100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[RunningCourage]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi - quick (and legit ) pop in - not read back the last page but just caught Kuya's post. Star, not sure where you're at, but Kuya's post rings true to me just now. This quit is not blissful ignorance. No longer a novelty. And there is a daily concern of what would happen if I just had one drink... Even after over 100 days AF, I remain vigilant knowing that it took only one small bottle of beer to lead me, within 48 hours, back to my old drinking ways of just 3 small months ago...And knowing it can as easy happen today.

But very gradually I believe my nerves are getting stronger.

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks Kuya and RC-

You are both so right!

Kuya- I have never thought of my first quit as sheer dumb luck- but that is exactly what it was, I think.

After doing a lot of soul-searching over the past few days, and thanks to the wisdom I have gained from this site- I think I am able to point the finger at exactly why that luck ran out and how this time is different. This has given me courage.

I have never posted "my story". I did begin writing it down, but it got so long, I abandoned it- I may have time to do that one day. But just for now, I want to document what I have discovered about the difference in my last quit and this one.

First of all, the last time, I traded my AL addiction for another addiction. Although my new addiction seemed much healthier and didn't seem harmful to me or others, at the time, I realized that it was just another form of escape. In other words, I never learned how to deal with my problems. I never grew up enough to stop running away and hiding. Kuya and RC's spoiled child syndrome. This time, through all the pain, I am hanging tough and actually dealing with issues that need to be dealt with. Byrdie made me feel better the other day by one of her posts that made me realize that this pain actually needs to be viewed as progress. And Lav, I AM slowly working that attitude of gratitude! Wow, do I need that one!

Another factor, I think for my failure last time was that some circumstances developed so that the opportunities for drinking were brought back into my life. I had a job change, in which I would be traveling more frequently and having a lot of socials with the new work crew. You know what that meant! Also, a couple of my daughters were going away to college at the same time and that meant less accountability- two less sets of eyes watching my every move.

I had also been prescribed an antidepressant during the time of my last quit and I have read that sometimes this causes a craving to drink- don't know if this is true or not.

Anyway, I believe these factors- immaturity and incapability of coping with life's problems, more opportunity to drink and less accountability were the major reasons for that relapse.

Kuya- you are so right, that now I am afraid because I know what can so easily happen.

I need to dwell more on the positives this time (while keeping that healthy respect, I think)- but this time- you all are allowing me to see the path to long term sobriety- and not only letting me see it, but walking it with me and leading the way :l

Thank you all, so much!

[BHOG]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Catching up...Byrd, I can totally relate to your party issue. We have some very good friends, do a lot with them but boy can she lay it on anyone who is not in the room at the time. How they do this, that, drink too much I (as she gets pretty loaded herself). Over the past few yesars, I have kind of drifted away from them, DW still likes to go there and visit, sometimes I go, more often not. Just too much drama and BS!

Attitude of gratitude: I'm just glad to wake up SOBER every morning. I remember when that was not the case. And it ain't worth going back there.
BHOG

[Catbuddy]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi all, and Star, it is GREAT to see you here.

Yeah, we're approaching six months. I'm pretty excited really. And the last 30 days have been a total bitch. I think shifting off my SSRI after years (and I mean twelve years) has been quite an adjustment. Whether that's the root or not, I've had terrible cravings as well. Not given in, no, not going to happen. But quite frustrating, really. I am truly seeing how these early days of sobriety are the classic roller coaster. Thank God for this thread, right? You can be just Star here, and let it out.

Damn good on you not having that margarita. What a silly decision that would have been. And that explains why your husband could ask - because he can never get how that one drink may end your decision power for a long, long time. Maybe for good. He can't fathom that, and give him a strong hug for that. He doesn't have our issue.

I also think that my struggles are due to dealing with the crap that alcohol allowed me to avoid. My job is at the top of that list. Next comes money. Next comes the long-awaited divorce process. Next comes self-esteem. Boy. Escape seems pretty desirable. But AL, sugar, drugs - all not options. So. Time to grow up and deal with problems rather than avoid them. Maybe six months is about the time we recognize how hard this being an adult is. :upset:

Lav's attitude of gratitude is a VERY adult thing. Lav, we're trying to get out of diapers, really. It's just going to take a bit of time.

Cat

(PS my avatar of a baby's foot was chosen for a (still valid) reason.

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Cat, going off AD (Cymbalta) sent me on the ride of my life. Almost over the edge....it took 6 weeks to get my head back on after I stopped. I'd been taking it for 5 years. CRAZY thoughts, just outrageous thoughts....I feel for you. I hope I am never faced with taking them again. It would have to be a catastrophe to get one of those in me again.
I look at this getting sober thing and facing our past and issues of present like an Oceanliner parting thru ice up in the artic. Before, we either stopped and turned around or we tried to go around the obstacle. We never really faced it or tried to tackle it. Now we go right thru it....and once it is sorted, it's sorted! You got not so bad shit over here, and hideous shit over there...and so forth. It doesn't always stay as hard as it is in that in-between time (that someone so eloquently posted the other day). It gets easier, and halleloooya that it does! There's just a massive amount of crap that has piled up and must be sorted thru and after that it is smoother sailing. At least that's the way it was for me.
XXOO, Byrdie

[Starfish1]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks, Cat and Byrdie!

