100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[Catbuddy]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi, Molls. My two cents, acknowledging my son is only nine, and I have yet to deal with this.

I agree with Lav. He can choose his own lifestyle at 19, but only to the extent he can finance it himself, and if he lives with you, he needs to respect the behaviors of the house. So not calling? That was awful. Can he see that? Does he pay his own freight? Nothing motivates more than a reality check on lifestyle, or so I have heard.

Nice to share some thoughts with you.

Cat

[Wildflowers]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Hi Mollers,

I agree with what everyone has said. Possibly think of speaking with your older son. He may have inside info. Tho, it may carry other risks, like broken trust. Family dynamics, their communication styles vary.

My own mother advised me to involve my hubs more as I was shouldering to much weight on my own. Problem was we didn't always see eye to eye. I think it's important that you & Joe try to agree on how to handle this as a team with the same goal. If your sons behavior continues to decline, or he won't follow your & Joe's rules, either from abuse, addiction, or rebellion, then it may be wise to seek out side help.

From what I've read it's possible things may be escalating with your sons smoking & drinking. His behavior is changing. Not calling, coming home. I think you've brought this up in the Army in the past? Mixing both pot & booze together can either be experimentation, or something more. I think unless he's a late bloomer the experimentation phase may have already taken place. Or he may just be exerting his adulthood. But, like Kuya said it's not a mature one, but don't tell him that. He already knows how to tell you what you want to hear. Smartie he is. But, your smarter & wiser Mom.

We went thru the ringer with one of our kids & she has turned out good, but it took time like Kuya said. She had to find her own way, but it was more then that to. She left once because she didn't like the rules. Came back & I was desperate. I enabled her, disagreed with hubs & he was right about several things, I realized later on down the Rd. Third time we were all pretty much on the same page. She'd even text if she was going to be home late from work, school, friends. There was respect & she knew how we'd worried previous yrs. :h

Addiction within the family effects the whole unit. Some kids it troubles them later. Yet, I also know people where there's been no addiction & there problems have been worse then ours. The thing is Molly, you recognize that something is going on, your mothers radar is going off for a reason. Either way your concerns are real & something needs to be done. Enabling him by doing nothing isn't good. I agree with Lav.

Of course being the good Mom you are you will love your son no matter what, like RC said. Your son will turn out well!!!! Keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes just listening & being their friend is what they need. I was scared as our girl told me alone on x-mas eve the 3rd time she moved home she was suicidal. I thank God she's OK ~ good today!!!!.......

Try & use parts of the program to help Mollers. Probably lots of parents in the rooms whom you may be able to gain support from, if you feel comfy. Along with JC, who has experience with families.

Make sure you take care of you. :l

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Wildflowers ....... I have quit smoking......I told you I would let you know when I did.

I used the Allan Carr book, a hypnosis download and Kudzu from River pharmacy......three capsules three times a day.

Just like quitting booze I had to prepare a few days. I would really advise the book to get your mindset right.

I have had no cravings in the last twelve day until today and that was due to feeling really sad and needing to cry......I don't /won't cry and sadness always translates into wanting to numb with booze/food/nicotine.

Other than that ( which passed quite easily after a little cry) it has been easy. The triggers get less and less really quick.

I reckon it will be like booze.....vigilance for a few months.

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

My coping mechanisms have changed quite a bit over the last 4 years Kuya.
I no longer fire up a smoke or open the bottle of wine to 'help' me deal with life.
I never would have believed it but quiet solitude & meditation work wonders
Our friend here greeneyes led me to a book called 'Radical Forgiveness' by Colin Tipping. I am now a big believer in letting go of what we can not control or change. When my husband of 37 years suddenly up & walked away I was just 14 months into my quits but never even considered picking up my old habits. Instead I followed Tipping's advice & just let it all go. His walking away was because of his inability to cope with issues, not mine. Yes, I did cry everyday for a good year but then I stopped & I'm OK, better than ever actually!
Stick to your quits, believe in yourself & you will never be sorry

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks Lav......the forgiveness aspect I understand ....... I did some Journey work last year and that resolved a lot of stuff.

I still struggle a lot with the childhood stuff.....anything that plays into my lack of self worth totally floors me.....but I MUST learn to cry rather than drug it away.

I am quite enjoying the reverse journey......going backwards through my addictions and hopefully to the core person I always was, but forgot how to trust.

.........and BTW .......congrats again on your four :h

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

DRUM ROLL PLEASE....tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat....
PRESENTING................
THE FIRST EVER.............
Major AWARD for 4 big years...........................

