14 January

[rivergirl]

14 January

Neil, You are amazing, I just love your analogy about the rock in your shoe. Me I have a couple of rocks in my shoe...they've been there a long time. But gosh you are just plain right, that bottle of booze won't help the rocks or the foot a tiny bit!

Thanks for the wisdom Neil.:thanks:

[Newyear]

14 January

Hi,
I'd like to join in here a little more often too.
I just keep expecting to talk myself into drinking at some point...but that just hasn't happened. Neil - thank you for your post today. I think your analogy has resonated with many of us. Not sure if I even know how many rocks are in there but now I'm willing to acknowledge that they are there. I kind of feel like I have sat down at taken off the shoe but now I'm stuck.
I think I'm at about 80 days af now. I'm starting to think I don't have a problem because I have no problem saying no to alcohol in social situations, I have no problem not drinking alone in the evening (my old favorite time to drink), and I don't really think about drinking 'all the time' like I used to. I also know that this kind of thinking can be dangerous.
So, here I am still - every day. I read and I post and I read some more.
I wish I had the strong conviction to never drink again that some of you seem to have. I don't think I will drink again (wow, that was hard to say). I've been having thoughts of - maybe I should prove this to myself again and go get drunk. Then I think - why? That would be awful. I know what drunk feels like and I sure know what a hangover feels like. Then I think - ok, well, I won't do it tonight or this week but I will still give myself the option to do that at some point in the future. What is this all about?
I should be thrilled with being sober - and I am- why am I so unsure that sobriety is really the thing for me? I was at the gym today on the treadmill and thinking about this (ok, I suppose I think about drinking more than I thought). Not sure who all has seen the movie The Princess Bride but the love interest of the princess bride - Wesley, is kidnapped by pirates. Each evening the captain - top pirate- says to Wesley, "Good work today, get some sleep. I'll most likely kill you in the morning"
Well, that's kind of how I feel. "Good job, felt great - I'll most likely screw it up tomorrow"
I feel like a fraud at times giving advice on this site - like I know what I'm doing!

I smelled a glass of wine a few nights ago at a friend's house and it did not smell good to me. I feel like I am in limbo. Not a committed sober person but I really don't want to drink - most of the time it doesn't even sound like a good idea to me. I just have this nagging feeling that some kind of failure is around the corner for me - I feel that my sobriety is made out of glass and is fragile.

Thanks for listening everyone. Sometimes it helps to just write things out. I'm not drinking tonight or planning on it any time soon. Just wanted to let out what's going on in my head.
advice is certainly always welcome.

And newgirl...do not pay any attention to that email. kate is right - this is all about us right now. You need to be here and you should post even more! I will read every one!.
Love and thanks-
Lisa

[Flip]

14 January

I can't believe anyone with any sense of decency would send you an email saying stupid things like that New. Just ignore those comments. Of course we all sound self absorbed - we are going through one of life's toughest challenges! BUT - unlike some people, we are not only facing our problems, we are doing something about them. If we didn't share how can we support each other? And where else can we bare our inner selves and know that it won't come back to bite us on the bum?

Yeah, like I'm going to to to work and tell my staff that I want to strangle a wine at lunchtimes, that I do terrible things when I am drunk... that some days all I can is drag my sorry arse into work, let alone contribute in any meaningful way.

I need this place, I don't need someone telling me the terms in which I can use it (apart from the administrators!).

hey, send all our comments back to this that idiot (without our names), so that they can see what a moron they are!

Flip

[Flip]

14 January

Lisa,

I can relate so much to what you are saying. I am so scared I will fail, yet fear I will, and at the same time feel sure I won't ever drink again, but then again, maybe I will.... lol Who knows, one day at a time I guess!

F.