I was talking with a good friend of mine last night because I was feeling a little blue about being single at the holidays. He is single too, yet I’ve never known him to be depressed or unhappy about it. “I don’t have to be single,” I said. “It just seems that I keep choosing the harder, lonelier way of life.” I went on to say how people in relationships have things so much easier because they have love and support, and don’t have to handle life’s burdens alone. (Yes, I was having a little pity party.) He said, “You and I both know tons of married people, gay and straight, who are desperately unhappy. Being in a relationship is not the answer. What you have to do is capitalize on your circumstances.”
Now this is a very practical guy – a mathematician, in fact, and a financial guru. But what he said, and went on to explain in more detail, made a lot of sense. Instead of sitting around moping about how I don’t have someone or how I feel lonely, I can capitalize on what I do have: I have freedom to come and go as I please, so that allows me to travel, go out with friends, keep whatever schedule I want, make decisions on a whim, etc. I can go out and spend money if I want, or invest it any way I choose, without consulting anyone. Many married folks would envy that freedom. I can also build friendships in a way that most married people don’t. (It’s not that they can’t; it’s just that once most people are married, they just stop building friendships because their lives become full with their primary relationship.) So I’m sure there are many married people who are feeling trapped and bored in their relationships, wishing they had some freedom and excitement in their lives, and they could use the same advice: capitalize on your circumstances, DUDE.
It’s like the old adage says, “The grass is always greener….” But it’s not. It’s equally green wherever you go.
What does this have to do with drinking? Hmmm….. quite a lot, actually. For me, I drank because I was unhappy with life, I was bored, I was lonely. I never learned the lesson my friend seemed to know from birth. I never knew how to capitalize on my circumstances. I’ve spent most of my life wishing I was in some place other than where I was, or in a different job, or in a different relationship status. When I was young, I wanted to be older. When I was in school I wanted to be out working. When I got into the job market I wished I was back in school. YIKES – it’s enough to drive a man to drink!
And guess what? If I simply remove alcohol from my life and don’t fix the underlying problems, one of two things will happen. One: I eventually go back to drinking because I am really screwed up and can’t take it any more. Or two: I get bitter and angry and go through life hating everything, not enjoying any of my experiences because I’m always wanting something different. That doesn’t sound like much fun. I might as well be drunk. In AA they call this a “dry drunk.”
The alternative is much better, and this is my goal in sobriety. I’m attempting this through introspection, through meditation, through exercise and through journaling: I learn how to live in the present, enjoy what’s going on around me, and see just how green the grass is right underneath my own two feet. I can walk wherever I want to, but the grass stays green wherever I go. In other words, I capitalize on my circumstances. It’s very much a work in progress but at least my friend helped me put my goal into focus for me. Thanks, Tony.
~ Mike
Now this is a very practical guy – a mathematician, in fact, and a financial guru. But what he said, and went on to explain in more detail, made a lot of sense. Instead of sitting around moping about how I don’t have someone or how I feel lonely, I can capitalize on what I do have: I have freedom to come and go as I please, so that allows me to travel, go out with friends, keep whatever schedule I want, make decisions on a whim, etc. I can go out and spend money if I want, or invest it any way I choose, without consulting anyone. Many married folks would envy that freedom. I can also build friendships in a way that most married people don’t. (It’s not that they can’t; it’s just that once most people are married, they just stop building friendships because their lives become full with their primary relationship.) So I’m sure there are many married people who are feeling trapped and bored in their relationships, wishing they had some freedom and excitement in their lives, and they could use the same advice: capitalize on your circumstances, DUDE.
It’s like the old adage says, “The grass is always greener….” But it’s not. It’s equally green wherever you go.
What does this have to do with drinking? Hmmm….. quite a lot, actually. For me, I drank because I was unhappy with life, I was bored, I was lonely. I never learned the lesson my friend seemed to know from birth. I never knew how to capitalize on my circumstances. I’ve spent most of my life wishing I was in some place other than where I was, or in a different job, or in a different relationship status. When I was young, I wanted to be older. When I was in school I wanted to be out working. When I got into the job market I wished I was back in school. YIKES – it’s enough to drive a man to drink!
And guess what? If I simply remove alcohol from my life and don’t fix the underlying problems, one of two things will happen. One: I eventually go back to drinking because I am really screwed up and can’t take it any more. Or two: I get bitter and angry and go through life hating everything, not enjoying any of my experiences because I’m always wanting something different. That doesn’t sound like much fun. I might as well be drunk. In AA they call this a “dry drunk.”
The alternative is much better, and this is my goal in sobriety. I’m attempting this through introspection, through meditation, through exercise and through journaling: I learn how to live in the present, enjoy what’s going on around me, and see just how green the grass is right underneath my own two feet. I can walk wherever I want to, but the grass stays green wherever I go. In other words, I capitalize on my circumstances. It’s very much a work in progress but at least my friend helped me put my goal into focus for me. Thanks, Tony.
~ Mike
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