Hello, I am Ylfa and I am new here. I am foreigner and excuse my writing errors.
I have been drinkin on and off almost 20 years. I started 14-15 and right away it was clear that me and alcohol did not fit together. I did somtimes stupid things and started to get blakcouts like 22-25. I went to rehab because of depression and alcohol abuse the year 2000 . I have had to many slips since then and it is almost always I get terriblel long blackouts and I am always angry when I am totally drunk and have a lot of fights and say horrible things to people. I never remeber how I get home. I am so tired of this. I slipped three times last year and one time now and I can not describe the feeling to wake up and try to remember what I did last nigt. Some of you might though know this worst feeling in the world. Blackouts , blackouts what a discusting thing. I get depressed for many weeks and shame , guilt and dont want to meet people. I sometimes dont have the couarage to go to people and say am sorry what I said.
Now it is two weeks from my last slipped and I am determinded that this was the last one, otherwise I can die in my next drunk night. I have ruined all my dates for last two years with very nice guys and I am always ruining things in one night that maybe took me one year to build up. I go to aa meeting and that is helping me. Just I am struggling with forgive my self and get rid of the shame and the obsessive thinking that everybody saw me last time I drunk.
I like this place here and hopefully you have some advice for me.
Take care,
Ylfa
I have been drinkin on and off almost 20 years. I started 14-15 and right away it was clear that me and alcohol did not fit together. I did somtimes stupid things and started to get blakcouts like 22-25. I went to rehab because of depression and alcohol abuse the year 2000 . I have had to many slips since then and it is almost always I get terriblel long blackouts and I am always angry when I am totally drunk and have a lot of fights and say horrible things to people. I never remeber how I get home. I am so tired of this. I slipped three times last year and one time now and I can not describe the feeling to wake up and try to remember what I did last nigt. Some of you might though know this worst feeling in the world. Blackouts , blackouts what a discusting thing. I get depressed for many weeks and shame , guilt and dont want to meet people. I sometimes dont have the couarage to go to people and say am sorry what I said.
Now it is two weeks from my last slipped and I am determinded that this was the last one, otherwise I can die in my next drunk night. I have ruined all my dates for last two years with very nice guys and I am always ruining things in one night that maybe took me one year to build up. I go to aa meeting and that is helping me. Just I am struggling with forgive my self and get rid of the shame and the obsessive thinking that everybody saw me last time I drunk.
I like this place here and hopefully you have some advice for me.
Take care,
Ylfa
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