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How are you? A question to ponder.

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    #1

    How are you? A question to ponder.

    Greetings sober travellers.

    It seems like such a simple question.

    How are you?

    It can be passed off with a 'good' and without intent, without thought as if the question has not even been asked. but I have had cause to really think about this question.. about how am I.

    Today is my 8 year sober anniversary. Continuous sobriety. Not a drop. I started out on this site 8 years ago with a miserable posting. I became very very involved in the site for quite a while and since have moved off... to other things.. but today is the day that I remember this site and from where I started out from. I'm not quite sure why I return but I feel the need to.

    So how am I? For nearly an entire year last year, I was unable to answer that question..' How are you?' I was enduring a difficult cancer experience (I dont like the image of battling.. as the cancer was inside of me and that implies battling against myself.. but I digress) I was shaken to the core.. at the end of chemo an additional lesion was found. It was not easy for me... I had to have more surgery but was not well enough..and what not. Just a tough time of horrible uncertainty... which I will not go into but I'm glad to say that as of now I am cancer free...

    During this awful time I was aware of a number of things.. like even though it was very hard and difficult for me, there were people going through worse things than I was. That oncological world really opens your eyes to what people endure. I was aware of kindness of people. I was aware that people in this world REALLY wanted me to be alive.. but more than that I was consciously aware that I WANTED to live... even though when people asked me (which they did regularly) how are you? I never knew what to answer.. I guess my answer was I hope I will be alright in the end.

    It reminded me of getting sober. There is that fragility in early days of sobriety.. is is possible to live without a drink.. can I REALLY do it.. will I crumble and fall... Every day in the early days was about how many hours or minutes I had been without a drink.. and during that time it felt impossible to answer the question how are you, because it felt out of my control.

    Then there is the support from others, the hints that they give you, on how to just stay sober. The same thing happens with cancer.. 'keep positive' 'keep the hope' advice comes in daily. Some of the support helps, really helps...

    So I wonder why is it that I've had these two large incidents in my life - getting sober and having cancer - that shook my answer to how am I so badly. And if I"m honest I dont know the answer to that.. What is the link? Is there meaning in this? I know that I can control my sobriety.. just dont pick up a drink.. so I can park that how are you question .. but the cancer question is more untenable.. it can come back any day any time.

    This means that what I am left with is today... and what I do with today.

    Well, today I am 8 years sober. I am proud of that.. and I will accept the lessons that my life will give me for as long as I can. I have a surrender to my life that is visceral and deep. Do I know everything? No. Absolutely not. Have I learnt anything? Sometimes, I wonder.

    But how am I?
    I'm ok. and I"m ok with that.

    To those who may remember me, I send greetings. To new folk trying to get sober I send my best wishes. To the universe, I say thank you.

    Best wishes to you all.
    ATT


    My first post on this site
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...tory-5039.html
    At three years
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...now-27639.html

    My five year post on this site
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...day-45944.html

    Last year was a bit miserable...
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...day-69825.html
    Tags: None
    #2
    How are you? A question to ponder.

    Wow, thanks for posting. So few come back periodically like you have.

    That question get slightly different answers from me, depending on the audience. But often I just say, "I'm good, my life is very good" because that is true. Stuff happens on a day to day basis, but the big picture is better than I deserve, thank you God.
    My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

    Comment

      #3
      How are you? A question to ponder.

      About Time tooo

      I don't think that I've seen your posts over the years, but then again, I never hung out on any page having to do with abstinence.

      Thank you so much for coming back and posting every year - and after 8 years. It means so much to me to read your post. Yesterday I realized that there are no successful moderators, and today I thought that the 'abstainers' weren't doing too well, either. Then I saw your post - you and the other long term sober people that post give me hope. Thank you.

      Today is a gift - and it is the only gift we have in this moment. You've been blessed so many times - thanks for sharing that blessing.
      10/14/13: I am truly grateful for another day in this amazing life. I'm sober and mindful of every moment.

      Comment

        #4
        How are you? A question to ponder.

