100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[NoraC]

TJAF - that is such a tragedy. I am glad that your son is healing. I am sure the pain is so much more than physical. :hug:

[wagmor]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!
NS - Yep, there are many threads I thought I shouldn't eavesdrop on or invite myself into (like Army - not military?). I remembered this 100-day maintenance thread from my 2014 time on MWO, but just recently remembered to search for it while I was online. Yay!
Mick - I love what you said - that I'm in charge of things now, not a bottle. That couples well with TJAF's comment about being past the physical stage. I never thought of it in those terms, but it is clear that now my only struggles will be in my own mind - something I have some control and influence over! As folks have discussed in various threads, they are just thoughts and we can stop those thoughts from shaping our reality.
TJAF - oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about the terrible car accident, the injuries to your son, and the deaths of your future D-I-L and the other two people. My heart goes out to you, your son, and all of the families affected by this tragedy. Sounds like you are strong with staying AF though. Keep on being there for your son and your wife - you may find that trust can be rebuilt over time as you continue to maintain your quit. :hug:

[Eloise]

Hi.
Yes NS I think we do need a 1000 day thread around here.
My mother has died over the Christmas holiday.
I called and called, no answer. She does this fairly often, but this time there was a real problem. Sad, sad, sad days.
It occured to me I better get back to that gratitude practice.
Today I am grateful she lived as long as she did. Kind of amazing really, she was diagnosed with MS in her early twenties.

[abcowboy]

Sorry to hear about your mom Eloise, thoughts and prayers out to you and your family.

[narilly]

El, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I had no idea. I call my mom everyday a few times a day, she is 82 and I get so worried when she does not answer. I can totally relate to your story.

TJAF, there are no words for what has happened in your life. What a tragedy. We are here for you, keep sober my friend.

Well, I can post here because I have been sober for a few years, which is totally amazing. I loved to drink and could never moderate. It made me so sick and I blacked out all the time. I am SO happy to be sober now. No more years wasted...literally!

[Eloise]

Thanks guys. I think I have to comment further.
I decided to stop drinking during my last trip to my mother. As some may recall it was an epic horrible visit with me using a window to enter her apartment the first couple of days.
She behaved like a lunatic snatching and hiding my rental car keys at one point.
I promised myself out of fear to stop drinking.
Fear of the future, what it might bring, and who I might become if I didn't stop.
Well I managed.
Thank god.
This journey is not easy on any of us. I can only imagine what a state I might be in these weeks if I continued to self medicate. Thankfully those days are in the past, exactly where I want them to stay.

[TJAF]

Over the holiday I've found myself looking at a liquor bottle thinking how easy it would be to have a drink. Each time was so surreal...the though of drinking was almost involuntary. Thank goodness it's just as easy to think how miserable I'd feel if I were to drink. The memory of life before sobriety is still very fresh in my mind. What worries me is when I'm 5-10 years down the road. My hats off to the long timers. It would be so easy to slip once the memories slip.

[mario]

Hi folks, there was a time in where this forum was were I hung out:-)

I started of here & I very proud to say I still here, 8 sober n clean years behind me.

[NoSugar]

Glad you're back, Mario, and working to improve your health and well-being even more (on top of offering such enthusiastic encouragement :smile

You're a role model for me, Eloise :hug:. I no longer find not drinking an issue at all in day-to-day life but have the worry in the back of my mind about how I'll respond in a crisis that I just want to escape. It's good to see people who I know are "just like me" handling life on life's terms.

You made it through a major crisis without drinking, TJ. And then you experienced this:

Over the holiday I've found myself looking at a liquor bottle thinking how easy it would be to have a drink. Each time was so surreal...the though of drinking was almost involuntary.

Maybe after all the tension and drama your family has gone through, your exhausted brain kind of naturally reverted to what for years and years had been your go-to coping mechanism. So often people seem to make it through the big events just fine and then give it up and drink when things calm down again.

