Where are the moderators??
Thanks for this thread!!
I posted this in another thread, but thought it might be better here...
I think most of the people who come to this site come to abstain or decided to abstain after their own struggles led them to the conclusion it was best for them. While I think it is a personal journey...we don't all drink or not drink for the same reasons, but I do belive that our social groups influence our thinking, our behavior and out beliefs in what we think is possible and I wonder why so many people who have chosen to abstain come to a monthly moderation thread to talk about how they couldn't moderate? This sounds a bit bitchy and perhaps it is, but it is important to say because it is about the level of support and possibility of options that we allow each here and that really doesn't support the person trying to mod to realize their own chosen goals. In my opinion this is more appropriately placed in General Discussion or The Abstinence threads than here. It is not wrong to speak your mind, but I do think in this area it is not supportive or helpful really. I support anyone here in meeting THEIR OWN goals and I will not imply what your goals should be or what your behavior says about who you are. It is why I personally can not go for AA, because I refuse to believe this is about who I am or what I am or am not capable of, but about what I do sometimes.
When someone is trying to abstain and they slip up, have a bender whatever, even if they do it repeatedly. No one tells them "gee, that just proves you can't abstain". We all say, tomorrow is another day and get back up and try again, but when someone slips when they are trying to mod, there are lots of people to say or imply that that proves you can't do it. Or to feel compelled to say that they couldn't and most people can't...this is a decidely unfair double standard.
You may try to mod unsuccesfully for a while and then get it as you get your legs about your triggers etc, you may abstain now and mod later or you can abstain it is up to you, but I think that if enough people say or imply that something isn't possible it will effect your beliefs too. In almost everything I have read about it a large part about those who are able to moderate is the belief that it is possible.
There is a good book, out of print now, but you can still get it at Amazon, The Art of Moderation: An Alternative to Alcoholism by John Michael, John M. Price, and Sharon Jones.
John was an on again off again abstainer, binger in and out of AA, until he rejected the idea that he had to be one thing or another and assesed his values and internal and external life until he could moderate. It took time and effort, but he did it and is free.
I have had periods of moderation, abstinence and binge drinking alternately throughout my life and I am still figuring things out for myself. One thing I have figured out is that just abstaining has not been that helpful to me, because I haven't really used that time to think about my relationship with AL or to deal with the emotional problems that have led me to lean on AL in the first place. Right now I am doing a period of abstinence where I am going to work on these things, and then mod later. I think this is key.
For anyone who is trying to moderate their use. Good for you, you are taking steps to improve your life! I support you!! Stay strong tomorrow is another day for moderation, for being on the fence, for learning from our slips, for picking flowers, for picking your nose. It is all about what you want to do.
We need positive messages and suceess stories about moderation. Success breeds success. I am so apprriciative of the success stories that I read here. I also think it is true what someone else posted that sometimes when people mod or manage their use they leave the site. So if you are someone thinking of leaving the site, please stay and post some suggestions! I do not believe that most people can't moderate...please don't take this personally, if you found you can't or think you can't and that is what works for you I am happy for you, but people who trying to mod don't need it reiterated over and over again we need loads of support because we are told constantly by dysfunctional addictions treatment cults and everywhere in the media and on the internet that what we are trying to do isn't possible..I say hooey, hooey to that.
Good luck to all in meeting their own goals.
Thanks for this thread!!
I posted this in another thread, but thought it might be better here...
I think most of the people who come to this site come to abstain or decided to abstain after their own struggles led them to the conclusion it was best for them. While I think it is a personal journey...we don't all drink or not drink for the same reasons, but I do belive that our social groups influence our thinking, our behavior and out beliefs in what we think is possible and I wonder why so many people who have chosen to abstain come to a monthly moderation thread to talk about how they couldn't moderate? This sounds a bit bitchy and perhaps it is, but it is important to say because it is about the level of support and possibility of options that we allow each here and that really doesn't support the person trying to mod to realize their own chosen goals. In my opinion this is more appropriately placed in General Discussion or The Abstinence threads than here. It is not wrong to speak your mind, but I do think in this area it is not supportive or helpful really. I support anyone here in meeting THEIR OWN goals and I will not imply what your goals should be or what your behavior says about who you are. It is why I personally can not go for AA, because I refuse to believe this is about who I am or what I am or am not capable of, but about what I do sometimes.
When someone is trying to abstain and they slip up, have a bender whatever, even if they do it repeatedly. No one tells them "gee, that just proves you can't abstain". We all say, tomorrow is another day and get back up and try again, but when someone slips when they are trying to mod, there are lots of people to say or imply that that proves you can't do it. Or to feel compelled to say that they couldn't and most people can't...this is a decidely unfair double standard.
You may try to mod unsuccesfully for a while and then get it as you get your legs about your triggers etc, you may abstain now and mod later or you can abstain it is up to you, but I think that if enough people say or imply that something isn't possible it will effect your beliefs too. In almost everything I have read about it a large part about those who are able to moderate is the belief that it is possible.
There is a good book, out of print now, but you can still get it at Amazon, The Art of Moderation: An Alternative to Alcoholism by John Michael, John M. Price, and Sharon Jones.
John was an on again off again abstainer, binger in and out of AA, until he rejected the idea that he had to be one thing or another and assesed his values and internal and external life until he could moderate. It took time and effort, but he did it and is free.
I have had periods of moderation, abstinence and binge drinking alternately throughout my life and I am still figuring things out for myself. One thing I have figured out is that just abstaining has not been that helpful to me, because I haven't really used that time to think about my relationship with AL or to deal with the emotional problems that have led me to lean on AL in the first place. Right now I am doing a period of abstinence where I am going to work on these things, and then mod later. I think this is key.
For anyone who is trying to moderate their use. Good for you, you are taking steps to improve your life! I support you!! Stay strong tomorrow is another day for moderation, for being on the fence, for learning from our slips, for picking flowers, for picking your nose. It is all about what you want to do.
We need positive messages and suceess stories about moderation. Success breeds success. I am so apprriciative of the success stories that I read here. I also think it is true what someone else posted that sometimes when people mod or manage their use they leave the site. So if you are someone thinking of leaving the site, please stay and post some suggestions! I do not believe that most people can't moderate...please don't take this personally, if you found you can't or think you can't and that is what works for you I am happy for you, but people who trying to mod don't need it reiterated over and over again we need loads of support because we are told constantly by dysfunctional addictions treatment cults and everywhere in the media and on the internet that what we are trying to do isn't possible..I say hooey, hooey to that.
Good luck to all in meeting their own goals.
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