Mod Squad October Thread

[mooderator]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hello ALL

What a lovely post Sunbeam. You sound really contented, both with your AL life and your life in general. Its a treat to hear this and I must say it resonates with where I am at the moment.

I had and AF weekend and gave it not a secind thought. I had 3 beers with my hubby while out for dinner on friday. It was lovely to drink them slowly over the night and stop happily. The Mod life is the Good life.....


So pleased you love your doggy too x

[Emmy]

Mod Squad October Thread

Moo , you'll have to share some MOD tips with me , should I decide to try to MOD , the votes are still out :l Em

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi my dear friends,
I had a real struggle this last Sat. The vampire rose out of the ashes and after I'd had my planned two I decided I needed a third and then another when I got home. I am not sure how many I even drank but all mod sensibilities went out the window.

I have shared that if this happened again I would really need to consider going AF as I am so fearful of the total lack of control that happens to me sporadically and unpredictably. DH kept saying "you've been doing so well" ... it was very sad really.

I questioned whether I should be honest with my friends and post this. I decided it was worth doing if it helps just one other person really understand that moderating is very difficult. We all want to believe it can work for ourselves but for me personally the times I absolutely can't control it are frightening. Of course the changes I've made are no drinking and driving and being in a situation where I'm not in front of the kids with this disheartening behavior but still it becomes the old A.A. saying "I got sick and tired of being sick and tired". We'll see. I was doing so well as DH said, but then the vampire struck. Speaking of vampires, I'll be one for Halloween...it fits.

I'll be ok dear friends. For those of you struggling with me, I'm glad we're here for each other.
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

Eve,
I think the pattern is clear, though there may be exceptions: those who mod go over their limits pretty regularly. My binge-drinking background continues to show it's head: when I do drink, I rarely stop at one or two, it is three or four (more than I would prefer). Used to be way more than that. So it is a choice we make each time we drink: will this be the time we lose control?

The thread posted over the weekend (Does modding work, really, over time?)was interesting: we all seem to agree that modding hasn't occurred in anyone we know, effortlessly as described with "Brenda and RJ" in the MWO book. Are there others here who doubt that is a true story?

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Mod Squad October Thread

Hi Eve sorry to hear you are struggling but you did the right thing by coming here and being honest. The day we stop doing that is the end of any hope of controling this in my opinion.
Eve what happened was saturday, I didnt hear you say you drank on sunday or monday or that you intent to today either. I wonder at times if we as moders are allowed the odd slip just as when we tried to go AF because I am not sure that if we do have one that the outcome is as bleak as we some times imagine.
But the bottom line is only we personally can truly know whether we have crossed the line and are about to slip down that long dark slope again and I think we should act accordingly. If that is the case then there is no option but to quit immediately, if not then maybe commit to some more AF time under your belt and reconsider where to go next.

[mg72]

Mod Squad October Thread

to mod or not to mod

I just made it through day 7 AL free. As I have mentioned before I have been a drinker for 42 years. I tried to stop three years ago and was not successful. I kept a diary and reading it the other day I saw where I tried to moderate. It was a gradual return to where I was and eventually a worse place. I have decided that I have to chose one life style or another, either drink too much or none. The best book I have read on Al addiction and solutions is "Beyond the influence" by Katherine Ketcham and Willaim Asbury. The chapter tilted "The addicted brain" really impacted my opinion about my options. I believe that if we continue to drink even moderately the beast(Al addiction of the brain) stays alive and haunts us.

With that said my first week AL free has been rewarding and difficult. Several times I had strong urges to drink always in situations where I drank before. I did not give in and have enjoyed a wonderful week except for some unpleasant minutes on some days. I know time is on my side. Every time I do not give in to urges I get a little stronger and the beast gets weaker. I know I am in for a battle. I get up every day looking forward to reading your posts and appreciate the support.

[mooderator]

Mod Squad October Thread

just wanted to say that I second everything you say KTAB. I have never been in a place where I would drink a second day or a third day or even during the day ever...so it is not a place I fear in the same way as some would...and to be honest had I ever been there I would not personally be seeking to moderate. For me it is possible because I was a small time binger in the sense that it was only ever one evening a week, the quantites were too much for sure, but not to the point of no return. I have managed to sort the amounts out and i dont panic too much if I drink 3 0r 4 here or there at an occasion. If it was 8/9 then I would be very concerned. It is a personal cut off point. Everything that was said above is very true ....

love Moo

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

Eve, I too am glad that we have one another to lean on.
And yes, to anyone out there wondering if the mod route is the easy route -- it certainly isint. BUT, and this is a very big BUT, I do still believe it is possible (for some) to drink moderately.... whether I can or can't I just don't know yet.

MG, congrats on a whole week AF!!

Just a quick fly-by as I'm off to a function at the daughters school (sober) but I wanted to jump in and add my support to our wonderful Eve.

