I Need to Abstain, but can I?

[A Work in Progress]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Great idea, Eve, and I agree with Sunbeam... I think it should go in General Discussion, since there are many AF people who never read Mod threads, and vice versa... and in either "camp" there are plenty of people who would have much to add, and much to learn, in such a discussion. Titles? hmmm, my brain is drawing a blank... sorry, no suggestions, but y'all will do fine!

[Eve11]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Thanks all. I started a new post in generals entitled "From mod to AF-When did you throw in the towel?"

Thanks for your reply to it WIP. VERY insightful! Check that thread out J-Vo as there will be good info for you I'm sure.

Eve11

Addendum: WIP - Just read your thread under General "I can't stand it..."
J-Vo this thread is a must read!! Awesome WIP. You got great responses as well which will be insightful to J-Vo.

[nancy]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Hi again

I think you really might like that Alan Carr book.

Also, just wanted to say, you have hit on something really important when you say that you have become empathetic through this. That's what this is all about. When you have a drinking problem you do things you are not proud of, but this also gives you compassion for others who struggle with things they don't like about themselves and who have done something wrong in the past. They might not know alcoholism but chances are they know some other sort of pain and many struggle with other kinds of addictions, to food, drugs, gambling, sex whatever their vice is.

I think being judgemental is more the norm with respect to alcoholism. But that's what's so great about coming to a place like this. I don't believe in completely surrounding oneself with alcoholics as some people who go to AA do, but to have at least a few confidantes who completely understand what you are going through, well that's worth a lot.

I also just want to say again, if what you said is true, that only a few people in your inner circle know, I think you may be wrong that people will assume you are alcoholic if you are not drinking. Not at the stage of life you are at. In society, something seems kind of respectable about a mother not drinking. When people ask you if you want a drink, you just say something like: "actually, could I have a soda or water or coffee (a little tired and need to wake up!)?" No questions asked.

[j-vo]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Thanks Eve for getting this ball rolling. I'll be there to check it out.

Nancy - I think you're right. It's not that I feel pressures daily about whether or not I'm having a drink with others. Actually, in my stage of life, it's "not cool" to drink, especially being at so many of my son's games and afterwards when we go out to eat. I certainly don't feel pressured in that way. And the only time I would would be special parties (which there aren't many I have to deal with - not like I have business meetings and such) but they are few and far between. Yes, I'm grateful for this site and all the support and encouragement we can get and give! Thanks Nancy.

[WannaBFree]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Hiya, I have not read Alan Carrs easy way to moderation book but i did read his easy way to stop smoking and it worked a charm. Nice story actually.. I was on a plane to Greece and struck up a conversation with a lovely man next to me and on having found out that i wanted to stop smoking he reached into his bag and said..." Give this a go, just post it back to me when your done". I thought this one of those special random acts of kindness. I posted it back with much gratitude and have not smoked since Nov 20th ( even when I have had a few too many drinks!), that one always got me before. SO my point being that it worked for the smoking like nothing else ever has so I am going to get myself his modding book asap!!

[irishgal]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

to drink or not to drink,

I agree with all the good advice here.
We should not care/worry what others think. I've met and socialized with people who drink an people who don't. I don't think an explanation is ever needed as to why one wants a ginger ale rather then a merlot. It's choice.
The hard part is internal.
And while I am still in the goal setting position of trying to create a 'moderate lifestyle', I do understand why some would find it easier and better to just 'quit'. I am an ex smoker. Being a 'light' smoker just didn't couldn't work.
I may find that out about excess drinking, but as I am only on a couple of years or drinking in excess I'm not ready to go there yet. But if I find I cannot regulate I too will go to AF.

Good luck to you and don't worry about others; you did your 69 days, and to me that means if you want you can do ALWAYS
P.

[j-vo]

I Need to Abstain, but can I?

Thanks Irishgal. I appreciate your comments. And you're right. At my age, it really goes unnoticed most of the time. It depends on what group I'm with, but most of the people I associate with would not even notice if I had my diet coke or beer. The pressure definitely gets lighter as we age!