Mod Squad October Thread

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

mooderator;732686 wrote: I am putting in my bid for whippersnapper.....34 here! LOL!

Love to you all!

I knew it!!:H:H

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

free bird;731495 wrote:

I was wondering too if anyone seems to drink more when they feel anxious? I have noticed lately, that to be a big trigger.

Free,

I've never felt I needed a drink when I'm anxious. My personality has always been the life of the party type (sometimes a little too much life in the old days LOL!) but I've always gone into social situations relaxed and don't drink for that reason.

My biggest drinking trigger is sadness, lonliness, those types of feelings.

Then I just want to hide and wallow in my pain.

But then I have a hangover and am depressed and need a "hair of a dog that bit me" drink the next day to feel better and it's an easy cycle to get hooked back into with daily drinking.

I did just that this week after having a pity party due to an event that really hurt my feelings (just a lot of friends not being there for me) which brought back all those childhood feelings instilled by my alcoholic dad of "You're not good enough"...and then it was like the crazy law of attraction.

Because I felt so unloved and bad about myself I kept drawing people into my life that reaffirmed those feelings. So, the dear aunt that I called to boost my spirits was busy with company and was short with me (has never been this way either) with ..."I'm busy!" and a "What do you want?" attitute. And the uplifting first cousin who usually cheers me up wasn't home and didn't return my call and I went into a spiral downward spin. So the work night with the controlled wine with dinner became drinking too much wine when I got home because I wanted to continue the nice little buzz that made me feel good about myself.

Foolish because we all know that doesn't work.

I've been in a major depression the last 3 days (rare for me) but now I can relate so much better to some of my dear friends here who have shared that about themselves.
I didn't want to post, didn't want to do things socially (missed dancing Tuesday night) etc.
Finally I said ENOUGH!!

So, I am going back to drinking responsibly and am seriously thinking of going AF if I have an episode like this occur again. Now that I really know my biggest trigger - I know that I can't fall into that hole when things occur that make me feel bad and do that again. My dear Adam12 said one time that he felt moderators could only moderate when everything was going well but because they have a problem with alcohol they are always at risk for getting into trouble with it. Thus the fear of moderating!!

That thinking probably led to some of the depression as well. It's hard to admit I really do have a drinking problem and I want to believe I can moderate and that I can drink responsibly. This last episode makes me question myself. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'll keep coming here, keep posting honestly on the drinktracker and will be here for you as well as leaning on all of you to support me.

Hugs,
Eve11

[free bird]

Mod Squad October Thread

Eve, Thanks for your honest and reflective post. It really made me wish I could reach out to you. I don't want you to feel sad and I hope you are getting out of your funk and enjoy the weekend. I wouldn't say to you not to analyze what happened, but don't be too hard on yourself either. Live and learn.

For me being anxious is not a matter of not being comfortable in social settings, which I am. I rarely need to drink to feel socially acceptable, but I do like to have too much fun. It is feeling like I need to be doing something that I am not; like my brain is in too many places, thinking about too many things. So I guess I use wine to settle those thoughts and not worry as much.


Free

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi Mod Squad,
Thought I'd say hello to my old buddies. Eve, I could certainly relate to your drinking during a time of sadness. But I've definitely been an anxiety drinker...Not social anxiety, but generalized anxiety...A vague feeling of something being wrong. But I think my biggest trigger is irritability. I've found since being AF for the last month, the times when I really want a drink are the times when I feel irritable and angry. I hate that.

Hubby and I went to a couple's therapy session last night, then out to dinner for the first time since before I decided to stay AF indefinitely. It was hard. I felt sad and bored and frustrated at not being able to just relax and have fun without a drink. I started thinking again about wanting to go down the modding path. Just one or two... But I didn't do it. I couldn't stand the thought that I had to have a drink to enjoy dinner with my husband, and I feared that if I did drink, I'd wake up depressed today. I do envy those of you who can now have those one or two drinks and feel good during and after. And I wonder if some day I'll go back to trying that. But that day is not today.

Love and good wishes to all,
Sara

[mooderator]

Mod Squad October Thread

EVE - It was moving to read your last post, because like FREE said it made me want to give you a hug and tell you we are all here for you. I wished you had picked up the phone to me! We certainly do all have different triggers. I dont believe I have ever drunk alone, save for maybe one glass of wine in the bath, but could count that on one hand) but I can understand what you are saying. For me drinking too much was about the GREAT FUN element you describe. That has AWAYS been my trigger. And on occasion generalised stress. But mostly the habit of its saturday I should be having FUN! FUN = ALCOHOL. That was all it boiled down to for me, still means a great deal of re-educating the brain.

I agree dont over beat yourself, but honest reflection (which I know you do a lot) is helpful in seeing which route you want to take for the next day, week, month, whatever...lots of love hunni..

