Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

[DeeBee]

Hello Mod friends!

Can't believe it's Monday again, where are the days going?

Well as you all know I wasn't on the boards much last week due to a business trip and boy do I feel dis-jointed. Staying away from the boards, be it by choice or necessity is just not good for me. I so enjoyed catching up on the posts this morning, I feel lighter and more positive than I did last week.

So long story short... I did not maintain my modding goals this weekend. Why? Because I was out to test my new boundries?
Without going into too much detail, hubby and I have not had any US time in the last 5 months since I joined and last weekend I had planned a romantic AF dinner to try and re-connect but it didn't happen for various reasons. So I have literally been itching to somehow re-connect with him and what do I do, resort to my old ways.... AL = Sex.

I felt pretty scaley about myself yesterday. Also used! This is something I really have to get a grip on and work through with some deep thinking and honesty with myself. Sober sex is a new concept that I have yet to try.

I am grateful that today is Monday, a new day, a new week. I want to get in a LOT more AF time than last week and intend to go the next 15 day AF. I feel like I have lost my inspiration and motivation to take my journey to the next level so I am going to push myself this week to try harder.

There was a whole lot I wanted to say after reading last weeks thread but I have now forgotten what I wanted to say... D-UH!!

Zed, I could just feel the positive vibes coming thro, thank you... just what I needed!

So, how is everyone??

Anyone heard from Vladster?

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Cheers to the Cape of Good Hope!

Hey Deebee!! Very excited to have you back... you introduced me to the Squad and then you disappeared so it's very good you're back!

You're in SA, which is SOOO far away from China, but, funnily, I feel like you are closer to me in terms of sheer miles and time diff coz most the the rest of the group seems to be in North America... now that's Really far...! ha ha. But actually, if I pull the map out, you're just as far away all the way there in the southern hemisphere nestling on the Cape of Good Hope!

Hey, without getting into details at my end, my better half is visiting me and I'm trying to keep it together which she helps me with tremendously (she's my glue), BUT funnily enough, last night I had the exact opposite sort of story. I wanted to have a romantic evening and so I decided... to stay SOBER!!! I guess that there is the difference between being a man and a woman...

LOL!!!

Must also add while we're on the subject, that now that i think about it, that must have been a FIRST for me. Sober sex. Surprisingly decent...

Hope I haven't offended anyone, but we're all big kids here right?

Cheers to you and talk more soon.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

LMAO Zed!!

My hubby was in China just a couple of weeks ago so I know that when I wake up at 6am, it is lunch time for you. So that means it should be 6-ish in the evening now... am I right?

After reading about all the countries where you have lived I'm feeling a bit of cabin fever setting in. Hey, the one place i didn't see listed was SA... you'll have to let me know if you plan on visiting so we can have a bunny chow by the sea.

"Surprisingly decent" LOL I had a giggle at that.... my problem is I haven't EVER tried it so wouldn't know.

I'm sure it's something that will come with time and I need to get it out of my head that AL helps.

Zed, you are sounding FAN-TAS-tic today!!

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

6.38PM!

Yup - just past half 6 here... : ) Well, it's time to go home. Feeling a bit of a craving tonight Deebs... wish me luck. Gonna hit the gym and try to tire myself out and lost this anxiousness... also I'm going to take my own advice and chug a big bottle of water! Ha.
Cheers!

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

You don't need luck Zed, you have determination and commitment on your side.... oh and a handful of supps if you've got.... I rate the L-Glut and Kudzu highly!
Have a good one!

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Yes! SA is a must-see on the list. Haven't made it down as yet, but have had the pleasure to know and be friends with a bunch of good folks from SA over the last few years. Fun-loving people, you lot! Love it.

I JUST HAVE TO make it to Cape Town some day. I have heard SO much about the place that I almost feel as if I've been... though I have not! AND I am a HUGE nature-lover, so South Africa is perfect for me.

You and me at the same party... don't know Deebs... we got to work that one out... I was thinking early and having a laugh about.... how much fun it'd be to get together with the entire Mod Squad for a piss-up (Ha ha ha ha).... I mean, we are excellent support to each other to DO the Right Thing and stay Healthy and Moderate our obsessive compulsive ways... but at the same time, we are all soul-mates in a way... couldn't ask for a better group of drinking buddies!! Ha ha.

OK - GYM TIME. GO GO GO Zed... GO!!!

[Guest]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Dee bee, we have the same problem....im going to have to work it out soon or I will be bringing up the kids on my own!

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Yeah Limers, I have been waiting for you to ship me a magic pill LOL! Sucks doesn't it!

[Guest]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

I was hoping you might have the magic pill Deebers....

