Mod Squad March Thread

[letgolaughing]

Mod Squad March Thread

eve--thanks for the encouragement. i couldn't have gotten this far without all of you. as far as changes, i too used to have that one drink before going out to have dinner with friends. i'd also have that one drink when i got home. usually amounted to 4 and rarely 5 drinks! and a hangover the next day. i changed that. i don't do the drink before(although my husband does, so yes, i may have a sip of his)and mod the drinks during dinner then if i MUST i have half a glass afterwards. this is my biggest struggle. at home i can control myself(which is alot different then most modders here). however, my biggest change is my mindset. i keep telling myself that i LIKE to be AF. This is startiing to change my outlook ya know? i mean, if i LIKE to be AF then why would it seem like a "punishment" not to drink. it's a GOOD thing> yes, it's easier said then done sometimes, but that is really my biggest change. so, that's what i tell myself on my AF days and it seems to help.

sara - good to see you with 16 days af under your belt. glad you checked in.

mg72- good luck with your halfsies. i'm not gonna join you, but good luck!
i like the idea of challenging yourself...maybe i'll do that sometime later.

hi to all

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad March Thread

(((Sara))) I'm so pleased to hear you sounding wonderful. Congrats on notching up 16 days AF, you sound so much better for it.

MG, my plan for the week is to be AF with the exception of Tuesday when I'll drive back to my home town and spend the night with my best friend to go to book club. A night out with the girls will be just what I feel like.

LetGo, you are going from strength to strength, it has been joy to watch you on your journey!!

Well, that's me done for the day. It's been a while since I've had an AF Saturday never mind an AF weekend and it feels great!!

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad March Thread

Great job Sara and thanks for letting us know how you're doing. I'm so happy for you!! Deebs I'm glad you have respite in your parents home. Is your daughter with you? I hope your husband wakes up and smells the roses pretty soon.
mg72 good goal for the week, but like other, I'm just trying to get back to my original goals so halfsies would be too much of a stretch for me but you go guy!!
Hi to all the rest as we start our weekends in the US!! I'm cleaning the house awaiting my daughters arrival.
Ask

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hi Everybody,
AskForHelp, I'm glad to get a chance to "speak" to you. It feels like that you often post soon after me, then I don't get around to a reply. I'm glad you are still working at this, and experiencing success. The ones who most easily get in trouble are those who stop posting all together. You are good at staying in touch, and coming here more when you need more support.

Deebs, good for you setting a high goal of a "drink" only on Tuesday. Sharing some wine with friends is a priviledge I continue to cherish.

MG72, I am expecting that this will be an AF week. That is probably 1/2 of my usual less-than-weekly. I will have one glass of wine this evening as we celebrate a birthday dinner out for my husband.

Sara, I'm so glad you checked in. You sound great. Most of us do need some sort of event to go AF.

Eve, I have a story that you will appreciate the most: my husband has started locking the wine cabinet again. I felt irritated at first, but then grateful because I really don't want to drink at home. We rarely talk about my drinking, and I'm just letting this slide by. He brings up a bottle without question whenever I ask, which I did last Monday to celebrate my new job. But I am now grateful to not have it available. There usually is a partial bottle in the small fridge, so I could just have one about anytime, but I don't want to.

Toodles, gotta go get dressed for dinner.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad March Thread

Work has held me hostage for a couple of days, and just look at all the activity. Must catch up...

Eve: Yay for baby bunnies. I love bunnies! My changes: mostly just observing my behaviour and really analyzing it. For instance: 2 days ago I really felt a need to exceed my self-imposed, tapering-down amount. I spent 45 minutes telling myself every 90 seconds that I wasn't going to. The next night: fine. The following night (last night) I decided to drink more, see what happened. So... I fell asleep on the couch; woke up at 3 am, heart racing and anxious, with a headache; had a headache all day, felt dumb. There was NO upside. I didn't even notice the extra glass and a half of wine, what with falling asleep. Pure silliness!

Hi Frances: good luck in reaching your goals.

Luvwins: you posted on another thread:

Luvwins;815748 wrote: I have been in a place with respect to alcohol of better-but-not-good for several months so happily the really bad consequences have not been an issue. I could see myself staying at this place but that really wouldn't meet my ultimate goals for modding.

and I wanted to say to you - lets maybe help each other a little? I'm better-but-not-good, and a little too inclined to stay where I am...

