100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Wow, the raw humanity in these posts makes my spine tingle. I was more like Cat: I could stop sometimes but not others. I was in that "I'm not as bad as THEM" club. Now Blondie enlightens me that there is also a "I'm so bad it is hopeless" club, though perhaps many of us frequently changed our membership from one of these clubs to the other, back and forth. One excuse is as bad as another.

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Sunbeam;1458340 wrote: Wow, the raw humanity in these posts makes my spine tingle. I was more like Cat: I could stop sometimes but not others. I was in that "I'm not as bad as THEM" club. Now Blondie enlightens me that there is also a "I'm so bad it is hopeless" club, though perhaps many of us frequently changed our membership from one of these clubs to the other, back and forth. One excuse is as bad as another.

I was only a member of one club ' is there a Y in the day? Then Y stop! ' :H:H

[NoSugar]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Catbuddy;1458315 wrote: Hi all,
I was a failure at moderating. I'm not used to failing in life.
I am a success at abstinence. That builds confidence, momentum and strength in me.

Just four plus months in, but it's a serious commitment for me, and I don't intend to restart.

Cat

Hi Catbuddy,
This is Right On! I have been fortunate in that I am used to having hard work pay off the way I want it to more or less. And I too have totally failed at moderating and quitting on my own. So- SUCCEEDING AT ABSTINENCE really appeals to me. I like challenges and this is nothing if not a huge challenge!
Thank you so much for this post. It provided one of those nuggets that helps me switch my thought patterns.
I'm just 2 weeks in so I have a lot of time to think about it this way.
You have made a difference!

[Catbuddy]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Wow, Nosugar, that's fantastic. It was a switch for me also - why would I continue to pursue something I repeatedly failed at? You can succeed at abstinence. And it is a massive breath of fresh air. You no longer criticize yourself; you celebrate yourself. For me, that saved my life.

Kuya saved me from the experience of repeated slips by telling me my brain would get ever hungry for more once denied AL for periods of time. Thank you, Kuya. You saved my life, too.

Cat

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Catbuddy;1458385 wrote: Wow, Nosugar, that's fantastic. It was a switch for me also - why would I continue to pursue something I repeatedly failed at? You can succeed at abstinence. And it is a massive breath of fresh air. You no longer criticize yourself; you celebrate yourself. For me, that saved my life.

Kuya saved me from the experience of repeated slips by telling me my brain would get ever hungry for more once denied AL for periods of time. Thank you, Kuya. You saved my life, too.

Cat

The 'kindling' effect is a cruel twist to the problem and is at the root of the RAPID decline of drinkers at the end of their drinking careers.

It is what makes me sad when I hear of people stopping and starting, thinking this is better than continuous drinking when they are unwittingly hastening the disease. It also makes each quit harder, as is often reported here. We think it is avoidance of the work involved but it is biologically more difficult.

When some members say they fear they may not have another quit in them they are right to fear it, it may well be true.

It is said that knowledge is power, in this case, knowledge is survival. I don't fear relapsing per se, I fear never being able to quit again and living in that half life forever.

THAT is hell.

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

For me, stripping away the last of the bullshit, being totally honest with myself, not listening to the monkey mind chatter & accepting the fact that I can no longer drink AL safely was the key!

It's true Molly, once we have crossed the line ~ there's no going back

Life is much easier without AL, end of story!

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Molly, WOW....this sums it up right here!

I say the best and the worst period --- it was the worst because my alkie brain went apeshit - 'I'm cured, I can drink normally, I've won'
The best - because denial went out the window - THAT IS THE KEY like Byrdie and other's say -- and acceptance of our problem - I'll repeat my opinion also, IMVHO, if someone has crossed the line into problem drinking, I do NOT believe it is possible to moderate on a long-term basis, and to offer it as a viable option to newcomers here is disingenuous at least, and dangerous.

I agree with my whole heart...when I first came here, I was ready to quit...but latched on to the idea that I could rewire my brain....unfortunately, you only get one brain, and it knows exactly where you left off last time....my date would have been a year sooner had I accepted it.

This is where I usually get blasted, so 'shields are up'....no, this is our thread...'shields back down'.... But Byrdie, didn't you come here to have the choice? Wouldn't you have left if you'd been bombarded with just ABS thinking? I don't think so, because as I mentioned, Jan 19, 2011 was the worst day of my life...I was trying to find a way out and was ready to quit. The hope and lure (carrot) of moderation was JUST what an ALK (hungry rabbit) like me wants to hear!! The promise of successful moderation are the ultimate words for an ALK to hear, above ALL else!! ABOVE ALL ELSE. And that's what I heard. That's what I wanted to hear....to the exclusion of all the warnings.

I totally 'GET' that this sight was founded on that, but times change and information improves and 99% of the members here carry enough weight for me. I am old enough to be able to learn from other people's mistakes...I don't ALWAYS have to find out for myself...and this is one of those times. I am so glad you all are here! Byrdie

[Catbuddy]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Well, Amen, Byrdie. I don't have to learn everything direct. That is why I believe this is my first and only quit. There is enough collective experience here to serve as all my potential failed quits. I can learn from Byrdie, Lav, K9, Mario, Kuya, the list goes on and on and on and on. So I don't have to.

And the idea of picking up exactly where I left off.........drinking wine instead of coffee, because that is what my body needed at 8:30 in the morning.......... OMG.

Cat

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Birdie, when you say, "I do not believe it is possible to moderate on a long term basis" you are tossing a challenge out to those with alkie brains who believe they CAN drink moderately. That's how that message affected me, at least. I heard it so many times, I had to prove them all wrong. And so I kept drinking, not every day, often not too much, a lot less than I had before joying MWO. It did not improve my life in any way, it just convinced me that I was not one of THEM. I think it was a phase i had to go through. I think you should continue offering your best advice, but that is sometimes what happens with those particular words.

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Yep...may be Sunbeam.
I'm just not gonna dance around the words on this thread...People can prove me wrong until they are blue in the face...literally.

I'm not tossing out a challenge of any kind. I want to help folks be free of AL, not become better drinkers.

Sorry if I didn't word that just right...B

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Birdie, I don't think you should dance around words on any thread. All we have to offer is our best advice. What people do with it is up to them.

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Agreed! b

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Ok, maybe it is time for a new question: just what is complacency, and how do we avoid it? For me, I think it means I can never quite stop fighting the battle against alcohol.

[Hippyman]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

AMEN!!!

Lavande;1458537 wrote: For me, stripping away the last of the bullshit, being totally honest with myself, not listening to the monkey mind chatter & accepting the fact that I can no longer drink AL safely was the key!

It's true Molly, once we have crossed the line ~ there's no going back

Life is much easier without AL, end of story!

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Yes, another good question! I went thru a stage of complacency...It was just after my 30 day mark...I knew that I could be AF...so I had THAT going for me, I had started over many times before, so I COULD get back up if I fell (my thinking, not always the case as we well know)...but what happened after that point grew and emerged over time. Being able to do something is one thing. Making it a lifestyle is something else again. I am probably capable of swallowing a bug, but I'm not gonna do it. At 30 days, I had the ability to be AF...and to a degree that made me complacent. I stuck around the Newbie's Nest, tho and that kept me accountable. There were people always ahead of me, and always behind me....I could see the past, present AND the future. As time went by, my investment in my quit grew and it became more valuable...and harder to replace....and now, I consider it irreplaceable. I am not complacent in this point in my life. I have a healthy fear/respect for what could happen, and I am taking every measure to insure it doesn't. I would say that time will make this distinction as it has for me. I am not complacent at all now...I guard my Quit like a pot of gold.