THE STELLA AWARDS!!!

Our MC tonight is Running Courage....with special guest appearances by Mick, The Joke Meister!! Matilda, The Wonder Dog! And STELLA, THE CHOOK!!!!! ( The Dancing Barnyard Animals couldn't make it they were already booked).

I hope everyone will join me in this very happy day.....To the lady who save lives with her dedication and honesty. Congratulations Lav...we are all so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your biggest fan, Byrdie

[BHOG]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

(Rolls out the Red Carpet, Cues up the band, lines up photographers)
Then ducks behind the curtain.

[K9Lover]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Lav-
You are such an inspiration to so many people here! Thank you for just being YOU...you rock and I love you!

Kuya - I am in awe of you too for quitting the cigs...I have tried what...8, 9 times? I did order that book from the library and I listen to a CD every night...I wonder when or IF that is going to sink in? It makes no sense (like drinking), I eat healthy, I work out 6x a week, and then I suck in poison? Why DAMNIT why??? LOL

But back to Lav...keep it up, you are definitely a HERO around here! And give Stella huge peck for me!!

[K9Lover]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Ooops, I got so sidetracked that I forgot to weigh in on the 19 year old boy vs. 12 year old girl...LOL

My 19 year old nephew lives with me and there is NO comparison between his maturity level and my 15 year old daughter. Whereas he CANNOT remember to even lock the front door, she is on top of everything, she excels at everything she attempts and just makes things look so "easy". If I can get him to turn off the kitchen light, I consider it a successful day...and don't get me wrong, he's a smart kid...just...a boy! It's amazing really...dumbfounding, but interesting. HA

[kuya]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

K9Lover;1483289 wrote: Lav-
You are such an inspiration to so many people here! Thank you for just being YOU...you rock and I love you!

Kuya - I am in awe of you too for quitting the cigs...I have tried what...8, 9 times? I did order that book from the library and I listen to a CD every night...I wonder when or IF that is going to sink in? It makes no sense (like drinking), I eat healthy, I work out 6x a week, and then I suck in poison? Why DAMNIT why??? LOL

But back to Lav...keep it up, you are definitely a HERO around here! And give Stella huge peck for me!!

K9 ....... The admiration I felt every time I saw you try again is a big part of my deciding to stop procrastinating and, at least TRY. I kept waiting for 'the right time' but there is no right time except NOW.

I am pretty sure the book will have that mind changing realisation you need.....I truly hope so.

[K9Lover]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks Kuya!

I have 2 cigs left and I have decided I am not buying any more. Like with drinking, I just won't smoke "today"...and I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow! I'm at the point (again) where the smoking almost makes me physically ill...why force poison on myself? What am I getting out of it? Bits and pieces of my CD are coming to me at different times of the day, so I guess it is working a bit... Tomorrow will be day 1 because I'd be lying to me and you if I said I was throwing out the last 2 (despite what I just said....makes perfect sense right? NOT). Well...here I (almost) go again!

[RunningCourage]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Prepare ye all for the party commences now


LAVANDE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us3dQ0nnlHY[/video]]CONGRATULATIONS
on 4 inspired and inspiring years of AFness!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us3dQ0nnlHY[/video]]You've shown that we each have a path, a road, a journey to take that is our own and where we can succeed!

You've mastered the art of gratitude - indeed you embody the one and the only http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ[/video]]LAVATITUDE. A way to see, appreciate and take time to just fecking love life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXXFKhyrq7w[/video]]You keep it simple.

You own a chook. One I believe who has a penchant for certain beverages. Aint that right Stella?

Anyway, we have the maestro of bad gags, our very own Mick... whats that?
he's away.
he's away?
yes, he's away.
oh. Well... have some Les instead... teaching us all about the secrets of the good life...Take it away Les!

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Thanks you guys

I can't believe that 4 years ago today was my Day 1!!!!!
Who knew that it would turn into something like this? All I knew was that I had to stop disappointing myself & everyone around me.

Stella also sends her thanks :H
We are happy & proud to have such wonderful friends here!

[Byrdlady]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

Oh my word, RC!!! Links and everything! What a wonderful MC you have been...complete with a little song, a little dance...a little seltzer down the pants! Thank you for putting that show together for us! It was fabulous~ Wow, that was just amazing! It's been a great day! Byrdie

[Lavande]

100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

RC,
You are such a sweetheart, thank you from the bottom of my heart

Louie Schwartzburg really gets the idea of The Power of Now & Van Morrison always makes my heart melt (how did you know?)

What a way to start my day!!!!