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    Just when you thought it was all over

    Good morning all,
    Here in the UK the sky is very grey, it's raining quite heavily and the wind is blowing a gale, but I couldn't be more happy, and why?......Well today I have been AF for 73 days. ...To start with I counted each day, then I stopped that and just counted weeks, didn't bother to do that for the last few weeks, and when I thought about it today I realised just how long it had been, and you know what, when I was in the depths of my own hell of drinking, and there wasn't any alcohol in the house and I would panic and rush out to buy some I just never realised how much happier I could be without that poison in my system. WELL NOW I KNOW, AND THERE IS NO GOING BACK....

    The reason I am posting this today is because on reading Neils post of yesterday I can relate to the cigarette thing.... About fifteen years ago I had a one hour session of hypnotherapy to help me stop smoking, at the time I was on about 25 a day, it worked, like magic the cravings went away. ...I would get the odd craving now and again, but nothing I couldn't deal with....Then four years later I was at my sisters wedding, after quite a few drinks at the reception I had such a massive craving for a cigarette that I quickly convinced myself that I could just have the one and I would be alright.....No of course not, I wouldn't start smoking again.....Stupid, within a matter of weeks I was back on 20 a day.....That went on for another four and a half years before I decided to try again to give up....I had another session of hypnotherapy and I haven't had a cigarette now for over seven years..

    The same thing happened with drink...Last year, about this time, I managed, without any help at all, to stop drinking for four weeks....It wasn't as hard as I had feared and I felt fine.....At exactly the end of the fourth week, thinking to myself .....I can handle this now.....I decided to buy a bottle of wine to celebrate, you see my logic was, if I can go four weeks AF then surely I can just have the odd bottle now and again.
    STUPID...STUPID....STUPID.....I felt as if I had given the enemy the slip and escaped from jail, only to be captured and imprisoned again.....It took me almost a year of drinking more and more heavily before I found the courage to try again...I remember I found MWO on Friday the 29th Sept when I was halfway through my third bottle of wine, when I switched on my computer the next morning there it was in my favourites. Needless to say I had no idea of what this MWO site was, so I clicked on it and as they say...the rest is history.

    Right so the point of all this is.....you MUST be aware at all times of how quietly and insidiously the enemy will try and invade your brain. You must be prepared at all times to repel and overcome that sweet, silky voice which tells you....go on, it's ok, you can handle it now, one drink will be alright...Don't listen to it because that voice is the enemy.

    As to Christmas, well like most of us on here I was looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time, because if anything is going to test me then Christmas day will......My daughter and son-in-law have just moved into their first house so Christmas day will be spent there...My daughter wanted to know if she should buy some alcohol free wine for me because as she put it.....you can't drink anymore.....but I said....it's not that I can't drink, I don't want to drink....Thinking about that remark later decided me on how I was going to handle Christmas.....The last 73 days have been the rehearsal and Christmas day is the opening of the show......It will also be a challenging battle with an old enemy but I know that enemy a whole lot better now and in a perverse kind of way I am looking forward to it because I intend to win

    Well the rain has stopped so I think it's time for me to put on my walking boots and go and get some exercise.

    Love to you all, just hope I haven't rambled on for too long,

    Louise xxx :h
    A F F L..
    Alcohol Free For Life

    #2
    Just when you thought it was all over

    Louise,

    I always look forward to reading your posts. You sound very strong and determined -- but realistic at the same time. You know just how easy it is to claim victory while the enemy is sneaking in the back door.

    I, too, feel that I've reached a point of no turning back. This is a completely new feeling for me. I've never experienced this before in all my previous attempts at sobriety. This time I am moving forward without the hope that I'll someday be able to drink. I simply don't want to. I'm not reserving the right to drink in the event of crisis X, Y or Z. This time, for the first time, I see myself as an ex-drinker, PERIOD. And I like seeing myself that way.

    But I have known of too many people who started drinking again after 1, 5, 10, or 30 years of sobriety to think that I'll ever be cured. And when these people start drinking, they don't become social drinkers, either. They pick up right where they left off, or it's even worse than before. It's UGLY. I have a friend who was sober in AA for 27 years, and started drinking again last year. He is now drinking around the clock. He's managing to hold himself together -- barely -- and he knows he needs to get sober again. But this time around it's even harder for him to make that choice.

    That doesn't mean that I'm doomed to a life of looking over my shoulder, running from the monster, and worrying when I'm going to fall. No, I can live an abundant, rewarding life, filled with friends and love and fun. But just as a diabetic has to watch his diet and take his insulin, I need to take care of my condition to make sure I don't drink again. I need to have my program in maintenance mode for the long haul, and from time to time I might need to rev it up for special circumstances, or adjust it with changing times. This disease doesn't go away. It's never cured. But it can be successfully treated for the long term.

    Again, Louise, you sound really strong and I love the idea of Christmas being the opening day of your big show. What is it they say? Break a leg. :l

    ~ Mike
    "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

    Comment


      #3
      Just when you thought it was all over

      I am new here but I read all the abstainers posts and ultimately that is my goal. I am excited and nervous about Christmas without Drink. The monster on my shoulder may start but hopefully I can punch him down.