        Many thanks Sunbeam and I'm Strong and in Control for your comments. I agree with your words about moderation.. I think by the time you find a site such as this and are thinking you need to do something you are most probably too far gone for moderation, I certainly was.

        I've had a really lovely day... kind of comfortable in my skin.

        Life is good.

        ATT

        Comment

          #5
          How are you? A question to ponder.

          It's good to hear your struggles within sobriety ATT. It's how we cope in the middle of these that really strengthens our character and makes us seem real and human.

          Today the universe has blessed with me with its gentleness and acceptance of my humanity.

          Love and Blessings and congratulations on your 8 years of sobriety.
          "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
          Clean and sober 25th January 2009

          Comment

            #6
            How are you? A question to ponder.

            att,
            You make me feel so humble.......you are a very special soul and I feel immense respect for you.

            I can recall how I loved to bump into you in Chat as I strived to become sober. I truly thought of you as the words of wisdom......it meant so much to me to be able to speak to someone who had come through the other side......you made me believe it was possible, and you always had time for me.

            I am still sober.....will be 6 yrs in January. I wish to thank you, for your insight greatly helped me to get to this point. I am sober and very happy.

            I am choked when I think of all you have had to go through with your health........you are indeed a beautiful soul and deserve all good things in life.

            Wishing you well always,

            Star :h
            Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

            Comment

              #7
              How are you? A question to ponder.

              ATT, just came across this--I wish I had popped into Long Term Abstainers sooner. Thanks for continuing to come back periodically. I'm so happy to hear that you are cancer free at the moment.

              You are strong, you are humble--a perfect combination. Thank you. Reading this tonight means something special to me.

              Best :l
              YahYah
              AF as of August 5th, 2012

              Comment

                #8
                How are you? A question to ponder.

                Thanks Hippie, Star and YAH.

                I had a funny thing happen today. 3000 days ago (well actually 3001 but I'll get to that..) I put a thing into my calendar which I had totally forgotten about.. I was on day one trying to get sober.. and I put a calculated date of 3000 wondering if I would ever make 3000 days sober. I think I may have been hung over when I did it because if I'm honest I really dont remember.. so imagine my shock when at midnight (yes, I must have been hungover).. a reminder went off to tell me I was 3000 days sober today (but I put the wrong date in and it was yesterday)..

                I guess it got me to thinking how my thinking was not straight.. I got the number of days wrong.. now I can see it straight away.. like my brain is back in gear..

                Anyway, this made me smile. Days like my annual sobriety date make me come here because this place was important to me.. and when my alarm went off I thought of this place..

                I got all reflective. I used to tell myself I'd tried everything.. I"d tried moderation.. I'd tried smaller glasses, I'd tried different wine.. often I"d tell myself I would try things when I never would at all. In the morning I"d tell myself I wouldnt buy any booze that day and sure enough I would.

                I think for me honesty is the key. If I want to look myself in the eye I need to be sober. Drunk is not a nice look.

                You know, some very kind people helped me here. I will never forget them... but I have helped myself too and for that I'm proud.

                3000 (or 3001) totally abstinent days for me... and still today its important. Its important to me that I dont drink alcohol today.

                And I wont.

                ATT

                Comment

                  #9
                  How are you? A question to ponder.

                  Dear ATT,
                  Thank you for your annual post and especially this year's question, How are you? You are an inspiration to me and others in this community.

                  Loved your story about putting 3000 (or 3001) into your calendar. Now that is forward thinking.

                  Sending you thoughts of strength and peace.
                  Free at Last
                  "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                  Highly recommend this video
                  http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                  July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How are you? A question to ponder.

                    We all benefit from those periodic reminders about how bad it was, so easy to forget.
                    My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How are you? A question to ponder.

                      Inspirational post ATT!
                      I wish you'd stick around more than once a year! We could use some really long termers!! Congratulations on your 3000+ days!!! Byrdie
                      All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                      Tool Box
                      Newbie's Nest

                      Comment

                        #12
                        How are you? A question to ponder.

                        :l :h
                        Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

                        Comment

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