If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

[sunshinetoday]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

I think Skendals post was spot on about what this place should be about.

Obviously this is a touchy subject and I am sure everyone has an opinion about it, as with all things.
Kate, You are more than welcome to feel which ever way moves you. We are all on our own journeys and we take our own paths on them. Following in one persons footsteps may not help the next person arrive at the same destination, they may never get that far because it is not the right path for them.

I am sure you have not read every post on every thread ever written here. So you can not know what has been shared, what has been given, and what has been taken between members here to help them in their journey. More importantly, you have never walked a mile in their shoes, to KNOW what it is they have been through, are going through, or face in the future. Each individual has to have their own success and failures to achieve a better standard of living. No matter where we are in the journey, if we can lend a hand to someone in need, it is not in vain if they use it to help themselves up.
Help comes in may forms, just because it is not always direct does not mean it is not useful.

[Lavande]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Hi Kate & everyone!

Glad I saw this because I share many of your thoughts!
When I first arrived at MWO I really didn't know what i wanted except to get some control back in my life. I blindly jumped on the AF wagon, into the newbies nest, etc & just took it day by day. As I approached 30 AF days & with a much clearer mind I asked myself some hard questions & accepted the honest answers. I had to remain AF for the rest of my life if I wanted a life!

MWO was instrumental in dragging me out of wine hell! I continue to come here daily after 3 years & nearly 3 months of sobriety for a few reasons. I have made & continue to make supportive, kind friends here. My real life support is minimal & there is no one who wants to really listen to my thoughts so I depend on my MWO friends. I feel the need to reach out to the newbies because I remember being welcomed & immediately supported by the elders here & that was priceless.

Yes, I am one of the members who occasionaly 'shoots from the hip' & my thoughts/opinions are not always well received. That's OK with me because I can't stand dealing with the bullshit. If you want to get sober you need to stop the bullshit & excuses. I have, a few times suggested to newbies that their drinking reports are better posted on the moderation threads. The newbies nest was designed to be a safe place to hang out while trying to get some AF time in under your belt. I think it's just plain insensitive to talk about how much you drank the night before on a thread where the majority are abstaining. There have also been a few issues with people chronically slipping & reporting drinking episodes on the AF Daily thread. Again, not good & insensitive to the majority.

I think it's important to remember that most people who start at MWO are still currently drinking & considering quitting or maybe have just a few AF days. It takes a good while for the fog to clear & for our sensibilities to return. I've witnessed a lot of 'hurt feelings posts' but don't get overly excited about them. Once the fog clears it seems the feelings stabilize. We need to remember to give each other the healing time needed.

Let's work together to keep MWO going & vital. I owe my sobriety & new way of thinking to MWO

[FarfallaP]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Right on, Lav! I couldn't have said it better, (let alone more briefly,) myself! Thanks for your post. F

[Byrdlady]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

I, too, have been thinking about the original question posed: If I arrived today at MWO, would I get the help and support I seek? I know I shouldn't comment here, every ounce of good judgment is telling me not to, but alas....I must.
I took great offense at Kate's question, because I have begun every single day for the last 2 and a half years checking in to the Newbie's Nest and I end it there every day, too. I've seen a LOT of people come and go...some succeed and some don't. There are about a half dozen of us over there, that stay in the shallow end of the pool, to help new people who are trying to find their way. I don't think you will find ONE single new person who came to the nest without Lav giving them a PERSONAL welcome. Lav has poured her heart and soul into that thread, and she does a world of good there. She has spent the time giving the same information over and over and over, tirelessly. Her example has helped countless numbers of people....and I am one of them. I try to lend a hand as best I can as well. When I came on board I was scared and didn't know what to expect on each of those first days of the AF journey...so that's what I try to do. I do my best to pull new folks along to the next platform...3 days, 7 days...13 days and then to 30. I saw long termers fly in from time to time, and wish us luck...but I needed more than luck...I needed to know HOW THE HELL TO DO IT. To discount the personal dedication that this handful of folks in the nest contribute is insulting. My boss has a policy that he imposes, and I think it's pretty solid. He says, 'don't come to me with a problem unless you have some solutions to offer to fix it'. Pretty powerful. I would ask that you spend some time over in the Newbie's Nest and see how you can help new folks as they fly in and are scared as to what to expect. It's a great place, we welcome all....and we have great success. Byrdie