Hi MG, LetGo, Ask For Help, Sarasmiles, Sunbeam, DeeBee. It's nice to "see" you all. Take care, everyone. :l

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hi Sun:

I wanted to respond to your note and share the struggle that underlies the decision to stay on as an active member when I'm not modding successfully. You note correctly that those who get in trouble are those that disappear. But its kind of a public place here and we each have a name and a bit of a reputation and it's hard to admit that it's not going so well. It's hard to stick around posting 3, 4 and 5s and no AF days of note on DrinkTracker and needing a lot of support like in the beginning instead of succeeding and being able to help others. So it's a tough decision to stay.

BUT not staying means returning to that place i was in before I found this wonderful community that understands. It means going to that lonely place of suffering alone with the challenges that seem overwhelming at times, for which alcohol provides such divine relief. It means missing sharing the humor and humanity of our situations, nurturing each other, sharing tips, encouragment, mostly caring about each other in a way that I've found truly amazing in an online community.

So I will stay on until I'm back on the right path, and if I ever go astray I will come back and ask for help again and again until the path is so worn that I've trod the path so deeply I can't go astray. It's that important.

Oh now I've gotten all sappy. I don't often share my heartfelt feelings, and now I have.
XOXO

Ask

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad March Thread

AskForHelp,
Thanks for sharing your feelings in this public yet anonymous place. I too remember that dark place in my life all too well. I think my post was in part prompted by an AF person who popped in on a thread, stating "if you didn't have a problem, you wouldn't be here." I didn't respond, wanted to avoid an argument, but I think just the opposite: people here certainly did have a problem, and some still do. Many AF people stay on a long time, both getting and giving support. I wouln't say they have a problem, though they could again if they let go of the supports they need. Same is true for us in mods land. Each of us defines our own success, though that sometimes changes over time. You are a capable person, making choices that feel right for you, and that is a good thing.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad March Thread

Good morning friends,

Well, I'm proud to report that I had an AF weekend. I found it interesting how easy it was to be AF this weekend whilst at my parents place because there was no temptation at all, even though there was lots of stress and anger I very rarely felt like drinking. Just goes to show how easily influenced I am.

Yesterday was very emotional when I had to drop my daughter back off at home with my husband. Both him and my brother are behaving as if I am in the wrong for leaving and are refusing to speak to me so the communication lines are still not open -- it's a very difficult situation to be in.
I am intend to find a marriage counselor to speak to this week for advice.

The positives that happened this weekend are:
* we participated in a "shavathon" where the daughter had her hair dyed purple and silver in support of those with cancer
* I went for a walk with my Dad on the beach and spent QT with him
* Went to the beach with my Mum, daughter and sister and spend QT with them
* Ate healthy food all weekend
* Dragged the sister out of bed real early this morning for a run on the beach
* Spoke honestly with my daughter about what is happening at home

Ask, Thanks for sharing!!
How was your daughter's return?
I keep meaning to tell you that I've upped my dosage to 100mg's just for this week, maybe that's why this weekend I was AF with ease?

CanadiaG, I hate the 3am wake up call that I get if I've exceeded my limit. Kudos to you for being aware and recognizing your limits.

Hi MG, Sun, LetGo, Eve and anyone I've forgotten -- how was everyones weekends? What's everyones plan for the week ahead?

[bear73]

Mod Squad March Thread

Morning all - well i drank too much on a saturday night - over my set limits - no drinking in week for me and now drinking on empty stomach/starting with wine .
Much needed day off today, pottering,cinema,booking hotel for a weekend away.

I am focusing much more on sticking to my weight watchers plan - met old frend who has lost 3 and a half stone on it - inspired me!
t's a lovely spring day here and I am coming down with a cold - not so good!

[frances]

Mod Squad March Thread

Good morning all! Lovely spring day here too - I've been AF since ash wednesday and feeling great. A couple of tough days but nothing too bad - I feel very lucky. I think it really does help when you tell yourself it's just not an option. I'm a little worried how things will go after Easter but I have a few weeks to get a plan in place. I'm very pleased that a few social occasions that have come up in the past couple of weeks (dinner out with friends; book club; movie night at a friend's house) have gone surprisingly well with no real issues not drinking. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that not everyone at these 'events' were drinking - in fact, I think the majority were not. These are newer friends for me - in all three cases - and a group that doesn't drink nearly as much as my older friends. The real test will be when I see them! Maybe it will be after easter and I will be allowing myself to drink anyway. Deebee your weekend sounds like it was very nice - wishing positive things your way during this difficult time. And Ask I totally agree that the place to be, whether you're doing great or having a tough time, is right here where you can get much needed, and appreciated, support.

Frances

[mg72]

Mod Squad March Thread

Good morning LT Mods,
I would like to comment on Sara's expressing her belief that we are all wired differently to our tolerance and addiction to AL. I agree that there are neurological differences in each of us that determine this. It is a complex system that is determined by our genes, neurons, dopamine receptors, etc. The best book I have read on this subject is "Beyond the Influence" by Katherine Ketcham and William Asbury. It explains scientifically why some people can take or leave AL and some of us have strong addictions and should never drink. This is a book I recommend to anyone that has had AL problems with themselves or others they care about.

