Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Boxer Boy!!

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

tell me about your avatar, BB...

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Glad to hear that Vlad. I am finding I can mod much better if I avoid hard liquor. It is just so strong and seems to hit me all of the sudden, a while after I have had it. It's hard because dh loves martinis but I am trying to have wine, or make myself a tiny one to share with him.

Hi Zed! Welcome (almost) back!

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Good morning,

A lot of the mod squad seems to go into hibernation during the weekends. It?s when I tend to have the most time.

Oh Vlad? how dreadful for you! I thought you were steering clear of vodka? Oh I can?t imagine having to go to church and serve coffee and tea with that kind of hangover, I really feel for you. Let?s say it together now, ?No vodka for Vlad on Saturday nights.? Please don?t think I?m judging, I?m not. I mean that in the most loving way. :h I care about you. I want you to do well beating this thing just like all of us are trying to do. How can we support you?

Ducky, thank you so much for opening up about yourself. My regret is that my children were raised without the advantage of a father. So I believe we all have them in one way or another. Regrets about our lives, dwelling on them is, as you said, just unproductive. I would imagine that Christmas time must be especially hard for you then. I?m not sure where you live, but in our area, there are programs this time of year where you can sponsor an underprivileged child for Christmas. One particular program is from the Denver Police Dept where the officers identify the kids and they actually ask the kids what they want for Christmas. It breaks my heart sometimes to hear what some of these kids ask for, like a warm coat, pjs, or a doll for my little sister. Anyway, is there something like that you can do in your area this year? Buy some special gift for a child in need?

Lila, do you have a fireplace? I don?t know why that just suddenly hit me to ask, but if you had a fireplace to curl up by in the evening with something hot to drink like cocoa or herbal tea, would that help your SAD? You can get those freestanding gas ones if you don?t have a built-in one. When you said you had beer last night, I thought about how I like to drink beer when it?s hot outside. When it?s cold or dark out I like warm drinks. If I want a hot AL drink, a perfect one is hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps or baileys. And both of those have fairly low AL content (I think). Maybe 1 or 2 of those would be more satisfying to you than 4 cold beers?
No I didn?t have any intuitive thoughts, just more something for you to ponder. You seemed rather adamant about having rights. I just wondered if you feel you have had some of your rights unfairly taken from you at some time in your life. And I agree about humane society pets, or abused or neglected pets. I wouldn?t want to be one of those. I don?t know that I would get to choose. I don?t know much about that. I defer to zed. Although we got our dog from a rescue shelter and I think he really appreciates us and his life with us all that much more.

hang in there everyone,
periwinkle

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Oh, more posts since I carried on.

Hi zed!

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

hi Peri
Yes! I do have a fireplace. The kids really love it. I drank beer because it was around from family gatherings during Thanksgiving.
Yes, the SAD thing...I was thinking about the other side of the coin, you know, how it can be such a good time to reflect and journal. Set life goals. Look again at what is important. I have had so much turbulance, and all, and I do think of winter as a very spiritual time as well.
I read a post of yours to a newbie and it was great. I might go to an accupuncturist for this neck/back thing I have (I am now afraid of chiropractors) but I haven't yet,,,very inspirational post.
Lila

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

That is a great idea Peri and I will look into it. Holidays are tough but I find myself looking at women with their children wherever I go and wondering why...again not productive.

Lila, I was afraid of chiros but tried 3 different ones and found one I like. He is more gentle than the others so I am not nervous anymore.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

oh, Ducky, how sad! Would you ever want to foster?

[ducky]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

I have thought of that Lila. The other thing I am considering is being a mentor. I would especially like to help a child with academic potential but who lacks the support to excel. I was a very good student and I think I could help in that way. I think I will look into our local programs after the holidays.

OK, enough of the pity party! I have to get off this computer and make the roux for the turkey gravy. Everyone have a great day and be back later.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

okay Ducky! Thanks for visiting!