SARA - You are doing great at the moment and I am so please you come and tell us how its going. That was a real triumph moment. Going out for dinner and not giving in - you should be really proud of yourself.

FREE I think I understand your comment about "having too much fun"! That is/was sort of how I am! Never really that great at knowing when to call it a night! Getting much much better at that.

DARLING DEEBS - We must have cross posted the same thought at the same moment...and we are the same age...god we are just the SAME.....XXXXX

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

DeeBee;732683 wrote: Free, I am a bigger (or is it smaller) whippersnapper.... 34

Well I can't brag about being a whippersnapper Deebs (LOL) so I have to tell you and everyone that, I am a cougar - 11 years older than hubby.
I'll have to watch the new cougar show in the states and see if I can relate. :H
Big hugs,
Eve11
p.s. went to a lovely blues in the garden tonight - had only 1. Getting back in shape.

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi Everybody,
Just you you all know I know, the opposite of whippersnapper is geezer, and I'm not there yet!

Eve, I can relate to some of your reasons for drinking: loneliness, sorrow over small things. I have way more energy than my husband, and I wish he would join me in the outdoors: biking, helping with gardening, but that will never happen. We often go for a walk around the block, with the dog, but that is about it. He is not going to change, I just need to accept him. I also have some orthopedic and neuroligical problems that limit my mobility: I used to drink every time I experienced another loss. Funny thing, drinking never made anything better or easier, it just made me more depressed. My list of things I want to accomplish on a given day is usually longer than what is realistic, so I used to drink to escape that. Now, after I've done some things, I give myself permission to sit in my chair with herbal tea or seltzer. Ahhhh, relaxation without alcohol. Now THERE's something to relish! I never really was life of the party, I would just go and drink, sometime too much but I was quiet about it. Now I rarely go to larger group parties, but just share wine with closer friends.

SaraSmiles, I read your posts elsewhere and am so proud of you and happy for you, making a good choice to better your life. I lost track of where you posted about wanting to lose a few pounds by the end of the year. That is also my goal, and I'm nearly half-way there. I started a thread under fitness called "weight loss after menopause". You are not in my (concealed) greying age group, but you may find some helpful thoughts there. My significant words of wisdom are: all diets are bad (because they end). What people need is a permanant better eating plan. Just getting the alcohol out of your diet may be enough. I also often found myself mindlessly munching while drinking.

FreeBird, I am in gardening zone 5, probably 5b, not much warmer than you. So we can share gardening thoughts. My favorite plants of the moment include the paniculata types of hydrangea. I expanded the garden area in front of my house this summer, and put in a focal point trio of Pinky Winky, Limelight, and QuickFire. The paniculatas don't demand water like the macrophyllas, and they bloom reliably in colder areas because they bloom on new wood; the buds don't have to survive the winter.

This is a 3-day holiday weekend. I rarely drink on Sunday because in the past that was my day of alcohol abuse. This weekend, I will have nothing to drink until tomorow (Sunday), when my BIL comes with his two kids. I have to finish some cleaning this morning, then plan to cook and freeze tomatoes and swiss chard from the garden. It is predicted to get down in the mid-30's next week, which means frost for sure, so I have to get what I can from the tomatoes this weekend. The swiss chard will take some frost, but I still would like to get some in the freezer for winter soup.

Take care, all!

[mg72]

Mod Squad October Thread

first time responder

Good morning to all. This is my first week on my way out and so happy to find this posting of moderators. My story is I have drunk alcohol since I was 18 and am now 59. I average 12-15 drinks a week taking two or three nights a week off. When I drink I always have three or four and feel the negative effects the next day. My goal is to moderate my drinking and I really like Tassimo's plan. If I can just do the zero drinks by myself I would cut my total in half. I already track my drinks daily and will continue to do so. I am all over this new plan.

One suggestion I can bring to the group is on exercise. I am an avid yoga practicer and am now half way through a 200 hour yoga teacher training course. I teach or practice three to four times a week and it has made a huge positive effect on my life which is kind of rare for a man. I always played sports but was often injured. Yoga heals injuries, gets us in great shape and has many other health benefits such as lowering blood preassure and improves immune systems. The problem with running is the body breaks down over time. I still get my outside exercise by hiking, walking, etc.

Thanks to all five of you for your suggestions. I would like to be a permanent member of this thread. Is there a way I can do that?

[mg72]

Mod Squad October Thread

my first week on mywayout

:new:This is my first week to use mywayout and I so happy to find the moderator thread. I just joined and want to stay in touch. At this point I want to see my post happens. I will write more if it does.

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

mg72,
Welcome! The Mod Squad has no membership requirements nor rituals. If you permanantly post, you will be a permanant member. We are especially grateful to have another male perspective.

