Saturday, November 11th

[xtexan]

Dear Friends:

For those of us here in the U.S., today is Veterans Day proper, and as such, especially in this time, please remember those who served. My father, who is still alive, is a veteran. His stint was between WW2 and the Korean conflict in the late 1940?s. I know several veterans of the Vietnam conflict, and many are still living. Some are not.

I have written elsewhere about having to sever ties with a couple of veteran friends, because of my personal need to avoid settings where alcohol was being consumed in quantity. This is not a judgment on them, but a necessity on my part to sustain my abstinence. I don?t know if I mentioned it or not, but I also have a Vietnam veteran who works for me, as a representative of our company, at a customer location. He has admitted to me personally, that he has a problem with the alcohol that he is struggling with. He was physically wounded, and must make visits to the VA hospital on a regular basis for treatment.

At any rate, I would like to post a link to an organization that seeks to help those wounded veterans of the American Military. It?s the DAV, or Disabled American Veterans. I make a contribution to this organization on this day, and plan on making it a yearly event as long as I am able to. The VA hospitals need all the help they can get.

Disabled American Veterans (DAV) Home Page

I just wanted the American forum members to be aware of this organization, which seeks to help those who have made sacrifices, and are still among us. Do as your heart tells you.

Be well.

Neil

[mikeupnorth]

Saturday, November 11th

Thanks for the post and for the reminder about DAV, Neil. We hear the numbers of "casualties" on the news reports -- but we don't hear about the vastly larger number of soldiers who come home with permanent disabilities due to their service.

Something that I heard over and over again in hundreds of AA meetings went like this: "I learned to drink in the military." It's kind of like being in a college fraternity. You are expected to be able to drink a case of beer or a fifth of whisky, and if you can't, you'd better learn how. It's amazing how many people become alcoholics during their military service -- whether in peace or wartime.

That is not to knock the military or fraternities -- I was never in either one, and still managed to become an alcoholic. But there seems to be something about that kind of environment where you put a bunch of young (men?) together, add their first taste of freedom and being away from home, a healthy dose of peer pressure and you have the recipe for alcohol abuse. And in a certain percentage of people that will become full-blown alcoholism.

So what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? I don't know. But it does make me wonder what kind of peer pressure or social structures contributed to my drinking. I know that in my case, my family all drank heavily so it seemed pretty normal to me for people to have 4, 5, or 10 cocktails in a night. And after I came out, I found that the gay community really only had one social outlet: bars. So the gay life revolved around going out, having cocktails, dancing, etc. There was a lot of glamour built up around liquor, cocktail parties, wine with dinner, champagne brunch, the whole nine yards. I can't imagine my 20's without that scene. It is how people met and got to know each other. But for gay folks I don't know what alternative there was. Perhaps that is a cop-out but it's true. Straight people are everywhere, all around you. Gay people are too, but how do you know who they are? You have to go to a gathering spot. That is most likely a gay bar. So -- there are lots of gay alcoholics too. And a few of us get into recovery, one way or another. When I lived in Phoenix, I went to "gay AA" meetings -- there was a whole club for our group. Men's meetings, women's meetings, mixed meetings. Meetings in other parts of town, too. If I were still there I might even go to AA more regularly. Here in Fairbanks I don't feel comfortable being so open in AA. It's much more provincial and old-fashioned.

Anyway I guess I'm curious if there are other social structures out there, besides the military, fraternities, and the gay bars, that you all can identify that "nurture" alcoholics?

[Guest]

Saturday, November 11th

I must say, the first environment that nurtures alcohol that comes to mind for me is my Catholic Church. Every event involves alcohol...Back to School Night, Fall Festival, wine tasting at the church events, the annual auction, St Patricks Day dance, Fish Fry during lent, moms group activities....etc, etc...all laden with booze. I was a convert in 1998 and always felt "on the outside". These events helped me to fit in(???) better, til I started blacking out and telling my husband he was "BOOORINNG" in front of a room full of people at the school auction. Yeah, I fit in just great!!!

[Guest]

Saturday, November 11th

I think I nurtured the alcoholic within!!!! I have to take responsibility that I did this to MYSELF. No one else did it. I think I may have turned to a number of environments to assist me with this.. (and there are a few out there, I agree with that Neil). I think its something Gina has hit on... something about feeling 'on the outside'.

And this board helps with that in part.. cos we feel on the inside here.. but if we are REALLY on the inside we must recognise that this needs change and embrace how change can happen meaningfully and sustainably so that we dont turn to the alcoholic within again. I think its easy when we first come here, I know, I did this, to just feel comfortable in the not being alone anymore with this self loating.... but then comes the next stap, which means CHANGE in a big way.. change in honesty, change in approach, change in outlook, change in empathy (that is for you gina!!- your poor husband!!!) I think we need to embrace the outsider within us and tackle the problems head on (and there are a number of ways to do this) and therefore overcome them.

I think its important to make the change choices with deep integrity.. thats what I"m trying to do.
Brigid