[workinprogress]

Mod Squad October Thread

I want to believe...

that it's possible to learn to moderate...everyone is different I guess. I wonder if RJ has seen this post? Maybe she can enlighten...

Sunbeam;745523 wrote: Eve,
I think the pattern is clear, though there may be exceptions: those who mod go over their limits pretty regularly. My binge-drinking background continues to show it's head: when I do drink, I rarely stop at one or two, it is three or four (more than I would prefer). Used to be way more than that. So it is a choice we make each time we drink: will this be the time we lose control?

The thread posted over the weekend (Does modding work, really, over time?)was interesting: we all seem to agree that modding hasn't occurred in anyone we know, effortlessly as described with "Brenda and RJ" in the MWO book. Are there others here who doubt that is a true story?

[workinprogress]

Mod Squad October Thread

Sunbeam, I wanted to say congratulations on drinking less than you used to, even if it's more than you would prefer. RJ made it seem so easy in her book, but many peoples' experience seems to be otherwise. I'm still searching...

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad October Thread

WIP2,
We welcome your posts here! I hope you don't mind I added a 2 to your name, in honor of the person who previously used that name. She is a counselor for people with alcohol and other problems. I learned so much from her.

Thanks for your recognition. I do feel the alcohol is well under control for me. I just will never be the same as a "normal" person who drinks. I feel even better since I decided to further limit my occasions usually to twice monthly. I will achieve that in October. Since I now am AF on weekends half of the time, it is less of a challenge to keep those weekends AF.

MG72, Glad to hear you are doing so well. The first week is certainly the hardest for most, I believe. The beast is a great analogy many of us have used. I may pick up that book you mentioned. I've only read the MWO book and The Easy Way to Quit Drinking by Allan Carr. Even though I don't believe the Brenda and RJ story of magically drinking moderately, the book did give me hope. The forums here have been instrumental in my gaining control over alcohol. I never kept a journal, but there were a few times previous to my joining here when I had vowed to quit. It took the support here to enable my success. You too will find good support here, whatever route you choose.

Deebs, you sound recently like you are just too busy to make any long-term decision about alcohol.

Moo, you sound good too. Living life on your own terms. That's what we all want to do!

Take care, all.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

Sunbeam;746435 wrote: WIP2,
We welcome your posts here! I hope you don't mind I added a 2 to your name, in honor of the person who previously used that name.

I do feel the alcohol is well under control for me. I just will never be the same as a "normal" person who drinks.

Sunbeam,

Thanks for adding to 2 to our new WIP.

WIP2, the orig WIP was named A Work in Progress thus the board allowed you to use Work in Progress for your name as it wasn't an identical name. We know you'll have a lot to offer as well and look forward to getting to know you too but we wouldn't want to confuse the alcohol counselor WIP with you so I like the 2 and am hoping you do!

Sunbeam,
How I agree with how we'll never be able to drink as a "normal" person. I don't think anyone who comes here can.

I do believe there is a difference between a hard core alcoholic who can't get through a day without drinking and the problem drinkers we see on the mod board. Some folks will never be able to moderate but I do believe a few can. They just have to be aware that just as an AF'er can relapse and drink again, they can relapse and drink too much and not meet their mod goals. It is only when they relapse too much that they should then reconsider whether moderating truly fits into their plans or whether they need to go AF.

I certainly have seen some great harm reduction in my life since I've been seriously moderating since 9/2/8 but have had a couple of times where I really lost control of modding although there was still harm reduction with that as I am now so much more aware to not drive when drinking and not drink like that in front of my kids. I have been AF this whole week and don't even have the usual inclination of looking forward to the week-end when I allow myself one or two. I just love how I feel when I wake up AF from the day before. I know we relish in the belief sometimes that the "mod life is the good life" but the AF life isn't so bad either!

Hugs to all,
Eve11

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad October Thread

I didn't post yesterday because I got totally sidetracked in the gallery looking at all the latest photos LOL. Your new pup looks lovely Sun. Is she fully potty trained now?

Deebs, you sound recently like you are just too busy to make any long-term decision about alcohol.

Life is crazy at the moment. My MIL has been in hospital this last week having all sorts of tests conducted. She is such a wonderful MIL and a rock in my life but unfortunately she lives in the middle of no-where and hours and hours away from any of us so hasn't had any support or visits from us kids. My FIL also had his turn in hospital this week and it's his liver! I don't have the right words to express to you just how upsetting it is to the family because he is the most stubborn man I've ever met!! He refuses to listen or take advice and has reacted very negatively to the news.
I have asked them both to please come and spend a weekend with us as soon as they feel up to it which I know they are looking forward to.

Work is also hectic (YAY!!) and I'll be travelling next week so there's lots to prepare for that.

So to answer your question Sun, No, I haven't made a long term decision I'm just taking it ODAT at the moment. My drinking is "under control" and by no means am I a poster child for modding.

On a lighter note, we've been invited to a Halloween party on Saturday which is something different as Halloween is not celebrated in this country, well, not to the same extent as it is in the States. So, I have to take a plate of eats with a halloween theme -- any suggestions??

