I don't want to be posting here. I love you guys despite rarely and never being here. My grandmother had a poster on her wall (or idea in her head) that in our life our heart takes on footprints. I have a close friend who I rarely talk to but whom 500 days feels like yesterday. I get older but some things remain the same.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this save to say that that I continue to appreciate the people on this forum helping. It's been years now that I've come here and I've posted only a small amount and only when my problems come to a precipice. That point where I can't take it anymore and have to force myself to do something about it. The hope that I can and the questions about why other normal people don't face the same problems that I do. What do they do with their lives?
Most of the time I feel like I live life in a haze and that others are different from me. I don't know why but I feel it through my core and to my bones.
I worked hard at one point to reach sobriety and it felt good for a while . My longest stint of AF was ~3 months, now it happens via life of days or weeks or months. It also didn't alleviate the problem and it's still there. Sometimes I abstain long periods without drinking (weeks or months, never years), but that craving other than when I'm "life distracted" always reappears.
Someone suggested seeing a psychiatrist and I agree, will resolve to do it and see how that goes. I want to consciously go AF again by posting this. It's my internal acceptance that it's time once more to know myself and hopefully improve something.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this save to say that that I continue to appreciate the people on this forum helping. It's been years now that I've come here and I've posted only a small amount and only when my problems come to a precipice. That point where I can't take it anymore and have to force myself to do something about it. The hope that I can and the questions about why other normal people don't face the same problems that I do. What do they do with their lives?
Most of the time I feel like I live life in a haze and that others are different from me. I don't know why but I feel it through my core and to my bones.
I worked hard at one point to reach sobriety and it felt good for a while . My longest stint of AF was ~3 months, now it happens via life of days or weeks or months. It also didn't alleviate the problem and it's still there. Sometimes I abstain long periods without drinking (weeks or months, never years), but that craving other than when I'm "life distracted" always reappears.
Someone suggested seeing a psychiatrist and I agree, will resolve to do it and see how that goes. I want to consciously go AF again by posting this. It's my internal acceptance that it's time once more to know myself and hopefully improve something.
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