After living the good life without alcohol for several (7-8 months) I was just overtaken in what felt like an ambush. Got drunk called sponsor and all that good stuff...of course after I had been drinking...which really does not good. Get right back on the wagon....then seem to be overtaken again...hide beer in my car...wait for hubby to leave....drink like a pig....call hubby to bring more beer home...end up calling 911...being taken to the hosptial...totally wanting to go to rehab. However, after 5 hours with a splitting headache and they refuse to give me anything...I decide to go home. Also, while there I am basically pushed off into the corner, because they need to deal with the real drunks (2 of them) who have flipped their cars. So go to Chicago 10 year wedding anniversary and hubby gives me the green light to drink....I mean after freaking dinner....and it is 6:30pm what else are we going to do? Jazz bar...all good. Howl at the Moon...pretty good until I decide to make friends with everyone in the bar....husband little pissed, but we leave deciding to stop and have one more in the way to the hotel. Well all those bars are closed, but I am admant....I "need" one more drink. Leave Hubby at hotel and got to Rush street. Talk to very nice girl for 2 hours...drink 3 beers....of course tell one person that I am an alcoholic...and they say..."Well you really don't look like one"....then someone buys shots for everyone at the bar before it closes....I refuse the shot (I gave those up long ago) and then they tell me well a real alcoholic after the bar stops serving would of course have the shot. I am wasted...but like most drunks still seem to have my wits about me. I assure them that I am a real alcoholic and I beg for another beer. Owner kindly says you have had enough....I get in cab go back to hotel at 4am...husband is sooooooo pissed. Which I understand.....but he knows that I ever really stop until it is all gone or the bar physically shuts down. I call Becca crying....she tells me put on my party boots...because I can not f-up the whole day in Chicago for my hubby. I was able to get it together and did not drink that day. But I am freaking drinking now! It is like the light went back on in January.....and I so really enjoyed while it was out.
I know that several of you have spoken about fighting with that voice.....can you give me some detail....because that is where my heart lays....in long term abstainers. My hubby has said that he really misses having a few drinks with me...but of course it never stops at a few.
Also, I have done the AA thing....and while I do believe that it has really great points.....I could not deal with 3/4 of the room basically being psycho. These people are awesome....but I just got tired of the basic same rants and getting advice from some one who clearly did not have what I wanted.......
Kim
Comment