Hi Modders,
Lila, I'm not doing so well either...I had four glasses of wine last night, and so of course today I am very blue, on the verge of tears much of the time, actually. I had my first glass at about 3:00 yesterday afternoon, which really isn't at all like me. Then I just kept having more. Yesterday's drinking was entirely about trying to avoid dealing with feeling so disconnected from my husband. I just felt as though I couldn't take any more...and then I did the worst thing for me, and sought refuge in wine. I am so afraid that he and I aren't going to be able to make things better... I did contact an old professor of mine from graduate school today, who's a couples' therapist. If he can't see us, he may be able to refer us to someone else who's good.
I know in my head that there is no excuse for me to drink like that...even if my husband were beating me (which he's not) it wouldn't mean I had an "excuse" to abuse alcohol. But as most of you know, I'm sure, drinking like that is not a rational decision. I know I will feel a little better each day that I'm AF. I feel I should do it tonight, but I also feel strangely scared of the thought...I am really hurting so much, and I want something, anything, to make it stop. Alcohol will do that for a little while, but of course I know that the result will be worse depression once the alcohol wears off.
I've been such a complete downer lately. I'm sorry. This too shall pass. Sara
Comment