Mod Squad March Thread

[Maia]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hi Everyone,

Sunbeam, thanks for your words, although I don’t think im even close to where I want to be. I know I have improved. I don’t even think about having a drink when im home now. Havent done it in a while. I don’t have to fight any craving not to drink on a regular day. Apparently my problem is once I start. I managed to work hard on that for over a month and was able to control it, but after this incident at my brother’s wedding, im pretty disappointed. But as you say, I need to see this as an opportunity to learn a lesson…

Letgo, Im sorry about your job. I visited your website and saw your jewelry. Congratulations! I also read the “about us” section. Beautiful. I never had sisters and always wanted to have one… I love my brothers but a sister would’ve been nice! Now I’m glad my girls have each other!

DeeBee, I hope you had an amazing weekend, some quality time for you and your husband for a fresh start

MG, I also agree with you. Even if I don’t have a hangover after 3, I just don’t sleep well. Two is a good number, the problem for me is that after two I always want a third, so, I guess it is safer for me to stick to one (I’ll keep that in mind for my future goals because obviously that is not what I’ve been doing)

Ask, I hope things get better with your daughter...If it’s any consolations and also went to Europe for college, drove my poor parents crazy, I grew up and now we are closer than ever.

Canadiangirl, my husband is like yours when it comes to AL. He enjoys it. He is not indifferent to it. He likes a nice glass of wine, some grappa, scotch, etc. He really enjoys it. He just never overdoes it. I envy him for that, and at the same I love him for that and im grateful. I guess things would be a lot more difficult for me if he had problem too.

Eve, you have been an inspiration for me since I joint this site. You seem to have it under control. My goal is to get where you are. Don’t let that incident bring you down. It is not fair. I think you are doing great. I truly hope you are feeling better.

Hello to everyone else! I hope you all had a very good weekend!

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad March Thread

Ask ingFH: I see that you are having a somewhat rocky time with a young daughter? A teenager, perhaps? I went to heck and back with my girl during those awful years. Seriously, drugs, law enforcement officials, ummmmm, worse.... She's 22 now and the relationship we share is just amazing. Hang in there, the bond parents have with their adult children is the strongest and most rewarding one ever. :h

So, fellow modders - I am down to 3 or 4 drinks an evening, that's from 8 plus a month ago and 12 plus plus a couple of years ago. Tonight is going to be an AF night! I had a couple of these last summer, but prior to that, I don't even know when. Funny that a drinker would forget something like that.... :H:H

Good luck to me tonight - and to all of you on this (dreary, overcast, chilly) wonderful Monday :yougo::yougo::yougo:

[mg72]

Mod Squad March Thread

Good morning mods,
My last week was a little tough to stay on track with mod goals. We had something social almost every night which made it difficult. I still did 12 drinks in week with 3 nights AF. I never went over 3 in one night. I will take off tonight so will have three in days in a row AF. I will make my 10 or less for week with 4 AF nights this week. Our calendar is much better suited for AF than last week. Tonight my wife and I will be go to movie and we have our granddaughter spending the night with us Wednesday. I will teach yoga three mornings this week so I have to be clear headed. A key for me to be AF for a night is to have a plan to enjoy the evening doing other things. It needs to be a positive experience for me to not drink instead of feeling deprived of getting a buzz on. Waking up with clear head, settled emotions and strong energy level make it worth not drinking.

Canadian Girl,
How did your AF night go? I started with one AF night, went to two, then three and now have goal of four AF nights a week. The key for me is what I wrote above about enjoying my nights without AL.

DeeBee, way to go on your mod goals! I wish you a repeat for this week.

LGL, I feel for you on the job situation. Best of luck on jewelery business which is obviously a skill you have and enjoy.

AFH, I remember those days when our sons were at the advanced teen aged years. I do not miss the tension and worry that came with it. All of ours made it through and are doing great in their lives.

Maia, I am sorry to hear about your wedding and party experiences. It is good to see you have been able to get back on track since then. It is difficult to go into those party type situations and not overdo it. My plan is lots of food and water to not over drink. I am usually one of first to go home after a few drinks. I am at point that I don't care if I offend someone by leaving earlier than the mob. I know I will feel much better next day than they will.

