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[africaneil]

Well I've spent the last couple of weeks 'lurking' - as you put it - this site, and I thought it is time to introduce myself. First of all I'd like to say how helpful reading through the board has been for me, as what I am taking on - as you know - is not the easiest thing in the world - though I suspect it may prove to be the most rewarding. I am 33 years old, and am on day eight of abstinence - the plan is abstinence for life.

I was just never quite able to stop once I got started. And man the hangovers were just getting worse, that's for sure (not to speak of the illicit drugs the drinking would often lead to).

So, here I am. I am fast realising that quiting alcohol is more than just a mechanical exercise. More than a nuts and bolts type job. In drinking I had a crutch. And I had 101 reasons to drink: To celebrate, to mourn, when happy, when down, if tired, or bored... so the list goes on. Which means I would often drown out whatever issue lay before me, instead of dealing with it head on. Which leads to the present, and I hope finding the strength that I know I have within me to steer me through life - rather than a bottle of whatever.

This is the hard part. I need to figure out if I'm going to become a 'dry drunk' - are there underlying issues that need to be dealt with? Today is a bit hard. I have a bit of low level anxiety, though it can be traced to a rebuttal from a girl I like yesterday.

I do relate to a very recent thread posted here about 'victim mentality', but today I just don't have the clarity of mind to think it through properly. I also related to the 'yin and yang' of life idea - accepting the opposites of life, the good and the bad. I guess what I'm leading up to is the value of one's own sprituality in quiting drinking.

So anyway, nice to meet you (in a cyber sort of way), I would say wish me luck, but I know this has nothing to do with luck, and everything to do with commitment, and a determination to be a better person.

and compliments of the season,

Neil

[Popeye]

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Dear Neil,
thank you for coming here.
Keep reading and posting. It's nice to meet you too

[weemelonhead]

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Hi Neil.....8 days abs!!!! Way to go bud! Is this without supps, or the book?? if so, you're doing REALLY well, and you still have a healthy crutch to use if things are too tough using willpower alone...you're right, it is more than mechanics...and I also chuckled when I read of all your reasons that 'excuse' a drink...me too.
This is about embracing a different way of life, and filling in all those previous drinking times (you'll know your own pattern) with something fulfilling, excercise, reading, films, diy....wotever floats your boat, to ensure that the whole pattern of drinking is replaced, not just hanging around abstaining...this is when it can all seem to leave a void in your life, which leads many of us to 'just have one'....

keep going...and, see pauly b above...it's nice to meet you...keep posting xoxo Melon

[Guest]

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hi africaneil

Hey african neil.
Welcome.
I dont think there is anything wrong with luck. I reckon I was lucky to find this place. I was lucky that I eventually got tired of drinking enough to fight it properly. I was lucky to find people here who helped me. I"m lucky to be alive.

Luck is just fine!!!

You are right, this journey is more than mechanical and luck, but the mechanics and the luck do help!!.. that is what makes is such a good journey. Its a journey INTO life and its well worth the effort.

Just over a year ago, I came here a broken fractured person drinking every night, and I'm now abstinent for over a year. I still have a way to go as part of my journey - and I will do as that is my life and I will continue to grow - but I'm already SO much happier.

Hi PaulB, Melon, nice to meet you also.
Brigid

[mikeupnorth]

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Welcome, Neil! So glad you are here. I'll echo what Paul and Melon and Brigid have said, as I'm literally on my way out the door to catch a flight... but happy holidays to you and yours.

Mike

[irishlady]

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Hello africaneil, and welcome....you say you had 101 reasons to drink, well stick with this site and with a lot of hard work, both mentally and physically you will one day have 1001 REASONS FOR NOT DRINKING.
You say that you realise quitting alcohol is more than just a mechanical exercise, well good for you, so many people think that just stopping is enough, ok, so you have stopped drinking!!! then what, all the time when you would have been drinking, how do you fill it? How do you deal with, and conquor cravings? what made you drink to excess in the first place? Why can some people stop after one or two glasses? Why do others drink themselves into oblivion?....So many questions to answer, and when you have the answers, to put them into practice.......It all takes time, but I have a feeling that you have what it takes to complete what is a long, and sometimes, complicated and painful journey....You won't be travelling alone though, we will be with you every step of the way, so I wish you good luck on what is just the beginning of the rest of your life.

Take care, Louise xx

[spacie]

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Hi africaneil,

Coming to the realization to stop drinking is one of the toughest decisions that we've all had to wrestle with mentally and emotionally. I'm glad you found MYO because we all share that common bond and having that understanding with others is so powerful. Your spirt will get stronger with each day that passes without drinking.

Catch ya later,
spacie

[africaneil]

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thanks

Thanks for all the welcomes... I'm glad to be hear.

To answer Weemelonhead: without supps or the book.

