Mod Squad November 09
Hey everyone,
Emmy I'd been meaning to respond to this, feeling that it wouldn't be honest of me to let it go...I never meant to imply that alcohol isn't an issue for me. When things are going well it doesn't seem so important; and sometimes I feel the urge to make it clear (mostly to myself) that my drinking had not quite gotten to the train-wreck stage. But I don't want to minimize, either. It has most definitely been a problem. I've used it for "medicating" my anxiety and depression/irritablitiy way too many times. I may not have gone so far as to down two big bottles of wine or a bottle of vodka, but I have pushed the limit and gotten too buzzed, too often.
I had been feeling pretty confident and sure of myself. I stopped taking L-Glut, partly because I read somewhere that it causes weight gain, and I've been struggling to take off my "last 5 pounds". So after initially thinking I'd be AF yesterday, for Thanksgiving, I ended up having four glasses of wine, over about six hours...But the first three were within a two hour period. I wasn't happy yesterday. We only had my brother in law for the day, and he's a rather bitter, cynical guy. I made a feast all by myself...Something I was prepared to do - but I wasn't prepared for how lonely I would feel. It wasn't the work I objected to, it was spending hours in the kitchen alone. I involved my boys a little, but they soon got bored and headed for the TV. Hubby and his brother sat around talking in the other room, and I just felt so down, wishing I had my sister, brother, mom, a friend...anyone to laugh with and cook with. By 2:00 I'd tried putting on xmas music, was trying to feel festive, but couldn't shake the lonely feeling. That's when I poured myself a glass of wine, thinking that maybe it would lighten my mood. It did a little. But then, predictably, one led to another and by the time we sat down to eat I was buzzed and "feeling no pain". I guess that was the goal. I regret that I couldn't find a way to enjoy myself without it. Or perhaps the key would have been to just accept that I wasn't going to enjoy myself or to drink. Is enjoying oneself always to be expected on a holiday?
Anyway, today my sister and her daughters come for the weekend, so the real festivities begin.
Ktab, good for you for getting back on track and doing 8 (9?) days! That's great! After this weekend I will do an AF stretch, too. Tonight my limit will be two glasses, and tomorrow, too. I'll take the L-Glut today. After all, drinking has got to cause more weight gain than L-Glut ever could, right?
Wow...Long one. Sorry. Best to all.
Sara
Emmy;762960 wrote:
Sara .. you sound like you have everything under control ~ I just like you , AL isn't an issue for me either , I don't think about it ..
Em
Sara .. you sound like you have everything under control ~ I just like you , AL isn't an issue for me either , I don't think about it ..
Em
Hey everyone,
Emmy I'd been meaning to respond to this, feeling that it wouldn't be honest of me to let it go...I never meant to imply that alcohol isn't an issue for me. When things are going well it doesn't seem so important; and sometimes I feel the urge to make it clear (mostly to myself) that my drinking had not quite gotten to the train-wreck stage. But I don't want to minimize, either. It has most definitely been a problem. I've used it for "medicating" my anxiety and depression/irritablitiy way too many times. I may not have gone so far as to down two big bottles of wine or a bottle of vodka, but I have pushed the limit and gotten too buzzed, too often.
I had been feeling pretty confident and sure of myself. I stopped taking L-Glut, partly because I read somewhere that it causes weight gain, and I've been struggling to take off my "last 5 pounds". So after initially thinking I'd be AF yesterday, for Thanksgiving, I ended up having four glasses of wine, over about six hours...But the first three were within a two hour period. I wasn't happy yesterday. We only had my brother in law for the day, and he's a rather bitter, cynical guy. I made a feast all by myself...Something I was prepared to do - but I wasn't prepared for how lonely I would feel. It wasn't the work I objected to, it was spending hours in the kitchen alone. I involved my boys a little, but they soon got bored and headed for the TV. Hubby and his brother sat around talking in the other room, and I just felt so down, wishing I had my sister, brother, mom, a friend...anyone to laugh with and cook with. By 2:00 I'd tried putting on xmas music, was trying to feel festive, but couldn't shake the lonely feeling. That's when I poured myself a glass of wine, thinking that maybe it would lighten my mood. It did a little. But then, predictably, one led to another and by the time we sat down to eat I was buzzed and "feeling no pain". I guess that was the goal. I regret that I couldn't find a way to enjoy myself without it. Or perhaps the key would have been to just accept that I wasn't going to enjoy myself or to drink. Is enjoying oneself always to be expected on a holiday?
Anyway, today my sister and her daughters come for the weekend, so the real festivities begin.
Ktab, good for you for getting back on track and doing 8 (9?) days! That's great! After this weekend I will do an AF stretch, too. Tonight my limit will be two glasses, and tomorrow, too. I'll take the L-Glut today. After all, drinking has got to cause more weight gain than L-Glut ever could, right?
Wow...Long one. Sorry. Best to all.
Sara
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