Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Sun, like DeeBee I find you to be a great inspiration and I enjoy your posts.

I haven't shared much of my history anywhere on this forum. Suffice it to say for now at least, that I have researched alcoholism pretty extensively in my past. I married my first husband when I was only 18 and he turned out have a very serious AL and drug problem. He had it when I met him. I was just very young and very naive and thought he could "change". He couldn't. Not that he didn't want to or that he didn't at least try. He couldn't. I admit that I used to think that the only way was complete abstinence. For him, there could have been no moderation route, of that I am certain. I've heard in the past several years about moderation and it caught my attention as my own thoughts have turned in recent years to "I wondered if my own drinking was becoming a problem".

I have read on this forum stories of peoples drinking that cover an extremely wide range of stages of alcoholism. The earlier stages I believe have a greater chance of moderation success. RJ even covers that in the book. It makes sense. Just as with cancer or diabetes or host of other disorders and diseases. The chances of successful remission, remediation, treatments, or cures as the case may be most often depends on the stage at which it is caught. Another really big factor for these cases is generally how badly the cancer (etc) patient fights, how strong their support group is, prayer, medicines, and these kinds of factors. Some make it and some don't.

It really is fascinating isn't it?

periwinkle :l

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi Eve, Lila and WIP,

I was so focused on my last post I didn't see your posts before I hit submit.

Thank you for your input WIP. I truly learn a lot from your insight!

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Om

Dear Peri, DeeBee, Lila, Eva, wip, and Sun (did I miss anyone who posted here today - oh yes you too Limers)...

I am so happy to be in your collective virtual company. You guys are all so thoughtful and I find when I read your posts, that they are so inspiring for their sincerity and courage. Really, really good stuff coming my way from you guys, and all I can say is thanks. Means more to me to be here than I can articulate just now.

Peri, before I forget, I like your avatar too! (I changed mine.. I keep switching with pics from my comp - but the dancing whirling dervish guy will be back, don't worry, I'm like a revolving door of avatars and photos!)

Btw, your avatar (as I'm sure you know) is the symbol of OM. This is the sound of sounds, the primordial sound from India. The meaning of OM is great - there are 4 symbols within the character, each signifying a different state of consciousness. So, one is the Waking state. The second is the Dreaming state. The third symbol in there signifies the Sleeping state. And the fourth signifies the Transcendent state between or more precisely, beyond the states of waking, sleeping and dreaming - that is the fourth state... of pure consciousness...

Pretty cool, huh? : ) Anyway that's the Indian lesson for the day! ha ha. I have been known to chant OM every so often. It's soothing. But that's just the chanting, not necessarily the word. It just the repetition of a sound... any sound with a certain quality, meaning, or 'resonance', I guess... there's a healing quality to it, possibly, I find. There can be.

I'm really absorbing the discussion about Alcoholism/ Problem Drinking... don't know where I fall... it's a problem, I know that. And a problem I've had all my adult life, if I really think about it. Never been a big problem... except for a bunch of times... but by the grace of the Universe, I have been super lucky... and have managed to come out largely unscathed.

Really having issues sleeping... the old noggin' is so damn clear that sleep... well, don't get as tired out as I used to now that I'm largely AF these past few days... guess my body is adjusting to this new deal and it will take some time to settle down and understand and align itself to my new rhythm. It's 1.30AM... I woke up at 7 this morning... still going strong, but finally starting to feel sleep, so this is a good sign, coz I have a meeting at 8.30 in the morning. Need my 7 hours.

Sober sex. Guys.... Yeah it's nuts. Deebs I was thinking after your last post, in which you said that you haven't gone there... the sober sex thing. Well. That's something. And then I got thinking that I hadn't either. Ever. Maybe 1 time... And that's kind of screwed up... That in all my adult life, come to think of it, I have always been buzzed up climbing into bed. I don't know if that was just a side-effect from my life of drinking or what... was I getting drunk to have sex... or just getting drunk and then finding myself in a situation in which... I got to think about this more.. it's interesting and there's definitely something important for me there. But the implications on the relationships I have had (and the one I am in now) is big... so I will dig into this in my head a little more to see what I can realize and learn about myself and my behaviour from this 'issue'.

Ok, time for bed. Good news to report is that I fought off the craving, took Deeb's advice and had some food, which helped, and then did some exercise and watched a movie at home. Tomorrow evening I have to attend a cocktail party/ event as part of work... so that's going to be interesting and my Moderation powers will have to kick in. I am reluctant to go, not because I am worried about myself, but because I genuinely don't want to drink (I'm saying that now at this late hour), and being in that situation is just going to make me have one. But it's okay. I'll survive...

