Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

[zed]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

"Simplify, simplify!"

HEY... Keep your chin up Ms. Deebs... You're just a wee bit older than me, I know, but I think of you as my little sister also. I guess we're both looking out for each other and protective of each other, that's why little bro and little sis. Awwww!

Folks. Problem Drinker vs. Alcoholic. I have thought about that too, and don't know what to make of that. All these terms.

Personally, I like to think of it slightly differently, not just in pure AL terms, that is... I think that we're ALL struggling beings. We are all flawed, and a lot of us are reaching to become something better... for something a bit closer to 'completeness'. To becoming kinder, more gentle... more peaceful beings... first to ourselves, and hopefully then to those around us. That's the GOAL.

So I am an Alcoholic.

I am a Problem Drinker too. And there have been times in my life that I have been a Tea-totaller (try drinking on a snowy mountain top while your fingers are freezing. Lol!) I am also a man, a son, a lover, a brother, a friend, a citizen, an enemy.. a care-giver... I AM so, so many things. We all are.

My relationship with Everything is complex, not just with alcohol.

I am guess what my own personal struggle is about, is to simplify my life. Alcohol abuse is just 1 facet of my struggle. I am also working on being a better person. I am working on my relationships, on my being. I am trying to distil myself down to the 'Essence'. ('Heavy'. But that's it. So, not 'heavy' actually. It's just Life.)

As the Great American, Henry David Thoreau, said, "Simplify, Simplify!" (Which reminds me, you folks up there in New England and the North-Eastern US all okay I hope... hope all's well. Saw the news and the power outages and the rough weather.

Life's a bit short. We don't need to be around forever.

So, here's to us living out the rest of our days WELL!

ciao.


PS. Periwinkle my dear - I am off on Friday afternoon China time, so that's Thursday late night your time. BEJ-HK-BOM.

Whooooo-hooooooooooooooooo

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Me? Definitely alcoholic, if I missed a day's drinking I felt terrible and would crave a drink to the point of nearly vomiting. Eventually I felt like that every day and began to be tempted to take AL into work with me. I used to look for an excuse to go to the pub at lunch. But it's not just the physical signs that make you alcoholic, it's the psychological ones as well. Sneaking to the kitchen, filling your glass with vodka, downing it, topping up your glass again, having another quick swig straight from the bottle and then walking into the front room where hubby is, pretending the glass of vodka you now have is the only one you've had, is not normal behaviour. Filling a water bottle with vodka to take to work - not normal. Having 12 shots of vodka before going home, pretending to be sober but then being rumbled as you start to pass out drinking a 4th beer with hubby - not normal. Having 10 shots of vodka before going home, pretending to be sober but then being rumbled because hubby says you've trailed mud through the house and so you try to look at the sole of your shoe by standing on one leg and failing... you get the idea.

Hubby saw my bottle of vodka last night and said, 'I know why you had a hangover Sunday... you drank ALL OF THAT in one session.' Yep, he only found out last night.

OK, better come clean, drank some more vodka last night, but only 4 shots, oh and a can of beer. I was vigilant. Just as well as the police were running spot checks and breathalising people this morning. Seemed to be checking every 3rd vehicle. I slipped through the net this morning.

Tonight hubby is out at a meal with some church leaders. The temptation will be to drink that vodka, the thought has already come into my head (another trait that points to alcoholism). I am determined I WILL NOT and already thought about buying my fav non-AL drink on the way home. Going to make myself a chicken goujon salad. Then write some cards, wrap some presents and post on here... LOTS. Oh and I might play Need for Speed on my computer... so childish. But it works.

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Zed - I've drunk vodka and beer in a tent in temperatures below freezing... you get really bad stomach ache when you drink cold beer in the cold... and a horrible hangover in the morning.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

What wonderful posts to wake up to this morning. I am so happy to be lying here in bed while the rest of my family sleeps on (Hubby's return means the return of the laptop, hooray!)

