Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hi all- o.k. I will pact with you all to be AF for the next two weeks. (did I just say that?)
I am ready and armed with prayer, my modding buds, and the fact that my heavy -drinking spouse will be travelling the next two weeks. Helps when its not in the house-even the sound of a bottle opener can be a trigger!
Looking forward to a new year with all of you.
Blessings-
St. J

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

When did your 2 weeks start???

St J??
They are rolling! Did you start today; or been AF a day or two (or more)??
I'll update the PACT list...
KS

Cross my heart,and hope to die;Stick a needle in my eye.."
* Phrase uttered by children after making a promise to indicate the depth of their sincerity: the speaker is so committed to the action just agreed to that they offer self-inflicted pain and a death wish as proof of their seriousness.
(Must be accompanied by a gesture of drawing a imaginary "X" across the speaker's own heart, or else it doesn't count.)
Mod Pacts INVITATIONS:
*JAMMS: Started "the program" (and a 2 week AF/Modder MWO Program Starter thread!)
..2 weeks AF until Thursday Jan. 15th(at least) (good luck)
*Kid: AF Friday, Saturday,Sunday
*KW: Mon,Tues,Wed,Thuday
*Sara and Sunbeam: Friday (1/2) starts 2weeks AF!!(Good LucK)

ANYONE ELSE??
Feel free to join in with any ongoing pact
(or start a new one)
Remember:you've :h "crossed your heart" :h


ModSquad:
Vera-b,Lila,Sunbeam,Kid,Jamms,Ask for Help,janie
St John,KeepWalking, DeeBee,Sara,Periwinkle,Eve,
Vlad,Trixietrack,StartingOver,
Zed, One2many,(Cyclefan,Zeppie,Gyco,J-vo,WIP, and Tawnyfrog visit)
__________________

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Yes, the same water fountain.

Anyone heard from Peri?

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Now that you mention it, JAMMS...

JAMMS;509701 wrote:
Anyone heard from Peri?

Hmmmmm....no.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hey Modders!

Day two and doing pretty well. I wanted a glass of wine when I started cooking dinner tonight, but hubby reminded me that I'd regret it if I had it, and I poured a diet tonic water instead. It was really just a brief urge, but I definitely heard that voice saying "oh go ahead, just one, then start your two weeks again tomorrow." I really am pleased to be able to say I resisted.

I just realized I'm way behind on reading this thread....Think I'll get caught up before I ramble on about myself anymore :H Sara

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Okay, I'm caught up. I think. The whole issue of modding is so touchy, isn't it? I too would love to read whatever you want to share Kid. You are wise and wonderful.

I suppose it's a touchy subject in part because modding is what almost everyone with a drinking problem has, at least at some time, wished passionately to be able to do. Obviously it's a deeply personal (and I mean personally meaningful, not private) question for each of us to answer individually. Can we or can't we? Is it harder or easier? Are we kidding ourselves? Do we have a "disease" that will progress if we keep drinking?

I can only answer for myself, of course. What I know at this point is that I have had fewer problems with drinking since I decided to moderate thoughtfully, knowledgeably, and with support and guidance, than I ever had before. I did about 60 days AF with the help of SMART. I wasn't ready to say "I can't ever drink again", not because I "couldn't stand" the thought of living without alcohol, I could. I just didn't really believe, deep down, that I had to. I didn't, and don't, believe, as a wise and wonderful friend said to me in jest, that I am ever going to drink my mouthwash. I don't feel out of control. I just feel that I have to be more mindful than many drinkers. I have to plan, and I have to care enough about being well and sober to make it work.

It's a great topic... Sensitive, yes, but important. Love to all. Sara

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Great way of describing it Sara:

I too feel that I have to be more mindful than most people (who do not have a problem with drinking) but that with thoughtfulness, insight, and support I can enjoy alcohol in my life in modest amounts.

Ask

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

I'm going to let it percolate, Sara...