I also enjoy some yoga. I have taken courses the past two summers, when I only work part time. It is a stretching and strengthening regime that should be used by more greying folks. My physical therapist has been very helpful for acute issues, but concepts I have learned through yoga help me through my whole life.

[nancy]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hey Eve

You had sent me a PM before asking for comment about one of your earlier posts...

I am not sure if I can help but if the trigger is loneliness and sadness, I can relate to that a lot.

It's not an easy solution though. You said you are a cougar. I don't know how old you are...

I don't know why it takes women so long to be able to have self-esteem on our own and why we are so vulnerable to little things other people say and do, sending us into the downward mood spiral. I can completely relate to that and it's horrible and yes the buzz helps but only temporarily.

So how do you teach people to comfort themselves? It's not that easy. You can observe men who spend more time alone and seem to be ok with it. You can do therapy. You can meditate. That teaches you to observe the mind without acting on thoughts or thinking it's the end of the world if someone is not there for you.

But what it really boils down to is having a great self-support system. How can you teach yourself to like yourself?

I find some comfort in meditation, learning how to ignore that critical voice. That's the voice that tells you that you are rejected cuz someone has let you down. All thoughts are not to be taken seriously.

It's really so important to learn how to be on your own and be ok with that. So far, meditation is the only thing I have come across that helps. Basically, you feel alone but so do millions of other people. People actually are together in their suffering over being alone.

Also, we have to know that moods rise and fall. Often we get used to being around others to make these moods pass and freak out if experiencing them alone. We are actually able to handle these mood fluctuations and try it, see how much accomplishment you feel if you experience it by yourself and guess what you survive and feel ok the next day.

[free bird]

Mod Squad October Thread

Welcome MG72!

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing and How you are doing it.

What no rituals?? Then why did I have to do that thing you said I did???? Just kidding.....I somehow manage to do silly things without someone telling me to.

I too find exercise is a key to finding health and happiness.

Nancy, Great post.

What you said - "people actually are together in their suffering over being alone" is so true. If we all knew how the other one was feeling, we would not feel so issolated in our thoughts, which do tend to have a life of their own. I think I could be in crowded room and feel alone; it is definitely the connection we seek. I am not sure men need to connect as much as women. As I age and as society changes, I find I connect far less, but I am becoming more comfortable with that. I'd rather have quality friendships than quantity, but that can lead to loneliness....which starts the whole cycle over again. I think you are right, we just need to ride out the storm and know that it will pass.

I think it is important to be aware of those feelings as the begin to materialze and get them in control again by distractions. I like your suggestions and your input is invaluable.

Free

[mg72]

Mod Squad October Thread

end of first week

My first week is finished using Mywatyout and some progress was made. I had nine drinks for the week down from my normal of 13-15. I am going with "no drinks by myself" idea that many of you follow this week.

Being connected to others is a need that for me is ongoing. I retired from my job last year and left a hectic, travel every week lifestyle. I filled in my new life style by helping with two non profit groups, volunteering for another, active in my local sierra club chapter, becoming a certified yoga iinstructor, taking up golf and backpacking and spending more time with family. I sometimes think myself crazy for unending need for connection to others and have found I have to iniciate it almost all the time. I guess that is just the way it is but I do get frustrated. I have a wonderful marriage and family which is great. My biggest barrier to being who I want to be is to significantly moderate my alcohol consumption. For that I am thankful to all of you.

You all have a great day and thanks for welcoming me into your gourp

[cyclefan]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hello fellow modders and welcome mg72. Its a nice quiet Sunday for me and I actually got up early enough to enjoy the whole day. I don't have much planned but some smallish chores. Yesterday I cleaned out the junk drawer in my kitchen, there were a lot of rubber bands in it among other things. At least I can find the carrot peeler now!

I'm planning an AF week coming up, I usually do two-three days in between drinks but feel a need for a full week at least. Best wishes to everyone with their modding goals. xo Beth

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi all,
Cyclefan, I have a catch-all kitchen drawer where I finally started puttling like things each other in their own sandwich zip-lock bag. It is better than digging through all that stuff looking for things. I don't think of myself as a compulsive organizer, but I hate to waste time looking for things.

MG 72, sounds like you are doing well using three strategies: Drink Tracker, posting, and not drinking alone. I tried unsuccessfully cutting back on my own a few years ago. With all the ideas here, I feel very successful. Sounds like you will be posting often, which will help us all. Posting is reallly a two-strategy deal, helping others as we help purselves. So I guess that actually ups your number of strategies to four.

Nancy, how is modding going for you? Your recent posts have been very insightful.

FreeBird, I have kind of a personal motto: always keep moving. I do that in many ways, big and small. If I have been reading, I get up periodically and run in place for a "quick 100" to get me going again. It makes me feel SOOO good.