Sunbeam, Thanks for being the anchor for the team. Your advice and mod example are an inspiration.

Great day to all.

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad March Thread

Today is one of those days that we talk about -- when we aren't in a good place and it's just so easy NOT to post.
Today I kicked my brother out of our house and it really hurt... that's all I'll share for now.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad March Thread

mg72;820264 wrote:
As far as my mod goals go I am changing directions a little bit. I am now shooting to never go over two drinks at one time and still have three or four nights AF each week. I do not have any negative effects like sluggishness, moodiness or being uncommunicative with two drinks.

mg72,
I like that new goal. I have to HONESTLY say that I feel the same way too - fine with "two and I'm through" but I too feel the effects of more than two as well so would really like to buckle down and keep my limit to no more than two.

Gang,
Haven't posted as usual as I've been very busy preparing my house for a party and then getting ready for a 50's party the following night. Both parties were a success in having fun AND moderating appropriately!! Well, I did have three over the course of one of the nights but wasn't drunk or stupid so that was good.

I met some great A.A.ers on Sunday evening. Visited a good friend who has recently gone the A.A. route. Was great to meet his new friends and to see that comaraderie that A.A. offers folks. They had all connected after a meeting and we met at his "man cave" where we ate great leftovers from our Friday night party and played some mean poker. It was a lot of fun and great to see people who were SO happy being AF and STILL enjoying life. I thought of Sarasmiles knowing she was in good hands going the AF route as there are so many neat people in recovery and the great thing about programs like A.A. is people get to meet and connect. That's one of the sad parts about the moderator program - the fact that there aren't those face to face meetings (or very few in just a few states and countries) where folks can find real and not cyber companionship. Made me kind of envy the A.A.ers!!

Well, gotta run. Lots of cleaning up to still do but wanted to touch base. Didn't get a chance to read recent posts so hope my mod friends are all doing well. Will catch up later.

:l
Eve11

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad March Thread

Lots of news to catch up on.

My dear DeeBee:
I'm sorry that you are sad to oust your brother, but to my mind that is what needed to be done. Just an outsiders view. Plain as day. Needed to be done. Hope your husband saw the issue as well and helped make and deliver the decision. You two are the team that must build your family life. Blessings to you and your daughter.

Maia: my only thoughts about your vacation & the wedding is that overall you seemed to do well. I would encourage you to not be to harsh in judging yourself about the wedding (or in any social situation that occurs rarely in life: weddings, funerals, etc.) but rather look at how you deal with the Saturdays of life. Even vacations are "unusual' events because they are so out of your everyday routine. Its the everyday Monday, Tuesday Wednesdays that count.. . I think you're on the right path . . . Keep going.

MG: I didn't know you taught yoga: What do you teach? I'm an Iyengar student. LOVE my teacher and find the whole path so meaningful. Can we talk about this ???

Canadian Girl and others: YES I am divorced Mom of a rambunctious (sp?) 15.5 y/o girl who returned from a month in France just as sassy as she left. We've not had a civil word in the week since her return but I plan to introduce "baby steps" this week . . . where I set one simple expectation which will be "decency during the dinner hour (or 20 min)" with an expectation that we each bring some neutral topic to discuss. I see my counselor tomorrow to discuss. Wish me luck. Just FYI: I have 30 and 27 y/o stepsons with whom I survived this same age, but 1:1 Mom/daughter is much more intense. Have a great relationship with the boys, but sometimes wonder if the daughter may not live to tell if she keeps up the lip! (lol)

Love to all. Keep up the news.
AFH

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad March Thread

MG, you dark horse you!! A yoga instructor no less. I re-joined my yoga classes last week and it's been an absolute life saver for me.

Ask, I'm so sorry to hear that the daughter situation hasn't improved. I'm pleased you are still seeing the counselor and getting advice from her.

Eve, your party sounds like such fun. I'm intrigued to know how you met some AA-ers?

