Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

[JACQRABBIT]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Goals for last week all met
reversed Saturday and Sunday though.

Goals this week.

Zero through the work week.
No more than 2 glasses days of rest
and no more than 5 glass for the week.

Good luck to ALL

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hello all!

Hi friends,
No time to read posts but wanted to say I haven't abandoned you. Got very busy with a group assignment (working on my masters) and no-one on the group wanted to participate! Very challenging. Then to top it off we went out of town to a family reunion so I had limited computer access as well as too much homework!!

I think there were family reunions in the past where folks thought little Eve11 had one too many. Not this one since I've been taking moderating very seriously.

My goals for this week:
No more than 8 drinks in a week
No more than 3 drinks a night

Here's to successful moderating!
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

A new week and a new beginning.

How did meeting your goals go this week?

I didn't go over my limit. The goal setting I know helps me so much.

Frances, when you write you remind me so much of myself. There have been times I've been on that 4th drink and know I don't need it but just want it and crave it because I started drinking that night. I call it the "vampire effect" and I'm never happy when it happens because to me a normal drinker has 1 or 2 and stops without a problem.

I'm better able to moderate because of a husband without any kind of a problem but if I were with someone who drank too much I'm not sure I couldn't moderate because sometimes once I get started...the slippery slope.

So, I am playing this by ear, day by day, seeing if I can really do it. Questioning if I really can because of my age. I think the true alcohol abuse that goes on is when kids are young - early 20's and with a group of friends that drink too much. As they mature, marry and get responsible, most quit the partying and controlled, moderate drinking is not difficult to do. But for those of us late 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. . . I wonder.

As our original WIP used to say "I'm a work in progress". I think I am too.

Goals for this week will be harder - 5 days in a row of vacation with a fab happy hour every night - I'm going to really work on no more than 2 in a night as I always feel crappy with 3 - and for health reasons - no more than 9 (Moderation Managements recommendation).:l
What are your goals for success?
:l
Eve11

[canadiangirl]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Everyone!

I think I missed last week... No big issues, though. I'm sticking to the status quo, which means that I haven't managed a fourth AF day as planned. It makes sense - the plan was pretty lame, all-in-all. I have my 3 days planned at the beginning of the week, but the fourth I've been somehow hoping would just materialize.:youwish: Obviously, that's not going to happen. Then I had my 4 days all planned out for this week till I remembered that Thursday is Canada Day!!!!:cheering::cheering: We can see the fireworks over the lake from our deck, and I WILL raise a glass of local to my wonderful country that day. So AF is Monday, Tuesday, Sunday. And some other day.:H:H

Eve - what you said really resonates with me. I don't imagine I could do this without the fact that my husband is taking his cues from me. I think in the last 4.5 months he has come home twice and said "I'd really like a beer tonight" when it's been an AF day. And I will confess that I do sometimes *want* more than I've allowed myself. I don't generally have more, but the fact that I really do want it, says something I think. And I do sometimes wonder if I'm just an alcohol abuser with some really awesome self-control, and wonder if that's really a good thing? On the other hand... there are so many things that people have to learn willpower over. I am noticing that I spend far less time thinking about drinking than I did first starting out. Some weeks it really, truly is effortless, and I feel "normal" at those times. Will that turn into all-the-time?

Oh, what the heck. I'll never be "normal". There's my anxiety, the fact the I'm a 49 year old undergraduate, etc, etc. If I can manage healthy, happy, productive, and loved by those I love.... *shrug* That's not so bad.

[frances]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi all - I've not been doing well this week. Did not meet my goals, really, at all. I drank when there was no occasion, and I drank more than I should have when there was an occasion. Today I sit at work feeling that tired feeling and I know why and am so mad at myself because I had been doing so great!

My goals in general are to only drink on special occasions, and never more than 3 on an occasion. This week, since I'm going on vacation, every day is special, so I guess I'll be drinking quite a bit. I'm going to try to not exceed 3. I may try to go AF a couple of nights but I don't want to state that as a goal. I don't leave for 3 days so those will be AF for sure.

I'm so disappointed with what happened this week and I wish I had a couple of weeks, instead of a couple of days, before vacation to get back on track. Well, I need to move on - I'm not going to beat myself up - I'm just going to stick to the goal of AF for 3 days, and no more than 3 on vacation. I have a feeling that is going to be easier said than done!

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Frances,
Always hard for me on vacation too.

