I'm beginning to see modding isn't my thing. But I'm afraid to admit it to myself let alone anyone else.
I could tell in my son's behaviors and his words that he's recognized this downward spiral as well. It hurts so much to let him down. I hate it like nothing else. I've even asked for help with that before, now I feel like such a jerk for F-ing up again.
To boot, I feel like I have a dull pain in my liver, and I've on numerous occasions have tried to research and learn what may be the causes - duh! Of course it AL. Stupid comments I've made here or there lately to friends, family. Stupid things I've done. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Then I read how unsuccessful people are at going AL free. They slipped, relapsed. . . I know deep down that I'm not going to be able to mod, but I'm feeling afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid that I'm going to go back to trying to mod and fail again. I'm too old to keep failing in life. Missing out on so much in life. For what? A buzz, then drunk daze, hangover, sick, hurting others and then the cycle repeats and repeats.
You are my mod friends. Maybe you can help me - I'd never put down your modding goals. Believe me - I'm not a judgmental person. I just don't feel like I can mod, but I don't know how to live a life free from AL. I did it for 69 days, but never longer except when I was pregnant. I don't want to be a "dry drunk" if that's what they call it. Oh shit. That's all. Thanks for any words.
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