Mod Squad Week of 5/11

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Sarasmiles;614891 wrote:


Hubby and I are out of sinc, as usual.... I met my husband in 1992. I am a completely different person now, in many ways. How can I make it so that he is still the right mate for me? We have 3 kids, so I feel I must...But this is so hard.

Sara: I'm sure both of you have changed in many ways over the years, and it is the work of both partners (not just you) to find ways to grow and still stay connected . . . [this coming from a divorced woman, mind you (lol)]

My thoughts and prayers will be with you this weekend and on Monday.
G

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Sara, it's scary for me to think of life without my DH, but I must be honest in the 15 years we've been married, it just seems to get better. My daughter asked me a little while ago "don't you get bored with Dad" LOL I have never felt that way. Cross, mad, upset etc but never bored.
I think you are doing the right thing by going to a therapist. Sending you strength to say what needs to be said on Monday.

CF, you are sounding fantastic!! My company closes at lunch time on a Friday all year round. We work factory hours, so we start at 7am and finish at 4pm and then close from lunch friday for the whole weekend -- what a difference it makes to have that extra 1/2 day. I really appreciate it. When I worked in retail I worked 7 days a week and then would have 1 day off in the middle of the week in leui of -- that was some crazy times.

Moo, I am so enjoying following your journey. It'll be interesting to see how you feel about drinking tonight -- let us know how you get on.

MM, are you a runner? Do you do races?

Ask, how are you holding up?

Vladser, life sounds crazy for you right now. Come and say hi when you get a chance.

Kid, I hope you are well and living the mod life -- I'm thinking of you.

Sun, I have finally dug my 3 plots for winter veg. BUT there is solid rock below so I'll have to make them raised beds which is a bit of a night mare. I planted sweet pea for the first time yesterday and I'm so excited, I cant wait for them to flower.

I must just tell you all that I've been nosing around the Moderation Management website and there are some fantastic tools there for us to use. Their drink tracker is a lot more detailed and really is designed for moderate drinking -- have a look if you get a chance.

Well, it's iffy weather today. I drank 3 glasses of wine last night, for no apparent reason.... it was no special occasions. My friend popped around with a bottle of wine and it was one of those picture perfect evenings so we sat outside chatting and sipping and I wasn't mindful of what I was doing. I HATE the feeling the next morning and I'm really quite upset with myself. So the rest of the weekend is definetly AF for me.

Hope you all have a fantastic day.

[mooderator]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Hey guys

Sara, Its a tough one alright. As you say in the time you have known each other, you have changed. No doubt he has too. Some grow together, some grow appart, sort of like the laws of nature. But being as we are conscious, rational humans, we have the chance to make it work by communicating needs. Good on you for giving this a go. I wish you luck with the counsellor. Give it a fair chance and dont expect instant results, it might take a while before the improvements start to fully show, but it will come.

Deebs hunny, it sounds like you feel a bit caught out by the impromptu(liness!) of the situation. But you didnt drink vast quantities and you were sipping. Good idea go AF for the rest of the weekend. But dont you forget how great you have done....

Hi to everyone else, have a fab weekend...I'll catch you all on monday

Moo

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Good Morning All,
Thanks for the thoughts on marriage...DeeBee, how great yours sounds. I'm jealous. I think I would have said the same things you did, a few years ago, so maybe I/we can get back there again, with work.

I feel lousy after drinking last night. I'll be AF tonight, for sure. We're having a birthday party for my son, with 8 kids sleeping over... I wish I hadn't had any alcohol last night, so I'd be waking up fresh and energized today! Ugh!!

Well, I'm going to drink a lot of water, take my B vitamins, and make it a good day.

Take care everyone.
Sara

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Hi everyone,
Well, I made it to the weekend, without posting on this thread. I love you all, but need to get back more to real life, get away from the habit of checking these boards several times a day when I'm home.

Sara, I'm not a counselor, but I think it is healthy that you are at least thinking about what your life would be like without your disconnected hubby. It gives you a better perspective on how much you both will have to change in order to stay together. My husband retired a year ago. He is busy, but home a lot more. He gets more involved in my affairs, which is new to both of us. It is an adjustment.

Moo, glad to see you posting more here in the mods section. Many of us I think don't check the general boards that often.

Deebs, end of May is our usual planting time, so we are all jumping into the gardening season. I went to the garden center after work yesterday to buy some annual flowers. Wow, my home-grown tomato plants are so much bigger and better than theirs!

Deebs, it is great you gathered the courage to post your story under Tell Us your story. It is a good time for self-reflection, but also especially important to get long term mods stories out there.