I tend to feel hungover with 3 drinks so I can usually do only 2 but I drink daily (every days a party on vacation) and usually only drink on the week-end at home so that's always a continuous challenge for me - an AF vacation day!

Sometimes setting these goals and pacting really helps me. Other times not like I hoped.

Lean on me and I'll lean on you!

:l
Eve11

[Justforme]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Can I join you all here please. I did just under 3 months AF and felt really happy with that having been a bottle of wine a night girl since forever. My goal for the rest of my life really is to be able to just drink on the weekeneds, out at dinner etc. and 2 would be enough - 3 my max. Since I did the AF time I have really found that I don't need to drink in the same way as I used to so that in itself is a huge improvement for me. But now I find that I beat myself up about still wanting to have a glass now and then. Life just seems to be one big guilt trip sometimes. I'm happy to have found this thread where people are setting realistic goals. I think that this is where I should stay for now. Nice to find you all!

[frances]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi everyone and welcome Justforme! That is great that you've done nearly 3 months AF that is a fantastic start. I was also (nearly) a bottle of wine a night girl. Not always a full bottle, but many times a full bottle and sometimes more. But always daily. Your AF time has probably done wonders for you! I've never gone that long AF (except when pregnant many years ago) but I did do 30 days, twice. One warning is just that the habit slips back easier than you might realize, so as much as you might hate all the stinkin' thinkin' - it is best to keep your goals in mind or they may slip away. I know what you mean about the guilt trip for just wanting a glass or two of wine - the whole idea of getting to moderating was to drink and enjoy, and then you feel guilty! I try not to let having a drink or two feel like it's a problem. Good luck to you, I'm sure you can do this! I'm with you on the goal - I've said only drink on special occasions for me - but have had occasions that weren't special slip in here and there. I've decided that's OK as long as it's not a regular thing and as long as I don't slip back into the old habits of daily drinking.

My vacation didn't go as well as I had hoped - I drank daily as expected, but more than I wanted to. I didn't really keep track so I won't get into all the numbers. No major issues or episodes so that's good! And I'm back now and plan to get back on track! Thanks for the support and Best to all!

Frances

[Sunbeam]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

JustForMe,
Welcome! Congrats on that significant AF time. I think drinking moderately goes better for most who have learned how to not drink. I think that guilt will be a permanant thing in my life even when I drink reasonably, because some would say I should not be drinking at all. But it serves me pretty well, keeps it all in check. As Frances said, it is way easier than you would think to fall into old habits. I try to keep my drinking to once per week, no more than three standard (5 oz) drinks. I would prefer also to not drink every weekend, but that hasn't happened in awhile. Less is better, what's so great about alcohol, anyway? Well, I shared a bottle of wine with a friend last night, and it was a lovely evening. Could have happend without alcohol, but might not have at all. It allowed us to just sit and relax for 3 hours. I cherish moments like this. In my life I try to avoid drinking alone, don't need alcohol to sit and relax in a comfy chair, indoors or out.

Anyway, this particular thread is where we share weekly progress on goals. This past week I guess I had something to drink two evenings, more than usual but nothing awful. I am continuing to work on pages in the newest chapter of my life, and the transition is good.

Frances, it is good you are back on track. It is always nice to return to this comminity.

[canadiangirl]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hhhmmmm, my weekly check-in is becoming bi-monthly...? I must be busy!

First of all, Sunbeam - congratulations on your new chapter. I've meant to say so, but have neglected to. It's been pending for quite a while. I'm glad it's working out.

Sooooo, I can't remember which week, now, but one of them I didn't make 3 AF days, only two, PLUS I had a drink or two more than my goals were. Pulled myself back on track and doing well again. I should make the magic four AF days this week because of social commitments. Weird, but I have no trouble being AF when out and about. Maybe I need to turn back into the social butterfly I used to be.:butterfly: But I was younger then. Now I'm more like: :catroll:

Welcome, Justforme. You sound like you are doing well.

Have a good week everyone.

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hey gang,
School work is interfering with drinking!! LOL!!!!! :H

My goals:
Have been AF this whole week. Week-end coming.
No more than 2 tonight
No more than 3 Saturday (have an extended affair where drinking will be 4-5 hours apart so 1 early evening - no more than 2 later evening.

Sometimes putting this in writing truly helps me reach my goal. How about you?

Keep posting here.

Eve11

[bear73]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

hey am back - my goals

thursday - 2 glasses of wine with dinenr
saturday - 2 beers

Not sure how long I will be here - couldn't modd last time - really need to try again as gotta stop smoking - cutting out both at same time is 2 much.

