100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[Lavande]

WOW!!!!
CONGRATS to you Myluck on one year AF :welldone: :sohappy:

What a difference a year makes!!!!!

[Cherokeer]

EL, I'm starting the gym tomorrow. Your right, might as well feel a little better while I'm at it. I am also trying to cut out the carbohydrates. I'm allergic to all wheat, corn, and soy so most are out anyway. I'm trying to stay focused. Unfortunately guilt from my drinking days sucker punches me so hard I can't catch my breath. It really robs me of my motivation and tries to pull me down into a pit of despair. But I am going to force myself to go anyway. And keep pushing those memories away.

My Luck, Wow! One year, amazing. :thumbsup:

[Byrdlady]

Chero, all of those feelings of Guilt/Shame/Remorse will be put into perspective with time, you will make peace with it. Lav often talks about forgiving ourselves, that really helps.

Sunbeam, sorry for your login problems, great to see you!

MyLuck, we are all still celebrating your big anniversary, hope you have enjoyed your day!!!
:spin:
B

[NoSugar]

Unfortunately guilt from my drinking days sucker punches me so hard I can't catch my breath. It really robs me of my motivation and tries to pull me down into a pit of despair.

This has been my biggest stumbling block, too, Cherokee. Self-forgiveness is so hard, especially if you're still hanging on to the idea that you should have been aware what was going on and stopped it - that your addiction is your fault. Even though we know we can't change the past, it is hard to let it go. One thing that helped me was when a friend pointed out that AL had already taken so much from me, was I really going to let it take more now?

[Cherokeer]

No Sugar, I truly know that AL changed me into someone I wasn't . I did things I couldn't imagine in a million years now. I really couldn't even think straight. It took over, I'm ashamed to say. I somehow knew I had to do something or I was going to completely lose everything. I only wanted to be alone in my shame with glass in hand. So I stopped. Actually that was the easy part. The hard part is reinventing myself with this dark cloud of shame and regret hovering over me. I know its a process and I just have to work through it. But damn, some days I wish there was a memory "off button". I remember things I hadn't previously remembered.

Birdie, I hope that time does heal all wounds. One day at a time I guess.

[NoSugar]

Time does take the sting away, Cherokee, as you live as yourself, the way you were meant to be. I kind of lost track of who I used to be before I ever drank much at all and spent years thinking that I must just be an awful, uncontrolled, weak person. Now I realize that alcohol makes us something we normally aren't, it doesn't reveal who we truly are. I had become Hyde and forgot that Jekyll still was somewhere in there!:

The contrast between the two paradigms can be illustrated by Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic parable of addiction, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In the psychogenic view, the insane, murderous Hyde is the real person, with Jekyll merely a facade. It taps into deep currents in American thought—the notions of original sin and the Freudian Id—that beneath the inhibiting veneer of civilization man is inherently evil. Alcoholism merely releases this deeper ugliness by removing the inhibitions. In vino veritas ["in wine is truth"]. The task of therapy is to engage and civilize Hyde. Treatment fails because the contemptible Hyde is willfully incorrigible. He deserves the stigma and scorn of society.

Within the biogenic paradigm Jekyll is the real person, and Hyde is a neuropsychological distortion created by the addictive chemical. Hyde exhibits the same kind of deterioration of personality and character as victims of such other progressive brain pathologies as brain syphilis or a brain tumor. Body, mind, and spirit (including willpower) are biologically compromised and subverted to serve the addiction. Given time for healing, in alcoholism the brain syndrome is reversible. The task of therapy is to restore Jekyll to sanity and self-hood, and to start him on a path that will preclude a return to the addictive, transforming chemical.
http://www.lakesidemilam.com/alcohol...sm-revolution/

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello nesters,

I think I found the reason why I have been feeling so low since last month or so ... I was addicted again ... To caffeine ! Ever since I quit I have been gulping sodas and coffe like crazy. 4 cups of Americanos a day then diet cokes. I didn't know why I was feeling so miserable after all life was not that bad. Depression, feeling life not worth it etc etc. stopped coffee and for next 48 hours had massive head aches (withdrawl ? Sound familiar. The mornings were not fresh. Didn't have coffee since a week now and seems so better. Wow ...
Anyone had similar experience ?

[roxane]

sugar rahul, sugar. i have swapped al for sugar. it is getting better as the weeks go by but i do have binges now and then. i have to be mindful.

headaches are a known withdrawal symptom for caffeine. good on you for working it out and then doing something about it.

