I was waiting in the dentist office this morning waiting for my kids to get their teeth filled, molars sealed, etc. and came across a great article in "O Magazine" about happiness. I wish I had it with me, but I did copy down a quote they cited from the movie "Snow"....."You got drunk so you could resist the hidden happiness rising inside of you". I thought, why would we want to resist our own happiness? Do I deep down inside believe that pain is virtuous and feel guilty for living in the moment? Do I constantly work toward an outcome and obsess about this, or am I open to where I am at the moment? I think I do sometimes. I know when I allow myself to experience true joy "in the moment", nothing else seems to matter. All the preoccupations are gone. I feel more in touch with mankind. It's when I start thinking about the past or the future too much that I lose the joy that I experience in those moments. Why does there always have to be a goal, agenda or outcome? There doesn't really. The author said that happiness was like champagne in the blood without the alcohol. I plan to make myself more open to those 'natural buzz' moments. There's nothing like them! Just trying not to get too far ahead of myself in this sober journey.
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Do we resist happiness?
Gina - I like your post alot. That preoccupation with future and past is so prevalant with alot of us. I was recently reading one of my books on mindfulness and meditation. Basically everything you do can be turned into a minfulness practice or a meditation. One example is (I think it's Thich Nat Ha) - washing the dishes can be a meditation. I experienced that a couple of days ago - when cleaning up the kitchen. Instead of looking at is as something to hurry through so that I could finish and do something like watch tv, I decided to really get into it. I slowly, carefully washed the dishes, paid attention to the feel of the soap, the water temperature, etc. I cleaned off the counter and polished it. And finally cleaned every inch of the sink and made it shine. I spent about 45 minutes, but at the end I realized - I got it. I know what he means by making it a meditation - I felt so good and actually excited that I could experience mindfulness in mundane tasks. I thought if I could do it once, I could continue - I need to pack, so I will apply the same miondfulness to my packing and see how it goes,:H -
Do we resist happiness?
Gina, I think it that might be a real trait amongst the group at MWO, and Irishlady said something interesting along the same lines: that she has trouble accepting compliments (but in another context of course). It's simple but profound and I think there is possibly a fear of happiness/joy/success due to our brain chemistry perhaps? Linked to depression even? I've suffered from feeling not only just inferior, but also a dreaded feeling that I really don't deserve goodness. Even when someone compliments me I can hear this awful voice in my head twisting it into some kind of insult to myself. how awful indeed! time to be happy darn it! and live in a positive "now moment". Cheers to a high blood level of "natural bubbly"
nosce te ipsum
(Know Thyself)Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Samadhi, what kind of meditation are you studying? interesting and great exercise you relate there.nosce te ipsum
(Know Thyself)Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Gina,
I think you are on to something there!
There is something called the "victim" mentality.
Probably early in life there was a very real wrong done to a person. It may have been in childhood and may have been an actual act or maybe neglect. Unless confronted and dealt with correctly, the person will "see" themselves as a victim or person done wrong in every area of their lives. Their thinking will be something like this......"poor me.....why don't I have any friends? Why are bad things ALWAYS happening to me? Why can't I be good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough? This is called "stinkin thinkin".. It goes on in our brain until WE put a stop to it and replace it with correct thinking. The person will sabotage getting better, sometimes. If they stay "the victim" they will continue to be petted and taken care of by loving and caring people who really want to help.
Just a thought....mine.
:h Nancy"Be still and know that I am God"
Psalm 46:10Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Gina you're absolutely right. This feeling may come about from various circumstances in our lives. Maybe it's a childhood trauma as you said, Nancy. (This is probably true in one way or another for most of us...) For me, I might point to growing up gay, knowing I was different, and being in a culture that told me that was bad, sinful, unacceptable, etc. -- but also knowing it's just the way I was and there was nothing I could do about it. It was, at a certain point in my adolescence, a big personal crisis for me. I probably internalized a lot of those negative messages and still carry them around with me. But the thing is, if it hadn't been the "gay thing" it would have been something else. It could have been acne or braces or being poor or having a mean father or whatever. So many of us walk around with wounds, feeling inferior for no good reason, and deny ourselves the happiness that God intends for us... I also think it's one of the reasons we drank like we did, as a form of self-punishment.
Learning to live in the NOW is a big lesson, perhaps THE lesson, of life.... not just for recovering alcoholics and addicts, but for every human being. It's funny that animals are born with that "limitation" and we are born with "superior" brains and intellects, yet we struggle so to do just the same thing... We buy books and pay therapists and take classes and practice to do what comes naturally to the dog lying in the corner of the room.
