Mod Squad October Thread

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

Nancy, I am so grateful to read your post about meditation. When Wip was here this was something she taught me in great depth and I found to be such an important part of my day.
I would never have guessed that I could learn so much about myself just by sitting.
Thank you for your post as it was just what I needed to read today.

I've been having a bit of a heart to heart with myself these last few weeks. Who am I kidding? I'm miserable, I can't stick to my mod goals, I am drinking too much, too often AND I am constantly thinking about drinking. Yesterday was a bad day but I felt confident that I could go the Abs route -- today I have already had the voices telling me that "I'm not that bad" and "It's okay to have a drink tonight, you deserve it"

I spent the day soul searching yesterday and feel like I've come to a fork in the road on my journey. I kNOW which way I should choose but feel myself so resistant to the idea of abstaining forEVER.

I just wanted to put this out there so you guys know where I am and what my train of thought is.

This group is so important to me -- not only in giving me unconditional support but also as my sounding board.

[startingover]

Mod Squad October Thread

Deebs big hugs. I think I can understand how you are feeling right now. I felt something similar just over a year ago.
Big hugs my friend. You will come through this.

Hi everyone, I love this thread and all the ideas and discussion, even though I dont contribute, I appreciate you all.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hello my moddy chums. Well now my Oct AF took a little turn last night when I decided to have two beers with my son before the Ireland soccer game. Now believe it or not I am actually happy enough about this turn of events because it was an example of how I wish my modding to be. I wasnt a spur of the moment decision for I decided the day before. There were no cravings, just thought it might be enjoyable. I had my two drinks and stopped, no desire for more and no continuing to drink when I got home after the game. I will not drink again this month.
I have heard tell recently of 'white knuckling' which as I understand it is when an alcoholic goes AF, maybe for months at a time but is counting the hours till he/she can drink again. I can honestly say this isnt the case for me personally as I see it.
I am interested in your opinions on this white knuckling idea, are there some of us here who are fooling ourselves into thinking that we are successfully modding and racking up those AF days when really all we are doing is bidding our time?

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Mod Squad October Thread

Sorry Deebee and Starty it took me so long to type out my post I didnt see your two. So I obviously wasnt refering to any part of them. Bit scary though now I read yours Deebee.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

I am interested in your opinions on this white knuckling idea, are there some of us here who are fooling ourselves into thinking that we are successfully modding and racking up those AF days when really all we are doing is bidding our time?

Isin't THAT the million$ question!!

I've definetly been white-knuckling it this month KTAB.
I think the Bac was helping to a certain extent but my mindset is all wrong.

(thanks Starts:-)

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Mod Squad October Thread

Sorry to hear you are finding it tough this month DeeBee, you give so much back to others here.
I dont know at times, but I guess we should look at the positives. I know I am in a 100% better place now than where I was six months ago. So is MWO working for me? Absolutely. Am I on totally the right path? I dont know yet but I will find out in due time.
I know many people at MWO believe that modding is impossible once a person reaches a certain place in their relationship with AL. And I tend to agree, for an awful lot of people it really is pie in the sky stuff and abstinence is the only real choice. However I think it is totally different for everyone and depends on so many factors such as our history, personallity and mind set. I dont have a crystal ball and I think we all should listen to our inner voice, it really does know best.

[mg72]

Mod Squad October Thread

I missed writing yesterday because of full schedule and coming home to stay warm to get over a cold. This is my second week on MWO. I have been averging about 13-15 drinks a week before then. Last week I had 9. This week I had 2 drinks night before last, the other days have been 0. The 2 drinks were not good for me. When I have a cold alcohol makes me feel worse, sleep bad and prolong illness. The night after two drinks I only slept five hours and felt horrible yesterday. Last night was 0 again, slept great and feel much better today.
Sunbeam, you asked if I had considered 30 days alchohol free. I have not been 30 days alcohol free for over 40 years. I agree with KTAB that if we set goal like that are we just bidding time to drink again? I went on backpacking trip in August and had no drinks for a week. The next week had the most drinks I can remember in a week. I do not want to repeat that! At this time I will continue to go day to day and am greatly enjoying my life without drinking.
I read Nancy and Dee Bee's positive comments on meditation. I am a yoga instructor and have teacher training Friday, Saturday and Sunday of this week. I am reading two required books on mediation by Sri Swami Satchidananda. To this point I have not done meditation and will let you know how it goes. My benefits from yoga to now have been to make me stronger, more flexible, relieves muscle tension and releases mental stress.