[Cherokeer]

Body, mind, and spirit (including willpower) are biologically compromised and subverted to serve the addition.

No sugar, I so want that to be true. But I am a person who believes strongly in personal responsibility. So I am having a really difficult time believing that or forgiving myself. I decided today that I am going to keep pushing through those feelings until I get to the other side. I've kicked AL's ASS and I am not going to let the guilt bring me back down. It helps so much just to put those feelings into words. And double that to have support from those who have been where I am before. Thanks so much, you've helped a lot.

Rahul, I find when I eat or drink anything with chemicals or that has been processed I feel awful and my face breaks out. I do the absolute best eating a Paleo type diet. Granted I get lazy and eat gluten-free breads and eat some chemical laden-lazy foods but I pay for it. I have severe food allergies corn, soy, wheat, shellfish, and most nuts compromise my respiratory system so badly I don't dare take a chance (that is if I know). I suffer from severe migraines and severe irritability even with mild exposure. Corn has many chemical renames that makes its easy to accidentally ingest it. Caffeine is a stimulant and diet coke is basically all chemicals and I am guilty of imbibing both. I think your correct to assume it has impacted your mood as food/drink has a huge impact on me.

[Byrdlady]

"Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of the present."

You will get there, Chero. A big part of this journey is learning to let go. It is true freedom when you get there. Xo, B

[NoSugar]

I'm with you on the personal responsibility thing, Cherokee, which is why part of "my way out" has had to involve understanding what happens when an addiction develops.

Your name suggests you are interested in Native Americans. The same author I quoted above writes this:

That Native Americans have an extraordinarily high susceptibility to alcoholism, conservatively above 80 percent of those who drink, in itself is an unfortunate fact, like the fact that some groups can’t digest milk from cows (except that milk has high nutritional value and the ability to digest it might with more justification be construed to have survival value). Their high alcoholism susceptibility was immediately evident while they still owned the country as a proud, brave, highly developed people and the white man was still a tiny minority along the eastern seaboard. Thus their severe alcoholism problem is not caused by a native inability to cope with discrimination, or poverty, unemployment, or battered self-respect, as virtually every news story deploringly implies. It is their genetic alcoholism that has exacerbated all of these problems and destroyed their ability to surmount them.

Just as they should not be blamed (or have to take full personal responsibility for) the havoc alcohol has caused them, nor should you. On the other hand, I believe that once we know what's up for us if we drink, it is our huge responsibility not to do it again.

[Cherokeer]

No Sugar, I am Cherokee. My father is full blooded. I've always hated the stereotype. I think that is why I never drank until I was almost 40. Some things happened concerning one of my children and it damn near destroyed me. I was a zombie going through the motions of life. So much pain, and I was no stranger to pain, but it tipped the scales. I was desperate to numb the agony. So like the people I watched growing up and never wanted to be like. I took that first drink to deal with the excruciating pain. That was 6 years ago. Such a waste. I always thought my coping skills were my super power. Growing up like I did. I was quite prideful of how I overcame my childhood. God truly has a way of humbling that arrogance. My confidence and self esteem have taken quite a few blows over the last couple of years. Your right though, now I know the "danger of the drink" and I will not touch it. I hate being another statistic, another Alcoholic Indian. Chokes me to my core.

[NoSugar]

You're not a statistic. Or a stereotype. You are an amazing woman who has overcome an addictive substance that your body was not designed to handle. Addiction is almost inevitable when you can't metabolize the drug.

I'm sorry you've suffered such pain both as part of life and because of alcohol but I am very grateful to have met you and that would not have happened but for our shared problem - and common solution.

Love, NS

[Cherokeer]

Thank you, for your wisdom and your kindness. I've been sticking close and talking with you has made it so I can take a deep breath again. I've never reached out before so this is something new for me. I'm glad I am not fighting the world and my demons alone anymore. You rock No Sugar, you really do.

[NoSugar]

I hope you wake up today with some of the weight off your chest, Cherokee, ready to get on with your awesome AF life :hug:.

Rahul, I'm not gonna give up the caffeine unless I have to! I only get it from coffee, tea, and dark chocolate so I'll just hope that those "natural" sources are good ones. If you think it's bothering you, though, testing that by self-experimentation seems like a good idea.