      Thank you for two great posts, they are inspiring to newcomers.

      Comment


        #4
        Just when you thought it was all over

        Hi Lousie,
        I'm feeling just about the same as you.I'm on day 56 now and am coming up to the first work(my partners) Christmas party.Litres of free booze and me on top of the wagon.But I intend to drive the wagon home that night ( most likely carrying a few drunken passengers) which will be a completely new experience for me.My biggest fear on the night is that it will be incredibly tedious without a glass in my hand and that all these parties are best seen through the bottom of a vodka bottle.I think if I can make it through this one I will have jumped a rather large hurdle.Wish me luck....
        Victoria.






        Comment


          #5
          Just when you thought it was all over

          Oh Victoria....Don't go to that party with fear, go there with pride for what you have achieved so far, even if you have to write on a large sheet of paper,... 56 AF....and put it in your handbag, then each time you are the smallest bit tempted to have ......JUST ONE DRINK.... stop,open your bag, look at that paper and think to yourself.....I can have a drink if I want one, but I will be throwing away 56 days of damned hard work in the process.... FIFTY SIX DAYS.......is it worth it just for one glass of poison.

          Also another plus, when you wake up the next morning, you will actually be able to remember the night before, you may even laugh when you think about some of the drunken antics of the other partygoers, and just think how many of them on their fifth or tenth drink will be looking at you with envy and wishing they too could remain sober?

          So there are just a few reasons for not drinking, and btw, my heartiest congratulations on 56 days, I know how fan-bloody-tastic the feeling is as you see the days adding up, there thats another reason for not drinking as it would put you back to day one again.

          Good luck though for the party, do post and let me know how it went, whatever the outcome,

          Love Louise xxx
          A F F L..
          Alcohol Free For Life

          Comment


            #6
            Just when you thought it was all over

            Hi Irishlady, Mike, Stollies, Hannah!

            My God, was today amazing! I have not felt like this in ages! No arthritic pains, or weird aches in weird places. No nervousness or anxiety, or skittishness. No, I didn't go and hammer a 12 pack (heaven forbid in the highest!)

            Started the day with 400mg l-theanine, 1000 mg phenibut, and multi-vits, evening primrose oil, and some hgih power B and C vitamins. Don't know what it is. I think that maybe those Meridian Flexibility exercises I did yesterday have more power to them than I realized!

            I mean everything today seems in balance within my being. Haven't felt like this in so damn long. The only thing I can compare it to, is what I felt like when I was 14 years old, and I just kissed my first girlfriend I think. It's that good!

            Right now, I just quaffed 5000 mg l-glutamine, and about 4000 mg of creatine, with 12 oz of grape juice. Thats my pre-weights workout fuel up. Tonight is upper body weights workout. I am going to try and squeeze in the entire 16 set of Meridian Flexibility stretches after the workout. It takes a while to do them all, as I have to look at the pictures in the book, and read the instructions. Pretty complicated.

            I just hope that it IS those stretches that have me feeling like this, because then I can reproduce them. Hopefully with practice, I can do them without studying the book for five minutes between exercises.

            Anyway, on the topic here a bit. I have decided to go to the Christmas party this Friday (my one year sober anniversary). I have not been to a party, or anything for a whole year, purposely trying to avoid any contact with alcohol consumption. I think I can make it now. I know what I am going to BYOB though. I am going to buy a gallon jug of Glacier Freeze gatorade (my all purpose drink of preference these days), and chill it good. The hostess is usually pretty good about putting out lots of raw veggie rabbit food snacks, and I think I will stuff myself on rabbit goods. She doesn't allow smoking in her house, so that's a plus.

            Well, I have a lot of workout and exercises to do this evening. Another 30 minutes to absorb the glutamine and creatine, and I will be ready to pump serious iron. I am pumped!

            FEELIN" GOOD!! Being sober is f***ing great!!!

            Neil

            Comment


              #7
              Just when you thought it was all over

              Way to Go!

              Hi Neil,

              Just wanted to say "Way to Go". You have almost made a year! Your enthusiasm is so infectious!

              Comment


                #8
                Just when you thought it was all over

                woo-hooo, you've got me feelin' good too! Thanks Neil. And, good luck Friday night. Let us know if you're able to replicate this good vibe... heck, great vibe. If so, I'm buying the book!:H

                Olly

                Comment


                  #9
                  Just when you thought it was all over

                  You had me at Meridian Flexibility...I'm off to go look into that!
                  spacie

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Just when you thought it was all over

                    I have 2 days w/o booze. Your posts are infectious. I've tried to catch it but do'n't get past a couple days or so. Maybe reading all the posts on moderating makes me think I can drink. Don't know how to llive w/o booze. Two days are better than none, look forward to reading and hope to catch what you have. Thanks for the positive bend you put on things.
                    headless

                    Comment

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