10 years sober today

[ATTTT]

Shall I post on this reflective day on the site where I shared my beginning of sobriety? Yes, indeed, I shall. Hello to anyone who may remember me and good luck to all...

And now.... sound effects.. drum roll please....

Yes, today I have reached the milestone of being totally and utterly sober for 10 years. When I realised that this day was so close I was mixed with varied emotions.. yes, I'm proud of myself.. but should I celebrate.. if so how would I do that? For me its another day.. just like all those before it.. its the same day as the others.. its this day and for today I do not drink alcohol.

That being said I am proud. I came here to MWO 10 years ago when there were about 20 people on a very different looking board to this.. I read for about a month before I posted.. I was literally terrified. It really is jumping into the abyss.. I'd had all the excuses.. I had the realisation about the extent of my lying to myself.. the only thing I could do if I wanted something different for my life was to actually DO something different. In my heart I knew that people who are actually sober dont regret it.. not the way you do when you wake up hungover.. so while the rest of life may not be perfect at least I dont wake up hungover... and when people show celebration with a fancy glass with some alcohol in it, I'm happy for them to have that but I know that for me its a lie.. a drink with alcohol in it is poison to me.. not a celebration at all. I'd held way too many of those fancy glasses in my time and fooled myself.. no more.. no more. I stuck to the people who were steadfast sober.. and many of them fell by the wayside.. and I can say that if they came back, none of them were happy about 'slipping' (hate that word its active not passive to drink) back into the abyss... I got embroiled in the abstinence moderation wars.. for me I know moderation never worked and never would... the purpose of my drinking was to find oblivion.. and although I have no idea if anyone has found moderation to work here while I was posting (and that was for quite a few years) I never found anyone who succeeded at it... and for me it was too much of a risk to investigate so I kept away from the moderation thinking.. its way too slippery a slope for me... and put the thing I value most at risk.. my life.

So what makes the change work?.. how can you make it sure that it lasts? Is my sobriety forever? I know that at first its fragile.. sometimes its a minute by minute thing.. there is luck involved.. but I think the thing that helps the most is hang on to HONESTY. If I always break my promise to myself and keep going back to drinking then I cant rely on myself to keep a promise.. is that who I want to be? Do I like people who break promises? Who do I want to be? That old saying, the greatest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.. so I know that at first its hard to predict that I'll stay sober.. but the longer that I do the more likely it is to continue... so long as my sobriety is not broken.

Can I be sure that this sobriety of mine will last? Well, who knows what will come along.. I've had some big knocks over 10 years, from family deaths to cancer - four operations and six months of chemo.. and having got through those sober does not keep me as a forever sober person.. its a daily thing and a mindset.. no matter what I wont drink... so while I"m a solid sober person I dont fool myself that life knocks can shake a person and I have my strategies at the ready at any time.

Does it get easier? Yes, it does. I'll say that again. Yes it does. I spend a lot of my time around alcohol.. at the beginning I avoided being around alcohol as I was not strong enough and I fixated on minute detail around drinking and people drinking in an OCD type of way.. I went through quite a long hibernation phase while I tried to build resilience.. and if I felt being around alcohol was a risk to me I would go back into hibernation.. I'm happy to sip my tonic water or juice, be the designated driver.. I'm not going to fool myself that just one would be 'fun'. At the point that I stopped drinking I can say with absolute certainty that it was not FUN... I was really really low at that point.

I've found quite recently that I've changed a number of things in my life again.. these changes are conscious.. things that I want to bring into my life.. ways that I want to live... and as changes are needed, I can continue to adjust things.. but one thing I will not adjust and that is my sobriety. Its simple for me, if I want to live, I have to breathe.. but for me I also must be sober in order to life because when I was drinking I was literally dying.

