100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[K9Lover]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Starfish1;1479969 wrote: Can you BELIEVE- when we ordered- he asked me if I wanted a Margarita?????? I mean, SERIOUSLY!!! He asked me that!!!! And that's the same way I relapsed last time.

Welcome Star!

Yes, I can believe it. A non-alkie doesn't think like "we" do. He didn't think it was a big deal, or even a deal at all. It was probably a casual comment that immediately left his head, meanwhile you stewed over it....like us alkies tend to do! You asked WHEN this is going to get better...well there's no set answer. It will get better but will probably never go away completely. I still have my moments where I think a drink is just what I need! LOL Yeah right! "A" drink leads to drunken driving, mysterious bruises, drunken phone calls/texts/messages, low self-esteem, regret and embarrassment, and ultimately, back to my cellmate named Diablo. NO THANKS!!!

Good job getting through dinner. It WILL get easier in time...be patient! :l

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks for the welcome, K9!

I agree that non-alkies do not thing like we do. Another thing that happened at the restaurant is that there was another couple we know there, who was sitting nearby. Of course, I took note of what they were drinking. He had a (note one) beer and she had ONE Margaritia. What a lousy occupation, huh- keeping track of "other" peoples' drinks - I mean, really, who besides an alcoholic does that!? Also, I took note of the fact that she didn't even finish her Margarita. I mean, she just left 1/4 of it in her glass! They came over to speak to us and neither one of them was the least bit drunk. They had just been out having a nice dinner together and enjoying a drink with their meal. How normal! Also, my nonalcoholic husband, I am sure wasn't the least bit interested in what or if they were drinking or leaving behind. All this just goes to show how different our mindsets are. I am so glad I have a group of friends (you) who understand and who will let me rant. I feel better!

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Starfish, my husband once said that my drinking problem is my problem not his. He is right. He stops, I don't. He always has wine with dinner when we go out. I order herb tea usually. That's just the way it is. I've been quitting for five years, and now am done for good. During that time, sometimes I also had wine with dinner, sometimes I didn't. Probably sometimes he asked me, sometimes not, it wouldn't bother me now if he did. His drinking and that of others doesn't bother me anymore.

We each seem to go down our own path with this. I was surprised at Byrdie's post about the party last weekend, though I can't really explain why. I guess it has something to do with that term alcoholic, which I don't use. I simply see myself as a person who chooses not to drink because my life is better without alcohol. I do imagine you will think about this less in the future, but maybe at some level you still want to drink. I don't, I really don't want to any more. I know and accept I am not "normal" in my response to alcohol. I am at peace with this, it is not a struggle for me.

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks, Sun! I guess what is really causing my struggle right now, and why I am carrying on so and whining is because my last quit was quite different, as I remember it. And MAYBE I just am not remembering all the gory details. But the last quit, which was really my first SERIOUS quit ever, I was just so elated that I wasn't drinking, I let that emotion over ride everything else. I think, this time, although I am proud of my 5 1/2 months, I know what CAN happen, if I let it. I know I can't let it happen. Also, because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that one drink would eventually lead to a full blown relapse, I don't have a problem thinking of myself or calling myself (in the safety of this site) an alcoholic. I don't like it, but it is what it is.
I agree that this is my drinking problem, and that my husband does not have a drinking problem and can't understand mine, but really, after all the years he has put up with my mess, it seems that he wouldn't seriously offer me a drink!
I won't whine anymore- and hey, looking back over posts here over the past couple days, Cat's post encouraged me to total up my savings and weight loss. Unbelievably, I estimate that I have saved AT LEAST $1200 since Oct. 1 and I have lost around 17 pounds. That's worth something, right?

Love you all!

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Star, yes we say all of these things with love and respect for each other as well as ourselves. You have to feel GOOD about yourself to keep moving forward on the healing process in our recovery from alcohol abuse.

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Star, I think that with our hubs' it is a matter of manners, if that makes sense. My hubs knows the hell I've been thru (and put him thru) and still I can see him almost say...would you like one? Like K9 said, he prolly thought nothing more of it. And besides...when you want to feel guilty for denying him the pleasure of drinking...it aint' good for him either! Bahahah.
I can't even address leaving 1/4 of a drink behind. Unthinkable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B

[Sunbeam]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

And oh yeah, if my husband orders a second glass of wine, he often leaves some behind. I used to regularly gulp that extra beverage product down just before we left. Whew, glad I'm done with that.