[workinprogress]

Mod Squad October Thread

It's me, WIP2

Eve11,

Thanks for your insights. I was thinking of changing my name altogether to Agapanthus but it seems like people are starting to think of me as workinprogress2, so maybe that should be the new one. I think I have to re-register but am not quite sure - I'll figure it out.

I don't expect to be like a "normal" person, either...I think having that in mind is what's starting to help me have a little control. I think it was the thought of "Oh, I'll just not worry about it, like a normal person," that would get me into trouble (among other things).

Tuesday I brought my little daughter to a halloween party at our local pizza place - Tuesdays are their family night where it's an all you can eat pizza and salad buffet and kids under 3 are free, and for Halloween they added some games, etc., so you can imagine it was a bit crazy and crowded. Another thing that could have caused stress was, it was a last minute decision and I had to get her in costume, etc., but it was fine. She is so great. Also, had I been drinking all afternoon, I wouldn't have done it, or, worse, gone ahead and gone, after drinking! Sigh....the things that I used to do....At any rate, I feel overwhelmed in crowds anyway, and my first impulse was to get a beer, but I got through it with a soda and felt so good about it. It was day 1 (again!) and I felt like, come on, can't you get through one day? Then, yesterday I allowed myself 2 beers, and then had a thought about some red wine that is left over and probably not good anymore, but maybe I could make a mulled wine out of it....and thought, no, that's not moderate drinking, no more than 2 on weeknights (since I am a woman, and petite, preferably 1 or none!) And trying to recycle old wine...also not really like a "normal" person would think. The thought returned a few times and I kept saying no. Hopefully I can keep control like that.

I think after overdoing it again the other night I realized I really have to make more of an effort. (Gee, do ya think?!?) I mapped out the next 30 days on a chart, and keep repeating to myself, if I can't moderate, I have to quit entirely. No more days off! This is the month when I find out if I can do it. I know it's better to have an AF period first, but I know I can do that, because I have, so in a way I want to go right to the hard part. Sounds a bit strange, and I know my every other day thing is probably not recommended, but breaking it up helps, and after Tuesday night when I didn't have any and felt so much better, I had thoughts of, then why do it at all? But having the option of being able to have 1 or 2 kind of keeps me from saying, "oh, what the hell..." and letting the rebel out of her cage. So far, anyway. We'll see. And on my mod days, it's not like, Whoo-hoo, I can drink! it's that the option is there and ideally, I wouldn't at all. And yes, it is such a relief to wake up after not drinking. Waking up after two was pretty good, glad that I stopped, but I would have felt better about myself if I had not had any, I guess, partly because I was thinking "even though I'm allowing a little today, I really don't feel like it" (and I usually would start to feel like it around noon, and this was about 5:30) but then I started to get stressed out when my daughter started whining and that was the trigger. I didn't go overboard, but drinking in response to stress is a bad habit. What's the saying..."drinking when you feel bad is bad drinking!" So I'm being much more mindful and aware, which is key, I think.

Sorry, I'm rambling!

Take care, all



Eve11;746612 wrote: Sunbeam,

Thanks for adding to 2 to our new WIP.

WIP2, the orig WIP was named A Work in Progress thus the board allowed you to use Work in Progress for your name as it wasn't an identical name. We know you'll have a lot to offer as well and look forward to getting to know you too but we wouldn't want to confuse the alcohol counselor WIP with you so I like the 2 and am hoping you do!

Sunbeam,
How I agree with how we'll never be able to drink as a "normal" person. I don't think anyone who comes here can.

I do believe there is a difference between a hard core alcoholic who can't get through a day without drinking and the problem drinkers we see on the mod board. Some folks will never be able to moderate but I do believe a few can. They just have to be aware that just as an AF'er can relapse and drink again, they can relapse and drink too much and not meet their mod goals. It is only when they relapse too much that they should then reconsider whether moderating truly fits into their plans or whether they need to go AF.

I certainly have seen some great harm reduction in my life since I've been seriously moderating since 9/2/8 but have had a couple of times where I really lost control of modding although there was still harm reduction with that as I am now so much more aware to not drive when drinking and not drink like that in front of my kids. I have been AF this whole week and don't even have the usual inclination of looking forward to the week-end when I allow myself one or two. I just love how I feel when I wake up AF from the day before. I know we relish in the belief sometimes that the "mod life is the good life" but the AF life isn't so bad either!

Hugs to all,
Eve11

[Eve11]

Mod Squad October Thread

WIP2,

To further complicate things I just noticed we have a work in progress as well as you being workinprogress. You're not the only one with a similar name...we have startingover and starting over.
I correspond with one of them here and there but honestly forget which one is which at the moment.

So, just my meanderings but maybe a unique name like you suggested would be easier to differentiate you...or WIP2?

Anyway, thanks for sharing. Keep coming here. We can all relate!!
Hugs,