Hi, it's Olly-Olly

[Olly]

As in "olly-olly in-come free" the phoentic call of children playing hide and seek; meaning: game's over, time to come out of hiding, you are safe now. I am a long-time lurker and actually first came to the MWO (old boards) about a year and a half ago. I went through phases of coming to read the community posts for support, encouragement and help with understanding my place and feelings with my problems with alcohol. I'm a 46 year old married woman with one child. My drinking is a problem that I've struggled with for several years. It's been in the last seven years, since my daughter was about two, that I have really "lost control" and knew that I was secreetly battling a monster. I started to "over-drink" (is there such a term?) And then I started to drink alone. Then I switched from wine to vodka. I hid my drinking (from my husband) and thought I was hiding it from my friends. Anyway, long story short, I have been actively (although still very privately) trying to "manage" this issue for the last year. In the last six months I've gone 2-3-4 weeks AF only to drink again and drink too much. I haven't had any of the "way out of control" (totally smashed!) experiences I did a year ago. But, I've still drank too much. So, here I am, introducing myself and hoping I might find a little place here to call home. At this moment I want to be AF and I can be so, so clear on that for long periods of time. However, I still have those nagging little thoughts of maybe being able to moderate. In a perfect world, I could drink and enjoy one fine glass of wine with a meal. (And, I have done that) But, my thought earlier today was "I've drank enough in my life, and many times too much, that now I don't want to drink anymore." I really think there's so much better in me waiting to come out ... once I stop mistreating myself and not respecting myself by hurting myself. So, today is day six AF. I had three days of drinking over Thanksgiving and before that was AF for over three weeks. I don't miss the alcohol when I'm not drinking. I'm introducing myself today as my way of keeping myself accountable and hopefully find the extra support I need to not drink again. I realize , now that I've written this, that I should be posting this in Monthly Abstinence... guess I need to take this in baby steps.
But, I've always loved coming here to read your posts. XTexan, you are a guru. And Mike, I can't believe it's only been 75 days or so... you've given a years' worth of support. And all you others are really wonderful. I'll start looking around here for a place and plan to move in sometime next month.
Thanks. Olly

[lushy]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Olly, Welcome, welcome!!! I am glad you got up the gumption to officially join here. Sounds like you have made a lot of strides in the last year and I wish you continued success with your goals. This is a good place to be.

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Thanks Lush

Thanks Lush. Geez, I feel almost giddy after this "very first post." Guess it's really just happy.
It's midnight here, so I'll say good-night and "see" you later.
Olly

[xtexan]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Hey Olly-Olly:

You really do flatter me too much. I just find it important to share the tribulations of many years of trying to stop drinking. It is sort of amazing that my methods, and the MWO method are so closely aligned. It's like a roadmap with the destination at the center. The destination is sobriety. I just took the long scenic route to get there it seems, and suffered a great many flat tires along the way.

BTW, I remember back as a child in Texas, in our neighborhood in the early 1960's, when we would play hide-n-seek. Olly-olly-oxen-free!! The summers were magic it seemed. Hot and dusty in the desert pracitically, but it didn't matter. Those were days when you could leave doors and cars unlocked, and not worry about crime. JFK was president, and the future seemed like a fantastic place.

Neil

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Olly-Olly-OXEN-free? Hm, maybe I picked the wrong user name. Ha. Oh well. I too was a young child in the early 60's and remember those late summer nights, the freedom and innocence, telling my mom I'd be home for dinner and then taking off on my bicycle for hours. Makes me feel good to just think about those times. Fortunately, I'm living in Europe now where it's very safe for children and my 9 year old daughter enjoys hours and hours outside with her friends without my worry. It's something I give thanks for ... all the time. To me, you are a Guru. I really admire how you've worked so diligently on yourself, the discipline you have and your commitment to follow a higher path. You are a great example and I just wanted to say thanks for the posts you've made, as I've appreciated each one. I've got my first appt. at the gym today and along with making my first post here last night, I'm starting down my path of taking good care of myself!! In part, thanks to you. Olly

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Xtexan

Just curious, were you as disciplined in pursuing your "higher self" before you stopped drinking or did you become more focused when you stopped? I know maintaining your sobriety takes it's own pkg of discipline, but were you otherwise always so disciplined? (If you don't mind me asking...)
Olly

[xtexan]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Olly-Olly:

Out of my 35 year binge ripping history, of my half-century on this earth, I probably sought to quit drinking for 25 years. A quarter of a century of mistakes, slips, relapses, you name it.

