Mod Squad November 09

[RejuvenateBodyMindandSpirit]

Mod Squad November 09

Just checking in...First day AF

First day AF....not a bad day...not a great day.

Have been drinking White Zin several glasses (large 8 oz glasses) daily for several years.
(I would go thru 4 or 5 lg bottles a week) There was a time right before my 30th class
(2001) reunion when I changed to a tall vodka tonic ( w/ diet tonic & with only 1/2 shot of vodka), limited myself to two a night, while I was on a weight loss effort & actually managed to do that for a year & a half . Got to goal weight & actually manged to maintain that for almost a year. I've alway alway eaten a fairly health diet outside of my alcohol intake...probably what has saved my liver...I've read it's more the combination of the poor nutrition & heavy ETOH that does the heavy damage.

Met my sweet hubby the summer right before I went to my reunion ...so was looking pretty
fit & lean. We started dating...eventually married...long story short we've been each others drinking buddies. My fit & lean body went by the wayside...although I probably won't get back to that size 10...I'd settle for just being able to drop some weight again.
Not consuming several quarts of wine will probaly help! :H

Off to finish fixing dinner...may check in before I turn in.

Rejuve

[Eve11]

Mod Squad November 09

Emmy,
Liked what you said about the cigs vs booze. How true that we don't just smoke moderately - when we quit we quit!!

Sunbeam,
Good planning for Christmas - starting now that is.

Rejuv, remember: the body processes AL before food so the food gets stored as fat if we drink too much and the body is busy burning that off. A mod plan will help you get to your desired weight.

Sweet Sarah,
I had an intense craving for a beer with the sloppy joes I made for the kids. Took 2 L glut tabs and a little kudzu - kept saying to myself "even one will slow me down" as I'm busy, busy packing for the big trip. It worked...had juice and the craving has passed.

MWO gang,
We're off again for a vacation. This is date week (little longer than a week this time) once a year that hubby and I do. Seems to work as we're 19 years together going strong. We're off to exciting places like Thailand, Vietnam, and Hong Kong. Hopefully will post as we travel and want to NOT do the daily drinking. ALWAYS a challenge on vacation but daily is just too much. The temptation is free booze at the luxury executive level hotel...so, will be leaning on you my friends.

Vlad,
Let us know about your earlier post. Don't make my co-dependency come out now!!

Hugs all,
Eve11

[RejuvenateBodyMindandSpirit]

Mod Squad November 09

Goodnight ModSquad!

Day one AF under the belt....

Rejuve out

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad November 09

Congratulations Rejuve! :goodjob:

Eve, that's so great...You took control and resisted that beer. Have a wonderful trip!

My cravings have been annoying, and I'm sick of it. The only way I know to truly significantly reduce them is to do at AF time.

Sunbeam, thanks for the warm acceptance. I know how much you supported my short-lived plan to stay AF, and so I've felt a little ashamed to "face" you when I drink. I appreciate the unconditional acceptance.

That said, I need to "confess". Last night I had told myself I'd be AF, but I guess the determination wasn't there. Hubby came home early, and while the boys played together, he fixed a fire and a Manhattan. I usually drink wine, but we didn't have any in the house, since I was trying to resist. We sat down together to talk about our days, and I just really wanted to join him in that drink. Stupid. I could have made tea, or some other non-alcoholic drink, but instead I asked him to make me one. My thinking was "well, I'm modding, not abstaining, and this is a pretty appropriate time to have a drink...I'm not alone, and I'm in a happy place" etc., etc. At first it was really nice...I felt that cheery glow, and we clinked glasses and chatted. I relaxed, in spite of the noise of three kids screeching and yelling in the background as they played with foam swords. But then I noticed that I'd nearly finished my drink, and he'd only had a couple of sips. It gave me this weird, uncomfortable feeling of wanting more, and not wanting mine to be gone before his...So when he went to check on the kids I topped mine off. Stupid, alcoholic-type sneakiness.

Manhattans are strong drinks...Bourbon and Vermouth...no mixer. I hadn't eaten. I got very buzzed. I called an old friend, and could hear my speech slur. My husband commented that I seemed "a little out of it", but he didn't know I'd added to my glass. I didn't want to cook, so I suggested we go out for dinner...Another lapse, since we are on a tight budget, trying not to eat out, and I've also been carefully planning meals, trying to lose a little weight. Ugh. So we went out for Chinese food...Greasy and sweet Americanized Chinese food. I ate a lot. I thought of ordering a glass of wine! My husband didn't order a drink, though, so I was, fortunately, too self-conscious to do so.

I slept poorly. I woke up every couple of hours and felt guilty and anxious and regretful.

