I think I finally get why I drink..

[Sigh]

on again off again on again off again. Sometimes it's months inbetween, other times it's month long stints. I've been here and I've done this post before but it's been a long time now. I'm sitting here sobering up after drinking my limit last night, it's 4:30am where I'm at. I've got a lot of stress in my life but that's not it. I used to think that it was the numbness that I desired and loved, but that's not it either. I don't find that it's really enough anymore. The dulling of life's normal sensation.

I used to wonder whether I was depressed and at times I have been. I know it's only normal that we're depressed at times, it's the sour of life that lets us taste the sweet of life. I'm not sure that I'm not depressed right now and maybe that's why I've been drinking. I have good reason to be depressed but I also have good reason not to be depressed.

If there's a chicken and the egg, where drinking and depression beget each other, for me I am sure now that depression comes first. The alcohol doesn't come first although it perhaps exacerbates things.

Anyway, all this is neither here nor there but bottom line I think I drink because I'm bored. It's not the numbness that's enjoyable. It's an inability to deal with a mind that doesn't know how to be idle. I can't wait for tomorrow morning, I love a fresh day and something new, by the end of the day it's the same as it was and I just want to fast forward.

I think I drink just to pass the time and fast forward. I'm sure when I'm old and decrepit I'll wish and want everything to take every one of those seconds I'm forwarding away back. But I guess I finally get it.

Does this make sense to anyone else here? If I stopped these periods where I drink, I'm not sure what I'd do with my time..

[KundaliniGirl]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh - I just wanted to mention that you might want to repost this in the Newbie Section. You'll get a lot more feedback there because right now it's posted in the Abstinence section.

Also, I can relate to boredom leading you to drink. I'm positive that was a big factor for me too. The only thing I can tell you is that IMHO you'll have to go a good while completely alcohol free to learn new things to do instead of drinking. You'll have to make a concerted effort to bring new things into your life - exercise, hobbies, volunteer work, etc. It's a big shift. I work from home so this is an enormous issue for me. It can be done, but is life-changing.

Hope that helps a bit.

KG

[Bean]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Hi Sigh

I felt like that too when I was drinking though to be honest, it was sometimes the lazy choice too - I couldn't be bothered to think of something more interesting to do with my evening so I would just get drunk.

Now that I don't drink anymore I am absolutely brimming with plans and ideas of things I want to do and there isn't enough time in the day!!

Maybe looking at this from the other angle can help - I now believe that drinking breeds boredom because you shrink your world so much that you don't do much else, therefore life is boring (therefore you drink etc etc ad nauseum).

The other thing I found that gradually became a more powerful realisation was that I was SOOOO bored of talking about drinking/quitting and never actually doing it. I talked about it a lot with all my friends, I'm quite sure I exasperated them many times and I thought about it ALL the time and eventually that was enough to do my head in. Of course I still think about drinking but because I'm not doing it anymore it's in a completely different way. And the big bonus is that the constant critical inner voice has stopped (mostly!) too because I finally decided AL wasn't going to control me any more.

Good Luck and hope your realization propels you into some positive action around AL that will make you feel better.
All the best
Bean

[Sigh]

I think I finally get why I drink..

I wish I was a newbie but I'm not. I've tried abstinence before and it stuck for a while (about 3-4 months) but obviously not permanently. I thought it was the numbness I wanted last time I did it but now I know it's not.

Humbly I think I needed to just get a first post out again and to be thinking about the forum and more generally that it's time for a change. I suppose I could try moderation this time but I don't think that's it. I am an alcoholic but I'm not sure that's the ultimate demon I'm fighting with here.

Anyway, it's great to hear your successes and I'll be doing some reading in the coming days and weeks.

[sick of being sick]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Every day is a gift from God. Every second of your life is precious. You will never have this moment again. Make it count. Make sure everyone you love knows how much you love them. Live freely. Love generously and help others along the way. This is a prescription to being happy in this world. God Bless You!

[KundaliniGirl]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh, have you thought about some counseling for the depression? Many here have had success with it.