Sara,
It IS a touchy subject. I don't think it has to be, but as you and I know, it often is. Modding isn't easy. It isn't for everybody. It's not even for everybody who WANTS to do it. The touchiness I see comes from 2 camps. On one side you have AFers who have tried it, can't do it, and therefore decide nobody can do it (and press that point). On the other side you may have some modders who are a little defensive because it's NOT going as well as they hoped but they aren't going to throw in the towel yet. They don't know if it's going to work or not, so they don't have the confidence to defend what they are doing. We can change that.
My hope for this site is to help modders make a plan, use the science and the same programs that work for abstinence, to control their alcohol use at the level they want.
You gain respect and credibility by proving you are doing it, right?
I think the AFers who are confident in themselves and their choices, along with modders who are DOING it successfully, don't HAVE to argue with anyone. They are successful in what is working for them. If someone wants help or advice to pursue either goal, they are ready to help.
*But I'll percolate on it and add my 2 cents later...:H
~Kid~

*And besides some gorgeous, smarty, genius girl already said it all perfectly and there's nothing for me to add!!

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

And here I was lying in bed worrying that I'd sounded insensitive or might have offended someone. I just need to say (so hopefully I can sleep) that I didn't mean to imply that I don't know what it's like to feel out of control. The day I joined SMART was the day I had come home from work and had three shots of bourbon, behind my husband's back. I felt so ashamed, for wanting the relief of a buzz that badly. And I do know that "vampire" feeling ( was that Vlad's expression? I forget, but it seems so apt) of just really wanting more when I know I've had enough. I believe that I am learning to recognize it and deal with it in new ways, but I do know it well.

Also keeping me awake is one more concern, so I'll get that off of my chest too. The discussion of welcoming Newbies reminded me of the warm welcome I got from Periwinkle when I first showed up here. She and Zed and Ducky were all very active on this thread at that time. I worry that the arrival of "newbies" (like me) has driven them off, (although I know Zed's in India, right?) It can be hard when a group dynamic changes, and I hope very much that this thread feels truly welcoming and accessible to anyone, old or new. It sure feels important to me, at this turning point in my life. :h

Okay, maybe I can sleep now. See you tomorrow. Sara

[dhs]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hello everyone,

Just checking in and trying to find my way around. It is interesting that a MOD website still has Modding issues. Well, I am glad we are here because I don't see one reason why we can't accomplish our goal if we put our mind to it. I am happy I found you:-)

I also did close to 60 days with the help of SMART. I was so great to feel my life without one drop of alcohol for 60 days. I will get that again. It is in my plan for the long run. However, I cannot and could not "stand" the thought of never having alcohol again. I just couldn't. Before my 60 days I had one beer at a party and felt like a loser. One night I had a bottle of wine and felt why bother trying. Now having a bottle of wine in one sitting is NOT IN MY PLAN anymore but I can't imagine never having a drink or two again. That is my downfall with AF FOREVER. I can't comprehend it so I feel like I am a time bomb ready to fail at any moment.

What I want is moderation. This is what I want. I want to have a few glasses of wine at my husbands Christmas party, two margaritas on New Year's Eve, a glass of wine at dinner (when my hustband has one), a beer at a summer birthday party, a glass of champange on Christmas and that is that. Never being able to do that would get the best of me and I would drive myself crazy and drink every night for two months before I got so sick of myself I could pull myself back out and give it another go.

So Kid, lets do this with the credibility and respect you talk about. We can choose to stop at one or two and have the ability to do this just like the AF person has the choice to not take that first sip.

Nce to be here!!!


dhs

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Great to have you here, dhs! Your description of feeling "like a time bomb" , and that experience of feeling "like a loser" for having one beer, is something I saw a lot at SMART, and is exactly why I don't think abstinence is the only, or the right, choice for every problem drinker. It seemed that for a lot of people at SMART, a "slip" became a terrible fall, and I don't think it has to, at least not for everyone. It seemed to happen to people who thought it was inevitable, and there lies the danger of the disease model, and the "powerless over alcohol" model. For me, the idea of being "powerless" is dangerous. It is only since I came to truly feel I have power over my behavior that I have gotten a handle on this. Another 2 cents for the piggy bank. So glad you're here, Dhs, and keep posting... Sara

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hi all,
dhs, welcome again. After one year here at MWO, I have pretty much achieved what you hope to accomplish - only occasional social drinking. One reason I keep alcohol in the picture is that I don't want to be afraid of having a drink, I don't want to be afraid that having a drink will throw me back to where I began. I have found that you have to include alcohol in the picture to learn to control alcohol. I posted my story yesterday under Tell Us Your Story, with a title of My Own Path.