So once again I've got myself to the point of wanting and needing to be AF, at least for a while. I can't leap back into claiming it's forever...But I want to do a stretch. I want to stay with the Mod Squad as I do so, since this is the place I really feel at home. I can't be comfortable on the AF threads, knowing that I can't commit to that at this point.

Anyway, I can commit to a week AF, at the very least. Today is another "Day One".

Sara

[mooderator]

Mod Squad November 09

Wow SUNNY I am impressed with your organisation there vis a vis Christmas. I havent even managed to think about it, bar arrangements that have had to be made. You couldnt come and organise my gifts too could you??? Love Moo

SARA you sound perky and I think the making yourself look great is a good way to make sure you feel great....you go gal. All is well here. Had 2 wines last night with the SIL. Tonight we are out dancing, so I suppose I am mindful that a little more may be consumed, but I am sort of allowing myself a little more with my own blessing, provided the normal rules stand. Enjoy the night, enjoy the next day too.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad November 09

Sarasmiles;751641 wrote: But then I noticed that I'd nearly finished my drink, and he'd only had a couple of sips. It gave me this weird, uncomfortable feeling of wanting more, and not wanting mine to be gone before his...So when he went to check on the kids I topped mine off. Stupid, alcoholic-type sneakiness.

Oh Sara,
You are so NOT alone with that one. Many a time I have been looking at my glass I'm drinking thinking "I only have a little bit left...I need to have another..."

The one pact I made with my hubby FINALLY was I will not do sneaking drinking anymore.

If we go out and have two and I feel that vampire "Got to have more" I have committed to myself and him that I will tell him so that he can help me fight the urge. That's how I got into trouble the last time I overdid it. Came home and opened a bottle and drank it while he was unaware. So, if I feel that huge urge my pact is to tell him so he can help me.
We laugh about the Jim Carry movie Mask with the line "SOMEBODY STOP ME!!"

It's Friday night and I usually look forward to a glass or 2 but not tonight. AF as it (even 1) will interfere with my sleep and I need to get up very early tomorrow.

Hugs,
Eve11

[RejuvenateBodyMindandSpirit]

Mod Squad November 09

What is it I wonder...this discomfort with an empy glass? I have it too...hmmm?

[Eve11]

Mod Squad November 09

RejuvenateBodyMindandSpirit;751822 wrote: What is it I wonder...this discomfort with an empy glass? I have it too...hmmm?

I think the turn off switch is malfunctioned in problem drinkers. I watched a cousin in amazement once - barely get through her 1 glass and she was more than done!! Unfortunately my switch is broken so I have to manually work it if I choose to drink and it's difficult many times!!! The tricky part is sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't!
:l
Eve11

[Emmy]

Mod Squad November 09

Hi Everyone .. Just stopping by to wish everyone a safe weekend !

I'm still AF .. I haven't had any urges lately , I'm trying to live my the sayings " Don't take that first drink" ODAT" , you guys know the drill :h I honestly feel that once you make up your mind that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you REALLY want to stop the madness you can .. just getting a few AF days under your belt is the hardest part.. having said that , I am only 45 days AF and the Holidays are around the corner , so I need to make a plan , I still have thoughts of a glass of wine "on special occasions" ~ hmmmm , I'm afraid though , WHAT IF that one glass throws me back to where I was ????????!!

[Eve11]

Mod Squad November 09

Emmy;751939 wrote: WHAT IF that one glass throws me back to where I was ????????!!

Well Emmy it very well could.

After 7 years of being AF I decided I wanted to drink wine with dinner like the rest of hubby's relatives. The first time I went out for a glass (it was a girl's night) I think I had 6!!
So, don't want to sound negative here but as I said above - we problem drinkers have faulty turn off switches so can we have one?? Differs for everyone but always something to think about.
:l
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad November 09

Good Morning Modders,
And a much better morning it is for me, having been AF last night. I slept soundly; woke happy!

It's exciting to think our Eve is off to distant lands today...I hope you'll be able to stay in close touch. We'll be thinking of you, and wishing you a vacation to remember. Literally!

Emmy, you've been sounding great and going strong with the AF plan. I agree with Eve. Deciding to try moderation again is certainly high-risk. There are plenty of people here who've witnessed my pattern...AF for a while, feeling good, then deciding (or sometimes just impulsively choosing) to have a little wine. Every single time it has led to at least a little trouble. Maybe not the first time, or the second or third...But eventually, 2 glasses becomes 4. And the cravings return. And I have to go through it all again. But here I am, still not committing to staying AF. There has definitely been damage control. The "problem" episodes are fairly rare. Plus I've never been a bottle or more a day drinker... Let alone a bottle of vodka a day. It's 3-5 glasses of wine that usually do me in. (Am I rationalizing again? Probably. It's the "I'm not that bad" line I like so much!) Anyway, obviously I'm not a positive role model at this point! But I can tell you from vast experience that there is a peace that comes from staying AF, that I don't think you'll ever find if you start trying to mod again. Scratch that. There's a peace that I don't think I'll ever find modding. You may be different.