Maia, when the sleep fairy eluded me at 2am this morning I thought of something I wanted to tell you but for the life of me I can't remember what it is now!!
Oh that's it!
It was all about you being aware of how much you are drinking even thought you aren't meeting your goals. Deepak Choprah's advice in his book about 'Addiction' is to be 100% present when drinking/smoking/eating. I remember reading his book whilst smoking and going out onto my deck and just focusing on the cigarette and how it tasted, how it smelt, what it felt like to drag and it was disgusting. So often I would smoke whilst busy with something else (likewise with drinking) that I wasn't aware of just how much I was smoking/drinking.
Eckhart Tolle also speaks about this in depth in his book 'A New Earth' if you are interested in reading up further.

Well, I drank 3 glasses of wine last night in anger. I was fully aware of what I was doing. I know it was wrong. I just don't have the tools to deal with my anger any other way (as yet) -- this is definetly something I need to work on.

Anyhoo, my BIL is staying over this evening and some friends are coming over to share hubby's famous curry so I'll check in with you all tomorrow.

Love to all!

[Ask For Help]

Mod Squad March Thread

Just an update: My counselor suggested that the expectation be "decency during the dinner hour one or two nights per week when/if we are both available" (so as not to box myself in if I want to go out.) Counselor thought the expectation that we each bring something neutral to talk about was asking too much (!!). I can talk but can't expect her to participate or talk, she just can't be rude or walk away for the 20 minutes during dinner.

Really tiny baby steps is what I'd call this! Who knew! I'm kinda laughing, but I'm willing to give it a try!

Ask

[Luvwins]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hello modders, I had three AF days last week. One didn?t count because it was on a bad hangover day.

The night responsible for the hangover actually involved a teachable moment. I gave in to the urge to have a little extra after the ?drink? my husband poured. His drinks for me consist of some gin poured on ice and topped off with a little tonic. I thought I was well under my hangover limit. But I woke at 2 AM with a screaming bad headache, took headache meds on an empty stomach and then puked all morning. I am religion impaired, having been raised in a deliberately non-religious household. But on the far side of 50 I have been somewhat envious of prayer in people?s lives. In past months, when disgusted with myself, awake at 2 AM with a pounding heart and remorse over daily drinking, I have many times repeated, ?God help me please.? So on my way home from work that hungover day I got an image of God with a wry smile saying, ?I answered your prayer.? That screaming bad headache, out of proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed, was a message sent from God. It has gotten my attention at least for now.

Ask, I?m really trying to maximize my enjoyment of my two kids before they hit their teen years. I hear lots of stories like yours of torture especially with teen girls. My daughter and I are both stubborn so that?s not going to help. Somewhere I have a journal from my own teen years. I haven?t looked at it for a long time but I know it ain?t a pretty process getting to adulthood.

Canadiangirl and Maia - Speaking of husbands and moderation, my husband moderates by starting his beer at 5 pm instead of noon.:H:H I don?t really know how much he consumes. He very seldom really overdoes it but it often affects our interactions and his interactions with the kids. He is just plain more pleasant to be around sober.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hello all!

Sunbeam - where do you garden? I'm in SW Ontario, zone 5B. Not much to do yet, too much chance of ice storms to cut anything back.

Letgo - what fun jewelry. Will you let us know when the silver is up on your website? I'd love to see it.

mg72;822658 wrote:
Canadian Girl,
How did your AF night go? The key for me is what I wrote above about enjoying my nights without AL.

It went well, thank you mg. And I totally agree about making the AF nights special - better than the drinking nights, in fact. So, being alone for the early evening, I took me out for dinner and a movie (Thai, Dear John - both good). It was nice out, so I took my bicycle and hubby met me partway back so we could ride together. It was so nice swooping up and down the dark streets in the fresh *false* spring air! We have a plan to do it again this week.

DeeBee - those 3 drinks in anger maybe weren't as wrong as you think. If you were truly "in the moment" and mindful of what you were doing... It was another way of reminding yourself how you do and don't want to "be" in this life.

Good luck to all.

[Eve11]

Mod Squad March Thread

Canadian girl and Ask,
It's always nice when we have that common denominator with other members (yours being teen-age girls). Rely on each other for sure - that's such a blessing that other people have a similar journey and we can reach out and understand things in a way that others can't.