To new people starting out hang in there.. some of the transition into sobriety is hard fought and plain hard but it is totally and utterly worth it. To anyone who may remember me please know that I am happy... (not perfectly 'movie happy ending happy', but happy)

ATT

[available]

Well ATTTT a huge congratulations on 10 years sober. I will be you one day. I had a smile when i read your post as my thinking is basically the same as yours. I had to be honest in my quit and it is only my choice if i drink. Being sober is hard fought but as the time goes on it does get easier but i always have a plan for any situations that may arise.

Take care and thanks for your post.

[Guitarista]

Congratulations ATTTT!

Bravo friend. Love it when you drop in. Thanks. G

[Sunbeam]

Thanks for dropping in, we need to hear more from the truly long term people. Life only gets better, I believe.

[NoSugar]

Like Ava, you so clearly articulated how I feel about sobriety, ATT. It is encouraging to read that you're as committed and grateful after 10 years. Thanks for showing us what our futures can be. Congratulations on achieving 10 years! NS

[abcowboy]

CONGRATULATIONS ATTTT!! It is inspiring for me and many others like me to read posts like yours, showing us that long tern sobriety is doable, and more importantly, worth it!

[Pie]

Bravo, ATT! And thanks for coming back to share your success!

[Lavande]

CONGRATS on 10 years AF ATT!!!!!
Wonderful to see you, glad you dropped in again.

Wishing you the very best!

Lav

[lex]

ATTTT so very glad you posted this! Lex

[starty]

Amazing ATTTT Thank you for showing us it can be done and done well. Congratulations on such a deserving milestone

[All done drinking]

So very awesome. If I may ask, can you share some words of wisdom as so many of us get tempted after months or years of sobriety thinking we can now handle one or have an occasional drink. How have you been able to keep your head on straight when faced with those thoughts, or maybe they have never occurred? Just curious as that seems to be the big relapse downfall, that we think after some time under our belts we can now handle alcohol. Sad, but true for many.

Addy (All done drinking...yes!)

[Pavati]

Great stuff, ATT.

That honesty piece is key - staying honest to ourselves about what alcohol really does to us, and honest about quitting.

Thanks so much for sharing your success!

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Wow, thank you for reaching out and showing us what 10 years looks like! It is wonderful to know that life gets better still and AL is never the answer for us. Well done! Byrdie

[jane27]

Congratulations ink: & thank you for coming here to share your achievement with us!

[ATTTT]

All done drinking.. I think that the worrying part of your post to me is this "thinking we can now handle one or have an occasional drink" Once you remove that thought its simple. You CANT have one drink. Its not an option. Dont entertain it. At its basics this is the core of my sobriety, just dont have one drink.

I did not do the MWO program - I'm not even sure what it is.. 10 years ago it was about using Topimarate for moderation which I dont agree with at all - certainly I always knew that would be useless for me..... I did my own (in answer to some questions I have got). Total sobriety, honesty, exercise, meditation, and then some more honesty. Facing up to myself has not been easy but has been well worth the effort.

Have I thought about drinking in 10 years, well of course I have.. have I entertained it.. I'd be lying if I said no.. but if you hold onto the honest that ONE is the problem because ONE = too many then the strategy is around making sure that ONE does not happen. I used this site in the beginning as I didnt tell my 3D world what was going on.. and that was hard as many here entertain moderation and lets face it the site was set up as an avenue for sale of Topimarate.. but the more I read and the more I got honest with myself, I knew there was no way that drugs would help me.. I was an all or nothing person.. I did purchase Campral but never used it.. Night times were hard, I would take myself to bed early to reduce drinking hour cravings.. Meditation helped (getting out of this head is a lifetimes work, haha) On this site there would be waves of 'slipping' and even enabling of slips.. but me, I'm a 100 percent sober person and each time I saw someone choose to drink (which is what a slip is) I used it as motivation not to be like them but to keep on going. I know it sounds harsh but I"ve had to be harsh on myself.. no easy path to sobriety for me.. I took years before I did anything about it.. and of course now I wish I'd changed sooner.. but thats in the past. I'm ok now and thats fine by me.

Thanks to the rest of you for your kind words..

ATT