Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Yes, j-vo, I got the PM, just took me a while to reply. You know how RJ said in her book that she mixed her words a lot when she first started taking the topa? Well I am doing that a lot with my typing. So I have to do a lot of editing. For instance, I just reread this and I had spelled topa pota, and typing pyting. Stuff like that. Thanks for the info.

Eve, please be kind to yourself. And don't give up! You are drinking less. You are part of this team and we are all here for you! I think I would be more concerned if you didn't care how much you drank last night and just said, oh well. But you are here posting and asking for support. You have my support (for one). I believe in you. So you are back at day one. And you are learning from it. Please keep posting here because you are part of our team. Let us know what your plan is.

I saw a book title at the library the other day "Pick Yourself Up By The Bra Straps". I thought we could adopt that one here at least for the girls. So Eve, pick yourself up by the bra straps. And I mean that in the most loving way. :h It really sounds like you already have done that to a large extent.

periwinkle :l (((a hug for you sweet Eve)))

[vera-b]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Happy Tuesday squadron!

Am home early this evening as my Ladies Bible Study class was cancelled. Sounds like everyone is doing ok, with a few challenges thrown in the mix. Sounds like life to me. Zed, sorry to hear you were feeling down. Those can be vulnerable times as you've acknowledged. This is indeed a journey, but it's not such a bad idea to have a program in place that will help you through the challenging times early on. That's what RJ's program is all about - she threw the kitchen sink at her relationship with AL. Meds, supps, hypno cd's, exercise, diet, and friend support all helped her establish new, healthy habits. It's not easy as our impulse to medicate tough days, celebrate success, fill us when hungry, and lift our spirits with a few drinks or more has been firmly established in our brains. The pathways are set. That's why, and I'm talking to all us here, we need to watch our "slips" carefully as they serve to reinforce a neural path that we don't want. And everytime we return to our good habits, we drive one more nail into the building of the new path.

Boy, didn't mean to get so far up on the soapbox! Guess I'm missing my Tuesday night class more than I thought! So Eve, don't fret. Just give yourself an atta boy for getting back on the horse. Peri, J-vo and Lila, you're sounding all so strong. And Ms. Deebers, you're the life of this party. I will let you know as soon as I finish my book. Hubby's waiting to read it, so may try to finish this week. All this brain stuff is really interesting. Trying to square the science with faith and I've encountered some challenges here. Sun, you're doing great. Do enjoy your posts - and I'm beginning to think the answer for us all lies more in the repetition over time than in any one, key action. But being mere humans, we tend to abandon new actions before they are fully entrenched. Shout out (am I joining the adolescents?!?) to WIP. You're welcome here any time. And to the rest of the squadron, sleep well for "tomorrow's another day" (Scarlet O'Hara). :h

Vera-b

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Eve,
Good for you! Nothing wrong with mistakes/slips, but if they keep happening, probably the plan needs to change. Keep coming back, that's the important thing. Keep reading, thinking, posting your questions. There are lots of ideas here, so you can find your way out.

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi all:
It's hard to catch up with all the posting you guys do! I check in every few days, but have missed about a week, and you guys are a proliferate bunch! Great job, tho. When I started in January this year it was really quiet on the Mods thread so I kind of hung out on the Abs thread reading, but not posting. I wondered a lot where all the modders had gone, so I thought maybe I'd share what I've learned in my 10 months here.

There are a good number of modders who post regularly in the subscribers section. I couldn't say how many because mostly in subscribers folks don't talk much about drinking, but more about "what else" is going in in life. I joined Subscribers both to support MWO because I feel I've gotten so much from the program, but also to see if I could find my place, since I felt most of the boards were about abstinence. To be honest, this Mod Squad Thread is the best support I've seen for modders in my time here. Apparently when the site started several years ago a group of modders helped each other out (you can find some of their old thread in the archives) and just as you folks are sensing, many from this original group stay connected through the subscribers section.

The other thing I've noticed is that some folks move on; they are thoughtful about it, talk about how alcohol has become a much smaller part of their life, and that the need/desire to spend a lot of time on this site has diminished . . .OR they have realized they want to focus on something else. I feel somewhat this way myself at times.

The other thing I've noticed both for modders and those who go AF . . . is that quitting (or cutting back) is one part of the puzzle. Sometimes almost the easier part, believe it or not. Figuring out who we are without alcohol, and how to face those things we use alcohol to avoid or tap down is another journey that many talk about in lets' call it " Phase 2" - which can be done here on the boards, or elsewhere.

So just wanted to share my observations on the questions I've also had about 'where have all the modders gone?' Hope that helps? There are MANY, MANY still around who are successful . . . they just don't tend to talk about how they did it so much anymore.