I'm not being terribly articulate. Hopefully you get the idea. I've got a little boy by my side, saying, "Mommy, will you read to me?" so I'm signing off. So happy to read to him with no hang over and no regrets about last night. One day at a time for me at this point, I guess.
Sara

[Emmy]

Mod Squad November 09

Sara~ I know your right ! Isn't it funny how we start making excuses~ I was laying in bed this morning trying to put a time-line together of when this all started.. I didn't touch wine until my 30's and even then only had a glass here and there , at the most maybe 5-7 glasses a YEAR .. I remember being in a bar with my family when my Mom had a stroke in 2007 , we were ordering Wine by the bottle that night.. anyhow , sometime between then and 44 days ago I started using wine to numb me... I'm more of an alcohol abuser ,than an alcoholic , (there I go again ) whatever label I put on it , I needed to stop the cycle.. anyhow , I feel like I'm in a good place now , I don't have any wine in my home , we have good friends who enjoy a good glass of wine with dinner ( restaurant) My husband and children DO NOT drink , What I'm trying to say is that I am in "good company" ~ I don't know what I'm going to do , I'm not impulsive , so if I do decide to have a glass of wine , it will be planned and with other ppl and I will ony have one glass ~ at this time , I don't feel I'm ready for that ^^ one glass , so I remain AF :l Em

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad November 09

Hi Everybody,

Sara, you sound great. I want to always make you feel welcome here. That's the way with MWO: everyone makes their own choices, we are here to support.

Emmy, like you, my alcohol abuse began in my later years, gradually between 40 and 50. AF is always the safest choice. If my husband didn't drink (moderately) daily, I would probably be AF. Good for you making a wise choice. Alcohol isn't all that great, and we will always have the potential to get out of control; we will likely go over our preferred limits. It can be an ongoing struggle. I don't agree with the sentiment that the mods life is a great life, it is just a choice I have kept in my life.

Rejuv, how did day 2 go?

Eve, I will miss you!

Moo, I love Christmas, but don't enjoy the crowded traffic and parking lots. Plus there is a great gift-buying event locally this weekend, all unique stuff made by local artists. I bought several gifts, as well as something for myself. So now I mostly just need to get a few gift certificates, and stocking stuffers.

Deebs, are you out there? I heard a gardening presentation today by a New York State woman who has traveled to South Africa. She brings home seeds collected in many locations, starts them in her greenhouse, and then tries them outdoors. Those that survive are sold in her gardening business. She is way crazier than me about gardening, and I'm pretty crazy.

Take care, all. It is a beautiful, mid-60's day here, and I want to get out a little more before it gets dark.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad November 09

Thanks Emmy and Sunbeam,
It felt good to be AF again tonight...Not even an iota of craving. Of course that's always the case for a few days after over-doing it. The urge is more likely to hit later in the week.

Emmy, I envy you being married to someone who doesn't drink. My husband drinks daily, too, Sunbeam. Usually he sticks with one...Sometimes two. It would be easier for me if he stopped, but I can't begin to imagine asking him to do that. Fortunately, he doesn't drink wine, which is my greatest weakness.

Hope everyone else is well...Thinking of you, Eve, in your travels, and wondering how dear DeeBee is. Best to everyone else!
Sara

[mooderator]

Mod Squad November 09

Hi Modders.

Well I gave myself permission to go out with the girls friday and have a few drinks. What I didnt do what get myself a plan together. Having been modding really well lately I have sort of forgotten the need to plan for bigger events. So, this was a learning curve again. I will say, it was a good night with no problems occuring. I remember everything. But there is no doubt that I drank more than I wanted to. And futher no doubt that I felt like SHIT the next day until about 2.30 after I had been swimming. I am trying not to over beat myself as I have come so far and mostly I do get it right now. This was a different kind of night and the SIL is a big drinker. She doesnt get hangovers and so can just keep going. She had the same as me and tells me she often drinks more than that in the week!!!!

It made me grateful to be out of the cycle of weekly binges and feeling awful on sundays. It has made me realise that I need a plan when I go out on a "big" or "different" night out. Which tend to be rare for me now, so didnt see it coming.

What I did think to myself was that it is a really long time since I have felt bad the next day due to AL, which is evidence that things are getting better all the time. But it also made me think that I wanted to get some extra AF time in. It also made me think I might drive at new year as I will be going out with the SIL (and others) to the same venue!

Anyway, thats my new....I am going to be AF now through to the 21st November, then I have an event. I shall see how I feel about drinking at that nearer the time.

LOVE TO ALL

I havent had time to respond to everyone today, but I will tomorrow....

thanks for letting me waffle...