[RingingCedars]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Your post brought some tears to my eyes Byrdlady. I too was very scared when I arrived (and shitfaced)that I would never break the awful cycle I had devolved into. While I can't say that Lav was helpful at the time I do say with certainty I admire her commitment to both her own sobriety and taking newbies under her wing with gentle guidance and assurance. (maybe she was having a bad day when she met me--I sure was) There are some other very special people that did help me believe I could make changes and get some af days and encouraged me to keep trying. While I am not completely af (I'm fighting it as many have)I have come a long way baby! And I have gotten to know and become friends with some very dear people on MWO. Also, I know with certainty I HAVE helped people to be sober even if for one day. Has my behaviour contributed to others descent from sobriety. Well as Kate said we are only responsible for our own behaviour. Thank you MWO and I'm always rooting for everyone to achieve whatever needs to be achieved.:l

[littlepinkcat]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

if someone came to MWO today would they achieve sobriety?

I have been a member aprox 3 and a half months, i am 2 months sober, that says it all me thinks x

[one2many]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Lavande;1336233 wrote: Hi Kate & everyone!





Yes, I am one of the members who occasionaly 'shoots from the hip' & my thoughts/opinions are not always well received. That's OK with me because I can't stand dealing with the bullshit. If you want to get sober you need to stop the bullshit & excuses. I have, a few times suggested to newbies that their drinking reports are better posted on the moderation threads. The newbies nest was designed to be a safe place to hang out while trying to get some AF time in under your belt. I think it's just plain insensitive to talk about how much you drank the night before on a thread where the majority are abstaining. There have also been a few issues with people chronically slipping & reporting drinking episodes on the AF Daily thread. Again, not good & insensitive to the majority.



Let's work together to keep MWO going & vital. I owe my sobriety & new way of thinking to MWO

I completely agree...

And also, coming on here PISSED and posting nonsense, insulting people and then IGNORING the fact you did that, not saying sorry and then doing the same the next week is NOT ok.....I could not give a damn WHAT your circumstances are, WHAT is happening in your life, you do not do that.You at least acknowledge that you made a mistake and take ownership for it.

The people who seem to "slip" all the time are the very ones who will post that they "wish" they could stop drinking but do NOTHING to help themselves and continue to drink week after week, year after year here, doing the same old thing and expecting something different. I feel Kate's frustration at this too.

I KNOW the Newbies Nest is a wonderful thread and I send any new person there to whom I reply, there is mush support, tools, and some fantastic people......but to pretend there are NOT cliques and clubs other places on here is both naive and untruthful.
People have been told where they can and cannot post, been ignored, asked to stay away from threads etc as if what they had to say was not valid.

I personally could not give a feckin DAMN where anyone posts, what they say, who they say it to etc (as long as it does not hurt anyone) but I do think saying that "slips" are ok, telling others who are AF what you will drink/are drinking/are going to drink is not ok.
I also get frustrated with people who come to an alkie forum looking for help and don't take any advice, don't try anything new, don't give anything a chance and then bleat on about how they wish they could stop....and then give advice on how it can be done...yep that gets tired.

[SKendall]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Thanks AUS Sunny, that baby avatar is gorgeous and he looks so full of wisdom already.

Byrd and Lavande I have mentioned your commitment in other threads. I am truly in great admiration of what you do and the impact you have.

Reggie, I totally see your point especially the last sentence.

