Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Morning, Kid. Are you in the medical field? Sounds like you have some heavy responsibilities and on top of it all you do a great job taking care of the family too.

Sunbeam- Thanks for your kind supportive words. I met with a girlfriend and had 1.5 gl. wine. I was curious and aware during the process of drinking it. How I responded to the smell, taste and feeling physically were all important to me. I drank not to get buzzed but to see where I am in my relationship with AL. Of course it was wonderful to be with my friend and share our day. It was nice to walk away and not want any more although the thought did cross my mind. Then at 2 a.m. hubby called from out of state and he was drunk again. I am watching him slowly lose himself in his addiction. We have talked about it and I have invited him to MWO or any other group he is comfortable with. When he gets home we will have a "come to Jesus meeting" as my MIL says and get some definate commitment from him. I can't stand by and watch him destroy our marrriage, family, etc. anymore. I would be irresponsible by not intervening.

zed, I am so happy for you off to see your sweetheart. I love Germany and riding the Rhine. Some good memories for me. Have a very special time. We will miss you and look forward to your return.

Keeps- I too used to feel left out and then realized that if I needed some TLC I was going to have to speak up and share more of myself. Naturally shy, it did not come easy for me but I am finallly finding my voice We love you here on the squad- you have so much to offer.

Hi vlad- I've been staying cought up with you on the other threads. Thanks for stopping by.

Hugs to anyone I missed too.:l Have a beautiful day.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Delta Moon;525638 wrote: I too used to feel left out and then realized that if I needed some TLC I was going to have to speak up and share more of myself. Naturally shy, it did not come easy for me .

I NEED SOME TLC!!!
Hey everyone. I've been down the last couple of days, and I have to push myself to post when I feel that way. It only takes a couple of days to get behind, and then I too can feel left out. Delta Moon, I'm sorry about your husband's drinking. I hope a "come to Jesus" meeting will help. My own marriage is feeling empty and disconnected. My husband doesn't drink a lot, although he does drink daily. But he goes through periods when he is emotionally distant and cold, and I get very lonely. I'm inclined to drink more, then, and of course that adds to my depression. I've been having two glasses of red wine every night for a five night stretch, so it is definitely time for a night or two off. I wish a heart to heart would make a difference in this gulf between my husband and me, but I've tried it so many, many times over the years, and it seems all I can do is wait it out. I know I need to learn that, like with someone else's drinking behavior, there is only so much (if anything) we can do to change it. I may not be powerless over alcohol, but I seem to be pretty powerless over my husband's moods.

So for now, my goal is to take care of myself, not through my husband, but in spite of him. I won't drink tonight, and I'm going to make myself call a friend or two today just to say hello.

The good news is, we've adopted a dog. She's a sweetie. But wouldn't you know, she's afraid of my husband, so she only barks at him! She's not exactly endearing herself to him, so I am alone in this endeavor at the moment.... the kids adore her, but it's not the same as having a husband to enjoy this new addtion with.

Sorry about the self-pity. I'm steeping in it today, and must get out. So okay. I'm off to pick up my son at school for an orthodontia appointment. Looking forward to spending some time with him, without his brothers around. Best to all. Sara

[zed]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Dear Sara & Delta Moon,
here's some poems I read. Hope you find a little comfort from deep inside them.
Goodnight. z



1.

Love, you have wrecked my body.
Keep doing
that.

I am more well with this deep ache
of missing
you

than content with the
physical wonders
you can pacify
us with.


2.

Here is a relationship booster
that is guaranteed to
work:

Every time your spouse or lover says something stupid
make your eyes light up as if you

just heard something

brilliant.


3.

A good gauge of spiritual health is to write down

the three things you most want.

If they in any way differ,

you are in trouble.



4.

One regret that I am determined not to have
when I am lying upon my
death bed

is that we did not kiss
enough.



5.

O wondrous creatures,

by what strange miracle do you

so often not

smile?



6.

God

and I have become

like two giant fat people living

in a tiny

boat.

We

keep bumping into

each other

and

l
a
u
g
h
i
n
g
.