Keep up the GREAT WORK. You all can succeed too . . .one day at a time.
Fondly,

Ask

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Ask,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and support! We all need that so much.

I think this mod squad has grown over the past couple weeks too! We are all in different places (globally as well as with our drinking) so it can be a bit challenging at times. I think we are still in some ways still trying to all find our "place" on the team. But we all also have similarities and experiences to share. Overall I feel we are gaining a synergy with one another in our support and encoragement for each other.

So, since I don't know you well, would you mind sharing which parts of the MWO program you used, still use as far as supps, meds, cd's, etc?

periwinkle :thumbs:

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

J-Vo, what a great idea to list your books for us to peruse. i wish we all lived closer and could swap books as my local libuary does not carry much in this department so I am spending a small fortune on books at the mo. Like you say, after a couple of glasses of wine, my eyes could not focus on the words so I would just pass out. I love reading and what I am doing at the moment is I have two books on the go. One self-help (my latest is a Louise Hay) which I read whilst waiting in the car for my daughter to finish school and the other is a light-hearted non-fiction. You mentioned Rachaels Holiday - i posted about this book a while ago and if I remember correctly BH replied saying that Marian Keys had an AL problem at a very young age and she has managed to overcome her addiction - I would love to know how.

Eve, I found that when I was modding before I did 60 days AF I too would look to the weekends as the light at the end of the tunnel. So even tho on majority I was achieveing my (then) goals I would slip up once or twice a month as I thought weekends were still a time to let my hair down. Have you done much AF time yet? Sorry if you've told me before. I really do believe and RJ does suggest doing a min of 30 days. I must be honest - I loved my AF time!
You know this past weekend I also went over my mod limit, well it was only from this morning that I started to feel myself again. I spent the last 3 days getting my head around it, thinking WTF did I do that and just generally mopping. There is a lot to be said for mopping tho.... time to reflect, learn and grow.

Peri- How are you doing on the Topa? Other than the muddling of words - and that does get better.

"pick yourself up by the bra straps".... ha ha I just love it. Zed we'll have to pick you up by your jock strap LOL!

Vera, I think you are definetly onto something there. I often will begin a healthy diet but not follow it thro long enough for it to become a habit and end up back in my old ways... same as AL I guess or rather AF. I must make sure that the new habits are fully entrenched into this small gap posing as a brain.

Ask, it was wonderful to hear from you. So chuffed to hear that we are not the black sheep of the family but rather the quieter ones. I believe this thread is going from strenght to strength and yes with so many of us moving into "phase 2" it is awesome to have the confidence to chat amongst friends about how we deal with it. 10 months is a wonderful achievement - huge congrats. I'm looking forward to more posts from you.

Vladster, I hope you get a chance to check in today.... sounds like you have had a rough time.

Zed, what's up? How you doing today... well it's now evening your time.

To everyone else... Happy Wednesday! Can't believe we are half way through the week already.

[startingover]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hiya Modders,

That is something I desperately need to do, sort out my diet! I have not been eating healthily for ages and I am sure that doesnt help my mental health much.

Anyway now I have got a good incentive to care for myself better. A few of us at the army are going to do the Dublin Mini Marathon!!!!! AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH
Anyone care to join us????

Have a lovely day all....

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

I would love to join you Farts, but will have to in thought as it doesn't look like I'm going to be heading your way for a while yet. My SIL and brother are in Scottland so that might be possible next year.

My diet is very yo-yo-fied at the mo. I'll eat breakfast one day and then skip the next and scoff down what ever I can lay my hands on. I am just too happy to be eating again tbh.

[startingover]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Thats how I feel too. My weight goes up and down depending on my stress levels

We are hoping to set up a site so people can sponsor us if they want to so that would help.

Perhaps there is a mini marathon in Scotland too? I am sure Slimeball and Oney would LOVE to do that as well ))

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

hi all goodmorning!
I slept so deeply last night and woke up a bit late. Yesterday I painted my living room, except for one wall. J-vo, I loved the list of books. I also love self help books. Have you done enneagrams yet? Eve, don't feel bad to post here. Just maybe less than a week ago I had at least 4 glasses of wine, and I felt so unworthy to be here as well. I have found the supps make the difference for me hugely. All you other modders, good morning, I have read so many posts here I enjoy, but I can't say much as I got up later than usual and have to get busy. I had one beer, more out of solid habit than craving. I didn't really even want it. So why did I even have it?
Lila

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

the fourth state...

Hi ladies,

I guess for now I'm the man in the group. I love being in the company of such beautiful (it's obvious to me) and intelligent women, so thank you all for allowing me in.