KG

[Lavande]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh,

It was exactly the same for me!
My depression came way before the drinking. I did not have much relief taking ADs so I added a bottle or more of wine per day to the mix for emotional pain relief. I was also feeling very lonely, misunderstood & eventually helpless.

I turned things around when I dropped the AD, started on an herbal product called Amoryn which kicked the anxiety/depression. I was then able to make my commitment to go AF & I did without a huge problem.

Point is, you have to really want to change yourself if you are going to be successful. Try everything until you find what works for you. Never give up trying - you can do it if you really want to

Lav

[coalfire]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh I dont know what to say to help cos Im only new to this section of the board too although this is where I plan to stay because Im really serious about kicking it for good. I loved what Bean said-"I now believe that drinking breeds boredom because you shrink your world so much that you don't do much else, therefore life is boring (therefore you drink etc etc ad nauseum). " Its long term drinking =boredom not boredom=long term drinking. I think theres probably a lot of truth in that. ps if you type the word boredom into the search engine you would be amazed at what comes up in the archives. Dozens of posts on the subject. If you get bored you could have a look(ha ha yes Im being a smartass) If you see anything really good let us know. Its not a big issue for me yet so Im not a great one for helpful ideas. Sorry.

[IAD]

I think I finally get why I drink..

" I drank to forget !' Forget what ? I don't know, I forgot ! Ha!

No excuse is any good......you drink to get drunk. We can't go through life in a daze. Wake up ! Let's get sober.........Welcome.

[Sigh part Deux]

I think I finally get why I drink..

I HEAR you!

I have been searching myself, and the internet for reasons... Was I abused as a kid and didn't know it? Am I unhappy with my life? Is it a gene? No, I am bored (your term), but my take is disappointed... We are fed the milestones of our life that we are supposed to reach. Guess what: reached them too soon, now what? My life was laid out as milestones. Milestones based on humble means and hard work, one generation hoping that the next does better than themselves. I used to tell my mom and dad about my raises at work until I started to make more than them. That was at 26. Then I felt I shouldn't anymore. That's a hard hurdle to jump. Wanting gratification from those that have raised you, but now realizing that they may becoming uncomfortable with your success? I think that's where the life plan started to break down: "school, girls, college, job, wife, house, kids, vacation home, retirement" . Somehow it stopped mattering as a linear thing, and now I am lost, because there is no longer a line to follow...

[cpn1004]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh,
I know the feeling. I drank because I was bored. And then it hit me, how boring it was to sit around by myself and drink. Also I enjoyed the numbness, the not feeling of any emotion, etc.
But now with 14 months of sobriety I am so busy. I don't have the opportunity to get bored. Evidently when I was drinking, I neglected lots of things.
Just a little of my story. I'm no longer bored.

[Sigh part Deux]

I think I finally get why I drink..

I have to recognize cpn1004's and Bean's point... There's a ton of crap to do. But I just want to ignore it. Maybe the haze is clouding the future. But I am sooo anoyed with the present. Yep. It's me. Now what?

[coalfire]

I think I finally get why I drink..

Sigh I wonder would you think of doing something completely outside your usual box? Something that almost generates a "dont be ridiculous thats not me" type of reflex. Go somewhere in the world that you would never have thought of going in a million years and research it to bits? Choose a charity and get people to sponsor a parachute jump for it.. Train for a mini marathon.. Its hard for me to give you suggestions when I dont know your life but something that meets 2 crieria. 1 that you have never done it before and 2 you never thought in a million years that you would do it. It sounds like you need something to kickstart your juices. Here is a link that might interest you 100 Things to do before you die

[coalfire]

I think I finally get why I drink..

This is a post from the archives https://www.mywayout.org/community/f40/boredom-8974.html

[Sigh part Deux]

I think I finally get why I drink..

It takes me about an hour to find this thread, because I don't bookmark it, and I never remember posting stuff on it. But I search for it every week or so...

This will be my last post, because I didn't connect with Sigh, but did connect with coalfire and his/her link. It made a lot of sense. Being ignored didn't do much for me, so. I guess here we are. Maybe the next time I am here hammered wondering why I keep doing this and searching for an answer, I will find this and hear: your cries are filtered to the tune of who hears it.