God has a sense of humor, huh?"Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Morning everyone! I love this topic because I do believe that THE lesson in life is related to the peace of being in the NOW. I also do believe that we drink as much to avoid joy as much as we might drink to avoid pain because so many of us have built up our personas (our identities, our perceptions of our sense of 'self' ) which is based on a false self..one that has a story of pain, dissappointment, loss..etc. etc. etc...if we let joy in, it may blow our whole 'cover'..then where would we be, who would we be, what would get us up in the morning if we didn't have something to fix, something to change, a goal...it's only in being in the now that we can know and have peace in our deepest, truest self..which is connected to everyone and everything. I understand all of this on such an intellectual level (which can actually be the biggest hindrance to actualizing being able to experience 'it'....I am able to stay in the moment much more than I used to, and actually experience acceptance and peace much more...I can be happy even when life situations are not necessasrily pleasant. My therapist and I discuss the fact that being happy is not the goal in life, and that it shouldn't be...if that were the case, then we would all be in hell because that means we would always be rejecting things that don't make us happy, that would mean rejecting all of the 'negative' opposites...I think happiness is related to the ability to accept everything that is manifested in our perceptions and not to attach our sense of self to anything outside of our true nature..I think when we are able to be in the moment and to know that our sense of self is not from this earthly experience (basically, that we are manifestations of God, love, whatever you want to call it...), then we can experience happiness because everything else is illusory, or it changes, or dies, is transit. We are not of this world but we are..that is an opposite..it's the ability to contain the opposites, like nature..nature doesn't experience the dying of leaves in the autumn as a loss, it's natural, it's a part of the life cycle, they will be back in the spring.
I'm rambling and could go on and on....I'm at peace today partly because I've been thinking about these things a lot lately and I approached the holidays with the hopes that I could move a little more slowly, not get too attached to my own past and future expectations, or to let my children's expectations rule me..so far, so good. I'm grateful to know that I can go beyond the little mind to a greater mind which is not affected by non sense..if only for an instant from time to time..when I get caught in my little mind, at least I can observe myself..that in itself is a meditation and will help me move through things more quickly so that I don't feel the need to denie it or control it...even though I might be very tempted to escape in some subtle way.
Peace to everyone today and this weekend.
Dianne
oh, and yes, I totally believe God has a sense of humor...we are so funny sometimes, especially when we think we are so powerless when we actually have all the power in the universe, if we could just know that...Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Lots of thoughtful posts here. They are helping me much. Samadhi, I thought of what you said as I scrubbed my kitchen floor last night.....really good time to meditate!!
I was in a little funk last night. PMS, hubby didn't kiss me "goodbye" on his way out the door to his 12 hr night shift job, and other minor irritations. My sponsor reminded me to take things for what they are. Don't read into them so much. I've got a lot of work to do in this department. Gotta stop looking for the reason behind everything...it drives me crazy!! One thing I really relate to in meetings that I have heard a couple of times is that, "I am a control freak with an inferiority complex". Trying to be mindful of these things and let go of the control. It is freeing when I do.Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
' evening all,
a very interesting thread Gina.
When I first got myself a computer earlier in the year, one of the first things that I 'googled' was 'world religions'. I was particularly interested in bhuddist phylosophy, in which mindfulness is a key tenet. I have a very mundane and repetative job and, like samadhi, I tried doing it in a mindful way. It is quite amazing what you learn being aware of 'the moment'.
dilayne..keep rambling. Mike, Nancy, determinator, samadhi and Gina.....good stuff!Comment
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Do we resist happiness?
Hi Gina,
I really enjoyed reading this thread. Many years ago I did some reading in Buddhist philosophy and found it very appealing. I even tried some meditation, which is something given my antsy nature. I've been delving into this a bit more as my life has been more stressful. Perhaps this is a function of my more successful abs status? Anyway, I am trying to be more mindful of what I do.
The Christmas rush has required purposeful decompression of anger ... and letting go. How many times is someone going to almost smash the rear end of my car? Chill people!! Breathe .... and peace to everyone.
Lots of hugs, and thanks for this nice thread.
PansyComment
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Do we resist happiness?
Fan,
That was really an on target comment. I think I know what you mean. Compliments in my house always came with zingers afterwards, if they came at all.
I have always had a little checklist of what "normal" people do. At some point I realized that my family did not prepare me to interact with "normal" people and I had to study "normal" people like an anthropologist. Not a good way to start out as an adult.
This has always interfered with my allowing myself to be happy. My anxiety level has been too high because all social situations have to be prepared for. Glad this is getting better, though. Most folks are pretty forgiving because I am not malicious unless I am being tailgated.
Hugs,
PansyComment
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Do we resist happiness?
Gina,
hi.. what a great thread... and spot on.
Yeah, we resist happiness.. its like we fight it with every core of our being sometimes.. we sabotage good things that happen.. and embrace the bad!!! how counterintuitive.
But, we CAN change this. By becoming conscious of it we can slowly turn it around. I dont think we can turn this around if we are drunk.. although we may start the brain process that may help.. or just get totally fed up with it and tire of the pain.. But if we arent drunk, we 'see' things differently and we can start the reprocessing work to straighten out our twisted brains.
My youngest son recently said something like 'i dont want to grow up.. if i stay just like this.. i dont have to work or get a job and i have people that love me and i'm just the happiest in the world' In some ways i think he is right.. he was expressing enjoyment of a particular and quite ordinary moment in time and simply enjoying it... wanting to hold onto it.
I have that feeling here on mwo sometimes. Its like, I come here if I feel I need something.. or need to think of something.. or need to express something and the universe put you people in this computer box of mine.. and there is always something here for me if I come. There was a time when I felt I was very dependant on that and came here too often, but now, i just follow the feeling.. and today, this was the very thing I was thinking about and the issue was already here for me.
I"m happy I"m here right now.
BrigidComment
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