More later folks. Have a good one!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi all,
Eve, thanks for the good question regarding ongoing support. I think I would have died before going to AA. Always sounded like public humiliation. I would probably lose my job working with little kids. All that meeting time. I have so many other things to do in life. Here at MWO you can stop by for as much or as littl time as you have available. It can fit in with any life in the real world.

I do hope I continue to stop by here for years to come, probably we do need that reality check that we could easily slip back into alcoholic habits. I guess that could imply that all those people who go away from here may not be successful for long. Maybe there are other kinds of support that can work for them, I don't know. Maybe this is a question better answered by WIP.

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

zed, thank you so much for the om lesson. I did not know all of that, only a smigen. And I know it is very soothing to chant om, especially in unison in a group. The avatar is actually a tile that hangs behind me in my office. I scanned it then tweaked it to fit as an avatar. So I printed out what you wrote and taped it to the back of my tile. I don't know if you are aware of this, but here in the states, the om symbol has a strong association to those who practice yoga. At least it is perhaps the firt thing many think of when they see it. My first avatar was the periwinkle colored musical notes. I picked that as my first avatar and that's how I arrived at my name. So I'm just trying to stick with the theme of giving people hints of who I am (musical, practice yoga, like the color periwinkle - even though the om is more purple).

Oh and the baby mountain goat! What a story there! I've always considered mountain goats to be excellent mountain climbers, it's what they do! I saw this little guy when we visited Mt Rushmore a couple years ago. He stayed pretty close to mom most of the time. Then he saw this little rock, and strayed away from mom just long enough to "practice". He looked right at me as I snapped this picture. The look on his little face was priceless. As I was snapping (we actually made eye contact, I wasn't looking at the camera), I thought, "these are his baby steps, who knew!" Amazing what we learn from each other when our eyes, ears, and hearts are open. I learned from the baby mountain goat because my heart and eyes were open. Evilou I would love to get your thoughts on this if you read this.

:h

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Mountain goats are so cute, Periwinkle!! I have seen them in real life and they have quite a presense, don't they? And I LOVE the color periwinkle! I am about to paint my living room periwinkle.
wip - sorry I got your career wrong and other technicalities as well! Peri said what I meant a lot better!
Anyways, I am ramping up my program a bit - I ordered AllOne from Vitacost, taking more L-glut, and am listening to Sleep Learning - kept it playing all night. And I am really THINKING about exercising! I feel like I am wasting a lot of time online and not doing a lot, but then as it happens, I am getting a bunch done. Part of my drinking, I think, was in not taking care of myself. Then alcohol becomes a cheap and easy fix way to take care of myself.
Sunbeam, Zed, Eve, and anyone else, hi - happy Monday!
Lila

[j-vo]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hey modders,
Hope everyone's Monday is going well. Lots of good reading here and thought-provoking conversations as well as educational (thanks Zed!)

Deeb, sounds as though you've hit a bump and are frustrated. You WILL get through it. The fact that we're recognizing and do something when we fall off the wagon is much improvement for most of us. I'm using the drinktracker, but I also have my own journal/calendar where I'm tracking my every move. I think this will help me to see any changes and patterns of AL use. It might be helpful if you want to monitor yourself more. You mentioned that AL creates your personality and without it you feel lost at times. I hardly know you and I already know you have a beautiful personality - warm, kind and funny. So hang in there, sister.

Thanks Sunbeam, Eve, and Lila for your continued words of support. Every bit helps me.

Peri - I know you're looking for successful modding stories - can't yet give mine. Hopefully will be able to in the future along with the rest of the lot.

Eve - my twin (I might be the evil one!) I agree on the ongoing support. The magnitude of our drinking problems require a constant support so we don't forget where we were (obviously we've all been where we don't want to be) or get lax in our thoughts or actions, hence a return to the undesirable behaviors. Just like exercise. The more we tone our muscles and get our heart rate up, the stronger we are. Keep strong friends.

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi j-vo,

I was needing stories of long term success not at the exclusion of my friends here. I never intended to come across that way. We are all making our success stories here together. You, as well as the others, play very important roles in that for me. My SIL and I had our first baby within a few weeks of each other and we blazed our trails together all the time they were growing up. But it was still very valuable to receive information and to receive words of wisdom from those who had already successfully raised children before us.

