100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[3June2013]

2 years today folks! Where does the time go? I hope you're all well, I'm going to try to drop in more often I miss you all!

[Elvis]

Good job on 2 years 3June2013!

[Lavande]

:welldone: Yay, CONGRATS on two years AF 3June :welldone:

[TJAF]

I'm right behind you June!

[Sunbeam]

Congrats, June. Perhaps your new life is still not perfect, but much better than before.

[Byrdlady]

I feel compelled to write something, just to get it out of my head. I preach this a lot in the nest, so its time I practice it.

I have seen several folks trade their longer term sobriety for the opportunity to test the waters with drinking again. I understand this is a site for problem drinkers and we all here with baggage of various types. All of us with our own egos and tolerance levels. I guess Ive been around now for 6 years and I have seen lots of people come and go. And come and go. And come and go. As a group, we have many more similarities than differences. Whatever it was that made us seek out an online forum and actively participate must have been 'bad enough' to prompt a major lifestyle change. Repeating the same mistakes over and over is a common theme around here, and I can vouch for that one personally. When I first came here, I was ready to stop drinking and I NEEDED to stop drinking. However, I got sidetracked by the ILLUSIONS that others were painting about moderation and occasional (almost not worth mentioning so many didnt) drinking. Trust me, I was ready to model anyone who could do it! Chasing that dream of turning back time (to when I could just have ONE every now and then) nearly cost me a lifetime's hard work, a 24 year marriage, and a liver I have grown quite fond of. After all, if others could do it, why not me? There is a lot going on between the lines of the notes I've read, and from what I know to be true. If all of these people feel better NOT drinking, why do they continue to do it? Simple, we are Alcoholics. Nothing changes in the alcoholic's brain just because there has been some AF time, just ask anyone who has relapsed after an extended period of time...you cant unlearn brain synapse activity. It goes way beyond "willpower".

One issue that really causes me concern is that the folks gave the perception they were AF and had been living this way for months. Posting on roll call and celebrating Af time...if there is one thing I know about ALK'ism, its that a lie is a lie....even if its one of omission. If you ever caught the movie, 'Flight' there was a big take-away line from Denzel. 'I don't have one more lie in me regarding AL'. If AL is causing us to lie, we are still under its control.
It remains to be seen how sustainable these experiments will be. In the 6 years I've been here, I have never seen it succeed long term. I hope no one cashes in his/her AF time to run this experiment. Odds are overwhelmingly against us. Remember what brought you here in the first place...this is a marathon, not a sprint and there is no finish line.

A relapse is a relapse is a relapse. You can call it whatever you want....(I did). Experiment, itch, choice, whatever....the truth is, we gave in to Al. Keep your quit going and you will never be sorry. I have NO Guilt/Shame or Remorse about any day I spent sober, but I have plenty of GSR about days I let AL in. I understand this is everyone's own journey to take, but it makes sense to learn from the mistakes of those that go before us....whats the use of a support forum otherwise? I do not feel the need to test the AL gods, I feel like I used up my last lifeline. The cost of relieving the irritation that some see sobriety is not worth the high price. Why would I reintroduce a substance I know I can live better without? Why play Russian Roulette with AL, a substance that nearly cost us ALL so dearly? Why gamble with your life? Thats exactly what is on the line. It is crazy the importance we, as alkies, put on AL. Normal drinkers dont think like this....they dont think of occasions in the future that wont be the same without raising (and drinking) a glass of Al. Doesnt it sound ridiculous when you think about it? Premeditating our next special occasion drinks? Astho life cant be enjoyed without it? THAT is the power of addiction.

Dont be fooled by short term reports of success with OCCASIONAL drinking. Time will tell how the stories actually play out. No rational person would ever advise an alcoholic to drink.

I have never regretted one day I spent sober so plan to rinse and repeat what works, every time.......AF. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Molly, I agree completely. The CONSECUTIVE days are what makes the difference. You put that beautifully, I was struggling for the words, but you nailed it. Thank you, B

[jane27]

Byrdie, Thank you for that powerful post. It is copied and pasted into my journal as a marker and for me to revisit. I believe its probably normal that shifty thoughts start to toy with sobriety when a long time team member turns to take a different path. I know what I need to do to preserve and maintain my quit, and I know that eventually the ruckus in my mental lunchroom will settle down- but there's no 2 ways about it- the kids are off their leashes:

"don't think about drinking don't think about drinking....come on? why not think about drinking? remember? don't think about drinking don't think about drinking...hey what's wrong with you, why so much anxiety? X set out on her own, team is down a member, X is back on the dark side, remember the dark side? You liked the dark side! You own the dark side! Don't you feel a little weaker anyway? A little less sure of yourself? A little more alone? remember drinking? lets really sit here and remember drinking just because we're not supposed to. Lets languor in slow day dreams about drinking, and the way a glass of chardonnay sweats in its glass on a hot summer day."