Peri and J-vo, the menopause convo, well, can't say I can relate, but PLEASE don't for one sec feel that you can post the nitty-gritties in the Mod section because of moi or any other men around... go for it. It's actually could be interesting. Btw - us men also go through menpse, have you not heard of Male Menopause? I'm at least a few years away yet I think, but there are days when it doesn't matter and I might as well be in it. Lol!

Yeah Deebs, no bra straps here to be pulled up by.. but no jock straps either. I'm a boxer wearing man! And before you say anything NO I will not entertain being pulled up by my boxers... that would just not be fun. ha ha. SO maybe for me, it's not about being pulled up so much, as being slapped on the back of my head!

Eve, hey, I'm with you. Tues night I went off also, but you know what? It's ok. As Sun and the guys said, we are living and learning and nothing is perfect except for our struggles and that's precisely what makes us human -- and if there's anyone out there who claims not to struggle with something or the other, then... well... good luck to them.

Yeah, I'm thinking a lot these days about Modding, and being here in the squad and reading and pondering our collective thoughts... I am feeling more and more as if I understand this issue with the gravity and intensity that it deserves. I think that AL is (as Sun or Deebs or maybe it was Lila or Vera... yes Vera I think it was you) who most recently stated this quite eloquently... a life with AL abuse is precisely that - that is, it is a LIFE... which to me, means that it is in a large part about a LIFESTYLE, about long-held habits and mind-patterns and comfort-zones and security-blankets... Over the last decade, the short period where I actually did not drink regularly was when I altered my lifestyle completely. I was living in a remote place, doing something completely different that I did before (as an AL abuser) and since (also AL abusing). I had access... but just didn't drink as much. My life was different, I was generally healthier, I walked 6 miles a day, I was outside for 8 hours of every day in the elements, in the midst of mother nature (my job at the time was about that) and so... the AL dropped off quite a lot. That's not to say that I didn't drink in those days, and when I did, it binged. To be perfectly honest with myself, I have not had a period in my adult life longer than a week at a stretch that I can recall (this is no exaggeration) where I have been sober and without intoxication in one form or the other.

Now that's a sobering thought.

Right now, over the past year, once more my lifestyle has altered. As you guys know I have been moving around quite a bit in my life. This is the 4th country that I have worked in for more than 2 years...

Peri, I really want to read RJ's book. I have read a lot of extracts (whatever I've managed to find) and I will get the book. The issue for me - really mundane and stupid and I feel ridiculous even saying it, but I am ridiculous, so I will - is that I don't at present have a credit card. So I can't order the book. But soon as I get a new card (in the works..) I will do so. I am really intrigued by the references you guys have been making to parts of the book, advice from it, experiences of RJ and their impact on you all, plus the Program's in there, not to mention the resources that it offers such as the CDs.. and the tips on sups and meds.

To answer your other question re: sups/ meds, no, right now I am not on anything. I must say that I do have a bit of 'baggage' about heading down the road of sups/meds, but that's only because I don't know much about it I think, and once I get some knowledge on the different medicinal remedies out there I will consider going down that route. Sure. I don't know - Topa - hear some things on the boards about side-effects, and Peri, you mentioned about the words-garbling-while-writing thing just now... so I got to see about that. My background and past experiences has always led me to feel that medication is not the route for me personally... prefer the natural way to get off my issues whatever these have been in my life... but having said that, I realize how ironical and funny that is, since I have never had any problem putting crap intoxicants down my gullet... so what's up with my double-standards about being 'natural' I ask myself? Lol!

I'm such a mess. It's great.

The point is, yes, I very possibly need to look into 'added support'. I think I must start with reading up and doing some homework on the subjects at hand. A good way to kick-start that will be to read RJ's book since you all recommend it?

J-vo, holy wow, you are obsessive. Lol! That's a lot of books on the subject of the special sauce. You should start a lending library or something. That's quite an archive you have there. Some of those titles sound really interesting, wish I had a copies. Being in China, getting one's hands on good books in English is no easy task. But it's getting easier now, although buying a good book in English here still costs an arm and a leg.. and my natural instincts have always been, "No, don't spend it on that... that's the price of 6 drinks at a bar...!" Jeez. Coming back to the idea that we must fundamentally alter the WAY WE THINK to beat this beast down - or to tame it.

Sounds like a few of you are already well on your way to getting there (the taming of the beast). Deebs, you for one. Sunbeam you too. And Vera, you also. You guys sound so strong, and you have been at this struggle for some time now and have put your time to good use. RESPECT. Really. Total respect to you guys. I bow my head down low.

The 30 days Minimum AF deal. Yes. I need to do that. I know that it's what needs to be done. In my heart of hearts I know. I have tried. Not so easy to undertake under the somewhat unique circumstances that I find myself these days... and I know myself well, and don't want to commit to something unless I am sure I have a stake at cracking it. Not that I'm not up for a challenge, but I have to be realistic for now. So the 30 days AF WILL happen. But I have to choose the time when I have the odds on my side (50-50 at least) to beat it. Right now, with some stuff going on, it's like 20-80 chance of making it. But that might change soon. One day at a time and one of these days I'll be ready to take an honest-to-god crack at it.

