Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Greetings, Modders!

Vera! So glad to have you back!
St. John: So glad you're doing great!
Keepwalking: You sound excellent...So focused and energetic! I need to start walking.
Sunbeam: Hi
Eve I agree, for me it is essential to keep coming back here. It's reinforcing and encouraging, and keeps me thinking.
KidThanks for keeping the pacts going. It seems to be helping a lot of people. Making lunch for Cat and doing laundry (sans gin!) You put the average American husband to shame! What a guy.
DhsI know what you mean about a rough day getting the kids back to school. It sure is a lot easier to get them organized and stay sane without hangovers, though. One thing I've noticed since I cut back is that they usually seem to have matching socks on! Small feats (small feet, :H).

Eve, about SMART. It's different from AA, in that it incorporates the ideas of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, and the idea of "rational recovery". (There's a good book by that name, by Jack Trimpey.) SMART tries to help people learn to stop drinking because it is a rational, healthy thing to do. It provides a "tool box" to help with this. The idea is that we can learn to handle our emotions in new ways, and that that makes it easier to avoid drinking. Many people start by doing a "Cost Benefit Analysis" about drinking. They put a lot of thought into why they drink, what the "benefits" are, and what the "costs" are. I found this useful. There is a lot of work on looking at how our thoughts effect our emotions. If you've heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that's basically what it is.

SMART also doesn't endorse the idea that we need a "higher power". It appeals to a lot of people who can't relate to the religious/spiritual aspects of AA. At SMART, it's not considered to be important to identify oneself as "an alcoholic" or as having "a disease".

This is a pretty cursory description...But I think it covers the basics. Kid? Dhs? Do I have it right?

Nine year old's up...Time to refocus. Have a great day ( or night ) everyone. Sara

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Hey Gang...

Rainy and wet here in River City!The kids are safely at school. Cat's safely at work. Sara, thanks for explaining SMART, and explaining it so well. I'd forgotten that Eve asked about that.
Coffee time!
Hope the PACT rats are doing well!
~Kid~

Sarasmiles;511620 wrote:

...Eve, about SMART. It's different from AA, in that it incorporates the ideas of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, and the idea of "rational recovery". (There's a good book by that name, by Jack Trimpey.) SMART tries to help people learn to stop drinking because it is a rational, healthy thing to do. It provides a "tool box" to help with this. The idea is that we can learn to handle our emotions in new ways, and that that makes it easier to avoid drinking. Many people start by doing a "Cost Benefit Analysis" about drinking. They put a lot of thought into why they drink, what the "benefits" are, and what the "costs" are. I found this useful. There is a lot of work on looking at how our thoughts effect our emotions. If you've heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that's basically what it is.

SMART also doesn't endorse the idea that we need a "higher power". It appeals to a lot of people who can't relate to the religious/spiritual aspects of AA. At SMART, it's not considered to be important to identify oneself as "an alcoholic" or as having "a disease".

This is a pretty cursory description...But I think it covers the basics. Kid? Dhs? Do I have it right?

Nine year old's up...Time to refocus. Have a great day ( or night ) everyone. Sara

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Hi everyone, I'm around - just don't really feel I fit in here with this thread at the moment.

[Lila]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Me too...hi everyone!

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Hi! What's up, Vlad? Why do you feel you're not fighting in? And Lila, does "me too" mean you feel that way, too?

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

OK, this is just my opinion and I know many people on this thread appreciate this aspect but pacting and planning just isn't for me. I end up just thinking too much about when I'm going to drink and how much. I understand it may work for some people and that's good.

I think when I first joined MWO this may have suited me as I'd done 2 previous abstainations and was trying to mod effectively. I was generally still drinking everyday although I'd reduced it to 2 beers a night, maybe 4 on a weekend day. I wanted to get to a point where having a drink or not didn't matter to me. Because I was obsessed with where my next drink was coming from I struggled to get a day AF.

I still have my rules, no alcohol to be kept in the house, only purchase what I intend to drink that evening, take a restricted amount of money when going out, weekday no of drinks allowance: 2, weekend day: 3-4. And stay away from the vodka. I know these rules work for me.

Unfortunately over Christmas I didn't stick to these rules, but even so, now my thinking is different. I have been AF the last 2 days and can I say, it's been a pleasure, even despite feeling groggy yesterday and having mild (only mild) shakes today (I didn't even know, embarrassingly the boss pointed it out... making a joke about me having DT's! I stress it was a joke).

Yes, being AF has been a pleasure. A few months ago I would have been sulking or depressed because I couldn't have a drink.

Anyway, I am trying to get to a point where drinking isn't important to me and I can just take it or leave it. I think I may be getting there, and the Army Thread seems the comfortable place to be for me on this Forum at present. I think also because a lot of people there are from the UK and in the same timezone as me.

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

So good to hear from you, vlad. I have thought alot about you lately. Will pray for you to find that place of peace.
Blessings

[vlad]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Thank you and thanks for thinking of me.

[cyclefan]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Hi Modders, Happy New Year to you all. I read this thread with enjoyment every day. Congratulations on all your successes!

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Hello All-

KID-I love the new thread! I'm waiting to get some time to myself so I can post on it...it's a great read very ineteresting!

VLAD- Whatever works for you..works for me..for you. Good luck to you:l.

Sara-Again..I know what you mean..and you make me laugh...(the matching socks) since I'm more AF these days...my little guys clean laundry is actually put away...in his drawers...where it should be...where he can find it.

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Keepwalking- Thanks, you're right I will wait the 2 weeks...although a rule is not to reward myself with alcohol....my reward will be a nice Steak and Crab Leg dinner.....YUMMY!!! I really would like to hear from Peri.