I hope that we will all be able to stay in touch for a very long time and be able to help others for a long time down the road.

periwinkle

[gyco]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

hi all snuck on the comutor,all is sleepin,yea rt,no one told me of these meds holy popoos,yeaaaaaaaaahoooooooooooo,latr

[vera-b]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Happy Monday fellow mods,

Where is bonnie lass Vlad? I was hoping to hear from her after the weekend. Know she was dealing with a lot of things. And J-vo, did you happen to see my late post last night on last week's thread? It was in response to your query about losing a post because you got "timed out." It's just another alternative.

Zed, good luck at your cocktail party. Those can be tricky. When in similar circumstances, I find it best to stay with "mocktails" (non-al substitues like club soda and lemon or lime) to have a drink in my hand for as long as possible. The second "trick" is to not have 2 drinks in a row. If I have a glass of wine (sipped ever so slowly), then follow with a non-al. The last time I was at a social function I never got around to having an AL drink - got so absorbed in conversation. It always boils down to choices (darn!).

Deebs, glad to see you back! I hear ya with the sober sex thing. One of the "side effects" of being sober is that our left brains are not all clouded over. They're free to think, think, think which is not what we necessarily want during intimacy, or when trying to sleep for that matter (Zed, the sleep will come - give it time). What most of us want is to feel not think, so we have to figure out a way to quiet our rational left brain and let the feeling, intuitive right brain take over for a while. I've been reading the book "My Stroke of Insight" which gets into this left/right brain stuff. I'll let you know when I finish it if there's something we can draw from it that helps us in the sack!!!

Have a good week all - see you tomorrow!

Vera-b

[j-vo]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Morning,
Peri - I, like yourself, like to hear the success stories. It's great encouragement to hear that people can do what is in our plan and be successful long term. We're still babies and have lots of maturing to go through but we'll get there. We'd better watch for puberty though!

Yes, Vera, I did get your post and others as well. Thanks. I've begun to copy before I post, just in case I time out.

Have a great Tuesday!

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

the first state

Hello guys,

SO, being the most 'east' of anyone, the one closest to the International Date-line (no one from Japan here, huh?) - my Tuesday is already winding down, whilst the rest of you are just waking up to the day (Deebers of course is already half-way through her day and the Sun is overhead in Africa, as I write this). What can I say, it's been a LONG day. Can't believe it's only Tuesday. Jeez. Already been such a long week. Two long days in a row I guess.

Anyway, so folks, I am supposed to be heading to the Cocktail Party around now, but I have decided to give it a skip. Technically I'm supposed to be there, but it's fine, I'm kind of one of the bosses, so I can do what I want. Ha!

Just feeling a bit down guys, don't know why. Might be something to do with this weather - today was a SAD day in Beijing weather-wise. Winter closing in, if not already here, AND a sky like the Apocalypse has already hit! You have to see a smoggy Beijing day to believe it. It's nuts. A grey curtain of smoke everywhere, the sun out there somewhere but no where in sight. Just greyness. Ok, ok, I recall one of you mentioned how winter gets you down, AND I DON'T WANT TO ADD TO THAT FEELING... it's not so bad, the cold is okay... the light going early, HEY it's FINE... : ) So maybe it's nothing really to do with the weather and more just to do with feeling a bit sad...

My partner has gone to Japan to see her family, she will be back here briefly after a week to pop by to catch her flight back to Germany where she's working at the moment. So maybe that has something to do with it. Just one of those days. Feeling tired...

Craving a drink. Nothing in the house. Some cheap Chinese beers in the fridge, but those I don't consider AL, more like funny, pretty-bad tasting water that makes one fat, so I'm not going to even go there. The choice is the little grocery store downstairs from my apartment that sells wine. Open until 10PM. It's 7.30 Now. Feeling I might just go there, pick up a bottle and have a glass or two. Sorry guys, but I want to be honest of course, and this is how I feel. It's been one of those days... and at the end of it, I feel like I need a drink. I am here, alone.

Anyway, the good news is that I have had only 1-non AL evening over the past 9 days... and so I can deal with another one tonight. Ideally, what I SHOULD BE DOING is getting into my gym shorts and t-shirt and pop into my fitness center, which is embarassing close to where I live. I don't even have to leave my building.. so I feel ashamed a bit to tell you guys that, but this is it. This is a Day in the Life of Zed.