DeeBee,
Tough love is TOUGH. Without knowing all of the details with bro it did sound like the best move as hard as it was. We had to send a niece packing one time but the seeds we planted (I know) helped her to become a very responsible woman and now mother. I cried my heart out at the time but she wouldn't follow the rules and she knew what the consequences were.
I believe tough love won out in the end but it was hard to do.

Luvwins and Maia,
I just hate when I have those occasions (rarer now thankfully) of drinking too much and having the hangover/remorse effect. mg72 nailed it right for me...I really do feel it with 3 or more so if I can just keep fine tuning it to not going over that I'll be ok. I've learned to really hone in on what my trigger spots are and try to be more careful with that. For me it's very dangerous around heavy drinkers as I want to flow with them - VERY BAD - and scarier than heck for me to drink at home alone. So, really try not to do that.

Now I have to run unexpectedly so can't address others right now I intended to address.
Will be back.
Take care all! AF last night - plan to be tonight as well.
:l
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hi Everybody,
CanadianGirl, How did I guess you were a gardener from your description of cleaning up dog poop....???! We are in the same gardening zone, 5b, so we can at least trade plant stories. I live in western New York State. The shores of the great lakes are zone 6, but I'm inland. Do you have Hellebores? They are great shade-loving plants. They are evergreen, but grow better new foliage if you cut off the old stuff completely about now, just when you see a little new growth. Thye usually start blooming by the end of March, and the flowers stay pretty nice until June or so.

Deebs, is this the same brother who you didn't used to speak to? Families need to forgive and forget if a person changes their behavior, but if they continue behaving unacceptably, without consideration for the needs of others, then tough love is the answer, like Eve says. Otherwise they have little reason to change.

AskForHelp, I can't believe that your counselor thinks that a neutral conversation (about the weather, perhaps?) is too much to ask, but then I really don't know the level of the issues. But I am sure it isn't easy. Vent here all you like, and we will be good listeners, even those of us who aren't raising teenage girls.

LuvWins, I'm glad that Spouses who Drink thread was helpful. Just knowing you are not alone is always comforting.

Maia, you really are doing great, like Deebs says. For so many people here it takes much more time for the reality to sink in.

Eve, you are such a party person, it is fun to read about. I'm just happy I can dig in the dirt again. I shared some wine with a friend last weekend after attending a flower show. I'll have a glass or two with dinner this weekend if we go out, but if we don't I will stay AF.

MG72, thank you for your kind words. I enjoy my cyberfriends here, and just hope that my words are helpful. This alcohol thing is a hard problem, and I'm grateful to be here.

Take care, all.

[AllApologies]

Mod Squad March Thread

Hey guys, new to this thread but not new to the forums. I've been on here on and off for a while now, trying to get my drinking back on track and thought I'd stop by and see how everybody is doign as I intend to mod too Today marks 6 days of succesfully following my plan to gradually cut down and I feel really great about it, am planning to slowly get down to within the recommended limit for women (14 units) over the next few weeks/months and stay there this time

[DeeBee]

Mod Squad March Thread

Welcome AllApologies!! I do hope you change your name soon to something more positive:-)

Yes Sun, this is my brother that lived in the UK for 8 years and cut all ties with the family until recently. Unfortunately my husband and him have gone into business together and it's been run from our home -- but my attitude is it's not my problem and I can't take his issues on board anymore. They are both going away this weekend on business and I was feeling quite lost for a while but have since pulled myself together and am now looking forward to some long overdue gardening chores.
I wish you guys lived around the corner so we could visit each other every once in a while.

Other than that I don't have much news other than I am still sticking to my exercise goals by going to yoga and this morning started my morning walks again. Tomorrow I hope to swim after work if the weather holds out.

Wishing you all a joyous day.

[canadiangirl]

Mod Squad March Thread

Sunbeam;823947 wrote: Do you have Hellebores?

How did I miss these? They are beautiful! One website I looked at says "an interest in Hellebores shows maturity in a gardener" !:rays: They'd probably grow well interspersed with the primroses..?
:thanks: