100 Day Club members/Maintenance Thread

[TJAF]

Thanks Pav I was actually trying to cover Byrdie's back. I think I held my own though

[Byrdlady]

I appreciated it, too, TJAF.
Hugs to you, B

[jane27]

Byrdie ya know you can howl at the moon perfectly sober too. :happy2:

aaawooooooooooooooooo!

download.jpg

[Elvis]

I just got home from a great road trip with a friend of mine . We're both big fans of the same musician and things worked out where we were able to score front row tickets together and take a two day road trip to see the musician at a casino in update New York, and to hit the Baseball Hall Of Fame on the way home. Overall an excellent mini-vacation.

Anyway, I've told my friend that I don't drink (but not why), so we get to the concert and I start talking to the guy sitting in the other seat next to me, who I've never seen or met before, and he's a really nice guy, and I noticed he's showing signs that he's had a beer or two. No red flags for me at the moment, I learned to be comfortable in situations when others are drinking around me. Then the concert starts and he calls over a server and I assume he's buying himself another beer, but then he leans over to me and says, "I bought you and your buddy a beer."

Uh... it caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do. I mean the guy had no way to know -- he genuinely thought he was doing me a nice thing. Meanwhile all that's racing through my head is how can I politely tell the guy "no f'ing way am I drinking this beer" after he's already bought and paid for the thing. I told my friend what happened and told him to take my beer also when it arrived. Well, turns out the guy didn't just order us a beer, he bought a whole pitcher! Oh boy.... He poured a drink and I passed it to my friend as I told the guy, "Thank you for buying us drinks, I appreciate your kindness, however I'm on medication and I can't drink alcohol." It worked, he bought the excuse. No hurt feelings and the three of us enjoyed the show. Whew!

I'm glad I had the that fake excuse in my back pocket. That's one of the many valuable lessons I learned from those who are wiser than me on this forum. Including: Protect your quit at any cost. Memorize a whole bunch of excuses -- I'm on medication, I have to drive, I have an early meeting -- and lie if you have to. But I'm curious if any of you have been in, or had something like that situation happen to you, and how did you handle it? Would you have handled my situation differently? I feel like I handled it okay in retrospect, but it was uncomfortable there for a while while it was unfolding.

[STEADFAST]

Hi, All:

Haven't checked in in a while and looks like I missed a kerfluffle. Thankfully.

Yes, Ava. Life still sucks sometimes. That's true. It sucks a lot less without a hangover and regret to deal with, too.

Good to see you, Steady. Sorry you had such a bad year. Pop down to the monthly abs section and say hi to the Ladies (and gentlemen) on a mission. Aren't you and Little Beagle quit mates? Are you coming up on two years? I can't remember anything any more.

TJAF - Looks like they all had your back.

Pav

Thanks, Pav,

Yes life does suck sometimes. Thankfully, as you say, we get through it and get to wake up afresh! And Ava, "no man's land" is a good way of describing drinking to try and get away from problems; it doesn't work, and we get lost in the process!

See you round on the other threads! :happy2:

Steady

P.S Yes i had thought Little Beagle and i were the same date, but apparently she made her two years five days before me! That's close enough for us to be quit buddies!

[Lavande]

Elvis - you did great deflecting that pitcher of beer
That's what you have to do, just keep your shields up!

Steady, I know how depressing it is dealing with the aging parent stuff.
I actually went through all that stuff before my drinking career started. I wonder now, in hindsight if I held it together during the process & fell apart afterwards. No matter now because it's all history now. You are doing a great job, be proud of yourself!!

Hello to everyone

[Byrdlady]

Elvis, I think you did a GREAT job of dodging the bullet! I'm so glad you were armed!

Early in my quit, I was out with a customer, his wife and my boss. The customer kept insisting that one glass wouldn't hurt me. He knows I have Crohn's/Colitis, but kept saying to the waitress to bring me a glass. I looked at him over my reading glasses and said, 'It isn't YOUR colon!' To this day, he hasn't mentioned it again.
In all honesty, my colitis may be slightly better since I quit, but I still have flairs....however to the average drinker, they understand about getting diarrhea after a 'night out on the town' so most of them say, 'Oh, I guess that WOULD help that'. So that's my go-to excuse.
Oddly enough, I have found that the heavy drinkers will remember the excuse you used last time, I was stunned by this....so I found one I really liked and have stuck with it.
About a year ago, I had Champaign handed to me at an awards thing for work. I raised the glass and then sat it down and nobody said a thing. The customer who was seated at my table made a comment about how bad it was and I thought, "Dam, I'm glad I didn't blow it over BAD Champaign!!"