Thank goodness it's just as easy to think how miserable I'd feel if I were to drink. The memory of life before sobriety is still very fresh in my mind. What worries me is when I'm 5-10 years down the road. My hats off to the long timers. It would be so easy to slip once the memories slip.

I still have those memories, too, TJ, but I have to actively think about what my life had become - it's more of an intellectual exercise than an emotional response and I must admit, I can no longer really feel the hopelessness, despair, and fear that used to envelop me every single day. I tend to forgive and forget really easily. While in some ways I think this is a good thing, I know that without "maintenance", I could easily convince myself that things weren't "that bad".

I don't think consuming alcohol is a good idea for anyone and so rationally, don't think I would choose to drink again. But --- I'm well aware that at times I'm not rationale. What you and El have experienced lately would be really tough and I can imagine impulsively choosing to drink, especially if I'd allowed myself to forget what my life had become.

My tool to remember is to stay connected here. I'm kind of impressed/jealous of people who quit drinking using MWO and then are able to leave (totally or for the most part) and remain sober. I guess I know myself and my ability to forgive/forget too well to do that. Plus, I have friends here that I like to "see" and find it very rewarding to try to help others break free of addiction.

Anyway, perhaps now would be a good time to be a little more connected here or to another sober community. Just do a little touch-up on your rewired brain, at least until a liquor bottle no long holds any allure.

It's good to see you. xx, NS

[Byrdlady]

Inspriring posts, all.
TJ! Like you, the parties and social functions dont really scare me at all, it is the hapless, thoughtless act of a little drink that scares the white off my teeth. That muscle memory is strong. At Christmas, we were having dinner at a neighbors' and her wine glass was sitting just a little too close for comfort. I moved it. I would be sick if I did something stupid like that. I can say that I didnt INTEND for that to happen, but lets face it, Im an alkie and thats just about all I'd need to do to open those floods gates again. So I must stay vigilant.

Expecting ThirdTimesaCharm over here, today marks 100 days and we are here to celebrate with you! WOOOHOO! :balloons:
Byrdie

[TJAF]

I agree. I can hang out at a party and juggle booze bottles and not give it a thought but for whatever reason I had a couple moments when I almost felt an involuntary impulse to drink. It was so very surreal. My brain said yeah but my stomach said nah. I really do remember the detached sick feeling I felt when I was sober (when I woke until my first drink in the evening) I hated it for years on end. The most important and life changing moment was when I came clean to my family. From that point on there was no turning back. I couldn't resume the lie. As for the near miss of late NS I think you are on to something

[Eloise]

hey... oh my the internet is so unstable in China.
geeze.
Thanks for your post NS- it's been a while.
You would not believe the number of hours I have clocked on my Insight Timer, highest number of meditations so far in one day is 14.
I kid you not.
Yeah.
Gotta have all those tools lined up for when you need em.
And on top of my mom passing my husband decides to behave like an ass. Yeah, he apologized but I am really having trouble overlooking this. I feel he is not getting the attention he requires so starts to demand it.
I just have to worry about myself and my well being.
thank goodness we have each other here... as support for times like these. And, just because I cannot post as often as I need to doesn't mean I am not here in spirit.

Let's stick together!

[Laeot]

Must try drop here more. I'm 311 days dry and looking forward to having a year under my belt. I still have a legal problem hanging over me due to DUI and this is having a very negative effect on my mental health, but if this incident hadn't happened I would be still drinking .. or dead.

Take care all

[mario]

Hi Laeot, yes this is a great place to post in, even though its not as busy as it used to be, Well done on your 311 days, You coming up to your one year milestone soon, great work :-)

[Sunbeam]

Welcome Laeot, and congrats on completing nearly a year.

I keep encountering serious reminders about not drinking. This week my friend's 40-year old son died of liver failure, due to alcohol. He finished rehab in December, they thought he was going to be OK....