I can't promise myself that I won't go down to that store to pick up a bottle of red this evening, but what I CAN AND WILL promise myself is that I WILL moderate. I will not get stupid, I will NOT binge.

That's the best I can do tonight. A feeling of melancholy is upon me, and a man's sometime's go to do what a man's got to do. And a woman too.

As some of you wise ones have been saying the last few days (and I SO appreciate all the wisdom and the privilege of being 'around' you guys - each one of you), we are all on our own paths, and we each have to find out own WAYS OUT, our own ways... we each walk on our own roads... but we are close to each other, within listening and hearing distance, AND THAT IS GREAT. Our roads are different ones, but close to each other -- and THANK god for that.

The support I am getting from you is tremendous. I fully agree with Sun and the others in the posts about Support. I do also think that this is a long-term game, and the serious ones will stick around, or if they leave, I hope they found Support somewhere else, in some other shape and form, but there's no doubt in my mind that this is not a road to walk down without the right Support group. I feel so lucky to have found this group of champions from around the world, walking along with me, each on their own brave roads, each of us facing our own demons and ghosts and pasts and presents and futures... and each of us MAKING IT.

Peri dear. You have an amazing tile. Wow. That's actually a photo of a tile? Super! That tile is powerful! I hope you can feel its power. So, lesson 2: continuation of the OM tutorial: Have a look at the character (it's a character that I usually draw with a pen on the corner of my hand, just below my thumb, so I keep looking at it myself - it has a deep resonance for me, because it reminds me of home and my childhood, and many good things, and also the power of the universe in something so simple. Anyway. Getting back - Om doesn't actually mean anything in Sanskrit (India's Latin, i.e. the ancient, now dead, north Indian language in which the many of the old scriptures were written down in when 'hinduism' as a school of thought/ way of life came out of being an oral tradition and into a written tradition). It's just a sound. It is said that Om was the sound with which the World was created. So it is the Sound. Of life. The first sound. It's all symbolism, so don't take any of this literally pls, as it's not meant to be taken literally (that's when the trouble begins!). Anyway, have a look at it: There are 4 curves. The upper curve facing left is the curve for Waking stake. The lower curve facing left is the Sleeping state. The curve on the right that is upside down, attached to the left two curves is the Dream state - in between Waking & Sleeping. And the then curve hovering over these 3 curves, like a bowl, is the fourth state, i.e. pure being, nirvana, enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. The dot that sits over this curve represents the Absolute, the Infinite. Absolute Truth.

Ok that's lesson 2. Sorry for the long post. Nice to write and to talk to you guys, it's just nice to ramble on... I'm quite a rambler, as you can see.

Ok more later. HAVE A GREAT DAY. I'll be here, listening to music, reading. It's been a long day, I miss home, but it's a good day.

Cheers all.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

good morning modders!
Hi Zed. So the smog is so thick you can't see the sun?? You sound very focused and all.
THat's good. I am having great results taking the recommended dose of Lglut and kudzu. Before I just wasn't taking enough. I had no desire at all to drink last night. And I found my cds! Now I am excited about my puffy tummy getting flatter! Well, I won't get ahead of myself here. I wonder what I was doing here all this time posting and complaining but not doing all of it.
Jvo how are you doing in your goals? That is a good analogy; all of us maturing together.
Now I don't have this vague sense of fear that I have now had for a few years - of not being able to stop and with that all the consequences....
have a great Tuesday everyone

Lila

[A Work in Progress]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Good morning, modders! You know I look in on you once in a while, there is a lot of good thoughtful writing here, and I always enjoy that. For example, I always love to hear what Vera has to say, and DB, and Lila... others as well.... and now you've got Peri and Zed!

Zed, I am enjoying your posts a lot. I have been a student of Buddhist teaching and practice for quite a while, and have done some reading of various writings in Hindu teaching (not in as much depth), as well. I loved your explanation of the Om character today!

I am wondering: do you have any specific spiritual practices, or ways of thinking, that are applicable for you, in your work to get free from alcohol abuse? For me, I find that a consistent meditation practice, and reminding myself of the 5 (Buddhist) precepts in, that I took years ago, have been helpful.

Hoping everyone here has a good day!

wip

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

great question, wip! Yes, tell, zed. I also wonder about the abstinence issue - one of my fave authors, Anthony de Mello says whatever you renounce is with you forever.
I feel like treating myself today - healthy food, vites as always, because I am sure I am doing some repair.
Lila