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    Disappointed with myself

    :new:
    Hi everyone,
    My goal is achieve long term abs. I know for me control of my drinking is just not possible.
    I drank from the age of 16. Things steadily got worse, until by the time I was 23 I found myself at an AA meeting. That first night at AA I readily identified myself as an alcoholic. I went to as many meetings as I could get to and stayed sober for 3 1/2 years. I picked up a drink after a rough emotional period, drank for about 2 months and got myself back to AA meetings. Again I went as often as I could and got sober for 9 years during which time I met a woman at AA and we got married, which lasted about 7 years. When my marriage broke up I tried really hard to keep myself together but eventually drank. This time the boozing lasted about 2 years and again I got myself back to AA meetings and got AF for 7 years. Unfortunately even though I was dry again I smoked pot heavily through most of those 7 years.
    In March of 2006 I started drinking again, and apart from a few brief periods, including about a month of AA meetings, I've been drinking pretty heavily until now.
    Drinking for me is about loneliness and boredom. However drinking for me also means constant sickness, feeling wretched all day, and drinking just to stop feeling so sick and wretched.
    So you can see I'm fortunate in that I've had long periods AF. But the only day that matters is today and today after having 2 days AF I let myself have a few beers. I felt I needed them to help me sleep as I'd been up all night and still couldn't get to sleep.
    So I'm feeling let down by myself. I slept after the beers for about 10 1/2 hours, waking up at 11 pm. So at least I slept past closing time.
    I really want to stay sober tomorrow. Todays slip up shows me that this may be trickier than I thought. My mind will find excuses to drink. I need to be solid and absolutely convinced about the reasons why I don't want to drink. And I'll need help from people who understand.
    By the way, these days I have big problems with the AA program.
    That's all for now,
    Prez
    "faith can move mountains, but bring a shovel" - Unknown

    #2
    Disappointed with myself

    Hey Prez,

    Don't be too hard on yourself... a few beers and 10 1/2 hours of sleep in the early days sounds pretty good to me. There's nothing worse than not getting enough sleep. So, maybe you are "easing into AF" this time.
    Maybe those beers were your last ? I'm sure there are folks here who can make suggestions for supplement help. What really matters is that you want to get control of your drinking... and that's what you need to focus on. I'm sure everyone here will agree that it ain't easy... but it's soooo worth it.

    Hang in there. Keep posting. Good to have you here.

    Olly

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      #3
      Disappointed with myself

      ty olly,
      I suppose all I can do is try again today. At least I'm feeling pretty good and hoping that the campral might help.
      Certainly the support of this forum helps.
      prez
      "faith can move mountains, but bring a shovel" - Unknown

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        #4
        Disappointed with myself

        You're right prez. Drink has a way of wangling its way back into things.
        Stay strong buddy!

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