I've always had some degree of discipline, but not dedication. When I first sought to control my drinking , I started a haphazard exercise program back in 1980. I picked up a book in 1980 I think called "Meganutrients for Your Nerves". It was there I first learned of the vitamins, amino acids, and other supplements that were noted for alcohol craving control.

I remember once running 10 miles while hungover as hell, and then sitting in a sauna for a while to purge my system. Of course, I was 25 or 26 years old at the time, and practically indestructable as young males believe themselves to be. I gobbled a few glutamine capsules, and wondered if my drive to drink would magically disappear. Not so. It never "magically" disappears.

It is a deep down commitment. It is deep dedication in my case. I want to live, and be healthy again. I want to be sane, and emotionally stable again. I simply got tired of teetering on the edge of madness, and indeed a trip to the hospital for any number of reasons.

Driving a car takes discipline. Learning how to play a muscial instrument takes discipline, but if you are not dedicated, all the discipline is for naught. I finally said to myself, "Are you going to do this thing, or die?" Well, the answer was quickly arrived at once it was put to me in those terms.

I have some other things on this subject I wrote, but I'll leave at this for now. I need to edit a longer diatribe, and wil probably post it on my one year mark.

You can do it too! Always believe that!!

Be well.

Neil

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

thanks Xtexan

Thanks Xtexan. I'm looking forward to your diatribe. And, really appreciate your reply.
Guess we should start planning your 1-Yr party... Olly

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Diabtribes

speaking of which... no more from me. prmomise.
Olly

[mikeupnorth]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

I just wanted to say hello and welcome, Olly. Glad you are posting!

And I'm looking forward to your diatribe too, Neil!

Mike

[Olly]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Thanks Mike, thanks Kate.

Hey Mike, have you heard anything about the job situation? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. By the way, don't you want to come meet up with us in Fitness forum? (I'm the one that sent you the PM re: Sparkpeople when I was "ready or not"... which obvioulsy I was NOT) Is it even possible to "take a walk" where you are, at this time of year? I imagine you trudging through snowdrifts with snowshoes and a big parka.

Niel, I'd like to know your one-year date too. I'll do a little "wooo-hoooo" dance for ya.

olly

[xtexan]

Hi, it's Olly-Olly

Its funny. The last alcohol I put in my body was at a Christmas party on December 14th, 2005. Actually I had some Budweisers in an 18 pack in the wee hours of December 15th. and drank about 6 or 7 of them when I got home. Of course at the party I had about 10 or 11. I could drink a 12 pack back then, and still function pretty well.

So I am calling it Friday morning, December 15th, 2006 for my one year point on the booze.

I remember being hungover on December 15th, 2005 a bit, but I didn't have to go to work if I remember right.

I also remember starting to cough and get real sick on December 22nd. I developed bronchitis, and then pneumonia in just a couple of days. My last cigarette was on December 22nd, because it just hurt too much to smoke, and the coughing fits got real bad.

Christmas Day 2005, I was so sick that I wondered if I was going to see 2006. The pnemonia had me so weak, I couldn't get out of bed without passing out from lack of air. I read that pnemonia kills a lot of addicted drinkers, more than cirrhosis of the liver even.

So here I am, still kicking. I notice a lot of strange things now. I got a flu shot yesterday, and the needle stick didn't seem to hurt near as much as I remember them. It may be because I have packed on some muscle mass in my deltoids. Also, the cold doesn't bother me near as much. My circulation, and general health have improved by leaps and bounds over the last several months. So far, I am one of the few people where I work, to have not been sick with cold or flu this year. I only missed one day of work this past year, due to an ear infection I got in October I think. Otherwise, much better.

Still a lot of work to do. You know alcohol depression causes little things to hurt more, and amplify pain. I think I am way better off, and must keep remembering where I was a year ago. Very pitiful condition. I have so much more to improve and gain, and looking forward to getting even better.

Be well.

Neil