I'm not really happy to hear that I am not the only one feeling like this, but it sure is a huge relief! Gives me courage to plough on through. We can do it, Cat! I am so happy to have you with me! I have the same problems - job, money, low self esteem, etc. I don't have the divorce thing, but do have problems with some of the grown up children (I know you aren't there yet, Cat). I got off ALL medication last fall when I quit drinking. Those doctors are really pill pushers aren't they? So now, I am coping under my own steam, I guess for the first time in my adult life. Cat, that's a good analogy...its like a baby learning to walk. We need to be patient with ourselves and very protective of ourselves- just like when we are first taking those baby steps. That's a good visual-Thanks!

Love to all, and have a great day!

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Woke with an incredible feeling of gratitude today
Being fit enough to help my family with their issues is extremely important to me so I am grateful to be in the place I am today.

[porqoui]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Sounds like you're in a mighty fine place Lav.

Gratitude rocks :happy:

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Lav is just a gratitude party waiting to be thrown!!
Are you getting ready for your big doings On Tuesday?? The Stella Awards Ceremony is being prepared! Running Courage, I hope, will be the Master of Ceremonies. 4 big years of sobriety.....wow, you must be very proud. I can't express the gratitude I have for you....for picking me up out of an AL puddle for a year. Wow...you never gave up on me....
So I hope you know that we are planning for a big shout out on your anniversary! XXOO, Byrdie

[RunningCourage]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Lav IS a gratitude party. Period.

Ya wanna me as an MC? :H Aye, that'd be grand... and you can get Mick to yell profanities and insults at me :H

[BHOG]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

I have pictures on my desk of my granddaughters, (4) ages 14-2. I look at them, and part of me says I quit for them.

But reality, that is not true at all. I quit for me; I want to be present as they grow up, as they celebrate life: First date (NO! It can't be!), first love, graduation from high School, graduation from College, marriage, my great-grandchildren.

I quit because I am only 59, I have a long life ahead of me. I quit because I want to enjoy that life, enjoy being with my spouse of 35 years; enjoy becoming a retired old guy with an atttude and stories to tell.

Growing up, I had a neighbor who had fought in the first World War. I loved listening to history through his eyes. Now I desire to be that living history to my children's children, and their children. I enjoy talking with my older grandchildren about the struggles for civil rights, the Vietnam war period ( yes, i was a protester), and all that happened then. Imagine how wonderful it will be to explain those things to my great-grandchildrren.
I enjoy talking with my grandchildren about their great-great grandmother, who rode a stagecoach to Emporia Kansas to become a teacher. How she later watched Man walk on the moon on a color TV.

Long story short, I want to live the rest of my life! Alive, not buried up to my neck in a bottle.
This is a choice, it is MY choice to make. I have made it, and now I want/need to live it.
My two cents worth..
Stay Strong everybody!
BHOG

PS- I forgot to mention, the stage-coach riding Grandmother spoke 7 languages, and wrote 4, one being Russian! Now THERE was a role model.

[RunningCourage]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Molls - Hmmm... I'm gonna come at it from his end, cos I obviously don;t have any kids meself.

My mum suspected - perhaps less that i had a drink problem per se, but certainly that I was drinking too much. And she was worried. I know she spoke to my dad about it, at least raising it as a concern, and that he probably didn;t see it as much of an issue "as long as I was happy and not harming meself () or anyone else.

Effectively, they allowed me to come to my own realisations. And then come to my own conclusions. And then come to the point where I decided to stop. This took a few years.

You may come down heavy on him; you may gently suggest that he's "drinking too much" or whatever it is; you may just simply give a knowing look; you may decide to just let him know you are there (he most likely knows this already!) ... and let him come to his own findings.

Whatever was you decide is best for you and him, that he knows you are there and love him unconditionally is the most important. He will make mistakes, but they are his mistakes to make, and he will be all the better for having made them. Nobody learns from never having made a mistake.

Children are not our children, as Kahil Gibran said, they come through you but are not you. You can give them your love, impart your wisdom, advise them on paths they may want to walk down.... but ultimately they are their own souls on their own journeys, forging their own paths and, yes, making their own mistakes. But I ken you know this Molls... just my half-cents worth. :l:l

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi Molls, here is my take on your son's dilemma, if he is at all like my own dope smoking son, who is nearly 24 and has been smoking since 16. ( btw he is doing fine now......just not doing life MY way but his own )

Many teenagers try drugs, we did....so this is normal. A child of an active or recovering addict has a bigger problem.
Usually a child just has to sneak their use past old fuddy-duddy parents who don't 'get it'. Our kids have a double edged sword........they know WE 'get it' .....we 'got it' too well. So they are not rebelling but are scared you will unload your addict fears on them PLUS ( and this is a BIG one) they may fear their use may cause YOU to use again.

Bearing all these factors in mind IMO you NEED to talk to him. Perhaps it should be Joe on a man to man level.......also you could write out a long letter clearly telling him your concerns.....this way he has time to read and think without feeling cornered and becoming defensive.

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Well I think it is best to remember it is only weed. I know it slows their emotional development but it is the least of all evils IMO.

Also Molls....19 year old boys are emotionally the same as 12 year old girls. Turning the phone off is immature for a 19 year old GIRL, not a boy.

He sounds like a slightly lost lad, not a suicidal worry. Chillax mum :l

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Molly
We agreed that settings limits & boundaries with our kids was OUR job, difficult it was at times but necessary, nonetheless.
For example, if you live at home then there are certain curfew times (nothing 'good' really ever happens after midnight). If you are not going to college then you must work & pay some nominal room & board. We also made sure they helped out with some household chores including cutting grass, cleaning house, etc.
I think the hardest part in dealing with teens is remembering that we are in charge & not be 'afraid' to exert our authority. They can always move out if they don't like the rules & regulations - right?

You stay focused on what's good for you Ms Molly!!!