This will definitely be an AF weekend. I did not have any AF weekends in April, and that's not the pattern I want.

OK, I'm off to the local garden club plant sale. Bargains, bargains, bargains!

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Oh look - the sun has just popped out!!
We had a really wierd colour sky yesterday, all pink and sort of luminous -- which apparently means snow! Snow, here? Never! Well it was crappy weather when I woke up but it looks like it might be clearing so I can head out into the garden again today - yay!!
I feel FANTASTIC today as I was AF last night -- although I don't mind telling you that for some reason it wasn't easy.... there was a big rugby game on, lots of excitement, and we were having a braai... all just begging me to have a glass of wine, but I stuck to my guns and I am super happy with myself today.

Wishing you all a super Sunday!!

[Saint Jude]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Hi Everybody!

Just trying to catch up here...

I've had a really busy week getting this painting job done. Should have have been done the day before yesterday, but she decided she wanted me to paint another wall... Can't complain, it's good work.

Those 16 & 1/2 foot high walls & moving the extention ladder, is over rated! That ladder weighs more than I do!

Felt good to get out on the river today & do some paddling.:H


DeeBee, Happy Belated MWO B-day!:l I haven't read your story yet. But I will.


I love kids, always thought I'd have some of my own,... God didn't agree.
But I did help raise a few of my freinds little ones (I claim them as my own,... some people even say we look alike! LOl)

So much to catch up on here...
It's late & I'm beat.
Huge Hugs,
Judie

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Sarasmiles;614891 wrote:
Hubby and I are out of sinc, as usual.... We are meeting with a therapist on Monday. I sure hope she'll be great. How do we choose the people we do? How is it that after 20 years, some people still think they chose the right person????

Sara,
I'm not a counselor but have had a lot of psychology classes for my nursing degree and hubby and I were working as pre-marriage foccus counselors for the Catholic Church at our last parish.

Foccus is a test couples take before marriage and it addresses questions and things that may come up that could create problems in their marriage. It's very interesting and I wish all churches required it before marriage because it really gets people thinking. The couples who answer that they believe they will be able to change their spouse after marriage are ones I am always concerned about.

Yes, people change over time. The big mistake many couples make is they grow apart.
Moms usually become too involved in their children and the hubbys feel out of the loop, left out and often times form other interests that pull the couple apart.

Hubby and I will be married 19 years this year and our rule has always been date night once a week (romantic dinner or evening out, comedy club, etc.) and date week once a year where we're fortunate to go somewhere exotic. For those who can't afford to go far there are still sightseeing places driveable to everyone I'm sure where mom and dad could find a bed and breakfast or a cozy resort and give themselves a few nights to just be a couple.

Communication is the most important thing and too often men aren't great communicators. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart because of poor communication problems. Great guy but just couldn't talk to me. So, with all of that being said I totally believe in counselors, therapists, who can listen to you, are objective (unlike friends where the girlfriend is on your side the guy friend is on his). Also, there are many great books at the library on communication for couples. Check one out.

My thoughts are always with you and hoping you can work things out. It's always best (especially with children) if you can. Unfortunately some relationships just can't be repaired but hopefully the vase hasn't cracked too deeply in your case - hopefully not at breaking point.

Back to the drinking talk in all of this...be careful with drinking when emotions are on edge. I always found those were the only times my spouse and I would fight...when I had been drinking too much. Too easy for feelings to be too sensitive and tempers to flare.

Big hugs to you!
"Miss you" hugs to Kid and Zed and some of those old friends who don't seem to come around anymore, Lila, Periwinkle, KeepWalking, etc. Come back and post guys!

:lEve11:h

[Saint Jude]

Mod Squad Week of 5/11

Wonderful post Eve, :thanks:

This past week, while I was painting... it was quite a trip, being in someone's home and seeing how they interact with each other.

At times it was downright uncomfortable for me to even be there!
It was like they were competing to "One-up" each other... all the time.
Demanding and rude to each other. I can't imagine living in a situation like that day in & day out!
It was one of my old high school teachers from 30 yrs ago...(never gotten to see him in a domestic scene)

It really made me thankful of how considerate & polite my Hubby is! We treat each other with repect and love (or at least most of the time.. LOL)


Hope everybody's having a great day.
It's 70*! Only 9:30! Yahoo! Time to hit the river again! MP3 is charged up & ready, have tunes,... will paddle!:H I know Bungee dog is ready.

I saw a little river mink yesterday, we played peek-a-boo with along the bank for a while. Too cute.