I agree with you 100% about any program working proportionately to the effort and commitment you give to it. Neither MWO nor AA will get a person sober if their mind is not made up to be sober. And taking a pill is certainly not going to do it either.

        I am sorry that you are leaving the boards, as I do enjoy your posts and learn from them. But I also know this is a very personal journey for each of us, and we have to choose the path that is best for us. So -- I wish you peace and blessings, and a lifetime of happy sobriety.

        Mike
        "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

        Comment


          #5
          Friday November 10th

          Kim, very insightful post, and I thank you for writing it. Good luck with your recovery, and wishing you peace.
          Hugs,
          Mona
          Meow-Meow
          MonaKitty

          Comment


            #6
            Friday November 10th

            ...

            Comment


              #7
              Friday November 10th

              ...?? What does that mean, unregistered?

              Kim, I'm sorry to see you go; I think that you offer so much here on MWO. I will say that I wish you only the best in your journey. I hope that you will "touch base" occasionally and let us all know how you are doing.

              Fondly,

              Kathy
              AF as of August 5th, 2012

              Comment


                #8
                Friday November 10th

                Kathy:

                I remember that what the unregistered post above yours said, was just really rude and crude.

                I mean it was just an expression of exactly the opposite of what this forum is supposed to be about.

                It was removed only minutes after it was posted. Maybe RJ edited it, and with good reason.

                Neil

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