Good Morning All,
I have just been filling in another AF day on the drink tracker and today I have been AF for 53 days.
Before I found this site, when I thought about stopping drinking I would have a panic attack, at the thought of the months and years ahead without drinking. God how would I get through....the weekend...Christmas...New Year....Birthdays...and more importantly ( to me ) every other damn day, you see I had reached the stage when I didn't need an excuse anymore, if the day had a Y in it I would drink to it.
How your perspective changes if you just turn things around and look at them from another view. Yes if I look too far forward my task does seem insurmountable, but when I look back I think, my God, the time has gone so fast. I can't believe 53 days have passed already, but they have and they have been amongst the best days of my adult life....no hangovers...no guilt...no lost days...no memory loss...no more feelings of disgust, instead my days are filled with so many things which bring me joy, most of them are small things, such as my new hobbies, reading ( and remembering what I have read the next day ) using my computer more, especially this site, and the sheer joy of walking. There are some lovely places near me, parks, woods, trees in their autumn glory. There are days when my son, who works nights, will come round to see me for a few hours and we go for a walk together, those are my precious times because he has supported me 100% through all this and we can talk together about anything.
All the other times I tried to stop drinking I failed, this time I know I can make it, and why? Well I have said to people on here, don't tell yourself you CAN'T drink, instead tell yourself you don't WANT to drink. That's what I have been doing from day one and now, oh joy of joys it is slowly starting to work. My brain patterns seem to be changing in their thinking and I really and honestly don't want to drink.
The first week all I could think of was...just one more bottle and I will start tomorrow...so I would send my mantra spinning round in my head " I don't want a drink " after a few weeks iI realised I was thinking about drink a lot less. As I put more AF days behind me things just seemed to get better, but, and this is a big BUT, I know I am on the first leg of this journey. My really big test will be at Christmas when we go to my daughters for Christmas day. She knows what I am trying to do and is also supportive, but as I told her " the problem is mine, so don't feel guilty by drinking in front of me, I will cope with it. "
But will I? ....I can remember from about the age of ten, my mother giving me a small glass of sherry on Christmas day and the same on New Years eve, she did this every year. So whatever about not drinking on ordinary days these two days will be a real test and when ( not if ) I pass this test it will be the first time in 49 years I haven't had a drink on Christmas day and New Year.
Well I think I got a bit carried away with this one, better stop now. I wasn't using it as a distraction from drinking, more a distraction from housework, but I had better get some done as I am working for the next four days and won't have the time for it.
Loive to you all, stay sober,
Louise xxxx :h :h :h
I have just been filling in another AF day on the drink tracker and today I have been AF for 53 days.
Before I found this site, when I thought about stopping drinking I would have a panic attack, at the thought of the months and years ahead without drinking. God how would I get through....the weekend...Christmas...New Year....Birthdays...and more importantly ( to me ) every other damn day, you see I had reached the stage when I didn't need an excuse anymore, if the day had a Y in it I would drink to it.
How your perspective changes if you just turn things around and look at them from another view. Yes if I look too far forward my task does seem insurmountable, but when I look back I think, my God, the time has gone so fast. I can't believe 53 days have passed already, but they have and they have been amongst the best days of my adult life....no hangovers...no guilt...no lost days...no memory loss...no more feelings of disgust, instead my days are filled with so many things which bring me joy, most of them are small things, such as my new hobbies, reading ( and remembering what I have read the next day ) using my computer more, especially this site, and the sheer joy of walking. There are some lovely places near me, parks, woods, trees in their autumn glory. There are days when my son, who works nights, will come round to see me for a few hours and we go for a walk together, those are my precious times because he has supported me 100% through all this and we can talk together about anything.
All the other times I tried to stop drinking I failed, this time I know I can make it, and why? Well I have said to people on here, don't tell yourself you CAN'T drink, instead tell yourself you don't WANT to drink. That's what I have been doing from day one and now, oh joy of joys it is slowly starting to work. My brain patterns seem to be changing in their thinking and I really and honestly don't want to drink.
The first week all I could think of was...just one more bottle and I will start tomorrow...so I would send my mantra spinning round in my head " I don't want a drink " after a few weeks iI realised I was thinking about drink a lot less. As I put more AF days behind me things just seemed to get better, but, and this is a big BUT, I know I am on the first leg of this journey. My really big test will be at Christmas when we go to my daughters for Christmas day. She knows what I am trying to do and is also supportive, but as I told her " the problem is mine, so don't feel guilty by drinking in front of me, I will cope with it. "
But will I? ....I can remember from about the age of ten, my mother giving me a small glass of sherry on Christmas day and the same on New Years eve, she did this every year. So whatever about not drinking on ordinary days these two days will be a real test and when ( not if ) I pass this test it will be the first time in 49 years I haven't had a drink on Christmas day and New Year.
Well I think I got a bit carried away with this one, better stop now. I wasn't using it as a distraction from drinking, more a distraction from housework, but I had better get some done as I am working for the next four days and won't have the time for it.
Loive to you all, stay sober,
Louise xxxx :h :h :h
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