[one2many]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

mollyka;1336267 wrote: There have been some things on this thread that I have disagreed with - other things that I've truly agreed with - and opinions have been expressed on each 'side', which is as it should be in any healthy 'debate'. I don't want to comment on specifics but would like to add a coupla tuppences worth.
Firstly - congrats to Kate on 4 years sobriety. A wonderful achievement - and one to which I aspire.
There is one element of MWO that I do find very unsettling. I wish to put this in the context of one who struggled and failed to find sobriety for maybe 2 and a half years - the concept of a casual 'slip' and 'oh dear, get back on the wagon' etc. to me is really truly scary in the context of an alcoholic. The 'event' of a 'slip' (hate loathe abhor that expression tbh) may mean somebody having a couple of beers or maybe a bottle or half a bottle of wine - maybe only one night - end of. Absolutely imvho NOT end of. It is potentially cataclysmic each and every time an alcoholic takes so much as a sip of alcohol. It is not the physical 'quantity' of alcohol or the duration - it is (and I stress I don't know the medical in's and out's - purely the affect on my alcoholic body and mind) the return to the worst stage that we have reached in the past - less so physically than mentally.
It is remarkable how many here do well on their first 'quit' - I know mine was a relatively painless 6 months - and then thereafter time after time kicking and screaming trying to scramble together 3 days, 30 days etc. This is what we do when we 'slip' - IT IS NOT CASUAL - it is undoing every single day that we fought for - and then some.
That is all I want to contribute here at this stage
Molly

Amen.:l

[Cinders]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

I agree with Kate that a lot of MWO has been come more social. I do not feel that is a bad thing, though. I know that in the beginning of my search for a solution to my alcoholism, to find I was not alone in this struggle was a huge relief.

As such, I enjoy chatting with my friends here.

But, I do agree that it is important for us to all remember we are here to try to improve our situations regarding alcohol use and offer support to others that are searching and struggling.

As usual, Kate has a concern about the above and in Kate's very concise manner, has addressed it. I think that Kate's opinions are very much worth listening to but it does seem that people take offense with what she says because she says it straight forwardly and without a bunch of sugar coating, etc. One of the reasons I appreciate Kate is that she is a wysiwyg. (What you see is what you get.)

Whether I agree with everything Kate says is moot. I appreciate that she says what she means.

However, is this a place where people can go to get the help they need? I believe it is, even though there are so many threads that are of a much more social nature.

At the end of the day, though, when I need support staying sober, I have always had the help from friends here. It is a blessing for me.

As far as who best to give advice? I agree, those who have achieved long term sobriety are those I listen to most. But, even though I have never achieved that long term sobriety, I also offer suggestions regarding the pitfalls I have run into and the things that have derailed me. I believe that information is invaluable, also.

Anyway, Kate, it is great to see you and thank you for thinking of the community in terms of what is truly important. Getting out of the mess that alcoholism has created in our lives.

Love,
Cindi

[Lavande]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Good responses

It has occurred to me that I don't often mention day to day struggling to remain sober because I really don't struggle anymore. That ended for me when I honestly assessed my situation & deliberately chose abstinence. Drinking for me was no longer an option so it doesn't occupy my thoughts in any major way. When I do have a thought about drinking I just recognize it for what it is (a thought) then push it out of my head.

Perhaps one of the reasons so many people struggle for so long is because they are not ready to accept the truth/fact that AL just isn't working for them anymore. It's not an easy choice but for me it was the best one

I love the social side of this community in addition to the strength & knowlege here for the taking

[pingu1997]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

I'll add my tuppence if that's OK

I am still on my first quit and I work hard to not drink, some days are a real battle, peeps on the army will confirm the mental torture that I put myself through every now and again... I;m an open and honest person too, you only have to read my crap to know that

I learn from those who have achieved long term sobriety and those who haven't. In a weird way, those who fall off the wagon and their feelings about doing so is one of the things that keeps me going....in that I am scared to death of having to start again

If that makes any sense at all?

[one2many]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

I just want to say that i did not get together with ANYONE to have a pow wow about MWO, I just said what I thought, that's all, I was certainly not trying to cause trouble.

I also did not say that people who were drinking could not give advice, I did say I would be slow to take it.

This issue was debated last year, the year before that and the year before that, and I am sure it will be debated next year. That much has not changed on MWO.

[one2many]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

see ya here this time next year

[one2many]

If I Arrived at WMO Today....???

Zenstyle;1336400 wrote: :H:H:H

It's a date! I'll come right over after I've posted on the "Is modding possible?" thread!!!

:H:H