[free bird]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi Everyone,

Dee -- Very sorry to hear you are feeling Ucky....it sounds like you have had an awful lot going on lately. I too find it very difficult to think I will NEVER EVER have another glass of wine or whatever it is. If I try to forbid something from myself, it makes me want it even more and causes obssessive-like behavior until I get excactly what I have forbid myself from (I have found). It sounds like you really want some AF days, so go for it one day at a time. Like KTAB said "listen to you inner voice". It's usually trying to tell you something very important. (I hope I didn't sound to much like Oprah there.!!)

I also think some way or another we are all bidding our time for something; there is always something out there we are nervous about and afraid of. That is why I think living in the present is so very important. We need to relax and give ourselves all a good pat on the back and say "Today I am a lovely, caring person that can be loved and can love".

OhhOhh BABY....

It seems like I am rambling again. I hope you guys understand what I am trying to say. This cyber stuff is hard sometimes.

Good vibes all.

Free

[mooderator]

Mod Squad October Thread

(((DEEBEE))))) Massive MOO HUGS for you honey. It is true you do give so much back to people here and I want to say something fabulous to help, but I am not sure what. I suppose the only real answer is if you are not comfortable where you are, then maybe something needs to shift a bit/a lot. Only you can come to what that is. We are all here for you in any way we can be. If you want to discuss anything anytime, about modding, life , the universe, PM me please...

I am inclined to agree withe every word you say above KTAB. I would quote you, but I dont know how!!!! Techno-F***wit that I am!! For me this is working at the moment, but as soon as it does not or it feels wrong, I will look at it again.

KTAB...I also found that although I was gonna be AF for october and then made a conscious decision to mod a couple of times instead, that the modding was such a success I was so pleased with that, it matter not a drop that I had failed to be AF for a set time. I am personally a bit past all that now. I basically try to be AF as much as a possibly can, and resist any temptation wherever and whenever I can. But if a couple of drinks sounds nice and will enhance an occasion, so be it.

FREE I also agree with what you say about eliminating something completely, makes me think about it much too much. I recently had much the same happen and wrote about it on "Moos plan"...


LOve to ALL. esp. you DEEBERS. x x

[Emmy]

Mod Squad October Thread

I agree with ALL OF THE ABOVE ~ I'm doing good (so far ) with my 30 AF promise , I'm also reading Allen Carr's EASYWAY book , But , haha , there is always a BUT, I can not picture the rest of my life , NEVER having another glass of wine , so its ODAT for me , I'm not making any promises , I just want to be in control and I'm so glad I found MWO and all of you ~ thats it , i'm meeting a friend for lunch

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

Interesting discussion today. So much of what we post is more personal, and less about alcohol.

Deebs, only you know how your life is going. If alcohol is running things, even when your'e not drinking too much, then maybe IT isn't worth it. Like SaraSmiles, I trust you would stop by to say "hello". Whatever your decision, we will all support you 100%. I would miss you dearly, but I want what you want because you are my friend.

KTAB, maybe that "white knuckling" concept is the same as a "dry drunk". Both phrases seem to describe people who want to drink, but aren't currently drinking. One reason I keep alcohol in the picture is that I don't want to be afraid to drink. While I was doing my AF time (around 75 days), I often wondered if when I did drink again, I might quickly fall back into my old habits. I haven't done that, and I feel very good about what I have accomplished in my personal battle against alcohol. But it has taken real work. I am fond of saying I have my life back. Before coming to MWO, I was losing too much time to alcohol, especially when I was drinking instead of getting things done I enjoy doing. Those days are gone. These days, I spend some time here posting, but then I move on to my many other interests.

MG72, those of us who have done significant AF time put that time in so we could learn more about fighting our alcohol abuse. We didn't do it because we "had" to, like when you were hiking. It really is your personal decision. If you would feel forced to put your time in, you wouldn't benefit. I'm just offering experience that has worked well for me and many others.