You get the picture. I want to do whatever it takes to keep my sobriety strong. Right now, that includes needing to come clean about feeling anxious with racing thoughts & temptation just for sake of danger. I am very bad about "don't think about purple elephants".
This is me with a special telegram for the purple elephants:

Vamoose stat dudes!



I'm not wanting to drink or planning to drink. I just want to keep myself as accountable as possible. This is new territory for me, and I don't want to go in any other direction other than forward. Thanks for being a rock to me and so many others.

[Byrdlady]

I totally understand, Jane. That is exactly what happened to me early on, I got into the downward cycle of 'what everyone else was doing'. Only everyone else wasnt doing it and few were succeeding, but I didnt see that. I only saw what I wanted to see. The voices in your head are scary in their familiarity....my voices have had the same conversations. We want so desperately to get permission to drink again. We want someone to tell us its ok. It is so enticing to see others' GET' to drink, until it takes that old familiar turn. I have NEVER seen it work out. EVER. Not ONCE. Not even close.
Staying sober is tough, but I wouldnt trade my life now for the drinking version for ANYTHING. It is NOT worth it. B

[jane27]

NoPurps.jpg


For reals!

Thanks Byrd! xoxoxo

[Samstone]

03June
a belated big time congrats!!! I believe it was you, Little Beagle, NoSugar, maybe Jane27 (sorry Jane, I can't remember and I that had pretty close quit times!

on the topic of testing the waters, I can only speak for myself because I've done that self perpetuated lie several times, last time took me 5 flippin years to stop again. This time is not a maybe thing because I gotten to the point that there's no way I can deal with hangovers. Not getting enough sleep is the closest to it that I can manage!

I have decided staying sober is actually just a way of life and an enjoyable part of who I am. I am not fighting a battle, rather embracing who I am. Not only that, I can wear clothes from wayyyy back! That's been one of the exciting results! The best though is not living a false life!

later, good friends
Sam

[narilly]

Byrdie, that was an awesome post. A really good reminder on how important it is to stay the course. It is so easy to think we can drink now but like you said, there is a reason we joined this forum, we would not be here if we could have just one drink.

I just remind myself "I don't drink".

[Mick]

hooray ..managed to get on!!spent all day messing about with tinternet...apparently its the router thats shot...so new one on the way..just reading this and other threads re experimenting...few things spring to mind ...and well put both by Byrdie and Molls...What baffles me is how someone who has been drinking regularily and to excess in some cases,thinks they have a problem with booze...thinks that so much that they join a website to sort that issue out and after some months with no al...then decide that they can control this thing that in actual fact has been controlling them??doesnt really make much sense at all...Alcohol has a powerful and devious voice,a long term issue,that cant be brushed aside with a" right thats sorted that problem out".
Secondly,what message does it give out to people who genuinely desperately want to stop boozing,to see folks that have /are on the site regularly talking about drinks that they have had and omitted to mention...it kind of throws the whole honesty thing out of the window...it gives those who want to quit a false hope..ie sure I need to stop drinking ,but its ok every now and again..after all such and such does it...
lastly,it disappoints me to see people fall especially those that I knew,despite what wrapper they put on it to mitigate...I do so hope that a new method of being able to drink and stop as required appears.......unfortunately or otherwise I wont be in that number...but I wish you the very best in your quest

[TJAF]

Birdie. I'm with you on this one. Moderation is an illusion when it comes to an alcoholic. I've never moderated. Ever. The only thing that changed over time was my tolerance. I also know there is no turning back. The alcoholic life has no romance it's just mostly sickness mixed in with very brief moments of euphoria.

[Byrdlady]

Hey TJAF! I agree completely....the tolerance is the variable we don't account for!!

You are about to hit a bit milestone! When's the big day?? B