Zed, I too found your posts thought provoking. I can imagine how hard it is to mod while traveling....the diet analogy makes complete sense. Like you, I want this to be a deeper, more substantial change, and yet I think I have to start with the change in routine, or habit. It is painful and at the same time fills me with hope to dig deeper for real change. At this time in my life I am so focused on my children.... I judge myself and the quality of every day based on how well I think I did with them. I also evaluate each day based on whether, or how much I drank. It makes for a lot of emotional ups and downs, feeling deeply pained if I have snapped unfairly at one of the kids, and guilty, too, if I've used alcohol when I planned not to. I am exhausted from the self-criticism, but not sure how else to get better. I will continue to think on it.

Vlad, your honesty showed such courage. I never drank at work, but I remember one night at my office, thinking almost obsessively about how I would have a drink when I got home. When I did, I couldn't stand having the babysitter stay to chat, because I wanted to get to that drink. Then I wanted my husband, who had returned at the same time, to leave the room so I could pour a second, and then a third shot of bourbon without his knowing. That was the night I joined SMART. Not because I got horribly drunk...It was my typical overly-buzzed, not trashed experience, but because I felt like an alcoholic, and I needed those drinks It lead to a new level of awareness, and a deeper commitment to getting this figured out and under control

DeeBee, sorry about the fight with your husband. I hate fighting with mine...Leaves me with the most lonely feeling. Sounds like you've figured out where it came from. Remember that the benefits of not "partying" are ultimately much greater than the fleeting pleasure of doing it.

Jamms, Good luck with the Topa. I will be interested and behind you all the way as you see what the results are. Peri, I take it you're on it?

I don't know about Topa for me, but I think I willstart searching for a good psychiatrist. My G.P. prescribes my Prozac, and I think I'd like to find a specialist. The challenge is finding someone really good. My moods and my drinking are totally interconnected. If I drink in a "normal" social moment, I feel okay. If I drink because I'm tense and irritable and want to change it, fast, the results are usually not good.

More later, friends. Sara

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

hi all
Zed, hi - are you back now? Nice to see you! If your movie is at Netflix I will rent it! Yes, family is important. Interesting thoughts...distilling self down to the essense, interesting. What would that look like? For me, it is time to do some personal growth again, I will figure where and how, I am sure. I am just too all over the place right now, and I would like to feel like I know why I am here and where I am going. Anyways, I love the deep thoughts, esp now.
Hi Peri, how are you? Yoga in India? Do you do yoga? I need to do something centering, too. But what?
hi Deebs, yes, I know what you mean. Thoughts really are everything...
Vlad, hi, that sounds like a lot, I hope it is not affecting your health, yikes! Computer games have really helped me when I have just needed to get away from my thoughts.
Sara, I have ups and downs a lot too. Raising kids is a lot of work and a big commitment. I think it is really good that you are looking in to getting care for yourself. I was trying to post last night and I saw you had to go cuz someone wanted to snuggle...that is so sweet!
Jamms, have you looked on any of the Topa threads here? There is a lot of ideas on dosing - and just a lot of info. Also, I know in the book the recommended amounts for kudzu have gone up since publishing.
Well, Modders, good morning all and to anyone I missed - (I can only see one page and just respond to what I see)
Have a good Tuesday, and send me good vibes - I am just generally feeling confused about life! Not that that is a bad thing, it may be a very good thing...
Love
Lila

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Lila;496123 wrote:
Vlad, hi, that sounds like a lot, I hope it is not affecting your health, yikes!

Which? The 12 shots and 4 beers? (I don't do this anymore, erhem - with the exception of last Sunday or course!)

or

the 10 shots and standing on one leg?

or

the 4 shots and 1 beer?

or

the amount of things I've set myself to do for tonight whilst being AF? :H

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Where's the snow??