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Ducky, Mother's Day was always the hardest day of the year for me. I say that to people and they're like "what?" but you had your kids! Yes, but I would go to church and look at all the intact families. The dad's were so especially helpful on mother's day, some of them bought corsages for their wives for the special day, many of my friends talked about going out to lunch or the special lunch their husband was preparing for them when they got home. I, like every day of the year, took my bratty little boys home and made lunch for them as I did every day and had no flowers, no help, on and on and on. :upset:
I had to do something else. I learned that if I made sandwiches the night before we could pack up and head to the mountains for a nice picnic lunch together. I had something to tell my friends that we were doing as a family, or I didn't even go to church that day if it made me crazy. I just had to tweak my outlook and my behavior. I think we all have a similar story in some fashion if we think about it.

Eventually, as the boys got older, they started getting up before me on Mother's Day and bringing me breakfast in bed! What a treat! OK, sometimes I flushed it down the toilet :flush: cause I couldn't let them know I couldn't eat it (I'm just not a morning person and breakfast when I first wake up just doesn't happen for me). And the coffee, the first couple times was instant with twice as much coffee as it needed. I soon taught them how to brew coffee in the coffee pot. But it was just such a sweet thing for them to do for me.

Anyway, I got way off track there didn't I? I think you got my point. It's just good to do something different like the sponsoring a child idea to change the hurt into a positive.

Hang in there,
periwinkle :l

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

ducky;489200 wrote: The other thing I am considering is being a mentor. I would especially like to help a child with academic potential but who lacks the support to excel. I was a very good student and I think I could help in that way. I think I will look into our local programs after the holidays.

That is an awesome idea! I think that would be very rewarding for you and the child you mentor. Also very productive. I am behind that and support you all the way!

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

hi Peri
Looking back, do you think there was value in having a single-parent family? I don't regret being single. OK, as I write this they are at their dad's, who is not a great parent. I feel like there is a certain magic to it. Did you think that at all? I think my kids are more independent, and lots of good things, actually.
Aren't you proud of yourself for what you have accomplished?
Lila

[periwinkle]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

Hi Lila, the short answer to your question is "no".

I was lonely. I loved my kids and loved spending time with them. I loved doing things with them, we went camping, played games, did lots of family stuff. Their father (or "sperm donor" as the younger one now refers to him) was not part of their lives, I didn't get a weekend to myself ever. I didn't get child support. I had financial difficulties. I was solely responsible 24/7 and never got a break. I had the younger one with behavioral problems as he got older. He was misdiagnosed and medicated with meds that I later found out were making his symptoms worse. I had no partner to bounce difficult decisions off. The school system was against me because of his difficulties, the health care system was against me because I made too little to afford to really have tests and give him the care he needed, yet I made too much to have government assistance with any of it. The legal system... well... better not get me started. I was forced to take every parenting class out there because it was somehow made out to be "my fault" that he was having his behavioral issues at school. I took them. I could have taught them! I parented hard and well! We went to every therapist out there. I was super stressed out I was at my wits end and my SIL told me about a book she had read. The author had a practice in a city about 20 miles from where I live. I got my son an appointment with him. My insurance didn't pay for his visits, I paid out of pocket. It was he who properly diagnosed him with bi-polar disorder. He was 16 by then and this had been going on for about 6 years in his very formative years. So much damage had been done by then and I was exhausted. And as you can guess, having a child with these issues, it more than scared away potential dates for me. In my case, there was no magic. No, I did not like being a single parent. I needed help and I didn't have it.

That seems like a life time ago. I teared up writing that. My bi-polar son as an adult is not the person he could have been. I know his heart, he is a kind soul. But he struggles to this day because of his disorder. I really believe that if he had had the support and treatment he had needed much earlier he would be a much happier person and a more productive member of society. One thing, he knows that he does not want to have children. He does not want to potentially carry on his disorder. He says if he ever finds the right woman he would consider adopting but not reproducing. I think that's some thoughtful and very heavy stuff. I support it.

I'm sorry I went on about it. I am glad that you find single parenting to be working for you Lila.

periwinkle

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread December 1st

oh Peri! Thank you for telling me all this. I don't know what to say...I can't even imagine. How are things for you now? If you don't mind me asking, a lot better, I hope?
I got out of a rotten marriage, so I even now still - well, he was verbally abusive, and just very demeaning to me and sometimes I remember being with him, and I think YUCK. Lucky I DO get support, even though I have to take him back to court occasionally to enforce...