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Star, there was a period of time in there from 6 to about 9 months that I just had to adopt the 'fake it til you make it' stance. I knew that a bad day sober was 1000 times better than a day spent drunk. Plus ALL the problems are still there. Maybe on this quit you are really addressing the issues that are there instead of glancing over them...maybe that's why this quit is harder because you are really DEALING with the stuff...AND you have this forum to talk things out and cope with it. It takes time, too. But you have time...you've extended your life a good 10-15 years. There is an awful lot more to quitting drinking than just quitting drinking. It is indeed a journey of self discovery like no other! But when you get thru to the other side, it is magnificent and WORTH IT.
I hope Lolab will be along....she is a master at evaluating these 'spells'.
All I know is that SOBER is the only way for me. I don't ever want to go back down into the hole. Hugs dear lady, Byrdie

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks so much, Byrdie! That makes me feel so much better to know that it's not necessarily a bad thing that I am having these spells. And you are right! Now this time I have y'all to pull me through to the other side. That makes all the difference in the world. I am like you- I NEVER want to go back to that way of life!
Thanks!

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Star,
We often talk about an attitude of gratitude - it's essential
As long as I am grateful for all I have now I am happy. I consider what other people have in their glasses to be none of my business & vice versa

Keep your focus on yourself, your goals & growth & you'll never go wrong!

[porqoui]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi all...

Am I ever glad I stopped in and read Byrdie's reply about "fake it till you make it" between 6 and 9 months. I really needed to hear that.

Thanks for sharing your struggles Star...you've helped me a lot....I'm with you, I never want to go back....PPQP

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Oh yes, I was super glad to see that I am not the only one struggling at this stage of the game. We are going to make it, no doubt. And yes, Lav...I am counting my blessings more and more these days, thanks!

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

PPQ and Star, I was really flat feeling during that time...it's hard to explain. Just, BLEH. I would read others who seemed off the charts with their moods, and I just wasn't feeling the LOVE, you know. Nelz was a few months behind me and he seemed to be getting it and I wasn't. Is this all there is? But finally the seas parted and the sun came out. It's been out ever since, too, I'm happy to say. Hang in there!! This is temporary and it will pass, you'll be so glad you stayed around to reap the magic. Byrdie

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Haha, yeah, Byrdie- I am sandwiched in between the AMAZING DUO, Kuya and Allan (quite an act to follow) and just ahead of the incredible Catbuddy!
We all have our own paths to follow, though, and as long as we all get to the same place (staying on the straight and narrow, that is), I guess its A-OK for us all to feel differently along the way.
You know, guys, yesterday, I went back to read one of my favorite posts, that letter from (or to?) the seven monkees- That really "spoke" to me back in October, when I was first starting out-
I was reminded that part of the healing process is learning how to feel again. Just like some of you have been saying. I sure did use booze to numb my feelings for a long time….And Kuya talks about us “growing up” and dealing with our spoilt childlike selves….I am beginning to see all of this as a positive sign of growth for me and am thinking of it as a very good thing.
Thanks for your support and for helping me think out loud-
xoxo

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Star, I wonder if the main difference between this quit and your last is fear.

You now know that relapse is possible and that is causing background anxiety.......which, of course, makes you want to drink.

Your signature actually confirms that theory. I understand .....my first quit was really easy, done alone, but it was soooo hard to get sober again when I relapsed.

I now look at it differently, having seen how different people are.

My first quit was like getting on a horse and having natural talent, thinking it was easy until I had a fall. Then my confidence was badly shaken, I didn't want to get back on for ages......(.but round these parts it's the only form of transport. :H).

Our first quits, no matter how long, could be seen as staying on the horse by sheer dumb luck !

You are now much warier of falling off, and not enjoying it with the carefree, blissful ignorance of your first quit. In truth, you are giving your sobriety the respect it truly deserves.

Soon though you will get your nerve back. The very real learning of skills done THIS time will make you competent and ultimately confidant.