Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

[Maia]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Thank you so much for the support. I didnt even want to check today's posts because i was really embarrased, but im glad I did. Thank you so much, it really helps knowing that some of you have been through the same and yet to are doing great now. I still feel pretty sad, but well, I'll have to learn from my mistakes and Eve, you are absolutely right, it just not safe to drink at home, at least not for me either,

Sara I tried to get the supplements today but there was too much traffic, Im going tomorrow morning. I definetely dont want to risk valentine's.... we'll be at a restaurant so im hoping things will be different. After valentine's im planning to do at least a week of no AL.

Jolie, i guess what triggered my having almost the entire botle was being alone at home. My friend was here and she said she really needed a drink as she was stressed out. She doesnt really drink so of course she had half a glass only and when she left I finished the bottle. It didnt help that my husband was at a busines dinner and the kids were asleep.... Im hoping to learn from this, no more wine when im alone or chances of staying alone with the wine.......

Deebee, i loved your story! That's so incredible! i've been to South Africa and I loved it!! I wish I could go now for the world cup! My brothers and parents are going! are you going to any game??

We are probably going to watch a movie tonight, I'd like to see Crazy Heart some time soon, but tonight it would be nice to watch a comedy or something like that!

We are baking now, meand the kids are making a chocolate cake for my husband, we boughtall kid of cute heart stuffs to decorate it..... I'm off to check the oven!

Thank you again,

[letgolaughing]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

hi y'all....i managed only one beer and half a glass of wine last night and that actually felt excessive. wow. so, i'll probably have 2 tonight, but i plan on being AF tomorrow night.

sun...your comment about how you're sorry my brain worries so much was so sweet. really touched me...
sara - yes, i was dx with ocd. i don't do the typical check to see if i turned off the iron type of stuff, but i do have obsessive compulsive worry. i was on an anti-depressant for a while, but got off to get pg with my child. it was hell going off of it, and unless i am unable to function, i won't get on one again. i have learned many coping skills, and actually i do pretty well. i have episodes where i will obsess, especially about health stuff(the breast cancer i had 7 years ago kinda sparked that one)but, it's not a constant thing anymore. i have some xanax to stop the cycle if i need to.

maia - sorry you are feeling bad for last night. you are doing great. one night in the scheme of all your AF days prior is just a blip. continue on...

hope all of you are having a great weekend...
xo

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Vlad, I am so sorry that I missed your very important point that you are also in this for good - that's wonderful. Your message was off the screen by the time I responded, so my memory missed that point. We are together in the same place, and will be better able to support each other.

LetGo, my sister has issues, and I do a lot of listening. So I'm happy to be able to do that for you, though I may not respond each time.

Take care, all. I'm, watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony. So sad about the athlete who lost his life already.

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hi All,
Maia, hope you're feeling better today...And hello to everyone.

I broke my AF streak of 12 days by having two glasses of wine last night. The amount doesn't bother me, but the attitude I had does. Eve sent me a fabulous post from WIP about the problem of thinking "I deserve a drink". Well, that's what I was thinking, and I do think that's a problem. For me, it's all about the psychology behind it...more so even than the number of drinks. I drank because I was in a bad mood, wanted to relax, and was tired of trying to find other ways to do it. I rationalized it in all kinds of ways, but the truth is I was looking to cheer up and lighten up. It worked for about thirty minutes, and then I started to feel melancholy, guilty for the misuse, and regretful. UGH!!! It would be easy to say "it was only two drinks....big deal". (And I am pleased that I didn't go on to have more, even when Hubby took us out for Chinese and ordered a mai tai. (sp?) ) But the point is I drank under negative conditions. It was not "oh we're out with friends and I'll have one or two for fun". It was "I've got to do something about this mood. I can't stand it anymore. I deserve a drink" STUPID.

So, AF today, and I haven't decided about V day.

Take care everyone.
Sara

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Sara,
I sent you a p.m. WIP's article was fabulous but remember it was designed for folks who are working hard trying to abstain not moderate and that's a big difference.

So, I went out and enjoyed two glasses of wine (as a moderator who didn't drink all week) last night and I don't feel bad about that choice at all. You on the other hand were having a hard day - you've been AF for 12 days and you felt you needed a couple of drinks to unwind and relax. And you kept it at reasonable moderating limits...only 2 and then you didn't have anymore when you had dinner with hubby later. Well, good for you!