As for me I continue to decrease my AL intake. I am consistently down to drinking three nights a week and 9-11 drinks a week. I will probably stay at this level and see if I decrease it more or even go AF. At this level it is not a problem a for me but I know I feel and do my best AF.

Sara you are an inspiration and stay strong!

[Luvwins]

Mod Squad March Thread

Stuck in old pattern

Hello modders. Just checking in despite not meeting my goals. Appreciated Ask's reflection on that and I got to say the urge to NOT post is strong. Weekends I still allow alcohol to imprison me. No hangovers though. Someone said a few pages back that they were in the mode of just observing and reflecting on the drinking that was happening. I can't find it who wrote it right now As illogical as it feels, it has been a slow and steady route to improvement for me in the past.

Canadiangirl - let's head in the direction of GOOD this week. I have an easy to acheive AF goal today and tomorrow. How about you?

MG that sounds like an interesting book.

Have a good day all.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad March Thread

Sunbeam;817914 wrote: I think my post was in part prompted by an AF person who popped in on a thread, stating "if you didn't have a problem, you wouldn't be here." I didn't respond, wanted to avoid an argument, but I think just the opposite: people here certainly did have a problem, and some still do. Many AF people stay on a long time, both getting and giving support. I wouln't say they have a problem, though they could again if they let go of the supports they need. Same is true for us in mods land. Each of us defines our own success, though that sometimes changes over time.

I just have to say that I'm surprised by the mentality that says that one way for an addicted person to deal with their addiction is better than another's. Anonymous people popping up on threads and giving judgemental opinions are just giving opinions. That, and a buck seventyfive, will get them a coffee most places. Good grief, even the scientists don't know how addiction works... but Joe/Jane Poster seems to know what's good for other people. Such people should give permanent contact information so we can see, in 5, 10, 20 years, when the "my way is awesome" bloom wears off, how things are going. I suspect that they will prove to be like all the rest of us: flawed, deeply human, and struggling for truth and meaning.

Sorry, I'm off my soapbox, and it's put away for now... :thanks: for listening.

Luvwins - that was me talking about observing and reflecting. It works for me quite well in most things, also. As far as GOOD for this week, I'll be sticking to the schedule and watching the addicted part of myself do its best with a dispassionate (but beady) eye! I'm currently drinking about half of what I was 3 weeks ago, and about a quarter of what I was a couple of years ago. It's harm reduction, I suppose.

Thinking of you all, and thanks for letting me join in (even when I rant).

[Luvwins]

Mod Squad March Thread

I realized 2 seconds after posting that the reflecting post was yours. I had been too paranoid that the slow computer I was on would kick me off.

Well said from the soapbox.

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hi all

I enjoy catching up on all the posts.

Sun: thanks for your kind words: you're the one who prompted my soul search, and I've had a burst of resolve as a result. Thank you.

DeeBee: Purple is the color of my true love's hair . . . or something like that. My dearly beloved daughter returned from Paris with purple hair "it's tasteful Mom, I promise!" . . . actually it's fine. If pressed I'd have to say she left part of her heart there, maybe not romantically (as we know she has the less than ideal boyfriend here) , but you know the other kind of ROMANTICALLY, as in Paris is beautiful and the people have a certain kind of (I can't spell this right) je ne a ce qais.

We have quickly returned to war zone, but a months respite and a fair amount of therapy has helped me realize its not my issue to resolve, I'm imaging all the time "like water off a duck's back" those rude and brusque and outright nasty comments . . . "like water off a duck's back". I may be sending her back to Paris or to one of you soon!!

But Deebs: hold your ground. It seems your husband has forgotten you are his partner and has chosen your brother and perhaps (here I'm only taking a guess) the bottle as his temporary alternative choice. Have you thought about AlAnon as a possible support for you? This has got to be so painful. I'm grateful your parents are nearby and that you can be clear with your daughter so that she knows your views.


Luvwins: Of course you must post!! Keep on truckin!
Mg72 You sound GREAT!! Keep inspiring the rest of us to do well.
Frances: thanks for the kind words. I like having you here. Good job with the outings without drinking. I bet you'd do OK with the drinking friends too. You gain confidence as you go. But you still have time. Lent is LONG!!! lol

Bear: half of my motivation to drink less is about the lbs!!

Hi to Eve, Sara Maia , Vlad (Long time no see). Where Adam Cartwright?
Sorry if I missed anyone!

Well gang time for sleep.


XOXO

Ask