:H

[Eve11]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Zed,
#6 is definitely for Delta Moon. Great poems...thanks for sharing.
Sara-sounds like you and Delta have a lot in common and can be a great support to each other. Sara, I've been real down lately too. Have bi-polar FIL in the hospital and he's always a challenge. They never seem to be able to manage his care properly when he's in and hubby and I never get the support from MIL and BIL that we need so we feel like the 2 man band most of the time.
Delta- sorry to hear that hubby called drunk - again!! Yes, it may be time he take a look at his drinking-
Your MIL may be right. Maybe a little intervention is needed.
To those who are feeling a little left out on our boards here and there here are my words of wisdom:
As we all drift in and out of not feeling loved enough I also have to think how many of us are probably co-dependent (children of alcoholics). I know I'm one. I was never good enough in my father's eyes.
Nothing I could do could please him. But as I said in my blog one day I realized it was like the story of Mother Hubbard. She went to the cupboard and the cupboard was bare. One day I had a lightbulb moment when I used the analogy of this story for my dad. My dad had nothing to give emotionally (his emotional cupboard was bare) so one day after many years of pain, sadness, grudges, etc. I forgave him as I finally realized he couldn't give anything if he had nothing to give.
There have been a few times I have struggled here too. Could have been the reason I left the first time and quit the boards for 1 1/2 years. Maybe so and so said something I took too sensitively or so and so didn't respond to my particular post, etc. But as I said to Keep - we're all so busy just trying to focus on our recovery that sometimes we can't be there 100% for each other. Or maybe we are being there in our minds but it's not enough at the moment for someone else.
We just have to all remember this one thing. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL and move onward and upwards. We're all trying to support each other the best way we know how.
Love you modders and lurkers.
Keep posting, keeping coming here for support and to support each other.
Eve11

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Thank you, zed. What a friend. :happyheart:
Eve, you too girlie! You are always so sensitive and caring. Love you lots!:l

[lenaleed]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Sara -- Thanks for gathering the energy to stop in & share. I've got no advice; throwing you a good vibe. Take care of yourself.
Lena

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Sara- I was a bit rushed this a.m. but wanted to encourage you. Yes, our husbands can be challenging but we need to stay strong. If we take care of ourselves and our recovery our relationships will follow with growth and movement to a healthier place. Our partners willl not always be the people we want them to be but our acceptance of WHAT IS will be a source of peace. May God bless you today and may you feel His love.

[Kid Shelleen]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

From the sensitive guy...

Ditto...:huggy
~Kid~

[Lila]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Sara and Delta Moon -
I am sorry you both are having a tough time. I wish I could make everything better!!
(maybe it is something about today, as I am a little down and tired myself.)
Spring is almost here, and zed, love that poem...
hi all modders, not saying everyone's name today, but thinking of you all -
Lila

[Delta Moon]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Just had a moment of enlightenment I will share-

True recovery begins when we accept who we are. Our insecurities, emotional pain, past scars have been buried by alcohol. When we face these difficult realities and work thru them then we can begin to grow.

[Lila]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

That is what I was thinking this morning, Delta. I think I have to just accept that I will never be who I could have been, stop trying so hard...I grew up with lots and lots of neglect and verbal abuse, and I always feel a little different from other people. Then I thought, well, maybe just accept myself, the fact that I am shy, and not try so hard to pretend I am not.
I am not a gloomy person, I just have SADD.
We all have pain and scarring, so I am not trying to sound like I am looking for sympathy at all. But what you just wrote, Delta, is what I was thinking this morning. I am thinking I have too many defenses...
Lila

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

Hi Everybody,
Sara, my husband is much like yours. I can't change his mood - I just need to wait it out. He has said very little regarding his thoughts and feelings about my relationship with alcohol over the past year. First I quit, then I started drinking moderately, now just occasionally. I think he fears I will go back to drinking more heavily; after all, AA permeates our culture with the thinking that if you have a drinking problem, you need to just quit for good. My husband drinks daily, like yours. It works for us, not always communicating a lot. We don't fight, are almost always on good terms, we just have our own lives. It would be much different and harder if we had kids like you do.

Delta, I am so sorry about your husband. People rarely change at all, almost never because someone wants them to change. You need to take care of yourself, pray for him.

Take care, all

PS When I don't mention you, it doesn't mean I don't love you. Sometimes love doesn't have anything to say.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

I'm very grateful for all the kind thoughts, and all the wisdom. It is comforting just to be here with all of you.

[Lila]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

I am glad you are sharing how you are feeling, Sara, don't have to pretend here...

[keepwalking]

Mod Squad's Weekly Thread for the Week of January 19th

thanks to all of you so very much! im sorry for my 'woe is me' post yesterday, its funny how many of us are all feeling a little low. i am much brighter to-day especially after reading your posts of encouragement, support and understanding! lena you are right comfy house is very accurate and i got a warm glow when catching up with the thread just now. thanks again and im sorry some of you are having proper issues to deal with when mine was just a bit of self pity! as zed says take great care you precious lot, will be back soon as actually ive missed posting xxx