I say, quit beating yourself up and have a fabulous day. I know you're not hung over with just having 2 drinks early in the evening so it will be easy to make it a great day!!

There certainly were great things in WIP's article to keep in mind to help you not go over moderating limits but remember the article was specifically geared for folks struggling to go AF who are choosing to NEVER have a drink so everything from it can't be applied to moderators. There's where you're allowing it to trouble you so change the thought!

:l
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hi Eve and Sara,
I have a different perspective on that notion of deserving a drink: I think it is unsound thinking, even for a person who drinks moderately. If you go down that road, you can always find a reason why you deserve a drink. Right now, I deserve a drink because I just trimmed the dogs toenails for the first time, though I had tried several previous times. It took well over an hour, as I desensitized her to the new tool, developed some new strategies. But I'm not chosing to have a drink, there are many other tasks I need to get done today. When I have a drink, it is always because I choose to have one to celebrate an occasion, or to socialize. This thinking works for me, but we are all different.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Do you DESERVE a drink today?

Sunbeam;805483 wrote: When I have a drink, it is always because I choose to have one to celebrate an occasion, or to socialize.

Sunbeam,
If I'm correct you're saying you don't ever like to think that you're having a drink because you "deserve" it but because you choose to have one on a special occasion.

I guess I'm not sure if we're just getting hung up on the semantics with the "I deserve it." thinking.

To clarify for others I'm going to cut and paste Work In Progress (WIP's) article. I do like what she wrote but I'm choosing to try to lead my life as a moderator of drinking. If I were completely trying to abstain then I agree 100% with what she's written. But as someone who is learning to enjoy 2-5 drinks a week I'm having trouble giving up the "I deserve it" thinking. I have to be honest and say that I feel like I do deserve it and it is a reward after a week of total sobriety. I enjoy that fine wine or two on a Friday and/or Saturday night. And if I could drink at home and chose instead to enjoy my wine because it calmed me after a rough day (like Sara did) I personally don't see that as being any different than me going out to dinner and enjoying my wine with my meal and conversation with hubby.

Anyway, good to share our thoughts and opinions. I mean, I really do like WIP's thinking of getting out of the "I deserve it" mode but once again, feel that's the lingo that abstainers need to wrap their brains around. Not sure I can. Here's her wonderful article and it will be good for newbies to read as well. Especially anyone struggling with modding versus abstaining. Very good info here.


Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?

I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

wip__________________
:l
Eve11
Addendum: I wanted to add that there does need to be a balance and I understand Sunbeam that you're saying that. If we go around with out of control "I deserve a drink" thinking we can think we need a drink for the most foolish of reasons (as in your story about the dog's paws). So, I get that. Thanks for your input and getting our brains churning. :-)

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Yup, I think it is just good food for thought. WIP's post really helped me answer my personal question, Why drink? I used to drink for those other reasons, but it didn't improve my life, it just took away from my life..

[letgolaughing]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

i get it. i agree that the article seems geared toward abstainers and not moderators. however, i too agree that i don't want to think i "deserve" a drink because I didn't drink the night before. ya know? although, i do think that I might reward myself with a glass of wine occasionally. Ok so, i can't say it as eloquently as eve did...so i'll say "yeah, what she said"

[Maia]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Sara,

I think you did great. You only two drinks, to me that would be success. I also understand why you would feel bad for choosing the wring reason or moment to drink, still, having only two drinks is something good, especially because you had the opportunity to have another one when you went to the restaurant and you chose not to!!

By the way, I agree with Sunbeam that we shouldnt be rewarding ourselves with drinks, but atbthe same time I would be very happy after a estressful day to be able to have a glass of wine to relax while I take a bath or I talk to my hubby. I think the idea is ok if that glass wasnt followed by rest of the botle!! The problem is that I am still learning to control myself and I am not there yet so I have to first learn to stick to special and social occasions before I attempt to have that glass by myself (maybe I will never be able to that)

Letgo and Eve, im glad you are doing great.It really is an amazing feeling knowing you are in control!

We celebrated valentine's last night as our nany couldnt come tonight. We went to a very nice restaurant. I had a glass of champaigne as we waited for our table (it hasnt part of the plan) and then we shared a botle of wine. I had two glasses and was actually able to tell him "no, thank you" when he tried to pour more after my second glass. I know I said that I was only having two for valentine's, but it didnt feel bad. We were enjoying our night out, we had great food, and for some weird reason I didnt feel the urge of having more after we left the restaurant.