OK, time to get into the shower and get ready for church.

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hi all, Kid please can you put me in the pact for AF, mon/tues.wed/thurs, i am off on a girlie pamper spa weekend on friday and although the drinking will be very moderate we do kick start proceedings with a glass of sparkly so i will be back on track the following monday. I will have to do my pact week by week as ive given it a lot of thought and i know if i say i will then be AF til the end of January I will think of nothing else, its like being on a diet thinking of food all the time!! So my plan as from tomorrow is AF, back on the supps, cd.s, lots of walking, lots of water, early nights and I expect that for each day until Friday, wish me luck, am anxious already but will do it!! I want to do exactly what DHS says above but without the mental torture so i need to start re-training my brain PROPERLY. I am also joining WW on thursday as I want 2009 to be my best year yet. Evie thanks for your support on that one xx Good luck to all who like me are starting day one tomorrow?? Thanks for the pact Kid, it will help me stick to my goals! I can lie to myself but I promise, cross my heart and hope to die I WILL NOT lie to this pact!

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Morning all. DHS - sending you a warm welcome again. Glad to have you on the mod squad team.
Sara - I'm the one who posted the vampire feeling although I'm sure most have had that feeling as well. The feeling? Can drink 1-2 and stop without a problem. Vampire: Drink one or two thinking you can stop without a problem and the vampire kicks in. Tasted a little blood (AL) ... have to HAVE more!!!
My modding concern has always been will that vampire feeling kick in and I'll have more than intended, wind up in some kind of trouble (DUI, fight with spouse, embarrassment to kids etc.) and be kicking myself in the butt thinking I shouldn't have deluded myself that I can mod.
So far that hasn't happened. Just being more aware of what I'm doing has helped me be in more control. Even the few times I've gone over my limit I have been in more control (no slurring, sloppy behavior) because I think I'm so much more conscious of not doing that.
Wanted to be AF last night. The dinner guests brought a bottle of champagne LOL! Remember how I recently posted if an old friend from 20 years showed up with Dom Perignon I'd say no!! Well, I planned on keeping my commitment and know I would have if that bottle had been cracked open because I was firm in my AF intentions. Luckily I didn't have the extreme challenge because they never got to the champagne over the course of the evening. I had flavored water and when they had beer with the ribs I had my bottle of amber O'Douls and I swear it tasted as good as their fine quality brew.

Sara and Kid, how is SMART different than A.A? I'm very familiar with AA having been a trusted member for 7 years. How I got started with A.A. was having co-dependency issues about my alcoholic dad. The therapist gave me the standard alcoholism test - and I failed it. All problem drinkers would fail it! So she said I should look into my own recovery. So I joined A.A. and didn't drink for 7 years. Just cold turkey, didn't drink - no problem. So was I, am I an alcoholic? or a problem drinker like RJ talked about?

I didn't like the stigma of not drinking. Back then seems everyone was a social drinker and I stood out to the point of people asking questions of why I didn't drink. When I said I was a recovering Alcoholic I got the strangest looks. I confided my recovery to a co-worker who gossiped about me and the whole thing of being a "recovering alcoholic" with that stigma just plain got to me. Started to see people who were drunk and I'd be thinking "I never got that bad" ...etc. So eventually I started drinking again.
The downfall? I'm still a person with a drinking problem. So, even if I'm not as bad as the true street alcoholic with no home, no shoes and a bottle in the hand - I can wreck my life just as easily if I get too drunk, black out, etc.
So, I'm here - modding since 9/2/8 and so far I'm doing a pretty good job at modding. Love WIP's title and I remain the same ... a work in progress.
Hugs to all
Eve11

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for December 29th, 2008

Hi all- Checking in kinda late....long story....welcome dhs, good to see you, I hear what your saying...I wanna be able to have a beer a summmer bbq without drinking 18 more and falling down a flight of stairs in front of someones grandmother.

Had some weird dreams again last night....can't remember them exactly..just woke up feeling very...."tired" and "out of it" I still do and it's after 5 pm......

Anyway, in regards to the MODDERS vs AF'ers... can't we all just get along! It is a touchy subject...I wish it wasn't. It is what it is.