Sometimes I think my recovery is like this optical illusion. I believe I have had a paradigm shift since I’ve starting moderating on this site since I initially joined in March of 2007.
At first I thought I could moderate without coming to the site for support. Read quite a few posts and visited for a while. Posted here or there but didn’t stay long and just thought I could do things on my own. That led to disaster…right down the same road to drinking too much and making a fool out of myself again and again.
Rejoined in Sept 08 and had a change of thinking. I realized I need the support here but thought I could form a simple plan and I would be o.k. I guess I’m learning that one keeps learning the more they hang around here.
Funny how my goals for myself keep changing. At first I thought I would moderate and allow myself so many drinks on Friday and Saturday (my drinking nights) with a possible week night to allow for a glass of wine with a business dinner. That worked for about 6 weeks then I suddenly saw my intake on those week-end nights increasing. Backed off, went AF and the crazy thing is the further removed I got from AL the better I liked it. How nice to not drink a thing on a Sat. night and wake up refreshed and renewed because AL hadn’t interfered with my sleep. As a person attempting moderation my thinking has now shifted.
I will not think about my drinking. I will not plan my drinking using the excuse "It's Friday or Saturday night so I can have a drink. If I go out to a nice dinner and decide to have a glass of wine with dinner I will do that. But I will constantly remind myself that (the way my body works) I will feel the effects if I have more than 1. My friend who maintains her body weight well says “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. So I will use that analogy to drinking to remind myself that no AL beverage tastes as good as how it feels the next morning with no hangover and no remorse.
I remain a work in progress…but a happy one.
Go here to see the optical illusion: Young Girl and Old Woman Optical Illusion
Hugs,
Eve11
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