It is pretty cold here in Miami (for our standards), 60 degrees now, but sunny and beautiful so I think we are going to get our bikes and have some fun with the kids!

Happy Valentine's everyone!!

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Hey Maia,
We are going to Clearwater Beach tomorrow, so I will be in your state, enjoying warmer weather until Friday.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Sunbeam,

Have a safe and wonderful trip. I know you'll enjoy the warm weather for sure!

To all the other modders and lurkers, Have a happy Valentine's Day! :h

:l
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

::heart::heart: Happy Valentine's Day :heart::heart:

Bit of a silly holiday, I guess...But it's been a good day here. We took the kids to the beach and did some wonderful rock climbing along the coast of Massachusetts today. We spent just about the whole day outdoors in the chilly wind, and my idea of a picnic dinner with Hubby lost its appeal by 5:00. We decided to cancel the sitter, and had a nice dinner by the fireplace, with the kids. Not romantic in the sense of a date, but still romantic...smiling at each other as we listened to the kids chatter, and finding it amusing that they were digging in with gusto to the sushi, pate and smoked oysters I had bought for the picnic. Our mutual adoration of our children is definitely one of the things that binds us.

I had three glasses of wine tonight. The third was probably excessive, but to be honest I've decided not to stress over it too much. I will go back to being AF tomorrow, and stick with it for at least a week or so. Mom (:nutso comes to visit this week, and although she will drink wine, I intend not to. The last visit I had with her was unhappy, and that was at least in part because we both drank wine. I would like to maintain complete control and not give my anxiety and depression anything to feed off of.

Does anyone want to commit to Monday - Friday AF this week? I know it will require a shift to go AF now after 3 days of drinking wine each night, but I need to do it.

Well done on your Valentine's dinner, Maia!

Take care everyone.

Sara

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Jolie, i guess what triggered my having almost the entire botle was being alone at home. My friend was here and she said she really needed a drink as she was stressed out. She doesnt really drink so of course she had half a glass only and when she left I finished the bottle. It didnt help that my husband was at a busines dinner and the kids were asleep.... Im hoping to learn from this, no more wine when im alone or chances of staying alone with the wine.......

I can't tell you how many times my friend would come around to visit and we would have a glass of wine or two, only for her to leave and I would sit at home (alone) and finish off the box of wine by myself!!
I am proud to say that it has been more than a year since I've done that! :happy:

Sun, congrats on fitting into those Size 8's!! You must be feeling so good about yourself now -- bet you can't wait for summer to dust off the cozzie and get a tan:-)

Eve, you know you are welcome to come and visit me here in SA -- we'd have a blast.

Sara, you V Day sounds bliss. Isint' it funny how our idea of what a romantic day is changes as we get older lol.

My V Day was a bit of a non-event, it always is so I don't know why I expect otherwise. I didn't drink yesterday because there was no reason to and that feels good today.

Thanks for sharing Wips article Eve. Although Wip will never be a modder and never wrote that article with this group in mind she always supported us and offered her advice in a manner that was both loving and yet very firm.

Sara, I'll commit to an AF week with you. I was thinking this morning that I will be going AF with Vlad from Friday so maybe I should be a bottle of wine for tonight - WHAT FOR?!! There is no special occasion!! And it is just this type of stinking thinking that I have to get away from -- so, yes, I'd like to join you this week Sara.

Sara, you also spoke of PMS and being extremely irritable -- :durn:I too suffer from this and it's only getting worse and worse. One thing that my GP recommended which i have begun again is an Omega 3 suppliment specifically for PMS-ing -- have you tried it before?

Anyhoo, happy Monday girlfriends and Adam.

[Jolie]

Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

Sara - please count me in for AF Monday thru Friday. I'm on day 15 AF but cravings are there - caved at 18 days last time so I'm still trying to get to 30. Your V day sounded wonderful - sounds like you have a lovely family.

Dee - can I just say that every time I look at your avatar I crack up! Love it. So . . . I am 47 and can totally relate to the PMSing thing - hate it - I started taking a supplement that I bought on line "Menersa" I think it was called. Took it for about a month - seemed to help some but I just hate taking pills every day (and they are huge) so I stopped.

Eve - how are you doing? Haven't talked to you in a while.

Well hope everyone has a great Monday! (Mine will be AF for sure!)

Jolie