Moo, you sound great.

FreeBird, good words to live by.

Emmy, I'm glad your 30 days are going well. I also enjoyed and learned from Allan Carr's "Easyway" book.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

Big hugs to DeeBee

KTAB;736518 wrote:
I know many people at MWO believe that modding is impossible once a person reaches a certain place in their relationship with AL. And I tend to agree, for an awful lot of people it really is pie in the sky stuff and abstinence is the only real choice. However I think it is totally different for everyone and depends on so many factors such as our history, personallity and mind set. I dont have a crystal ball and I think we all should listen to our inner voice, it really does know best.

Big hugs DeeBee. I understand your struggle as I've been here seriously since Sept 08 and everytime I have really blown my mod limits I question whether I can truly mod or if it's just better to just go AF one day at a time.

Remember the post I shared about why we modders crave alcohol? Because we keep reintroducing it back into our lives each time we drink the cravings remain - unlike for folks who just let it go and they get to a good point where the cravings subside.

Only you will know what you need to do. I do believe in your inner voice and that you already have the answer. We're here to support you every step of the way whatever you decide.

((hugs)) Eve11

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

"Living in the present is so important"
Thank you for that gentle reminder Free:-) I still have the Eckhart Tolle sessions saved so I think I'll listen to them again for guidance.

Thank you Moo. I don't know what the answer is but I do feel calmer and more focused about not rushing into making a decision (hope that made sense LOL)
It is due to the support from you guys that I feel comfortable enought to post my concerns, my worries and anxiety regarding AL -- it makes the world of difference being able to *speak* honestly amongst friends about how I feel.

(((Sun))) This thread is my "home" so thank you for reminding me that I'll be welcome here no matter which road I choose.

Thank you Eve -- " the more I drink the more I want to drink " is something I need to remind myself on a daily basis.

Congrats on notching up those AF days Em -- you are sounding fantastic.

Right I am off to do a photoshoot believe it or not! I haven't done one in years so it's all a bit nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time and then I'm going to visit my Dad who is back in hospital so I'll catch up with everyone's news a bit later.

I can't thank you guys and gals enough for just being YOU:-)

P.S. and a special hi to our lurker friends -- you know who you are

[mooderator]

Mod Squad October Thread

JUST HI...

Just popping in to fill my little ZERO in drinktracker to tonight....its been a busy week and I am glad it is friday...the weekend is welcome here. Next wek is set to be another busy one...so I am making the most of my two days off. Tomorrow, I am going out for a long walk in the morning as the weather is set to be nice, then I am making a gooy chocolate cake ready for a gathering of the girls at one of my friends houses....there will be wine and I will be allowing myself some...so the challenge will be to keep it sensible....I will drink lots of water before I go...take extra l-Glut and then not start drinking too quickly when I arrive. I will make sure I eat first and eat well, then allow myself a couple of glasses of wine for all my effort!!!!LOL

I really hope everyone has a pleasant weekend.....and I hope people are feeling happy and content..I am off to do some housey chores now so that I dont have to do them all tomorrow...;-)

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

mooderator;737356 wrote: ...there will be wine and I will be allowing myself some...so the challenge will be to keep it sensible....I will drink lots of water before I go...take extra l-Glut and then not start drinking too quickly when I arrive. I will make sure I eat first and eat well, then allow myself a couple of glasses of wine for all my effort!!!!

Moo,

Well said. This is exactly what moderators must do to be successful. They must always have a plan and should pre-plan how they're drinking will go. They should visualize the event beforehand. See themselves drinking slowly. Setting the glass down. Talking and socializing in between sips. Having a seltzer or non-al in between drinks. And if they take supps take them before the event.

I find what limits the cravings for more is sugar (AL is a sugar after all too!) so if I have something sweet (not great for the diet though) it will help take the craving away. A good diet friendly choice is a flavored water (no-cal) that we can get in the states when I'm "through with my two or done with my one"

My modding has been going as planned since my post about being discouraged the first week of this month so am pleased about that. Wishing everyone else success in whatever way out is working for them. Hi to all my old friends, our newbies and our lurkers who just aren't ready to come on board yet. I challenge you to send us a post. We always love to welcome new mod squaders.

Hugs,
Eve11:l