And yes Spacie, my spirit is getting stronger every day (day nine today!). Funny how the word spirit has two meanings - almost like I had been looking in the wrong place.

cheers, and a merry christmas,

Neil

[og oggilby]

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Spirituality is a huge help when getting of drugs and alcohol and depression is normal when one starts to get sober. You sound like you have some previous experience in quitting. There is a huge difference between a dry drunk (like our president) and getting sober (comfortable with yourself and life on life's terms). And just because you quit using does not mean your life will be free of problems, but you will be able to handle them in a much better fashion. Also keep in mind there is no ONE way that works for everyone. AA has given me a lot of help especially the first few years, I am now going on 10 yrs. w/out a drink. The first 3 yrs. were hell. You sound like you are on the right track continue to stay in touch with others who are not using and will lend you an ear. It also helps to help others who have also just quit. Yoga and chocolate go a long way to reduce craving. Keep up the great work.

[Olly]

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Welcome AfricanNeil! I'm glad you found the site... you sound like you are determined. Also, way to go on starting off and staying AF! wow. Still, though, I think the book would give you even more determination. Keep coming back and keep posting... I enjoy reading your words.

And Og, welcome to you too!! Having not ever been involved in AA, and living overseas at the moment, I have not had the priviledge of meeting someone who is longterm abstinent. 10 years?? WOW! I'm proud to know you.

take care, Olly

[capto]

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Olly wrote: And Og, welcome to you too!! Having not ever been involved in AA, and living overseas at the moment, I have not had the priviledge of meeting someone who is longterm abstinent. 10 years?? WOW! I'm proud to know you.

Olly, nice to see you back...and I agree with what you say about Og.

Og, you sound like you have some great perspectives and experience on achieving sobriety. Can you share some more with us?

Best and welcome,

Capto

[africaneil]

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new year's shindig

Hi Og, and Olly - thanks for your posts.

First of all I wanted to recount my tough going new year's eve. I went with some friends to an overnight rave in a forest. Beautiful location. But man was it difficult to watch everyone around me get sloshed to varying degrees. It crossed my mind to buy a bottle of champagne somewhere near midnight and down it in one go. But I didn't. I knew how disappointed I'd be in myself the next morning. I went off to my tent instead and went to sleep early (and fitfully - you'd have to be drunk to sleep through those music noise volumes!).

I've been out a couple of other times with friends in town, and not drink while they did and managed fine, but the new year's shindig was just a bit much. It was frustrating and depressing.

I felt disconnected on new year's without the booze to loosen me up, as I tend to be quite reserved.

I'm fine for the rest, especially being focused on work (and feeling focused, healthy and in good spirits). But the new year's night did make me think about what I'm giving up. Regarding friends, I can say I see at least one in a different light now, and maybe letting go of booze means letting go of other things too. It's hard now not to look critically at anyone who is abusing alcohol or drugs. It's all a bit of an adjustment. In an amongst the hangovers and other negative corollaries of drinking and drugging were also fun times...

Finding new activities is also part of the letting go, and it's something I need to think about. I exercise a lot, and read a lot, but perhaps need more. Will consider yoga, as recommeded. And am not averse to the odd chocolate! And yes, I'll continue reading my Deepak Chopra book and Autobiography of a Yogi...

Anyway, day 21 today!! I know the path I have chosen is the right one. Instead of swimming around in circles I am forging a new path on terra firma. Alcohol just wasn't working for me any more. I want to use the lucidity to achieve as much as possible in my career.

Thanks again for the posts.

[irishlady]

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Neil, Us humans love to be proved right....In reply to your original post I said I had the feeling you would succeed in your attempt to quit drinking....and look at you, 21 days....hurrah..Keep on having those positive thoughts and you will make it.

Good Luck
Louise xx

[mikeupnorth]

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Way to go, Neil!

I can relate to how you must have felt on New Year's Eve... I have had similar feelings when hanging out with friends who were drinking and I felt out of place or frustrated because I wasn't having the same "fun" they were...

Just a couple of thoughts on the topic.

I haven't necessarily had to end any friendships, but I have changed the way I socialize with certain people. Instead of going out to nightclubs with them I will go to dinner and a movie, or something where alcohol will not be a central focus. In fact I have friends that I used to call long-distance and we'd talk and drink together on the phone.... I've had to stop that too. I now call them at different times, because the phone calls themselves were a trigger for me.

And of course I have had to stop and re-evaluate my definition of "fun." Is it fun to put a chemical into my body, to change my perception of reality, to slow my reaction time and depress my nervous system? Is it fun to wake up dehydrated, with blurry memory of they night before, embarrassed by what I said or did? Etc, etc, etc.

It sounds as if you are on a really good track.... keep up the good work!

Mike

[Popeye]

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Well done Neil
I haven't done 21 days AF yet, but I'm going to do a lot more....just as I'm sure you are.