Good morning to the Mod Squad,
Some of us already up and or on different times...almost always something going on here.
Sara, you sound happy, nice and cozy with your laptop back in place and hubby home. I guess the peace and quiet won't last too long. Do the boys have school this week? My honey-haired-girl wore her PJs inside out last night (it's apparently a superstition) hoping in vain for the snow storm to hit us.It appears now that it was off target!
Sara, you care so much about being a great Mom. You ARE a great mom; and it's not just beacause you try so hard and care so much. I hope you remember what we discussed about the "care and feeding" of boys. They don't take a whole lot to have a happy childhood. You are already doing the most important thing: you are staying sober (keeping in mind the definition), awake, and available.I have no worries about them or you.
Vlad: Your post reminds me of my scarier days! I'm glad you are here with us so we can keep an eye on you! I'm going to poke around the posts and see if you've posted or talked about a plan somewhere. Maybe one of us can help you adjust your plan or come up with one that is more effective?
Zed: Yes, am I an "Alcoholic"or "problem drinker"?? As DeeBee pointed out; the definition is very subjective...I certainly don't want to throw words out there casually that would bother anyone. I call myself an "alcoholic", and I do it pretty offhandedly. I'm sorry if I sometimes presume that we all call ourselves that. It's what works best for me.We must define ourselves in a way that helps us in this part of our own journies... Now I'm a "Modder" too! What fun it is to find others like myself! And I will, Zed. I WILL simplify my life this coming year (I said that LAST year).
DeeBee: I hope the smoke has cleared. AL (in either partner) can certainly fuel the fire, can't it?
Everyone: I recently subscribed so I got a trial bottle of Kudzu and now have access to the Program's book. I've looked over the past day's posts and wonder if most of us are on the medications (prescription and not)? I will read the other threads I guess, to see what the opinions are and how long term people intend to use them. I trust the"Squad's" opinion, so I wanted to ask here first (unless it's private) .
Well, my coffee cup has been empty for half an hour...I'm going to fill it and then see what the missus is up to. Have a great day, Mod Squad!
~Kid~

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Kid Shelleen;496147 wrote: Vlad: Your post reminds me of my scarier days! I'm glad you are here with us so we can keep an eye on you! I'm going to poke around the posts and see if you've posted or talked about a plan somewhere. Maybe one of us can help you adjust your plan or come up with one that is more effective?

Think I have posted it somewhere, generally my rules are not to have vodka in the house (OK, flunked on that one at the moment), 2 drinks max on a week night (flunked on that one last night), a max of 3 drinks on a weekend night (didn't drink this weekend at all) and as many AF nights as possible. Think I've managed 6 so far this month, tonight will be a 7th.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Vlad, I am sorry - I hope I didn not talk out of turn - I just remember getting vodka once, so the kids wouldn't see me having a beer - so I could hide it in my fruit juice, and I just got so sick accidentally. It is so easy to drink way too much....I got so hung over, I vomited in the morning, ]oops have to run!

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Hi all- well 1st night out on the pact hubby decides to take me to dinner to bandage some bad vibes from Sun. I order a glass of chard to go with the wonderful meal. But only one. So, count me back in for Tues.-Fri.
DeeBee- I totally understand the feelings that come from the "left out of the fun" feeling. My hubby travels and golfs alot all while drinking copious amounts. I feel left out alot esp. now when I am on the program. Although it was worse when the kids were tiny and I was home keeping the happy home flowing while he was out drinking. Pisser! Arouses feelings of abandonment in me-left out and left behind. So it is a ripe time for a row. I have found if I plan a great chick flick to watch or meeeting a friend really helps.
I want to go back and read some of your responses to my Alcoholic or Not question.
Off to take the little one to school
Blessings-
your St. J

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

Lila;496189 wrote: Vlad, I am sorry - I hope I didn not talk out of turn.

No not at all, was just a bit confused as I was thinking that 4 shots and a beer wasn't so bad... especially as I count a shot as ? a drink (my shot glass holds 25ml).

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

I meant more the 10 shots....less is definately better!

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

LOL, at work I'm doing a features document on one of our products. One of it's features is ALCOLOCK, not sure what it is really but having fun imagining it's a feature to track alcoholics going to the off-licence.

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

ah-ha, that's what it is...

The Alcolock car breathalizer - Engadget

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread 15th Dec

hi mod squad just a quickie from as I am off for a massge to stop me breaking my pact, had a horrid day at work and tempted so much by the chilled stuff but will have my massage an early night and be so so pleased tomorrow. Jamms and SS although i want to do the prog proper from 2009 i will not be taking the TOPA, i just want to listen to the cd;s and take the supps every day regularly, also really health diet and introduce the exercise as a must! I have had to buy a jotter to-day because there is so much good advice and though provoking stuff on this thread that by the time I have read all the posts I have to go back and read them all again to remember them! This way i will jot down the tips, the questions and the advice as I go. More later -- be good - KW