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Hi all,

Peri, I want to carry over your moderation questions to this week's thread.
I agree with you: the overwhelming evidence is that moderation does not work for most. WIP is an alcoholism professional, that's what she knows from the literature, and from her professional, work and personal experience. The postings are also overwhelming in that same conclusion. But do the successful people go away? Maybe, or else why hang out here? And what is successful moderation? We know there are many answers to that. I think with meds and supplements many people do come to MWO, and are happy that they are just drinking less than previously. If you are happy with that, then you have achieved success. They go right back to square one if they stop using the meds/supplement tools unless they change their habits. I have hung out here longer than many successful moderators because I don't want to drink much, I don't think drinking is so great that I want to do it every weekend, and I don't want to use meds and/or supplements for the rest of my life. I want a life-long plan for alcohol control. I feel I am finally learning how to do that. Post including this one are very therapeutic for me, helping me articulate my thoughts.

Your drinking history will also help determine whether you can be successful: I was not a daily heavy drinker, mostly a binge drinker who also had a drink or 3 on some week nights. My consumption did increase over the years, and there is alcoholism in my family. My binges usually included about 1.5 bottles of wine (I think, hard to know for sure). But my parents did not drink, I did not grow up in an alcoholic culture. My drinking became problematic just in recent years. My social life does not include drinking to excess. I believe these factors help to enable my moderation success. We truly are each finding our own way out, and this is mine. You undoubtedly are different, and will decide different things than me.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Sun,
I love reading your posts, they always make me nod my head in agreement.
I hope to achieve what you have someday.... it will take time, patience and understanding. My biggest fear is that I'll fall back into the old trap and not realise it until it's too late. I feel (for me) staying close to the boards, you guys, will not only stop that from happening but help me grow into who I should be.
Right now, my question is "who am I?" ....... tough one to answer. Without AL to "create" my personallity I feel a bit lost at times.
Like you say Sun, we all have to find our own way.

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Good morning everyone!

Welcome back DeeBee! If I'm understanding you and Limers right, I have the same deal with sober sex. It just isn't working out that well for me right now. Of course the whole age thing we've talked about before plays a role anyway, but throw in the lack of a glass of wine and... nothing. Hubby's not liking my abstinence so well for that reason. ideas? :dunno:

Vlad where are you kiddo?

zed, you are a good addition to the squad. I love your new avatar!

Hi everyone else!

periwinkle

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Sunbeam,
I always appreciate what you have to say as well. I have a question though. How do people with drinking problems figure out how to moderate and stay successful without support? I know with the A.A. program they encouraged lifelong support. And personally when I quit going after 7 years thinking I really had it under control (after all I'd been doing it successfully for 7 years) that is the year I started drinking again!

I would tend to think successful moderators would need ongoing support as well but maybe not?

BTW, nice clarification of W.I.P. It does sound through her postings that she doesn't see a lot of success stories with modders and as a psychologist works with people who have alcoohol/drug problems of varying degrees of severity.

But then we have people like Peri (Good morning Peri), who really NEED to hear those success stories and believe in them as we all do. So where do we go from here?
Eve11

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

OK - wip is an counseler for alcoholics. But this program is not necessarily for alcoholics. In fact, the book says it is for problem drinkers, who greatly outnumber alcoholics. I have gone thru a rough patch over these last years - it has been an exhilerating but incredibly stressful time as well, and I know I am NOT an alcoholic, but did use alcohol to mitigate stress, and I need to learn new habits definately, I do need a 'way out' of this unhealthy path I am sort of on. I have no intention of staying abstinent the rest of my life.
My 2 cents - not sure if this applies to the discussion or not. That is why this site is so valuable for me - I certainly would not fit in at AA! Sometimes when I hear read people's posts I wonder if I even belong here' which is why I like this mod area of the forum.
Thanks you all for your support - all the encouragement I just eat up like candy!!!
Lila

[A Work in Progress]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 10th Nov

Lila;464700 wrote: OK - wip is an counseler for alcoholics. But this program is not necessarily for alcoholics. In fact, the book says it is for problem drinkers, who greatly outnumber alcoholics.

Hmm.... Lila, I am a psychologist. I am not a "counselor for alcoholics." In my clinical work, I work with people who have all kinds of problems, including alcohol/drug problems of varying degrees of severity.

If making a distinction between the term "alcoholic" and the term "problem drinker" is helpful to you... then that is good. However, the terms "alcoholic" and "problem drinker" do not have definitions that are consistently agreed upon, either by professionals in the field, or by anyone else... people use those terms in very different ways. The terms "alcohol dependence" and "alcohol abuse" are defined by the professional organizations of psychiatrists and psychologists (see the DSM-IV-TR), however, those definitions are in the process of being changed, yet again... !

As I've said, NUMEROUS times here, some people with various degrees of alcohol problems CAN, AND DO learn, with or without MWO (many do so on their own, without any kind of program, MWO or otherwise), to cut down their drinking and get it under control. I think it's a marvelous thing when they (you) do that, and I am delighted to see it happen!

best wishes,

wip