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi everyone!
It's almost a new month. I've been very busy with school so that helps me not want to drink on week nights. Had a stressful workday the other day and a co-worker was talking about looking forward to that glass of wine to relax that night. I knew if I had one as well, the school work would be in the toilet.

Alcohol is such a de-motivator for me that it's easy to talk myself out of partaking when I think about what I want to accomplish.

However, I still battle with wanting to over-indulge here and there when I start. I still get the vampire effect and struggle as I still want one more at times when I should always follow my rule of two and I'm through.

I need to remind myself whenever I have a drink that:
1. I don't sleep as well
2. If I have more than 2 I feel anxious or hung over the next day
3. I won't be as motivated the next day
Have one of those decade class reunions this coming week-end. I do NOT want to drink too much so I am pacting that I will NOT and will come back next Tuesday and report my success!!! Those reunions, weddings, big events like that can be killers for me. So, will start with club soda - and have no more than 2 during the course of the evening.
:l
(((Eve11)))

[Eve11]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hey gang,

A new week so wanted to post my goals for the week. I plan to stay AF on school nights. With the big Halloween week-end with parties and such - may end up partaking on Friday and Saturday. Really want to limit myself to no more than 3 (if I go to a party) and no more than 2 if I go out to dinner.

My weak point is still big parties (e.g. weddings, etc.). Did well at my class reunion but not so well at a recent wedding reception. Drat, I hate that! Someone commented the next day "Well, so and so drank too much too and blah, blah, blah" and I really didn't like what I heard. Did she mean this person drank too much too like me? It felt ugly and I felt crappy because I hadn't limited the drinking to 2-3 like I had planned. I really need to come here and get support before some of these events so hope to give Ruby Tuesday thread some life again. Please come post here and work this program with me so we can stay strong with contolled moderating.
:l
Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

Ruby Tuesday weekly meeting

Hi Everyone,

It's so good to see some of my old MWO friends! I've been feeling the need to get back here!

Like a lot of you, I've been back and forth between working on moderation and working on abstinence. At times I've felt that I was ready to comit myself to lifelong abstinence. At other times, I've had a feeling that although lifelong abstinence would be the safest possible course of action for someone who has had problems with alcohol, it may not be necessary for me.

I accept that alcohol has played a problematic role in my life.
I accept that I will never be able to drink mindlessly....I will always need to pay attention to my drinking.
I accept that I can never be a daily drinker.
I accept that if I use alcohol for stress-relief, I am going to head down a slippery slope of self-destruction.

I believe that I have learned new behaviors and made significant changes in my thinking and my ability to cope with stress. I remained AF for six months, and I learned a lot in that time. For one thing, I learned that I am much happier and healthier without drinking. But I also learned some other things. I learned that I am unlikely to ever stop missing the companionability of having a glass of wine with my husband or a friend. I learned that I feel resentful of others who can and do drink. I learned that taking alcohol out of my life didn't solve all my problems (although it did open up the door for me to be able to solve them.) I learned that for better or worse, I am not ready to say "never again".

Recently I have experimented with having a glass or two of wine on a few occasions. So far, I have found it doable. I have not craved more the next day. In fact, I have felt ready to be AF immediately following having had two drinks with dinner. I am very cautiously testing these waters. I need a place to come to as I do this. I need to keep a watchful eye on my own behavior, and I would love to know I can get feedback from others who are doing the same.

My goal for now is to be alcohol free until Thanksgiving (Nov. 25). I chose this time frame in part because I am taking part in a fitness program, trying to lose a few pounds and get in great shape! Alcohol interferes with that. I am also working on finding balance in my life...Finding calm and peace and a sense of self-control that alcohol also interferes with. I would like to be able to have a glass or two of red wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I know a lot of my AF friends would argue that it shouldn't be important to do that, and that if it is, that's a further sign of my problem. But that's how I feel right now.

I am leaving the possibility open that I will have two glasses of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I am not looking beyond that, except with a sense of hope that I could be an ocassional drinker.

My big challenge coming up soon is that my mother is coming to visit this coming weekend. She has often been a trigger for me. I don't want to drink with her. I have negative associations with that, and I will be more proud of myself if I spend a weekend with her without drinking. SO. That's the short term goal.

I'm sorry to go on so long...needed to get these things out there.

Thanks for the thread, Eve my dear!!

Sara