Good Saturday to you all,
Here's a little something that's been on my mind.
We all came here because we knew we needed to change something in our lives. Hopefully we are doing that, and this board supports our efforts.
In my case, I needed to stop drinking. Quit. Kaput. Done forever. To do that, of course, I have to change my routines, eating habits, attitudes, coping skills, and in some cases my relationships with friends and family. That in itself is a very big deal.
Since I've started doing that, I have found that I have a new-found respect for myself: I want to take better care of myself, and I don't want to do other things on a regular basis that will tear down my body or spirit, or that stand in the way of my growth. So I'm at the point now that my cigarette smoking has to go too. Every time I light a cigarette I am conscious of the damage I'm inflicting on myself -- I can feel it with each puff. How can I work so hard to get myself better vis-a-vis drinking, and continue to poison myself with tobacco? And smoking definitely keeps my motivation and capacity for exercise down near zero...
And it doesn't stop there. I've often talked about how busy and stressed-out I am at work. That is a very long story that I won't go into. Suffice it to say that in my department we are overworked and understaffed, and there's no possibility of getting budget for additional staff. There is now a professional opportunity for me in another department that would be a lateral move, really -- but it would be a less stressful position for the same pay. And in the long run it would offer more growth opportunities.
I have been on the market some time for a condo. I've never been a homeowner before, so this is a very exciting opportunity for me. I made an offer on one yesterday, and I think the seller just might accept it.
And finally, I've been dating someone since July.... things are going pretty well and we are talking about the possibility of his moving in with me after the first of the year.
WHEW! That's a lot isn't it??? I feel like my life is in a free-fall here.... and it's not like any of this is beyond my control, either. I mean these are all decisions that are up to me. At any point, I could choose to do or not do any of these things. Some or all of them may be wonderful improvements in my life. On the other hand, some of them could be big mistakes. (The last two on the list, I suppose.)
I know in traditional recovery circles, they say you shouldn't make any major life decisions in your first year of sobriety, because it takes that long for your body and brain to level out -- and you are at risk of making decisions for the wrong reasons. I understand that completely. And while I am only two months sober at this point, I have been working on this issue for a very long time, in one way or another. So at least psychologically, I have more of a handle on where I am than someone who just realized he had a problem two months ago. But I don't deny I might be making rash decisions because I'm feeling out of my element.
The other way of looking at things is that sometimes in life it is good to just do a thorough housecleaning and makeover. I have in the past picked myself up and moved cross-country several times, thinking this was somehow going to make my life better. In AA they call this "geographic" cures, which don't work for obvious reasons. The last geographic I did was 4 years ago when I moved back to Alaska -- so I'm on my cycle here (it would normally be time for me to move, but I'm not going to). Instead of a geographic, I'm changing the things in my life that I'm not happy with: drinking, smoking, stress at work, etc. I'm also developing skills to deal with stress in the long run: meditation, exercise, better diet.
So the question is, how much change is too much? How do you know when you're biting off more than you can chew?
Here's a little something that's been on my mind.
We all came here because we knew we needed to change something in our lives. Hopefully we are doing that, and this board supports our efforts.
In my case, I needed to stop drinking. Quit. Kaput. Done forever. To do that, of course, I have to change my routines, eating habits, attitudes, coping skills, and in some cases my relationships with friends and family. That in itself is a very big deal.
Since I've started doing that, I have found that I have a new-found respect for myself: I want to take better care of myself, and I don't want to do other things on a regular basis that will tear down my body or spirit, or that stand in the way of my growth. So I'm at the point now that my cigarette smoking has to go too. Every time I light a cigarette I am conscious of the damage I'm inflicting on myself -- I can feel it with each puff. How can I work so hard to get myself better vis-a-vis drinking, and continue to poison myself with tobacco? And smoking definitely keeps my motivation and capacity for exercise down near zero...
And it doesn't stop there. I've often talked about how busy and stressed-out I am at work. That is a very long story that I won't go into. Suffice it to say that in my department we are overworked and understaffed, and there's no possibility of getting budget for additional staff. There is now a professional opportunity for me in another department that would be a lateral move, really -- but it would be a less stressful position for the same pay. And in the long run it would offer more growth opportunities.
I have been on the market some time for a condo. I've never been a homeowner before, so this is a very exciting opportunity for me. I made an offer on one yesterday, and I think the seller just might accept it.
And finally, I've been dating someone since July.... things are going pretty well and we are talking about the possibility of his moving in with me after the first of the year.
WHEW! That's a lot isn't it??? I feel like my life is in a free-fall here.... and it's not like any of this is beyond my control, either. I mean these are all decisions that are up to me. At any point, I could choose to do or not do any of these things. Some or all of them may be wonderful improvements in my life. On the other hand, some of them could be big mistakes. (The last two on the list, I suppose.)
I know in traditional recovery circles, they say you shouldn't make any major life decisions in your first year of sobriety, because it takes that long for your body and brain to level out -- and you are at risk of making decisions for the wrong reasons. I understand that completely. And while I am only two months sober at this point, I have been working on this issue for a very long time, in one way or another. So at least psychologically, I have more of a handle on where I am than someone who just realized he had a problem two months ago. But I don't deny I might be making rash decisions because I'm feeling out of my element.
The other way of looking at things is that sometimes in life it is good to just do a thorough housecleaning and makeover. I have in the past picked myself up and moved cross-country several times, thinking this was somehow going to make my life better. In AA they call this "geographic" cures, which don't work for obvious reasons. The last geographic I did was 4 years ago when I moved back to Alaska -- so I'm on my cycle here (it would normally be time for me to move, but I'm not going to). Instead of a geographic, I'm changing the things in my life that I'm not happy with: drinking, smoking, stress at work, etc. I'm also developing skills to deal with stress in the long run: meditation, exercise, better diet.
So the question is, how much change is too much? How do you know when you're biting off more than you can chew?
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