I'm so glad you came thru it! As Hemmingway said, 'We are all stronger in the broken places'. TRUE!
B

[TJAF]

I have had to deal with the offered drink far more than I like and early on I tried all the excuses. My go to now is to simply thank the person and politely decline and if pushed, I stick with the polite answer, "no thank you but if you are buying Ill take a diet coke". Works 99 percent of the time. I did have a situation where my boss really pushed the issue..to the point that he bought an oyster shooter that dummy me didn't realize was an honest to goodness shooter...vodka and all. After I spit it out he got the point. I did use the meds excuse then.

[Elvis]

Oh, I had one of those oyster shooters once. It was so gross I almost spit the thing out... and I knew it had alcohol in it too, so you know it must have been really gross!

[STEADFAST]

Happy Sunday, 100DC members!

Yes, it can be tricky dealing with someone who wants to insist you have a drink. Good to have the lines prepared before-hand! I have to say though, that i think the hardest person to say "no" to is myself! My armour around others is bullet-proof, but i still have to negotiate my own head!! That's when i go to the trusty truisms stored on my phone, all thanks to MWO members. Sorry that i don't know where all the quotes came from, but they're all very helpful.

best wishes to everyone,
Steady

[Byrdlady]

A couple of thoughts here as I wait for some phone calls to be returned. I check MWO thru the day, I actually use it as a break from work when I get stressed!

Cowboy's post yesterday set me to thinking about how invasive this disease is. Not only affecting our lives, but our whole circle of friends and family. I see all kinds of people here, ambitious, intelligent, with initiative. We have doctors, lawyers, professionals and just about any walk of life you can imagine. Alk'ism knows no boundaries. Here lately, I see a LOT of Day 1's. I had a lot of Day 1's. It's awful. Once you've been sober for a while, you can spot when someone is about to go off the rails, they start blaming things. These can be anything, really, just fill in the blank. Just about NO amount of talking can convince the person NOT to drink again. That's a powerful force. I used to think that LOVE was more powerful than addiction, but I'm not sure that's true. While it worked in my case (hubs' ultimatum) I have seen others risk everything (relationships with children, spouses, their jobs, their LIVES) just to be able to drink. That is scary-powerful.
I wish I knew the words to say to get folks over the rough edges....'Hang in there', seems pretty lame. I wish we could do a mind meld like on Star Trek...I wish that those struggling could see how peaceful it is to push thru those uncomfortable times and get to the other side. If they could only know what the gift of time can offer. All the people on this thread have done that and it's not easy. But it is do-able. You have to take the option of drinking off the table and get an advocate to help you do this. I am convinced that we can't do it alone.
It's heartbreaking to see what long term AL abuse does to us and our families. I wish for the right words to say to someone struggling and starting over on Day 1 for the 1000th time. All I have is 'Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF'. Then do it again tomorrow. There is MindPeace out there and it is such a gift to be able to look at AL with indifference and disdain, even! NO desire to have it! I'm at four and a half years and I thank my lucky stars every day that I'm sober and not struggling. Letting go of the illusion that I can drink again went a long way to achieving this peace. The occasional drink isn't going to do me any good. No wedding is that important, no party, no night out with friends....nothing is more important than my quit. It's the foundation of my life now.

All you gotta do is get thru this day. Byrdie

[NoSugar]

If there were a single "right word", it probably would have been discovered by now, Byrdie. We all hear different things in different ways, which is why I think it is important to have so many voices (saying essentially the same thing) on a site like this one. At a time like now, when so many people seem to be really struggling, it is difficult to feel like anything any one of us is saying means much --- so why even bother? But then, I'm really glad that those of you who were here when I joined were still trying and I'm so glad I was able to "hear" you. Let's keep talking and hope that someone is listening....

[TJAF]

Byrdie don't think for a moment that your voice or the voice of many others on this thread aren't heard..even if it's the 1000th day one. Repeating the obvious is a powerful reminder when the irrational voice in our head tells us otherwise. Which brings me to my next point. I don't think of alcohol as a thing to hate. It's just a thing. Deep down its really self hate for using. We hate that part of ourselves that rationalises alcohol abuse. We hate the harm it does to those around us or the jeopardy we place complete strangers in when we drink at work or in the car. We hate the wasted time we face when confronted with blackouts or hangovers or that missed joy in watching our kids growup because we were too drunk to appreciate the time. God you wouldn't be human otherwise. So yes hate plays a part and it explains how we can get so worked up when fools post nonsense about moderation or why we care so much when a complete stranger gets a day one under their belt. So all in all thank you for your support these last two years. Regards Tim.

[NoSugar]

I guess I don't hate the liquid itself, Tim, but I really dislike the glamorization, misleading advertising, constant availability, phony sophistication, and normalization of drinking a mind altering, hepatotoxic carcinogen. It makes absolutely no sense. I'd like to see someone try to get a new substance with all of alcohol's characteristics past the FDA now!

[TJAF]

Yes no sugar that too.