[JAMMS]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

OOPS! I should have read the last page of last weeks thread first anyway---
KID-you're to funny...but yes I do hope my Gas is gone by then!!!...I never thought about going out twice...good idea. I doubt if the place I wanna go is fancy shmancy!

Sunbeam- I understand what your saying..but I find it harder for me MOD in my own home....that's when I f-up. IF I"m out somewhere...a bar or rest. it's safer for me...I don't know why....

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Sorry to bore you all,but...

Things were getting a little slow on the "why did you return to moderation?" thread, so I posted this. Now the thread is getting swallowed up! What's the fun of writing something if nobody reads it?
I'm posting HERE too...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why I went from being a drunk to Abs then back to modding.

I used to be an alcoholic..
...Until I came to MWO, and found out that I'm only a "problem drinker".
Whew..and here I was worried!
........I came back to moderate with a passion; but I don't know now, I may end up AF, one can never tell. I suspect though, that I'll end up like Sunbeam: the puzzle solved at last, AF because it just feels so darned good. AF most of the time but with some summer evening finding me sipping a chilled martini that gets put down unfinished so I can have the next dance with my wife...I came back to moderate with a passion and I'm winning.
.......I'm 55 years old. I've been drinking since I was 16. The stories are old ones; we've been telling them to each other for years, so I won't bore you with the broken relationships, run-ins with police, missed opportunities and occasional violence that are likely also a part of your own lives.
......Drinking started getting the best of me. My wife knew I drank when we got married, but she never saw the associated problems til we had been married for a few years. The problem was, of course, that now there was a family unit; children, a home, finances, and complicated reasons not to cut and run. I promised to get better; promised to get better; promised to get better; and finally..promised to get better. I never did get any better for very long. Finally, I promised to get better after she said she wouldn't live like this much longer. I said I'd try one more time and if it didn't work, I'd get "some help". It didn't work. Time stopped. The spotlight was on me. I'd run out of chips. She asked me what I was going to do about it and who would I be calling "today". Yow!
As fate would have it there was a big fat ad in the paper asking me if I drank too much and would I like to be in a study. Whew, talk about luck! This would buy me some time.
.......So it began: some blood work, some medical checkups (a PAINFULLY attractive research assistant)and regular discussion with a mental health professional. It became obvious all too soon that I was on a placebo but attending to my problem and then discovering SMART online was enough to do the trick. 200 days and the study ended. I finished most of the year then on my own. But...but...BUT! I wasn't happy. I was sleeping well. Life had it's joyful moments. There was so much good about being AF, but I just wasn't happy.
......My wife doesn't drink, so there was no pressure there. She doesn't drink because too much triggers a migraine; but she used to drink. Doesn't every woman imagine she had a "party girl" past. My wife imagines that too. Anyway, my wife "doesn't drink" except now and then. She'll have a shot of Grand Marnier with her hot tea when we go out to dinner and it's cold outside. She'll sip champagne so she can make a face at it. She'll rarely have a small glass of wine with her shrimp and filet. "Why can't that be me", I asked. Why,why,why,why??? So I ventured back. I'd try this and that. I promised myself and my wife "If I can't do this ,then it's AF forever"..
......I hated that thought SO much;and I hated my weakness..."Look man, you love being able to drink this one glass of wine,right?? If you love it then enjoy it and stop at one...I'll even give you another ONE tomorrow, but you gotta learn to stop at one" The internal conversations went something like that. I worked on finding the tipping point so I wouldn't tell myself to go ahead and get drunk. I made a few rules but the main one is "One and I'm done" or at least,"Two and I'm through"...Last year went very well; a couple of slips as I find my footing, but it's all coming together.
......I wish someone would have taught me to drink when I was young...
*It's OK to cork the bottle halfway empty, or even throw it away..they'll make more for ya!!
*I hate carrying around an empty glass so I used to keep filling it up. Now I figured out that if I don't empty it so quickly, it will stay full...
This is BASIC stuff here!
* If I think a little alcohol makes a special occasion more special, then I have to remember that I said "a LITTLE alcohol"..and EVERY DAY can't be a special occasion..Still BASIC.
......My wife is happy with this arrangement, and she'll tell anybody who doesn't believe me. She said I was a time bomb when I was abstaining, and that it was just a matter of time. (Like I've said before, when I fall off the wagon, I fall hard.) Now she has ME back, and I have my confidence and joy returned.
.....I am SO thankful to have found MWO and at least a few souls who are in the same boat as me.( Even most of the abstainers seem to have a live and let live attitude) I look forward to polishing this shiny new stone of a life, and getting better all the time. I'll pass on what I learned the hard way, and I still want to learn all that I can, from all of you. Thank you.
Here is to a GREAT year!!!
~Kid Shelleen~

[cyclefan]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

Oh, I read it there and here Kid. You have willpower made of iron, man.

[trixietrack]

Mod Squad Weekly Thread for January 5, 2009

my cute little mod story-

last night my neighbor invited me to the local 'drink till you can't see dive" She kept ordering scotch after scotch. I had one very watered down gin and soda. it was quite odd watching everyone get drunk and silly.
I basically was waiting for her to finsih so I could walk home with her. I don't live in the greatest neighborhood.

The barkeeper was like yo ain't you having another one? i said no, water please.
at the same time I was watching my neighbor getting totally hammered. I finally had to drag her out when she started flirting with a scary fellow.

i called her this morning and she was suffering with a hangover. I went to the gym. hope she doesn't keep that up, cause I like her.

(crossing fingers)