Until then it's reduction/ modding. And starting to put my mind and body and my spirit in the 'place' where they should be. It's been a hard road the last 10 months. But it's slowly getting better and each day I am getting stronger, and closer to making it, to blowing myself out of this Red Dust world. (a bit of Confucian terminology there.)

Vera, you sound very good - lucky to be working with kids. I see your spirituality and faith carrying you in a strong, positive way, and that's excellent. More power to you, and I encourage you on your journey of Faith. Very empowering! I'd love to hear from quotes if & when you come across any in your Bible studies and if you feel comfortable sharing.

Wip asked me about how spirituality is/ has helped me in my journey, well, I draw my power and inspiration from all Spiritual traditions. My 'self-help' readings consist mostly of books that are anywhere between 1 to 4 thousand years old. Lol! I jump from one to the other and find that there is little difference between any, and that in fact, it is One Great Story. In India, I grew up in a house that had the Bible, the Koran, the Bhagawad Gita, the Dharmapada, and Gibran's, The Prophet, among other teachings on faith and the spirit all neatly stacked up one next to the other on a shelf, in no particular order. My father used to read little pieces of each book to me at random as a child. Feel so lucky for that foundation of understanding.

Goodnight guys. Boxer boy's off to drink some water, brush his teeth and get to bed.

Ahh, yes... Thursday...

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Peri, btw, I loved your note about the baby mountain goat. I'm looking at the photo now, and yes, he is a wee baby. One baby looking at another! Perfect. Ah, to be a baby mountain goat! I've always wanted to be a goat. And I've always wanted to be a mountain. So to be a mountain goat will be 2 wishes come true in the same lifetime..!

Hey Lila, good day to you! ... Gnite.

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

SO, My weight goes on much easier now and comes off so much harder now too. Have you started your job search yet? How are you doi'ng these days?

Hi Lila, I didn't sleep well at all last night! Maybe you got my sleep fairy? Hubby snores like a cartoon bear, doesn't help matters! You "sound" good today!

Soapboxes are good Vera, no need to apologize! :soapbox:

zed, I haven't studied the Koran, the Bhagawad Gita, the Dharmapada, and Gibran's, or the Prophet, only the Bible. But I have heard bits and pieces of some of the others throughout my lifetime and I have come to believe that there are far more similarities than there are differences. I must admit I was a bit jealous reading that you grew up with the benefit of the wisdom of such a diverse mix.

I think that you are on the right track waiting until you know that you are ready to commit to a 30 day AF period before you begin that journey. RJ even suggests that in the MWO book, she goes as far as to say look at the calendar. If there are events coming up that might interfere that should be taken into consideration. I have not been able to find the exact reference.

If you can get your hands on some kudzu, it may be very beneficial to you. It is a natural Chinese supplement that is very effective at reducing AL cravings. I would guess that it would be relatively available to you in China. There are no reported side effects. Also, I have had a few acupuncture sessions and asked for some help there with AL cravings. They can help with that too. So you do have some options in China. And stay on the forum and here on this thread with us for support.

Shout out to everyone else I missed! Love you all!

Must get back to work now.

periwinkle

[startingover]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hiya Peri, No I have no intention of looking yet. I am going to take some time out and see where i am. What with dealing with alcoholism, my mums illness and redundancy all together I get the feeling I need to take a step back and see what I should do, but give myself some time....
You sound good! Sorry about hubs snoring though! I know what thats like. LOL
So its me time for a while.....
See ya later Peri and all you lovelies....

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi everyone,
Another hour of raking leaves after work, but they are just about down now. I have a nice stash on the garden beds. There is still some fall clean-up, but the biggest job I need to get on with is erecting protection for plants against the deer. Larger shrubs I wrap with 1" mesh netting. I put tomato hoops over smaller shrubs, then cover that with netting. The netting is held into place with clothespins.

My gratitude for today is the gift of time. It continues to be such a joy that I can use my time as I like instead of having to work around alcohol's schedule. I have always gained satisfaction from getting lots of things done, but my ability to do that was falling by the wayside over the past few years. The other side of that is that I am getting older, and I get more tired. My back just aches when I work outdoors. The wine was a reason to sit down for rest breaks. Now I do that with sparkling water.

Sorry, I'm not coming across the big pond for a marathon - I don't even walk well! But I ride a great bicycle. I rode to work again today - there won't be many days left that I can do this.

You all sound like you are moving forward. Me too!

Take care, all.